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the NOCD Community

Wouldn’t it be nice to not feel guilty all the time? Wouldn’t it be nice to not always be worrying about everything? It sucks to have OCD. OCD goes hand in hand with anxiety, guilt and endless worries!

let’s talk ROCD ???

I struggle with rocd and false memory ocd. My ocd likes to obsess over consent and one time my partner and i were making out while his siblings were in another room. We had the door closed and fan going but because of the suction noises happening from making out, i was obsessing in my head whether or not his siblings could hear us. I said to my partner “I feel like we’re being too loud, i don’t know if we should kiss” and then my partner pecked me on the nose. i wanted to keep kissing and so i kissed him some more on the mouth but trying to be really quiet and then when i pulled away, it was his turn to initiate anything or we would just be done so he asked “can i kiss you?” and i said “yes let’s just be quiet” my intrusive thoughts are: “was it unconsensual when he pecked your nose since you just said what you said?” “does this mean he sa’d u?” “i don’t feel sa’d but what about it possibly being unconsensual in that moment what does that mean?” “he asked for consent but it was after he pecked you so does that even help anything?” i’ve had this theme for years and it always does this to sexual encounters with my partner :// i don’t even really know why i’m coming to the app to tell all of this when i know my ocd will interrogate everything sexual and if it was consensual or not. and if not (even by accident) then does that mean it’s sa. the false memory part is where it gets so scary for me. about a month or two ago i just had a random intrusive thought that was like “did he peck your nose or your lips??” and while generally remembering it was my nose, i started to panic because i couldn’t fully remember if it was on my nose or lips (both are in the same area of the face) and so my ocd keeps pestering me to try and remember fully but i just can’t it was too long ago AND i’ve thought too much on it now to where it’s muggy. my ocd is now asking if the peck on the lips would be any different than the nose and if it would mean my fear is true. i liked that he asked for my consent however my ocd was already going off when he pecked me. even though in reality it just felt like a nice peck to signal it was okay and that we didn’t have to makeout. i didn’t feel like i needed to kiss him more after the peck, it just felt like he was trying to be sweet. but if that is unconsensual in a way, does that mean it’s assault?

I feel like im back at square one. Ive made a lot of progress the past few months, going from house bound to going out almost every day. I did probably a hundred exposures. I even went to a hospital which was huge because just the thought of it made me sick to my stomach. But now im falling into depression again, my anxiety is through the rough, i have dark thoughts again (dont want to act on them in fact they scare me). Im so scared of falling into the black hole of depression and losing everything i worked so hard to get. I really dont know why this is happening. I feel like maybe im not trying at all anymore and something is seriously wrong with me. I keep imagining that ill end up in a deep depression again and do something to myself even tho i dont want to at all. But the anxiety is extremely exhausting

I know people always say intrusive thoughts ≠ attraction, and i agree. i know about groinals, etc. The thing is, though, for me to have an intrusive thought, shouldn't there be some basis to it? For example, i've recently been struggling with incest OCD. I know that my "attraction" is exacerbated by the OCD, but the original thought must be based in reality, right? Like, it wasn't intrusive—I really felt something. To describe this situation, back when I was 12 I visited my uncle for the first time in years. I remember vividly being confused about whether or not I was attracted to him, and having intrusive thoughts about kissing him. Luckily I know with 100% certainty I don't want to kiss him, not then and not now, thank god, but the fact that I was so confused about whether or not I was attracted to him really scares me. I think eventually I managed to calm my mind but recently I've been worrying about this again. I have these memories where I got nervous and excited around him, but I think they're false as I don't actually remember them happening. However, they FEEL real, you know? The one memory I know I have of us is me thinking that I liked being around him, but it wasn't exactly a crush—it was something like... a foreign familial attraction, if that makes sense. AKA, I wasn't really worried about it. I also remember getting sort of shy around him, a happy, pleasured sort of shy, but not an inappropriate sort of shy. But see, for me to have been worried I was attracted to him, I know i must have felt SOME sort of attraction in the first place. That's the way my OCD works. And that's what I'm worried about. Everyone talks about false attraction but it couldn't have been false—false attraction FOR ME (could be different for yall) happens after I start getting worried I'm attracted to them. The original attraction, though? I don't know if this makes sense. I don't actually remember a lot of what happened—a lot of it is false memories, which I hate. I guess what I'm trying to get at is... have any of yall experienced a "real" attraction to people you shouldn't be attracted to? I think in my case it wasn't attraction in the typical sense (not romantic or sexual) but simply unfamiliarity causing me to doubt my feelings, but I can't be sure. That's what worries me. If someone could answer please do! Thanks guys!

What is happening to me!!!!!! Why am I liking and wanting these thoughts when I had never had them before in my lifeeee!!!!! I clearly have ocd because I woke up 2 years ago with these thoughts and Iv obsessed and compulsed since!!!! But now I like and want them I don’t get anxiety!!!!! How can ocd do this to you?????

I have a tendency to tell someone about something that happened, but for some reason add in something that wasn’t true and for no reason. I don’t know why I do it and I’m obsessing like crazy over it to where I feel like a bad person or like people wont like me anymore. The guilt & shame are eating me alive. I absolutely hate it. For ex: maybe I was at the mall with my daughter and I started to feel a panic attack coming on so I decided I wanted to leave. So my daughter and I walked out of the mall and left. What happens is I will tell someone this story but instead of saying we walked out of the mall, I’ll say how carried her out of the mall when I actually didn’t. Or I’ll say how someone approached me to talk about something when I approached them. I also dramatize my feelings sometimes too. Does anyone else do this sort of thing? Am I just totally broken? I have beat myself up severely for a week now, because I do this sort of thing. It makes me feel weird and like a fraud. Ive just been sick about it.

I had a good week. Intrusive thoughts down. Then in zoom meeting a participant messaged me that it may be back door spikes. Now I'm doubting my progress and the thoughts are back. I felt I was doing so well and now I'm just not sure. How can someone else's opinion affect so bad?

Why does ocd attack me so much? Like I feel so guilty all the time, and it always attacks me for past things and makes me feel like such a horrible person. Like jeez ocd I’m a human being I made some mistakes but why do you keep reminding me of it over and over again and that I’m some horrible person who doesn’t deserve anyone or that people would judge me so hardly Anytime I see couples or people on insta my ocd will automatically say “this person wouldn’t do what you did” and it’s so frustrating because it makes me feel so isolated and that I’m really a horrible person bc of it

I can't stop relapsing. It keeps happening even though I tell myself that I shouldn't do it. The intrusive thoughts are really high and so is the anxiety. I'm just trying to let them all pass. My mind is so focused on this one thing even though it hasn't bothered me before like usual worries that I have.

When you’re worried or anxious about something, it may seem like a good idea to learn more about the situation and try to figure it out, relying on your own knowledge and logic to stay out of danger. Unfortunately, OCD doesn’t work that way. People with OCD may understand that their obsessions are illogical, but OCD will always latch onto the slightest shred of uncertainty and come up with one more what if—no amount of certainty is ever enough. In fact, using logic to remove anxiety can actually make OCD worse over time. Instead, you can recover from OCD by learning to accept the uncertainty and anxiety that comes from your obsessions, without engaging in compulsions. Read more about why combating OCD using logic doesn’t work, and what you can do to fight back effectively against illogical obsessions.

Hi all, I am currently going through existential OCD and wondered how many people have gone through it, how well did ERP help and was medication useful too? Obviously everyone is different in terms of recovery so just curious. Currently on day 7 of Sertraline and hoping it will start working in the next week or two!

Gonna ramble a bit here. My OCD thoughts started a month ago during intimate time.. randomly thought of parents, googled and obsessed which caused me to find other themes, thought of everyone naked for a while. Thought of slurs and it devastated me as my bf is black and that's not me at all. I try to love everyone. I even started seeing letters in a cheetah pillow we have that in my ocd mind spelled out a slur among other normal words and that sounds so crazy. I thought of boyfriend one day in a sexual way and a kid from work popped into mind and now worried to be intimate cause I'll think of their name or other people's names as I think of it through the day since it bothered me so bad. I'm worried to think of friends and family and then think of sex. We've been together 3 years but have known each other for about 18 and have had lots of ups and downs during the relationship related to my mental health and just communicating/stress but never these thoughts. We talked about it being more stress than happy sometimes but we love each other so much and always made it work. Now I think sexual thoughts or mean thoughts about almost everyone. Lexapro 10mg is helping anxiety but I do find hard to watch stuff or listen to music sometimes, questioning who I used to be and worried about religion suddenly since asking an old pastor for prayer with MH and he basically saying if I'm living in sin repent. We used to be very sexual but I still had my faith and wasn't bothered. Was intimate for first time in a month today. Had thoughts and some things I read on here stuck in my head but I pushed through. I get thoughts that he's a stranger sometimes or that I don't find him attractive when I've never thought this before. I've always been anxious but not like this. Was able to live and not have these kinds of thoughts if anything was scared he would leave me. Just want my old brain back. Thoughts are all over the place don't want to think of others in thst way or think of names of family, friends kids or think of people in a sexual or mean way. Just want to live. I can't even smoke cannabis anymore as I get paranoid and I smoked daily for years. I tried to smoke one day and I was flirting with him and he mentioned his dad and an issue he was having which caused me to think of his dad which I don't wanna think of in that way. So now I just refuse to smoke as I'm worried I'll think weird stuff. I know they're not me I just wanna go back to stuff I enjoy and loving him and not thinking these things. I feel like I'm me but not me at the same time. I don't even know who I am sometimes. I feel like I'm boring or no personality. I don't want to lose him I know these thoughts are lies as I love having him by my side and anybody I'm with I would have these thoughts about. I would be devastated if I lost him and hate that I have these feelings after 3 years. I start 20mg tomorrow. I can't afford therapy. He knows all my thoughts and continues to love me, I just know I can't continue dumping this on him.

I’ve been in a flare up for over a week now. Worried about choking and anaphylaxis. Eating food is hard because it physically is so hard to eat now because I get psyched out while eating. I’m either worried about one or the two. I’m scared that I’m starting to get dysphasia or another health crisis. Sometimes my throat feels so tight or there’s a lump in it. I have to drink so much water while eating. My diet is so bland now or consists of meal replacement shakes. I feel like I’ll never be able to eat my favorite foods again or rather eat normally ever again without feeling like the food gets stuck in my throat. I focus so much on swallowing even when I’m not eating. I don’t even do it normally anymore and if I get even the tiniest bit of mucus I get really anxious. Eating is an ordeal because I have to literally calm myself down while eating bc if I don’t I won’t eat bc I’m scared. I focus so much on every sensation. I’m really sad and anxious. I just want to feel normal again. I don’t even know how to treat this except just keep pushing myself to eat and hope to one day calm this hyper vigilant state and get the answers I need for my health

I'm 67. My OCD is in my mind. It never leaves. I'm just barely starting this treatment. Hearing about it makes it worse. Talking about it makes it worse. Is there anyone who can relate? Is it helping you? I believe I am too old to to learn this. I believe there is something horribly wrong with my brain.

I've gotten only 4 hours of sleep tonight due to anxiety being so annoying and out of control. This sucks. I just wish anxiety was gone and I didn't have to worry about everything extensively. Sometimes though I feel like I do this to myself

I just came across this ad on TikTok and I’m just a little shook. I have OCD but only mental things, meaning I don’t engage in physical compulsions, at least not that I’ve realized yet. I think that this ad was harmful in a way but I will tell a little bit of my story before I get into that. I struggle a lot with harm OCD, sexual OCD, and relationship OCD. My therapist on better help uses ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy.) I thought my problem was only anxiety, but I thought I was literally going crazy with these intrusive thoughts and I was too scared to admit to anyone that I was having them. Long story short my therapist told me about a friend of hers that has OCD and had thoughts of harming people. I told her I was experiencing the same thing and from there she’s working on learning how to help those with OCD. I don’t know if basic therapy, whatever that may mean, is the right way to handle OCD. However blatantly saying “therapy doesn’t help” is quite a broad statement. For OCD exposure therapy is a saving grace, also ACT has been recognized as a common practice to treat OCD as well. I think that ACT has helped me a lot. For those who don’t know what ACT is, it is the practice of learning how to be okay with OCD or anxiety, meaning accepting it as a normal part of your life. “If you don’t wanna have it, you will.” Rather than fighting yourself every single time an obsession comes, it’s saying “I’m noticing an intrusive thought.” On good days it’ll stop it in its tracks. On a bad day it might swirl my brain a bit but that’s okay. ACT is being willing to take on not only these uncomfortable situations, but all uncomfortable experiences that life throws at you, because whether we like it or not they will come. In my experience, therapy isn’t a cure, but it helps. The simple fact is that there is no cure. Medication is not a cure, therapy is not a cure, mindfulness is not a cure, meditation is not a cure. There. Is. No. Cure. And that’s okay! Because if you are willing to experience these negative thoughts and sensations, if you stop fighting yourself every single time they come, it makes life a lot easier. Not saying there isn’t bad days cause there is. I’m still early in treatment so I still have days where I come home and cry for an hour or 2. I have made a lot of progress and I’m proud of where I came from, and I’m thankful my Acceptance and Commitment Therapist showed me ways to live with OCD rather than trying to run away from it all the time. I think if something doesn’t work for you, that’s okay. But don’t discredit someone else’s experiences. As an OCD app I think it’s clear what that could do to someone just starting therapy who is struggling. Even if it wasn’t the intention, I believe that ad should be taken down. Thanks for reading :)

Anyone else struggle with this theme? I feel like I’m going crazy Anyone give me any advice?

I need some advice or maybe just some words of encouragement. I’ve been struggling which seems like I am all the time. But the “ocd” thoughts are breaking me down more and more each day. And it’s about to be September which means it’s almost been a whole year of struggling with the same thing. And I mean that literally. I’ve struggled with mental health my whole life but I’d have at least a good amount of time where I wasn’t necessarily struggling. You know I had somewhat of a break. But this hasn’t missed a day. I can never tell if I’m getting “better” or if I’m just putting on a happy face. I need to get a job soon and I’m extremely scared to. Scared of being triggered or making a horrible mistake (which i wouldn’t even consider a mistake knowing I had a choice). But I also know that I’m supposed to face my fears or nothing will change. But I have. I’ve faced my fears here and there. And never have they become less scary. So I end up staying at home where I’m more comfortable. Which isn’t necessarily true because I still feel the anxiety and the hopelessness even though nothing is really happening in the moment. So I’m stuck. Do I face my fears and potentially make it worse or do I play it safe and not hurt anyone and still potentially make it worse? Second option sounds better to me. But I never know the right answer to anything anymore. I’m going out of town tomorrow with a part of my family who isn’t extremely close to me but they know of my mental struggles somewhat. And I’m very scared and I have such a horrible anxiety in my chest. A person will be there who I’m scared of me hurting and I always try to stay away from them. I won’t have any escape if I go (as in I won’t be able to leave or go home if I’m feeling overwhelmed). Nobody but one person knows what my true fear is and I don’t plan an telling anyone else so it’s hard to explain myself to other people about what I’m going through. I just need some advice on what to do. Am I taking too big of a step by going or should I force myself to? I just feel like because it’s been a year of feeling this way I should force myself to or I won’t get better. I don’t know what to do. I’m in a constant state of panic in my mind and it’s getting exhausting living this way. I don’t feel like I’m living. I’m just simply surviving.

Anyone explain to me how the science or theory works for ocd/irrational thoughts to be so believable? Like, if they are irrational and so anti-who we are, why do they feel true? Why do we believe them? Is it because we lose our ability to prove them wrong? And so we assume there must be some truth? Be really keen to hear what others think? Or link me to someone that explains it?