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Anyone here experience friendship OCD? Unwanted thoughts about your friends & becoming scared of potential friendship dynamics you don’t want to experience like competition or jealousy?

Those of you in recovery.. what does it look like? How often do you have flare ups? I went through therapy here for about 6 months, I’m on medication. I just feel like I’m stuck in such a cycle of feeling normal-ish for 2-3 weeks then feeling bad for a couple of weeks. Woke up this morning and am feeling super anxious for no reason. 😭

Sorry if this is uncomfortable for anyone—please click away if it is. All my OCD is real event OCD—I've known this for a long time. But it's not just about real events; it's about what could have possibly happened during these events. About a year back—I'm in high school—I began to wonder if perhaps, when I make jokes, I'm actually sexually harassing people. I'm pretty open sexually, and talk and joke about my body a lot. With my close friends, I also pretend to flirt around—they have all said they're okay with it, which I know because my OCD made me ask. Then there are other times where I make sexual jokes, they don't land, and I spiral. What if I sexually harassed them? What if I'm a predator? Just the other day, I was hyping my friend up because he wanted to ask out his crush, and I told him he was handsome jokingly—he made a face at me, which I assume is because we usually insult each other playfully, not actually compliment each other. Some time back, some girl helped me with a problem, and I told her—again, jokingly, in the way girls in my class usually do—that I loved her and wanted to marry her. In this case I spiraled for a day until the next day, she began to say stuff like that to me too, and then I calmed. Just today, I had another incident like that. For context, my friend and I have a running joke she sells pictures online for a living (I don't remember where it started, but it was probably her) and some kid I'm somewhat close with overheard and began to laugh. We joked around with him for a bit until my friend mentioned he had really big feet—we could see his shoes—and I blurted out, "Oh, show me!" without really thinking, which is somewhat inappropriate because of what we were talking about before. He made a face and said "ew, no" but didn't seem super uncomfortable; we do pretty often make jokes like those together, but never about each other. I'm spiraling now too, wondering if that's enough to consider sexual harassment, or if it was just a joke that landed weirdly. I also know the topic itself is weird—I promise I'm not this strange usually, lol, it just so happens that the times I make sexual jokes are what my OCD picks on—but hopefully someone can reassure me they have similar themes? I know I'm probably overreacting, but idk. I also worry that—because while I'm not always making sexual / romantic jokes, I do pretty often, usually about myself but occasionally about others—I might have sexually harassed someone and don't even remember. Admittedly, if this were the case, most high schoolers, who are always making sexual jokes, would have sexually harassed people, but I just feel so dirty and guilty inside. Does anyone feel the same way? Is there anything I can do to make it feel better? I feel like accepting that I might have done something wrong is also harmful, because then I'm saying "yes, I sexually harassed someone, but who cares?" As long as there's a chance, isn't it morally right that I keep looking?

Do you doubt if it's OCD or not? If you feel symptoms strongly resonate with you, but you're still doubting you have OCD, this is very common amongst those who do in fact struggle with OCD. I want to validate this, and let you know it's typically another sign of OCD when you doubt OCD itself, even when the signs are very clear. This is the perfect reason to see a therapist for an assessment - it can provide some relief and clarity, and allow you to take the proper next steps to overcome this! ??

The first time I experienced pure OCD was about 2 years ago. Although it was hard, I have been able to come out of each theme that I experience and manage them with time. I haven't had an OCD episode in MONTHS until yesterday. I was able to get out of it after a couple of hours and then had a normal day. However, this morning I woke up "checking" to see if my OCD was still there. I felt extremely stuck and I'm not sure how to get out of this one. I'm super down and anxious because I feel that I was making great progress and now I feel like I'm back to square one. I'm also not sure how to get out of this "theme" when I'm not even sure what this theme is - like my mind just keeps checking to see if I'm ok and not letting OCD get to me as I try to get through my daily tasks, which makes no sense. Has this ever happened to anyone / does anyone else feel this way?

Does anyone have any tips for a breakup when you also had/have ROCD? Just found out a few days ago that my partner of 8.5 years was having an affair and he doesn't want to be with me anymore. My heart is completely broken. I had spent the last year healing from ROCD and had genuinely got back to a place where I felt more certain again and back in love but now I have no idea where all of that fits in my life now. He also blames me hurting him as one of the reasons he cheated which is so unfair. I know I hurt him because I did confess all my thoughts to him before I knew what ROCD was, but since learning about it and healing from it I tried so many times to share that it wasn't ever actually about him but he never really understood. He never asked me about this side of my mental health, he just maybe wasn't interested and I'm so angry and upset about that.

So..for context, I'm a first year teacher dealing with POCD (and staring ocd). Because of the nature of my ocd, I try to keep contact with students to a minimum: no long hugs (side hugs if possible) and hyper aware of proximity at all times. Despite my disorder (and my social awkwardness) I try to build positive relationships with my students by bonding with them on their favorite anime, music, etc. but that's hard with the added stress of dealing with students with challenging/disrepectful behaviors. I understand not all students will like you and your discipline style and may try to "test" the limits of the new teacher. I've been called so many disrespectful things by students, including a bitch but when some students are going around calling me a predator/pedo...my heart dropped to my stomach. I cried and was so disheartened and shocked that I had to tell my team leader what's going on. Apparently, since they haven't said it to my face, I can't do much but if it escalates, then the principal or whoever but the damage is already done. They know it could ruin someone's reputation but they don't care. I don't know what to do or what I did to be called that. I don't even want to go to work anymore, I feel on edge and paranoid and I feel like the students don't trust me which adds to their disrespect. I don't know how to address this, advice please.

I been dealing with sexual intrusive thoughts about anyone like family,my pets anyone that I would never wanna think of like that I get intrusive sexual thoughts about Anything it’s disgusting I can’t even be on social media sometimes because I get intrusive thoughts of videos or pictures of people or anything like it’s that bad I can’t even watch the news cause I get intrusive thoughts and this has been bothering me so much my bf was telling me a story about someone doing something sexual with a dead body and I got an intrusive image of me doing it like wtf then I got an intrusive thought about a family member that passed away has anyone dealt with that or anything similar this makes me feel so gross why would I get a thought like that

Does anyone in this group ever get panic attacks? I had one yesterday before going to bed. It came as I had the realization that my life was meaningless and that I’m a piece of shit. It kept snowballing until it reached a point of no return. I felt my heart racing, sweating, light headed (about to faint), and had left chest pain. It felt like the onset of a heart attack, which unfortunately, I’ve also had before. How do people in this group keep this from escalating? I took me a while, but after taking a Lorazepam, I was finally able to go to sleep. I mean, what kinds of things do people in this group do besides taking pills?

I don't even know how to describe it. It's like my whole past was fake and it all feels like it meant nothing. And it makes me sad bc I just wanna be who I was before, but my head is telling me I'm enlightened, but I don't wanna be. I want my brain to stop blaming all my past issues on boys or saying it was bc I was gay and didn't know. I used to think I could marry a guy and be happy one day, but now it seems like that was impossible from the beginning. It seems like my past feelings with boys were fake. When at the time it made me feel good. And during those moments of clarity in the beginning when I knew this was absolutely stupid, I never felt bad, I felt good during those moments of clarity.

i had a fear of all social media that started in the beginning of the year which made me delete all my social media. I recently have been trying to work on it so i downloaded instagram and sat there just looking at it with my thumb over the app and then ended up deleting it after a few minutes never opening it. yesterday night i decided to do it again but this time logging on. i decided to scroll and saw this hinge that triggered me but kept scrolling pushing myself which lasted for 20 minutes. i ended up deleting the app and felt so guilty for even being on it. today i decided to do the same thing and have been on and off again. it didn’t bother me and i was like omg am i finally going to be normal. i had gotten a thought that then sparked my old thoughts and whenever i checked my phone i felt stuff happening down below which i like to say but i know it is groinal response which makes me even more anxious and confuses me so much cause it makes me then think you want these things to happen or whatever the case may be. i wanna download the app again cause i enjoyed having connection with people again. i then sat asking my friend did i do ERP which now i’m asking if i was doing ERP? i now sit here thinking i downloaded the app which means i wanted these things to happen or come true and ever since i’ve been on meds i don’t get anxious but i ruminate so much. can someone please explain to me what is going on?

why do i feel ten times better after having a massive breakdown and feel like my intrusive thoughts have gone down? like i was literally thinking my life is over 1 hour ago and now i’m fine and feel like i can recover from OCD LOL i’m kinda scared now

I am new to OCD and struggle with ROCD and pure O. I know a lot of OCD treatment is about not trying to figure out the thing your OCD wants you to figure out but in this case I feel like I really need to. I dated my ex for over 5 years, with several break ups. When we were together I was often tortured by thoughts and feelings of not wanting to be with her or in the relationship, or at least explore other people. But when we broke up I would agonize over the possibility that I had made a mistake, and even though I wasn't happy in the relationship, maybe if I we could just fix a couple problems or I could fix whatever it was in myself that made me feel not happy in the relationship then it would be fine, so we always got right back together. I thought if I could just date around for a while I could figure out what I want. Well we broke up for 7 months and I hadn't really been feeling like I wanted to get back together but still didn't fully accept that we never would make it work. I had been casually dating around and found out that she had been with the same guy basically the whole time we had been broken up and I panicked and basically ended it with the person I was seeing and asked my ex to get back together. Fast forward a couple months and we broke up again, I found out I have OCD and can't stop thinking about the girl I dated before I got back together with my ex. So basically now I have no fuckin clue what to do, what I want and I'm terrified to keep messing everything up. How do I figure out what feelings are mine, and what is just obsessive fears and thoughts?

Any tips on how I can love myself?

I’ve been debating on it for a while… mainly because of how expensive it is..

I do a lot of compulsions at work and it’s exhausting. I don’t want to call off but I just don’t feel like dealing w my ocd. I know I’m playing safe by calling off. I know erp is important in the journey but today I really just don’t feel like it.

Im posting again cause i feel depressed. I feel angry cause i dont know if these thoughts are ocd thoughts or impulse thoughts. My frustration makes thoughts about harming others or dying cause life s*cks(it tells me that). I cant decide and im having enough... i feel that im denying that im actually suicidal or having harmful thoughts cause im depressed...

Is there a risk of contamination of any sexual disease (HIV, hepatitis) if someone cut himself with a shaver (by accident of course) that has already been used ? (Few weeks ago) I’m so scared but I just don’t know if I have to worry! If someone can tell me, it’s not about reassurance I just don’t know if it’s possible

Hey, I hope you’re doing good! My bf was taking his shower and I’m so dumb I let my shaver in the shower, and he cut himself with it when he wanted to grab the soap! Now I’m so scared of what if I have a disease (hepatitis, HIV or something) and that he will get it ! The last time I used this shaver was the morning before and I heard that viruses as HIV can not stay out of the body.. can someone tell me if I have to worry for him in this case ? Thank you so much

I feel like I’m on the very edge tip toe of a nervous breakdown but there’s no where I can go. If I go to a hospital I’ll loose my job that I so desperately need. Then what life will I have anyway?