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the NOCD Community

Hi guys, I’m new to NOCD, just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to cope better than I am at the moment. I’m 21, and I’ve been struggling with OCD for 6 years or so, but I’ve only been diagnosed for a little over a year. I’ve completely smashed the prerequisite score for diagnoses but I constantly feel like I’m making negligible progress. I have been having CBT for 10+ weeks (I lost count) and I have learnt to manage the checks and “physical” aspect of OCD, but the Intrusive Thoughts have multiplied so badly that I cannot perform simple actions without a mental battle. I have considered medication but it is not something I want to pursue unless absolutely a help from others’ experience (luckily I get free prescriptions and healthcare from the NHS, so cost isn’t a factor). How does anyone cope? Is there any experiences that have made anyone laugh? Sometimes I get so worked up that I can’t take myself seriously ? but I just want to know how other people feel since I do feel like nobody really understands what it is like, and just tell me to “not do it” which isn’t really any help! Thanks ?

I feel like I’m always letting my therapist down , but I just feel so cornered when she wants me to go to group sessions ...

So, my relationship ended (not only because of ROCD but also because of real problems). We were long distance and it's been almost 1year without seeing each other. It got tough and I was so frustrated and started to feel as tough it was not as important to him as it is to me (even he saying it's not true, I kind of started to feel him more distant and our relationship was less intense and lacked the synchronicity it once had). I constantly talked about the importance of good communication and said it was lacking on our relationship and we should work on it, but I didn't receive good feedback (no attitude, just a "yeah"). He was working A LOT and we had no time to talk (only at night and he only called me when i asked). So I started to see him putting less effort while I was giving a lot and receiving little. The resentment came and I was tired and bitter the last two days before we broke up. Our relationship was already fragile by the ROCD which theme for a while was "he doesn't love me" and we were still working (at least I was), so when I said we needed to talk and sort things out once and for all, I said I felt as if I was carrying all the relationship on my shoulders and it was draining me, and he felt offended saying that's not true and he's tired and out of patience and we better break up then. I was shocked that the first suggestion he gave was that we should break up, so I think he already wanted that maybe. He said it was hurting him and he didn't want that anymore because I don't acknowledge his effort while he's working a lot and etc. The point is, if he wanted to work on the communication and the relationship itself, wouldn't he make a space to start a conversation about the relationship instead of me being the first to do it every time? I suggested we worked on it, but he didn't want to because he said "we already did that and it's always the same after a while". I felt he was just being pessimistic and didn't want to do the work anymore so he escaped. I said I can't be in a relationship alone, so that's all I could do. I feel some guilt now because my mind keeps telling me I should be more understanding and if I expressed in another way we'd still succeed. But I know it was more than that, and I'm trying to let go of it (all the plans, all the good moments and how sweet he used to treat me). How to get over it?? Sorry for the long text, I'd just really appreciate some of your words on this.

I have an obsessive thought about jumping off a balcony and killing myself, also a similar thought of hanging myself with a belt i own. Can someone explain how I should do ERP for this specifically?

Don’t feel like getting out of bed today because of all the ocd contaminated related things surrounding me. I need to return things back to three different stores because they are contaminated . I want to buy them again but my wallet is contaminated so can’t use that to buy them. Today just seems like a massive struggle already and I have no food to cook at home because I can no longer use my kitchen. Does anyone else struggle to eat or drink things they fear are contamination. I’ve struggled for over 22 years and don’t know how to go about help. My gp has never understood the full extent and just prescribed me drugs.

I'm having a hard time forgiving the things I've done in the past and the person I was...ugh trying to practice unconditional self acceptance but it's tough

Any women or people with uteruses suffer with pmdd here? The intensity of my obsessions tends to fluctuate with luteal-phase hormonal sensitivity that occurs with pmdd, and I’m just wondering how others navigate that. Also for any of you that feel like the week or two before your period is a manifestation of real-life hell and you can actually *feel* the drop- and then once your period comes you feel like all of it was for no reason and the obsessions basically leave you- you might want to look into premenstrual dysphoric disorder. It connected so many dots for me. Hoping everyone is having better days!!❤️❤️❤️

I feel the need to come out as gay or bi I have no attraction to women except they are pretty i don’t ever see myself dating one or kissing a lady or even sleeping with one. But a part of me tells me I’m lying and I should come out and live “true to my colors” I JUST DONT KNOW THIS SUCKS. I’ve lost all attraction to men and I don’t find women attractive like that and I just don’t know I feel like I’m lying but I’m not.

I have real event OCD. I didn’t even know this had a name. This is the WORST kind of OCD there is by far. I’m saying this not as in “mine’s worse than yours” I’m saying this because I’ve had so many different types of OCD; seriously think of one I’ve probably had it. And while they were all out of this world AWFUL. This one is by far the worst because you can’t reason with yourself. Plus what I did is so bad I can’t forgive myself.

I have a boyfriend and I love him so much, but HOCD has been driving me insane since the moment we started dating. I can’t every scroll through Instagram without having to touch myself to every fucking girl I see and it makes me nauseous and depressed all at once. I hate it more than I’m able to describe and I like BOYS , but it’s so so hard to maintain a relationship with this constant feeling of guilt . I don’t like girls but since I HAVE to touch myself to them, it’s a natural reaction to have some form of groundless response which only makes matters worse considering the fact that now I have to convince myself that I had that reaction only because I was touching myself and not because I was turned on by girls. Can anyone relate because I’m going insane !!

I’ve fallen apart completely. After dealing with a somewhat narcissistic ex, I found out he’s married with kids and pities another ex that he wasted 3 years of her life until she also found out he was married. When I found out instead of owning up to everything he lashed out at me and said he lost feelings long ago after a drunk incident I had and only took me in for pity because I lost my job and was in a foreign country. During this time it was hot and cold he would lash out and put me down and then also call me the love of his life. Now he talks to me for some closure and he is feeling like crap about the situation. He still tries to blame me and take blame off of himself which is frustrating. He had mastuebation videos of me without my face in it I think. When I got hurt I was badmouthing him to his friends and he told me if I want a war he will start. Now he acts like a hero saying oh I could’ve sent the videos to your parents but I’m not that evil and wouldn’t do that, then he warned me to stay away from his friends. I’m shaking and can’t sleep and the guy who called me the love of his life does this. He told me he did have the biggest love and it got toxic from my drinking overtime but he never had bad intentions. Still my ocd doubts if he’s telling the truth about videos and my self esteem is at zero. I’m alone and looking for work but I’ve been in my room cooped up for days now. No money to do anything and no mental strength to even try and work out.

I get thoughts daily like “I am going to hang myself today” or “I have to kill my brother today” or other command like thoughts. How can I make these thoughts go away?

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DONT DO COMPULSIONS ANYMORE? OR THINK OF IT ANYMORE? OR BE SCARED OF IT ANYMORE? BUT YOU STILL FEEL LIKE SHIT AND YOU FEEL LIKE YOURE IN AN OCD PRISON ,LIKE U DONT FEEL WELL, WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME RIGHT NOW? IM GOING CRAZY CAN SOMEONE ANSWER ME PLZ I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON ANYMORE DID I JUST RECOVERED FROM OCD ? HOW? I DONT FEEL GOOD WTFFFF HELP

Ive had a rough morning So i had a panic attack and then accidentally saw a news article on sex offendors and getting a life semtence which triggered of my themes. I guess theyll pass sometime

i’m watching a youtube video on being bisexual and i’m freaking out omg. this is giving me so much anxiety. she’s saying stuff like “yea i never wanted to kiss a girl or have a relationship with a girl; i just always thought they were pretty” , “for all my life i was attracted to guys and always wanted a boyfriend” and stuff like that. i’m freaking out so much because it sounds A LOT like me. i’ve never seen a girl in that way until my HOCD hit and i’ve ALWAYS loved guys from the time i was little. now i’m doubting everything again. so many things are going on in my mind rn and i’m so confused

I'm posting a lot today but I need to get some thoughts out. I'm scared of life. The fact that we meet people who come in and out of our lives like it's a game. The fact that we can get ill at any given moment, or die under any circumstance at any given moment. We all try and be loved but the people we're trying to get to love us, are too busy trying to love themselves. Sight, sound, smell, texture, taste, we're all just living things in this strange environment. Absorbing everything in a very strange way. We are all doing things to get by, to have a roof over our heads, and food in our belly. We live in a world where beauty is more important than your soul. And what is beauty? It's what society has made it be. What we have adapted to like. And people get judged forever for making mistakes, but the thing they made a mistake on, probably isn't suffering as much as the person who made the mistake. I feel sorry for so many people, and I wish I had no anxiety so I could go and sit next to homeless people and give them a hug and tell them they are just as worthy as the queen. We all have different mind sets, different ways we have lived that have bought us to where we are today, and who we are today. Switch places with anyone's brain and you'd be the exact same as them, so how can anyone judge anyone? Sorry this is a long post, but life is terrifying, all of what everyone goes through, noone needs to feel less than anyone else. Everyone has so much to learn, but what happens with all our knowledge when we're on our death bed? Sorry for this depression, but, life is terrifying.

Anyone else think that our culture today wants everyone to be gay?

Ocd... its confusing, it’s a doubting disease that makes you go through hell. I am never sure what I am, what if I’m a lesbian?? What an annoying thought. If I could pull it out of my brain I would. Nobody wants to question their sexuality when they know who they are. Everyday is a struggle. Never actually being certain about a thought destroys you. You just want a 100% answer, yeah me too. We’re never going to get a 100% answer though. We will be uncertain for awhile. “So accept it”, that’s what everyone says. It’s hard to do that though. You think I don’t want to accept it that’s not me and if I accept it then I might be that way. Nope, no you won’t. Obviously I can’t get that through my head either but I’m trying. Intrusive thoughts destroy us everyday, but why can’t we destroy intrusive thoughts instead? Why can’t we show the thoughts who’s stronger?? Sit with the thoughts don’t fight them. Don’t ruminate try your hardest not to do any compulsions. Also remember if you don’t feel as much an anxiety anymore (like me) it’s ok. It might make you question if you even have ocd. Remember in the beginning when you cried more than ever? You had terrible anxiety, yeah that was before you started getting used to the thoughts. WHO CARES ABOUT IT ANYMORE LETS SHOW OCD WHOSE BOSS

Every time I look at myself or think about myself my brain says it’s not me . Or someone says my name my brain says it’s not me . Is this ocd ?

Please can someone tell me if this could be my OCD too...So a few days ago I stumbled across a video about narcissists on youtube and I discovered my boyfriend has some traits. All of my OCD themes are relathionship related because of this extreme fear of losing him. I've developed cheating OCD because he was so jelaous at the begining of our relathionship that till this day I'm afraid to even think someone else is handsome. I would never ever cheat on him. And important to say is that for like 7 years things were very good, he wasn't jelaous anymore, he was sweet and kind to me. He has moments when he's jelaous but it is because of my stupid confession compulsion!!! But ever since I found out he has some narcissistic traits I can't stop watching videos about it and reading about it. It's all I think about 24/7. The thing is all of this videos and articles are extremely negative. They all say that people like that are manipulative, unable to love....as I said he has some traits but I just can't believe he doesn't love me and that he is that monsterous being without a trace of empathy! This has now twisted my brain so much I feel like I don't know the person I've been with for 10 years! Everything he does or says my brain is like: "That's what a narcissist would say." or when he's hugging me and is nice and caring I get the thought :"He's lying to manipulate you." Can someone please tell me, could this possibly be OCD again cause I see I do ruminate about it 24/7 and I research about it constantly!! I'm so depressed, I can't escape this hopeless feeling.