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working to conquer OCD
i want to know to be able to move on😣 it's so horrible keeping me in the anxiety loop i've tried asking my siblings and they all can't remember so it can't of been anything bad but my mind won't let me move past untill i know 😣
My post from yesterday says Joke time. I asked you to post your favorite jokes. I posted 3 jokes. Nobody even responded, let alone took time to think about something funny. Only Pennyroyal responded. Is there really nothing else left for us in life but persistent anxiety, worry, doubt, compulsions just because we have ocd? This community is here for us to share experiences, express our worries, moods, feelings, thoughts. It is great, life-saving even. But if you think about it, after reading about all the pain and sorrow people with ocd are experiencing, I get scared, sad, demoralized with the world. It's like living in hell on earth. We need motivation. We need relaxation. Meds can help. ERP can help, compassion therapy as well. But they do not always help. Not for every person with ocd. So l thought we might want to help them by thinking of more pleasant things in life. Every second of each day I am super aware that I have ocd. It doesn't let me forget. Each second of every day I know how much I've lost because of OCD. I've had it since 1987. That's a looooong time. I have ruined a lot in my life because I did everything ocd told me to:to worry, to feel unsafe, insecure, unloved, lonely, to not trust anyone but mostly not myself,... It is bad when OCD is the only one who sticks with you, your only friend, your only family member, the only one who tells you it loves you. Once you've realized that your only friend is a liar and a sadist you are at the bottom of a barrel. Two days ago I was thinking about how much easier it would be if I just ended my life. Right then. And believe you me, I have all the pills I need to do that right here at my arm's reach. But I don't want to. I love life, but don't know how to go on. I asked for someone to just say sth nice about life, to say chin up, or just say that they understand because they've been there, but it passes. I got no response. So I waited and waited for depression to get less intense. When it did I decided to try and bring some joy, laughter, relaxation in our lives. I posted 3 jokes and I asked you to do the same. Even a short knock knock joke would do. Nothing. I am not going to read anything in NOCD community for a few days. I need time off from suffering, sadness, pain. There's a lot of that here. Since we can't make it go away, we can try to soften it and try to prevent it. I don't have the possibility or the money to afford ERP. But relaxation, a walk in the nature, playing with pets,... and laughing don't cost anything, do not take anything from us, they just give and give. And they give the opposite of what ocd gives. Is it so hard to laugh? So hard to even just read a joke and like it. To respond obviously takes too much time away from worrying and daubting and eating yourself alive. It will make me happy if I see at least some response from you, a joke, a funny true story, anything when I log in next time. If not, I will delite it all and give NOCD community a break for a while. We are here to share experience and hardship, but also to support each other. Kind words can help, advice as well, but when you log out, you are still alone with your ocd, and thinking about a funny story or a joke that you've just read, can linger with you for a while and make you feel nore relaxed. I have never decided to have ocd. I didn't choose it. It chose me. I am not going to help it. I am going to fight it with all there is out there and has the slightest possibility to help. Have a beautiful day. Smile. Tell a joke, read a joke. Life is to short to focus on worrying constantly. We do that anyway. Just don't give it extra power. Love to all.
Feeling guilty about exaggerating. I have a strong urge to confess and "punish" myself. I currently struggle with TMJD, and I'm pretty sure it's interfering with my sleep at night. I know I need to get the TMJD treated and am in the process of doing that. Sometimes my jaw will lock up at night. And sometimes I'll have spasms and a little bit of pain. My jaw is also pulled to the left. I told my mom that the spasms were really bad, and the pain was really bad too, which might have been an exaggeration, but regardless, I know the TMJD is affecting me at night. My OCD is telling me since I exaggerated, that I need to put soap in my CPAP machine at night. It doesn't make any sense and I'm trying to figure out how to get past this. I'm trying to rationale why confessing wouldn't be helpful. It doesn't make sense, but it's really bothering me. Any tips/recommendations to help me rationalize so I can get past this? I think if I did confess to my mom that I exaggerated about the pain/spasms, she would be mad at me & maybe wouldn't help with further TMJD treatment.
Preamble- what was meant to be a quick description of an OCD relapse became a long post on how it has effected me over the years. Forgive me, but it felt right as I was typing it. I remember my first episode almost 30 years ago, I was hanging with my best bud watching Kill Bill volume 2. Out of nowhere the image using my knife on him popped into my head. Guilt driven I swore off all violent media because it was what I was watching when it happened. I dug a hole threw my knife in it and tried to only be positive, even moved hoping a change of scenery would help. The condition only got worse. No matter how much I tried to avoid anything triggering the thoughts would come. I sought help from a local therapist but she was completely blown away at the concept of what was going on in my head. She listened to me and gave me some prescription drugs to try to help. They didn’t work. Eventually online research led me to people describing ‘pure O’. Knowing others were fighting the same fight was heartening and heartbreaking. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Many people described how they dealt with it which was accepting it. Let the thoughts flow and accept them. Coincidentally my buddy (from the original trigger moment) sent me copies of Fallout 3, Dragon Age, inquisition, and Call of Duty MW2. I didn’t want to play them at all at first. No violent media after all, but he kept asking me if I played them. I broke down and started playing Dragon Age and Fallout as I thought them being a fantasy game and unrealistic I could get by. I got lost in Fallout, doing every side mission, leveling up, and collecting all the Easter eggs in the game. The deaths of the characters, which often left them as piles of meat, didn’t trigger me. I still suffered the OCD, but while I was playing I didn’t know it existed. Fueled by the relief I got from Fallout and the advice from my research, I moved onto CoD MW2. The game has an infamous mission which lets you attack civilians. I didn’t, but something about it made my violent thoughts feel silly and ridiculous. I started playing multiplayer with my nephews. One was too damn good at the game. It was nearly impossible to win a game against him and he’d level up before I could and would get the best perks (abilities) and guns before me. The little snot even perfected denying kills (points) to me by equipping Last Stand, an ability that lets you fight after someone ’kills’ you, and blowing himself up with a frag grenade. Soon enough I was going days without a triggering experience. A thought would pop up and I’d laugh it off. 13 years later I was in a happy place. I have a good well paying job. Great co workers, and I vicariously get the satisfaction of family through my brother’s family. Two weeks ago I had a bloody image in my head of hitting someone from behind with a pairing knife. It was the most violent thought I had in years. I tried to laugh it off and move on, but I found that impossible. I’ve been ruminating about it off and on since. Sometimes acquiring peace of mind only to think ‘I wish those thought would go away altogether’ and have them crashing back in. I’ve gone to dark places in the past few weeks that I never have been before. Even playing the games I credit for my peace don’t give me the relief they used to. I find myself wondering if anyone has had a similar relapse and how they’ve recovered from it.
I had been pushing myself repeatedly with ERP. I wanted to get better so bad that I worked myself into a depression of feeling like all I was was my OCD. I wanted to try to fix it so I just kept trying harder. I’ve done about 10 percent of the amount of ERP I used to do and I feel happier, have decreased thoughts. I don’t understand why I feel better doing less ERP. It doesn’t make sense, but in a way - I wonder if doing ERP became compulsive like- I need to do this to get better or to make it get less anxiety provoking. Does that make sense ?
Hello everyone. I hope you are doing well today. Is there anyone on here with so-ocd that is also Christian??? If so has it ever made you doubt your faith?? Also how do you deal with it and lastly are you in therapy??
Has anyone else read about freuds research on ocd? Its really scaring me. I don't even want to write it here in case I trigger someone.
im so confused. i’ve just been on quora and everything is confusing me. theres people telling me that my hormones are all over the place and that they’ll settle down soon but what if they settle down and i don’t like the results?? (im 14 female) and i’ve been reading some stories about people finding out their sexualities and its scaring me. Ive probably liked around 3 guys in elementary/primary school which is worrying for me because people talk about how they liked a ton of boys when they were younger and i don’t even know if i did really like them or not. Ive inly gotten a little bit of relief because some girl said that she realised she was bi when a girl kissed her on the cheek and some of my friends have kissed me on the cheek and i have them and i didnt think much of it just that we were taking pictures. Im so confusing. What does this mean? please help.
I have a false memory that I sexually assaulted my little brother while he slept and the anxiety makes it feel like someone stabbed me in the stomach. How do you deal with something this horrific? I really need help right now.
Hi- I’ve come here because I feel so overwhelmed with my emotions and how to deal with them. I have a male colleague who I have been working with and consider a friend. We would text casually as friends but I stopped because I didn’t want him or my husband to get the wrong impression. My colleague knew I was married, but continued to text me casually. I made sure to always mention my husband. At that time I didn’t think it was a big deal so I would respond to be nice (and since we were co workers) but had no intention behind it. I wasn’t sure if he had a crush on me because he didn’t tell me but I sort of had a feeling he did? Anyway our company went on a work incentive trip and I met him in person for the first time. I even introduced my husband and they got along. I thought everything was good until I started to notice I wanted his attention and wanted him to notice me? I think I wanted to get it out of him out of him if he liked me or not. He continued to text me while on the trip and one night told me I looked pretty (i said thank you) then proceeded to text me if I would have a drink at the bar with him. I did not respond to his texts or show my husband as I didn’t want to cause a scene during the rest of the trip. None of that happened either. I thought to not make things weird I would text him the next day as if nothing happened. Anyway, I felt so guilty after coming home from the trip that I shared every single detail with my husband and have convinced myself that I cheated. My husband is the most amazing man I’ve ever met and it kills me that I can’t be in the moment with him and I’ve become obsessed with compulsions and checking to see if I’ve cheated. Even if my husband said I didn’t and he forgives me and to move on, I can’t stop replaying every single interaction and how I felt then and what I’ve texted or of I came across as if I was flirting. I confess to him every night to help me feel better but it only works for a little. I really want to move past this but it’s become so overwhelming that when we’re with other couple friends I have a thought to compare if our marriage is as good as theirs or if they have experienced similar struggles and it kills me that this issue has caused me so much stress to even ruminate the fact if I love my husband or if this means there is a stain on our marriage and I can’t move in from it. I was at such a happy place in my life and thought nothing would ever come between me and my husband but I just want move past this guilt or thoughts of me cheating. Please share some advice if you can thank you
I’m just so fed up of feeling this way. I’m trying so hard to stop ruminating which is only making it worse… I feel like I’m not capable of stopping ruminating. I had a good day yday and was fine up until midday today and it’s just hit me like a tonne of bricks. I’m so tired of fighting every single day and getting nowhere 😢
I was wondering if anyone can relate to this or has any guidance on this. I have always been weary of alcohol because I grew up with family members who were alcoholics and had family pass away from substance abuse. Additionally my dad and his family have always drank a lot the way they act when they drink always brought me anxiety. My friends have family members who are abusive and alcoholics so i’ve always been aware of the negative effects of it. I am a master’s social work and have learned all about it how harmful alcohol is for some people. I didn’t drink much before I was legal, I’m 22 now and rarely drink. I know that I never have to drink, and I don’t have much desire to because I’m on antidepressants anyway. But i feel like my anxiety gets so bad when drinking is mentioned or I have an event that is coming up where drinking will be involved. At these events I will usually at least have one drink bc I also have an extreme fear of being judged and being the only one not drinking would bring me a lot of anxiety. My girlfriend knows that I am not a fan of drinking and she says that she doesn’t really like it either because she doesn’t like the taste. But I honestly really fear that she is just sayin that and I am holding her back from having fun. She has mentioned stories before where she was drunk with friends (not even the main part of the story but just even if it’s mentioned) and it makes me feel awful, like I am the lamest girlfriend and she probably had more fun with her exes and friends. She says that she doesn’t have a desire to but her past stories kinda contradict that. I am just so scared that she will start to resent me and see me as a buzzkill. I know i have ROCD so that contributes to this. I think a lot of this stems from my OCD and need to have control. If people are drinking it scares me especially if it’s people close to me. I know logically that drinking one night doesnt mean the person i love is gonna start drinking everyday or anything. But that doesnt stop my anxiety. My girlfriend invited me to a party for her college graduation and it’s at a bar. I don’t want to hold her back from having fun if she wants to drink. I am just really worried about the anxiety I will feel. We have gone out together before and we both just shared on drink. She said that’s all she wanted but again I fear that she’s lying to make me feel better. I mentioned this to a past therapist (who I am actually going to stop working with bc she’s kinda been invalidating after I was diagnosed with OCD by another provider) and she kinda dismissed it, saying logically I know that drinking one night doesnt make someone an alcoholic. A lot of my OCD fears I have more compassion for myself for but this one is really hard for me. I just feel like it’s so stupid of me (not looking for reassurance that’s just how I feel). I guess I’m just wondering if anyone has felt like this before and if they have any tips to get over it. I do have my first appointment with a NOCD therapist after my assessment soon as well.
hey, i’ve not seen this get talked about a lot? but does anyone get hyperawareness about the mere presence of thinking taking place? the fact that we have thoughts? that come & go and just the process of it all. It’s really hard, i feel like the hyperawareness is really with me. I get the way to deal with these thoughts/feelings is to not actively engage with them but even not engaging with them in the sense feels weird. I feel so alone in this, i hope anybody understands how i feel
Hey everyone, I’m needing some help and would really appreciate it at least one person responded. I need advice. I just recently got broken up with a few days ago by my girlfriend of 3 years. I thought we were gonna last forever and we had plans for the future. My OCD made her so insecure that she couldn’t take it any more. She says she sees herself in a different light now and it’s all because of me :(. I don’t know if this is selfish to say but not only does it make me extremely sad, but also frustrated, because I can’t control that I have OCD. I know I can control my compulsions to an extent but she said “if you know the compulsion would hurt me then why would you say it?” And like I get where she’s coming from but she doesn’t have OCD and I feel like people on this app/in this community would understand what I mean when I say it can be so debilitating at times that you just end up giving into it because your mind takes over. I wish I could go back and reverse all the compulsions I told her but I felt so guilty so I told her things I should’ve kept to myself. I know I shouldn’t beg for her (which I have been) but we have such a strong connection that I see with no one else. She reached out to me first yesterday and wanted to see if I was okay and of course that turned into a 4 hour phone call. I’m determined to save our relationship and need someone’s advice/what they think. It really feels like I’m unlovable and that OCD won and took away the best thing in my life😞I know I should give her space but at the same time, I want to prove to her that our relationship can be better and she that she doesn’t have to feel insecure anymore
"Laughter is the best medicine". So, dear co-actors in the comedy horror move called the Ocd, think hard and please write any respectful joke you can think of here. Make us laugh. And tomorrow at about the same time we can vote for the joke we liked most. We all need laughter. OCD sure is a comedian, but has a weird sense of humor. It's hard to appreciate it. Maybe as a price for the author of the most voted for joke, we could send his ocd for a long long long holiday somewhere far away from him or her. I have some errands to run, I will be away for a few hours, but it would sure make me happy if I saw a lot of jokes here when I get back. For you, for me, against ocd. Joke time. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I posted yesterday about a false memory. I know everyone is super busy but if anyone could help, it would be greatly appreciated. I’m stuck and I just need to push through.
Yesterday I was sitting on my couch with my son enjoying time and suddenly my mind goes “what if you just killed him right now” and then I was going back and forth in my mind just do it, you don’t want to do it, what if you do, what would happen…..obviously I have control and didn’t do it but my fingers got all tingly I really was very upset by how real the urge felt. I’ve tried all my coping skills but I feel like a crazy person and can’t stop thinking about it. Any tips?
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OCD doesn't have to
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