Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I didnt got any answers but many liked it so i guess they would like to get an answer too...

I’ve been doing really well the past few months. I’ve been consistent with ERP therapy and other exercises to help manage my OCD. However, something triggered my OCD to come back in full force last week and while I know that the journey to recovery isn’t linear, and I know that this is something I will always have to work on, it’s been very disheartening and it feels like all the progress I’ve made has been for nothing. It’s exhausting and I’m struggling with intrusive thoughts that I will never get better again. Anyone else relate?

Hi Team, So I just got into researching uncertainty with OCD and right now I'm trying to sit with a thought that is uncertain. It may happen it may not. What's causing my stress is seeing if it'll happen or not in the next moment. I have just been thrown into this recently and haven't been able to start proper therapy (yet). There is a mental health crisis in England at the moment, so my parents are trying everything they can. I'm really desperate. The thought has to do with a topic I mentioned in an earlier discussion (whether a god will send me or my family somewhere horrible in the next moment for whatever reason) and I'm trying the 'it might happen it might not' tactic. But the very possibility that I don't know it might happen is scaring me. It's funny how I can recognize this thought as delusional, yet still obsess over it. Does this stuff get better and how can I sit with my uncertainty? There are no compulsions to remove this uncertainty that exist, just the dread that it might or might not happen. Help would be appreciated, thank you.

Had anyone who's had bad experiences with THC & ocd/mental health tried CBD varieties? Was it okay or did you have a bad experience as well? I'm not sure if this discussion is allowed on this platform but I am of age and it's legal here. Im trying to get some advice to figure out whether it's a bad idea to try CBD after having bad experiences with THC. thanks!

Im terrified and highly triggered about what i think i saw. Trigger warning : p*rn I was using this p*rn site called sp*nkb*ng.com which I thought it was safe and that it only cointained adult videos, but now im not so sure. I had searched the category "japanese m*lf vr" because by typing the world m*lf I was more at ease thinking that I wouldn't have to worry about coming across anything triggering and strange. But while I was scrolling through the videos I came across this video which had as a thumbnail a highly disturbing image: there was this girl with a very small body and the arms looked very short (maybe they looked short because they were bent ?) I don't know if it just looked that way because the image in the thumbnail was distorted/on a weird angle or if the girl in the thumbnail happened to be a woman with an unusual small body. I didn't click on the video, I didn't dare to check in case my fear were to be revealed true, but I kept looking at the thumbnail in disbelief and in horror not believing what I was seeing, hoping that I had seen just wrong but nothing changed. I'm terrified that I might have saw something illegal. I feel extremely triggered and I'm currently in high distress. While I was searching about the legality and safety of these adult sites I saw this article and it triggered me a lot. The disturbing and disgusting words I had to read have tainted and stained my brain and now I have the worst and most disgusting words stuck in the chamber of my mind. I feel rotted and gross, I'm currently feeling the abomination and the evilness associated with these words. https://psychcentral.com/blog/sex-addiction/2013/04/legal-traps-for-internet-porn-users-5-ways-you-can-get-in-trouble?c=580741382859#1 I know the solution is to quit p*rn completely as it triggers those with ocd. But it's not easy. I was feeling excited and now I feel wrong and gross as if I commited a crime, like a complicit. I'm completely turned off. I feel horrible. Does anybody had something like this happen to them as well?

Hi, I hope everyone who is reading this has a wonderful day. I recently went to my place of worship for a wedding and had a thought, 'what if we all go to hell when we die?' This worried me and I had another thought later, 'what if we could all be taken to a hell-like place right now or at any time if Gods are real?' This worry completely is making me loose all sense of reality. I feel scared for the next second. I know that they are irrational but this is just causing me constant fear and leading to other worries - "What about my family members? Could they be taken to hell at any time? What if? What if?" I have been suffering from OCD since I was very young but only learned that it might be OCD recently (about 2 weeks ago). I missed my last day of the school year to this worry and I feel pathetic. What I'm trying to ask is if this can get better and are there any experiences of people with similar worries who got past it? And how? I would be extremely grateful for anything. I have been feeling desperate the past few days and so scared.

My OCD has expanded to my Roman Catholic beliefs by a voice in my head saying blasphemous things about God and his son Jesus when I’m learning from Catholic teachings, the Holy Spirit rosary prayer, and the Bible. I don’t know how to stop this monster that’s inside of my mind!🥺

Can OCD try to isolate you? Seems like all my current themes are trying to drive me to push everyone in my life away out of guilt and fear of doing something that will make me feel guilty

*Big Trigger Warning/Sexual Detail* Is this post reassurance seeking? Probably. But im just wondering if anyone else feels this way, because honestly the constant ups and downs of HOCD are doing my head in. OK. So the last few days I've been trying really hard to relax and to not get caught up and drawn into my own thoughts. The last few days I've found that my anxiety has come quite a bit, even when seeing other men or whatever. Weirdly this also makes me worry that this isn't OCD at all, (which I think they call the backdoor spike.) But the automatic responses are still there. So for instance, when I'm driving, sometimes I'll see a male jogger or something way up in the distance and I'll get a thought that goes something like "oh god I hope I don't find him attractive". It makes me feel bad and anxious and it makes me want to start going back into compulsions or to just avoid looking/or be around. At the same point, I might see a woman walking along the road with a nice figure and I'll think 'hmm, she's nice'. A lot of the time I'll feel like I like her a lot and ill continue to oogle, but I feel like my response wasn't strong enough - (which tbh is probably silly since people don't generally have sporadic erections everytime they see a nice looking woman in the street!) I saw one of my wife's work mates earlier today and I realised that I felt I found her quite attractive since ive never really spoken to her before, but I'm doubting my reaction. Likewise pretty much every day I've only got to touch my wife and I'm aroused - and I'm genuinely aroused too, it's not like 'oh did it move' kind of thing. But I still doubt. So the question really is how on earth are you meant to know what's what!? There's never going to be clarity, is there?

Over a year together with him, and I’ve just recently learned that I have relationship OCD and perfectionist OCD. We talked about it, but I can sense it breaking his heart when I tell him that I cycle between wanting to marry him to breaking up over and over everyday. Constantly evaluating every word or action of his, what shirt he wears that day, how he brushed his hair, what he ate for lunch, who he talked to, what he spent money on, etc any of these things can trigger me into an episode of intrusive thoughts about him not being the one, he’s wrong for me, I’m trapped, I need to get out. It can also swing the other way to me feeling an impulse to go to the courthouse and get married right there. I know that I love him, I always desire to spend time with him; and I picture my future with him in it. He’s such a wonderful person. I don’t know how to stop this emotional rollercoaster my mind straps me into everyday. I just want to be in love and feel secure. How will I ever get married with all of these doubts attacking me everyday?? I can’t stop myself from constantly lecturing him on his flaws and what he needs to change for me to love him more consistently. I feel like a cold and evil person. Will I ever have clarity? Is he really as flawed as I think he is or am I sabotaging the best thing in my life?

Sorry this is long I don’t know where to begin but, at the beginning of the year I went through something that was hard. And I was so mad at God bc I was so hurt and I felt like I was in so much pain and I was so alone. And I remember I had some bad thoughts. I don’t remember these thoughts exactly but lietrally months later I was sitting down all normal and dealing with other forms of OCD that were so painful, but less painful than this. Anyways so then since then I have been stressing that I might have acted of these thoughts. I don’t have a memory but my brain keeps telling me I did that. Anyways I have been having intrusive thoughts since and it hurts so much. It hurts so bad and I can’t do this anymore. I don’t wanna do this anymore. I keep having these thoughts and it makes me stress so much and want to throw up. It makes me hurt myself. I have bruises all over my body and I’m just so done with this. And sometimes my brain will bring these memories of these intrusive thoughts into my mind or say my trigger thoughts and it makes me hurt so much. And then I start to go over these thoughts bc I feel so bad and I don’t want to have them. Sometimes when I am stressing about theee things they pass by and it makes me panic so bad. I was lietrally just eating and I was punching my hand so hard while thinking about all the thoughts I have had and the things my OCD had made me believe I did, and while I was doing that a thought came to my mind about what my OCD keeps telling me I did and I panicked so hard. I had to eat so fast just so I can lock myself up in my room. I didnt want to have the thought. I think I was just lost in listening to my OCD and then I started talking to myself about what I think I did and when I had the thought I was punching my self so hard that I didn’t even have time to shake it off straight away. I have this conclusion where whenever I have a bad thought I write it down bc my brain tells me that I’m a bad person and I should forget about these thoughts so I grabbed my phone as soon as the panic set in. Sometimes I question whether I had those thoughts intentionally or if i forget them and then I remember the wrong thing and it makes me feel even worse. My brain tells me that if I don’t panic staright away and hurt myself then it means that I mean the thought. I’m in so much pain. I’m really don’t want to think about it but it happens and it feel so real and that it comes from me and that I did something bad. I know this makes no sense but I don’t want to be like this. I go to bed most nights hoping I never wake up. I really don’t mean theee thoughts, sometimes they come when u I’m justify thinking about all the bad things my OCD has made me believe I did and then I panic over remberinf these things. What if im thinking this on purpose? What if the thought I had is so much worse? What if God will never forgive me? I don’t want to live anymore I hate my life and im never going to get out of this. I was just trying to have a normal dinner but my mind never stops. Whether it’s me imaegnitn things or thinking about my thoughts and going over them, I feel so guilty. I can’t even get any help bc I can’t afford it. No one knows I go through this. Ok all alone. Im all alone .

Sometimes it feels like I’m just manifesting new symptoms to have as a way to actually have an answer to something so distressing. However, since yesterday, I’ve been having these thoughts that people aren’t real. That sounds so weird, but I heard that derealization and then I remembered that regardless of whether I’ve been going through these intrusive thought episodes, I’ve also had these thoughts before. This one sucks because it gives me more thoughts that go “well if everything isn’t real then act on your thoughts”. Just fun ones like that (obviously not fun). Furthermore, I don’t know if this is depersonalization, but sometimes I just feel like not me and everyone is out of focus in a sense. I don’t really know how to explain the feeling, but it almost reassures me sometimes because it makes the guilt more bearable. Realizing what these actually are, I start to pertain these symptoms to me before I knew what ocd was and it’s been adding up. However, then I start to wonder if psychotic people also have these symptoms which just adds on to the distress. Everything that comes out of my mouth in regards to my emotions towards the thoughts feels like a lie because it just feels like I’m in denial of who I actually am.

Hi everyone, I was diagnosed with OCD a little over a month ago and I'm confused about a lot of things. Apparently I have symptoms of adhd, but they're only symptoms that overlap with ocd, so I wasn't diagnosed with adhd, but I was diagnosed with ocd. I just don't understand how this works. I'm not saying that my diagnosis was wrong, I would just like some insight on to how it works and what I can do to help ease the symptoms. It's really difficult for me to get work done on time, I can only do work when it's right before the deadline, and this causes me to turn in a lot of work late. I'm constantly late to most things unless I get there way too early. I can't sit still ever, I'm always moving in some way or else I get very uncomfortable. It's just things like this that made me think that I had adhd, but those who diagnosed me said it was ocd. If anyone who has had the same symptoms would like to teach me about it or give me ways to cope with it, I'd be really appreciative.

Hi ocd family. I just wanted to post this so people can comment positivity or their overcoming stories for those of us having a hard time or struggling. Thank you 🫶🏼

I am recovering well, but what gets me is seeing stories about people coming out after having SO-OCD. Forgive me if I am being ignorant but it kind of annoys me that people share this information knowing how triggering it is. As ridiculous as that sounds. It makes me feel really sad, I feel very in love with my partner, but what if I’m the same as these later in life lesbians and just love and care for him as a friend? 🙁

I had sex with a guy who works at my gym. It took a year for us to finally do it. The interaction we had after was cool and sweet but I saw him again after that and idk he’s acting a little cold and not flirty at all or how he usually is. It’s bothering me so much but it’s just my ego that’s bruised. I feel used and I don’t know I wanted to cry last time I saw him. He’s ten years younger than me. I kinda wanna cancel my membership. I have to remember that his reaction to me is his own stuff not mine. I have been nothing but kind to him so that’s on him if he wants to be cold but still, it hurts. It’s my ego. I don’t like rejection

I thought some people might find it interesting to learn a little more about how OCD works in the human brain. There’ll be some neuroscience jargon in this post but I’ll try to phrase things so that the lingo doesn’t get in the way what I’m going to say. Several brain regions have been linked to OCD. It’s not a simple disorder at all. Many areas involved are near the front of the brain in the prefrontal cortex, such as the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC). The ACC is involved in self-reflection, emotional responses, evaluating rewarding behaviors, etc. People with OCD tend to have overactive ACCs. Other parts of the brain involved in OCD include the basal ganglia, the supplementary motor area (SMA), and the thalamus. The basal ganglia are involved in motor commands and error detection. They “filter out” unnecessary or unhelpful movement commands that everyone’s brain automatically sends down to this area. In OCD, it’s thought that the basal ganglia are not as good at recognizing errors, meaning they perceive many more errors than someone without OCD would. This also explains why many people have the urge to do repetitive behaviors, since the basal ganglia filter movement commands. The SMA initiates plans for future movement before these plans even move down to reach the basal ganglia. New studies have found that abnormalities in the SMA may be the cause of some obsessive-compulsive behaviors. The thalamus is like a hub in your brain for transporting stimuli. Things your body perceives pass up through the thalamus to be sent to different parts of the brain, and thoughts that your brain generates pass down through the thalamus to be sent out to the body. Think of it like grand central station in your brain. People with OCD often have larger-than-usual thalami, possibly meaning that stronger signals of error can be sent throughout the brain. On a final note, there seems to be a big missing puzzle piece in treating OCD. In order to explain this missing piece, you need to know the difference between neurotransmitters like serotonin, and different regions of your brain, like the basal ganglia or the prefrontal cortex. There are MANY different brain regions that are separately named because they do different things. However, all activity in your brain comes from what neurotransmitters do. While there are tons of different brain regions, there are only so many neurotransmitters. So the same handful of hormones and chemicals work in the many different areas of the brain to cause all the things you experience and do. The most common medication therapy for OCD today is to take an SSRI, a type of medication that acts on serotonin. While serotonin is certainly involved in OCD, the missing puzzle piece comes from dopamine. The basal ganglia, which seem to play a BIG part in OCD, use the neurotransmitter dopamine to operate. Further, dopamine is responsible for movement, which includes repetitive behaviors. Medications that increase dopamine activity (adderall, etc) ridiculously worsen OCD symptoms. So part of the reason why current medication treatments for OCD probably don’t quite cut it is because serotonin is not the only player in causing OCD symptoms to manifest. I’m not suggesting self medication by any means, but hopefully future treatments will target dopamine as well as serotonin. I hope you found this interesting, and that I didn’t make it too hard to follow. I love talking about the brain, so if you find it intriguing, lmk! Also check out this article about a “loop of wrongness” in OCD. I found it super interesting. https://www.michiganmedicine.org/health-lab/stuck-loop-wrongness-brain-study-shows-roots-ocd#:~:text=Put%20simply%2C%20the%20study%20suggests,if%20they%20know%20they%20should.

Lauv (@ lauvsongs on ig) posted a reel that was really long winded - in part of it he mentioned he said he's been struggling with OCD and anxiety for a long time and obsessive thoughts about his sexuality and how he felt like they weren't real but now he does (?) and wants to be open he's gonna explore that side of himself. As someone who struggled with soocd it was a bit triggering to hear

I struggle so much even calling them “false memories”. I prefer “unsure memories”, because if they are real, I want to at least try and take accountability for them. Hell, even calling them unsure memories makes me feel bad, like I’m making a convenient excuse so I don’t have to face the awful things I’ve done. They feel so real, but I would be lying if I said I was 100% positive they happened. I can just see them so clearly, how could they not be real? (Also, I’ve actually done so many awful things that it’s hard to logically rule out with “oh I would never do that”.) Sorry for the vent, I’m just feeling pretty distressed.

Lately my OCD has seemingly latched onto specific people. The person of subject changes continuously but this has been going on everyday for the past 2 months. I get intrusive images of this person in my head, followed by groinals (the images aren’t even always sexual) but sometimes I get weird sensations throughout my body aswell and I’m just in a constant state of discomfort. I feel like I’ve literally lost my mind, like I should be in an insane asylum or something. I love my girlfriend so much, I’ve always been so comfortable in my sexuality and content with my life… But ever since this anxiety and ocd resurfaced in May I’ve just felt like I can focus on nothing else. I’m tired, I’m frustrated and above all I’m confused as to what the hell is happening to me… Im so disgusted and ashamed of myself for having these thoughts and images plague my mind followed my strong groinal feelings that are immensely uncomfortable.