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Fear of not being able to get to the bathroom in time is ruining my life.

I'm really struggling today, I've had OCD diagnosed for around 12 years and it comes and goes but recently I'm experiencing some of the biggest waves I've ever had. I have a 2 year old daughter and I love her with everything I have, she's my absolute world but the OCD centres around her and it's really intensified recently. I try not to avoid anything but my OCD is saying to just try it out, just once, to see if I like it then I'll know for sure. I'm sat here in floods of tears because I'm so scared. What if I do? I don't want to harm her in any way at all, but my OCD just keeps saying I need to try. I brushed it away yesterday saying yea, yea OCD whatever you say we'll try tomorrow and now tomorrow is here my brain is just making me feel like I have to, to know for certain and I'm scared. I want to call the Samaritans but I'm scared they'll think I'm a risk to my daughter and lock me up. I'm so tired of feeling this way, just scared all the time that I'm going to give in and just try it once to shut the OCD up but I feel sick at the thought. Someone help me please.

Ive been on a setback for 2 weeks, but this is different. Since thousday i cant sleep well cause i have weird and scary/emotional dreams and i wake up feeling so bad. I dont feel like myself throughout the day, i cant find myself and even if i find it feels like i have to put so much effort and power to be myself that it exhaust me... i became so angry and irritated, i talk agressively and negatively with people, i view myself negatively, and i cant be myself, i hate this. I dont feel that distance between me and ocd, a week ago i did and i even got praised by someone that im on a good path for recovery... and now i feel guilt cause i just lost it... again when i try to see that im not ocd i just fight and it becomes meta-ocd... I just feel so sad and dissapointed, i want my old self back. Now even doing recovery work frustrates me and im getting angrier which doesnt help at all... and these fckn dreams... it just tires me... these dreams arent even about my ocd themes.

Question - my mind uses any trigger to prove I am gay. My mind kind of auto defaults to the ‘worst case scenario’. I’m kind of stuck in this mindset that I ‘believe it’, and if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be suffering from the ongoing anxiety. Do others have a similar feeling? Concern? Experience? I’ve been battling what I think is SOOCD since I was about 25/26. Literally overnight it felt like my brain broke. Infatuated by a new GF, woke up. Had the thought “you feel nothing for her”. Obsessive worry, figuring out why. Led to “you are gay”. I’ve been diagnosed twice by two seperate therapists, but as we know, it’s hard to believe you have ocd. Ultimately, I’ve never thought of men in a romantic way until my brain broke. I still don’t think I do, but I can’t stop being sick with anxiety that I have changed or that I’m lying to myself?

So.... I have a very weird newfound obsession. I'm gay, have been since forever. Came out in high school, now in my late 20s. I'm a feminine woman, attracted to women who are more masc/tomboy. My current obsession that I keep having racing thoughts about is that the women I date are not actually attracted to me, because I'm femme. It started a couple weeks ago, I started thinking about how I've never been attracted to a femme in the same way that I've never been attracted to a man. Since I was young, I've always just been into tomboy girls. Now I'm freaking out and panicking thinking what if none of them were ever actually attracted to me because they're not attracted to femmes either? I know it's dumb and I know I have been in the most beautiful and loving relationships with my previous partners. But I can't stop trying to "prove" to myself that it's possible to be a masc woman who's attracted to femme women and it had doubting that anyone I date is actually going to be attracted to me. I have literally been thinking nonstop about past events and moments that "prove" that my past partners have been attracted to me. Has anyone else ever had this? It's such a weird new one that I've never dealt with.

I need help. So harm OCD is a relatively new theme for me. It’s only been happening the last few days, but it sucks. I’m taking Prozac for anxiety and I’m about 3 1/2 weeks in, so these intrusive thoughts don’t cause a lot of anxiety as much as they do just general discomfort. I can feel the anxiety start to take hold a little, but it’s mostly just discomfort and disgust in my head that I’m having these thoughts which makes it worse because there’s no anxiety so I think “do I like these thoughts?” or “do I actually want to do this?” Like today I’m making carne asada tacos and suddenly the thought pops into my head “this is human meat” and I had to check the label on the meat to make sure. Then I have a knife cutting it and my dad says something and I thought “what if that annoys me” and then the thought of stabbing him came into my head which sucked. I think this has to do with the fact that I saw a preview for the Dahmer series on Netflix and got anxiety at the urge to watch it. I’ve never been a violent person and that makes these thoughts worse. I feel like I’m a psychopath or some repressed killer who is losing their mind. Please help

Hi! I'm presently questioning if I may be autistic. I definitely have OCD. I'm an AFAB, genderqueer person and I know autism can manifest differently for "females". I have tried to read about ocd and autism but I can't find what I'm looking for. I feel like I understand autism and relate to multiple aspects of it, but I am specifically looking for unique experience of OCD and autism comorbidity. Like how can autism manifest differently in people with and without OCD. What are some unique traits in the comorbidity that can be overlooked by some professionals? How does the autistic+OCD experience can vary or differ that isn't typically attributed to autistic people? And how to identify if I'm autistic while there are things that can exist in both diagnosis? I want to hear from people with both diagnosis (or self-diagnosis) please and preferably people who were late-diagnosed. I would love to have some reading on studies that were made specifically to understand the unique aspects of comorbidity or maybe even YouTube channels from people speaking about the experience of the comorbidity/ the experience of late diagnosis of autism in OCD sufferers. Thanks a lot ❤️

For ERP, I’m basically supposed to just “assume” I have something wrong with me and not do compulsions. But I can’t use any kind of truth or logic as that is reassurance. Okay, well if I do that and assume the worst, I feel no joy and I’m thinking my life is over. How am I supposed to navigate this during ERP? Living life on eggshells and essentially a timer even though this is probably just ocd and anxiety at work?? I’m so down right now.

What are some ways that have helped you overcome the fear that your child will be abused/SA? If you are a survivor of childhood abuse/SA—Do you feel that fear is worse because you’re a survivor? Thank you in advance! I became a parent this year & since my child has reached 2-3 months these fears have been eating me alive. As a survivor myself, I feel my trust level is on 0 because of my abuser.

Another attempt at dating, another painful rejection. The rage I feel is compounding, with the furious agony of each rejection stacking up on top of the last.

I believe I’ve always had intrusive/OCD thoughts. When I was younger I always repeated phrases because my brain went “if you don’t do this your whole family will die” but it wasn’t anything too bad. However, when I was 15 I entered my first relationship. I had divorced parents and didn’t know what love was - so it ended up being abusive and I did not know. He forced me to disclose all the people I found attractive as well as all the “unpure” thoughts I had. He deemed fantasizing cheating - which I respected - but also caused for a lot of intrusive thoughts to make me freak out. He also gaslit me and accused me of cheating for the lightest things (gave my cousin a side-hug) and prohibited me from getting male friends because he thought I’d cheat (I’ve never been unfaithful or even flirted w another man. I’ve always had strong morals about it) I believe this trauma is what made my ocd what it is now, since I’m used to being accused for stuff I didn’t understand or have control over. I believe that understanding OCDs roots allows me to heal because it reminds me that I could exist without this thoughts and still had a good moral compass.

I’ve had Harm OCD in the past and with ERP and CBT I’ve got it in check. About 3 years ago it returned with a theme of suicide (we lost a friend to it and a few months later it triggered). I’m in peri menopause and that didn’t help. I’ve been having ERP since April and I keep relapsing. I’ll have a good patch and do some exposures then hit a rough patch and my exposures go out the window. Always at the same hurdle ‘what if it’s not OCD and these are actual thoughts about harming myself’. What if the exposures make me worse. Then I get down about the relapse and think the depressed feelings must mean I really am at risk. And all the compulsions kick back in. Has anyone else experienced repeated relapses with ERP? I find it so hard to manage the up and down.

so, i’m in this relationship which is the healthiest relationship i’ve ever been in, he treats me well, he loves me, he is supportive of my struggles as he shares some of them, even if it isn’t full blown like mine are, but my brain out of fear of what could come, is shutting down my feelings. my ocd is known for locking down my feelings about anything, putting them in a cage so i become numb, allowing the hurt to be less once someone leaves or gets tired of me. but i don’t want my relationship ruined out of fear, i’ve had a few that ended due to me never being able to stop the intrusive thoughts about them leaving, hell some even got exhausted or annoyed by trying to reassure me that they aren’t gonna leave, so they left anyway. i don’t want to lose my relationship with my bf as i truly do want a future with him, but my ocd fear paralysis is stopping me from tapping into how deep my feelings actually are for him and it makes me really sad. i also had a bad dream about him ending up with someone else and since then, i’ve been extra worried. but it’s an inner worry as that’s happened before to me. my ocd is manifesting into more than worries and i don’t want this relationship also ruined when it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, but my ocd is constantly scared. does anyone else also struggle with it?

Does anyone else have a situation like me where their living situation makes OCD so much worse? This is going to cause a lot of controversy in the comments but idc. I have had OCD my entire life. I have bought every book to help. I have been in therapy for over 10 years. I have tried anti anxiety medications to help. I have tried EMDR and every other kind of therapy to help with OCD. I have had more than 6 therapists (most changes because of insurance coverage) and nothing works. NONE of the traditional methods of treatment work for me at all. I have also tried numerous times “exposure therapy” and every single time my anxiety goes through the roof, my blood pressure shoots up, everything in my vision goes black, I collapse and the ambulance has to be called. The ONLY thing that has helped my OCD is the reassurance that I know I could fix the issue if I needed to. ie: my biggest thing is the bathroom. Specifically getting piss on myself every time I pee (I have pelvic floor disfunction from massive amounts of stress in my life from not just OCD but other serious health issues) if I am able to shower immediately all my anxiety disappears. I understand that people will say “you’re just giving in” But I am telling you, on God, the truth when I say if I don’t shower and I ignore it and go to bed I will have a full blown breakdown. I will either collapse as I mentioned, or I will be fine until morning where I not only have to shower repeatedly but also have to wash my sheets. I will spend the entire day hyperventilating and on occasion vomiting/having diarrhea. So for me personally the exposure therapy is always worse. Always. And I am 32 so I have tried exposure for years. So point I’m getting to is because of my chronic illness (disability) I have been working since I was 14 but can’t save enough to move out. So I live with my mother who freaks out every time I shower. (Shes the kind of person who thinks you don’t need a shower if you didn’t jump in a pile of mud. So you can imagine how difficult having OCD Is with her) This anxiety of living with her makes my OCD worse, which she doesn’t understand, which makes my OCD even worse. Its a nightmare and it is the reason that on top of. OCD and anxiety I have severe depression.

Yesterday I was helping a child change and I was touching their skin for some reason (helping them pull up their pants or something) and then I was like “wow their skin is so soft and then I had a bad thought and then backed away. I’m really scared I am I p*do pile and did I touch them inappropriately?? I don’t want that answer to be yes or else I’m gonna throw up. I feel like I should’ve backed away when I was touching their skin soft but it felt like I was in slow motion. I’m so scared.

I feel so engulfed by these thoughts that I cannot find a way out. It physically and mentally feels real and feels like I’m going to do it. I’m starting to believe this is actually me and I don’t know what to do.

I think I know what to do here. Got up in the night for the washroom... Brain is now going "what if you touched your face when hands are dirty" and I've given in and washed my face a few times... oops. Well this time it also went, "what if you washed your face BEFORE your hands and now there's pee germs in your hair from the water?" I went back to bed and now it's screaming my bedding/shirt/etc is contaminated... I want to change the pillowcases/bedding/clothes... It could use a wash anyway, but in this instance I think I need to wait until my brain calms down about this issue, even though I don't want it to escalate to "now the house is contaminated! And your hairbrush/the drawer it's in/everything in it!" If I did the bedding I know I would start spiralling. Ah yikes. I don't even know if this is even true, I don't think I would do it this way, I know better. I hate this. I wish I could accurately remember.

i took a break unintentionally from personal life and sadly i can’t say life is better. a lot of aspects have changed and i have a new partner and different living situation but my brain is still suffering. i’m still struggling and still triggered everyday. why? i know i can MANAGE things but why can’t thoughts just go away? why can’t this go away ?

During therapy I got to understand that my ocd requires relaxation and peace, I started spending time with family and started meditation. Helped me a lot but past a few days it feels that my rituals of relaxing have become compulsive. I wonder what would work properly and long term. I have pure-o ocd and haven’t tried ERP. Seems that relaxing techniques are also going down the gutter.

This is my first time posting. Mainly just want to get my thoughts out about my particular circumstances in hopes of gaining clarity or possibly helping someone else. I’ve always battled with anxiety and depression off and on my whole life and the OCD has only been around the last 5 years. Recently, I discovered through testing that I have a MTHFR gene mutation which long story short just means my body doesn’t naturally methylate fully on its own, so I have to take certain vitamins in their active form and avoid anything that creates inflammation in the body which exacerbates the symptoms of the mutation. The big thing is that the process of methylation has everything to do with creating dopamine, serotonin and norepinephrine neurotransmitter, so basically those with the mutation are prone to having anxiety and depression. My big aha moment is that my entire life I haven’t even had a fighting chance to find joy and contentment because of this which is both disheartening but also relieving to know that there’s a chance to overcome it. I’m really hoping after making the appropriate lifestyle changes and supplementing correctly I will begin to feel joy and hope again which will then in return help me fight my OCD. The occasional days when I do feel a serge of serotonin, I’m able to rolls my eyes and laugh at the things that would normally trigger me, as the weight is lifted and my racing thoughts soften. If anyone else here has the mthfr mutation, how have you dealt with it?