Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Does anyone else think that they would just never act on it if turned out to not be OCD? Because I feel like that would be me. I just don't want it even if the ocd makes me feel like I do.

I just want to say I don’t know who reads this but I def can say ocd has ruined evuthing I have from friendships, my mind, education, and just myself I really can’t believe how destructive this disorder is and how manipulative it’s hard because I really don’t want to live like this and I know they aren’t real but tell me why does my body feel that way I’m scared but I don’t want to loose myself or have annoying and depressing thoughts .

my brain is telling me i have feelings for someone else rather than my boyfriend, i actually feel sick because why does it feel real , i’m taking a second and thinking do i actually because these thoughts are constant . should i say something to my boyfriend?? i have no idea what to do

So OCD is a new thing for me and I’m completely unsure about how to navigate this. I’ve been struggling a lot recently with intrusive mental images/thoughts and these have been affecting my life for about a month now. I can’t do anything without it being triggered. Literally anything triggers these thoughts and I can’t stop it. I tell my boyfriend about these as he says he wants to know. I know that these thoughts upset him as they’re sexually inappropriate and I hate them. Some of the thoughts are of people from my past which I have always felt guilt and shame over or people i have seen on social media or shows. Sometimes they are just random too. I suggested one time that I try and not tell him the thoughts as I think that gives it more power and why they’re coming back. He also asks questions about the thoughts which I understand where he’s coming from but that also gives it more power I think. But he said he would want to know and doesn’t want me to start hiding them. I’ve tried so many times to get him to understand and he knows that it’s not in my control he just can’t understand why it’s happening. He always asks “why now” or “why” when I tell him a thought has come up. But to be honest I don’t know and if I did I would stop it from happening. He tells me to fix it and to sort myself out. Im trying my hardest and sometimes it’s tough to be positive about it but I know it’s what my partner needs. He’s usually so supportive of me and there for me but recently he’s just been getting angrier with me. I get that for him it’s a lot but it makes it worse for me as I feel like I’m completely alone with this. I hate having to tell him a thought has come up as I see how much it hurts him. And I do adore him and only have eyes for him so I want him to feel like he is the only one (because he is) but I know the thoughts aren’t helping. I tried explaining to him a mental compulsion I guess that I do and he was trying to understand but he basically said that it sounds like I’m purposefully thinking of something else as well. I know it’s a lot for him and I can’t help the thoughts and I wish I could for him. I’m just really scared about what’s going on in my head and finding help isn’t easy as I’ve moved to the UK to be with him so don’t have my normal doctors or anything. My boyfriend is an amazing guy, I don’t want to paint him as horrible because he isn’t. I know it’s hard for him to understand I just wish that sometimes he’d be a bit more supportive. But I understand that not everyone is capable of being there all the time especially when they’re struggling too. I just want it to stop. I feel so alone with this and like no one else is there for me or wants to be there for me. I’m trying so hard each day to make it better and to be positive about it but it just feels constant in my mind. I want to just sleep all the time. I don’t want to go out, I hardly leave the bedroom anymore. I just know that whenever I wake up I dread the day and wish I could sleep forever.

I've always liked woman I'm 20 years old and I always 100% believed I was straight. can I just become gay? It just came out of nowhere 5 months ago and now it seems like I like guys and I'm becoming gay. How can that just happen?

Hello guys. Is there anyone like me whose intrusive thoughts is caused by fear of not getting sleep? I read in some articles that when we have ocd thoughts, we should let it go and feel the anxiety to increase our tolerance to that thought. But what if you’re trying to sleep? Will the anxiety not let you sleep? Should I push through the anxiety and try to sleep? Or just postpone the thoughts to my next worry time schedule? Please help.😢

During really bad moments of soocd do you guys ever feel demasculated, like less of a man, more feminine etc.?

So earlier my sister layed on top of me like horizontally I guess and then I got a groinal response but it felt like very real and then I looked at her but and got an even more intense feeling and I’m like wtf wtf wtf but at the moment it felt so real and like I was just thinking no way this isn’t real and I’m like wtf now and I’m scared and I’m like actually like WTF And I haven’t like been having anymore like intrusive thoughts or feelings that have to do with my sister anymore but I’m having them again and I’m so scared cause this time it felt like real and like I wanted those feelings but I’m like freaking out

When I first started to deal with Schiz-OCD it has always been fear about internal voices. I’ve become overly obsessed with the process of my inner dialogue. This has always been the main fear regarding Schiz-OCD. Questioning my inner monologue, command thoughts/voices, mocking thoughts/voices, voice commenting on what your doing. Anything you can think of. It’s more like I’m thinking the voices if that makes sense. It’s more of a thought/voice but I feel that I have habituated it to the point that it’s automatic and I have lost control of this inner speech. I can create how it sounds, what it says and the tone of it based on my imagination. But I feel that it is getting to the point of real schizophrenia. I’ve been checking in with multiple psychiatrists and professionals who don’t think I have schizophrenia at all. I don’t have any delusions,external hallucinations, disorganized thinking or speech. It’s only the inner voice/thought things and I’m not sure what to do. Is this Pure O or Schizophrenia ? Very confused on what this could mean for my future. Feels as if I’m developing my biggest fear and that it’s not OCD anymore.

And does anyone have any advice on how to stop doing that? Much appreciation for anyone who takes the time to read all of this one and give me some feedback because I really feel it is an issue that I need to deal with. So I partly blame some members of my family for my poor mental health which then led to OCD and even if I am right which im sure I am I want to stop feeling this resentment and the really negative feelings that I have towards them because I am 36 now and I know that it's no good for me and really contributes to keeping the OCD alive. I will be as a brief as I can be about what I am talking about although it is difficult. So I had what I would call an okay upbringing but I did sometimes witness my mother and father physically fighting and arguing when I was growing up. They both enjoyed a drink but my father become a full on drunk who never worked. Alcohol and drunkenness was a regular occourance particularly at wkends right throughout my family. My parents separated when I was 14 and I stopped talking to my father when I was 18. I started seeing him again when I was 23 which was actually nice as my condition was that he wouldnt be drunk in my company again and he stuck to it although out of the blue he commited suicide about a year later When I turned 16 I started to drink and become a typical binge drinker getting hammered every wkend although when I got to about 18 I started to space my sessions out and would regularly go a month or 2 without a single drink although when I then decided to have a drink I would always get black out drunk. I have continued this behaviour until the pressent day but I still tend to get really drunk every time I do. I have to say that when I got to about 29 I started getting more drunk than ever and although I would never physically hurt anyone I would become verbally unpleasant when I was drunk. Even though this would only be once every 2 months my mum started to suggest that I have some councelling so I eventually gave in and went to councelling but I actually believe that going to councelling wasn't a good thing for me because the councellor got me to open up boxes that I had either already dealt with or kept closed for very good reasons and I'm sure all of this contributed massively to the OCD. My councellor at that time also reckoned that I had a drink problem even though I was only drinking once every 2-3 months and suggested that I tried aa. This made me feel quite angry tbh because although I felt that I needed to stop getting so drunk when I did drink I didn't feel like an alcoholic and I actually enjoy drinking every couple of months. This whole thing has made me feel resentful towards my mother which is horrible because I love her and im sure she just wants what's best for me but she still drinks most wkends and still occasionally gets absolutley hammered. Apologies for the life story here it's just that I really need to sort out these negative feelings out towards her and towads a few other people if im to stand any chance of getting on top of my mental health

How do I know if the medication I’m taking is right or wrong for me? Currently taking 60mg of Prozac but idk if it’s doing anything

Hello does anyone else find that maybe they read about a symptom they have and then look it up and they see so much more about it. Then the compulsions of wanting to check and recheck and figure out without getting certainty that they may in fact have this disease? I seem to loose all control when it comes to stepping back and not looking stuff up even when I know how this is going to affect my ocd and make me feel worse. I’m looking for some type of certainty that I don’t have it and there is none. Living in the uncertainty is so hard. Why as ocd people is it so important to have this reassurance when no one else in life has this either. If you can relate to health obsessions and compulsions, what things work for you to take a step back and not spiral into a hole of this ruminating over and over again. Feeling anxious and depressed. I feel by the time I realize I’m doing it, it’s too late and I’m right in the middle of it. How can I catch myself BEFORE I go to the journey of doing compulsions from things I worry about. Does it get easier over time to see the process and catch yourself from doing compulsions from something I’m ruminating about? The thought is uncomfortable but when the thought comes I just need to stop there! But I never do! Help! Does this happen to anyone else and can you relate? Any tips or suggestions? Thx

Today it feels super real and that my whole entire life is a lie. Like I'm only staying with my boyfriend because I don't want to hurt him and one day i'm going to give up and have to forget my previous straight self. Oh the misery....if any woman have recovered from so-ocd please give me some insights. Bisexual I can for sure handle but never liking men again or not getting to be with my boyfriend actually feels like a death sentence.

Hi, I need help. I really don’t know what to do. I have had ocd and intrusive thoughts my whole life pretty much but I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 19. Before I was diagnosed I didn’t really know what they were or meant for a long time. Once I remember thinking “I’m bi but I wouldn’t act on it because of what my family and friends might think, so I will just date guys” and this memory HAUNTS me. I don’t know if I really believed this about myself or if it was an intrusive thought. My brain tells me I ABSOLUTELY 100% accepted it but I don’t know really. I don’t think I’m bi now but soemtimes my ocd still tries to convince me that I am and I am not sure. I feel like this memory is proof IF I really accepted it and it was an egosyntonic thought not an egodystonic one. It also says it suppressing my want to be bi bc of other people and that I really do want it I just don’t want to be judged. I can’t ruminate ab this anymore. It’s torture. Someone pls help me if you have advice

Would someone with a fear of being gay ever be a willing participant in a gay relationship and feel reassured by having gay thoughts, fantasies, or urges? Am I just confusing genuine attraction with OCD?

Prisoner to contamination OCD here and the "things" I "have to" do to stop the. feeling of some imaginary plague overtaking me just keep multiplying. The whole Covid lock down and sanitization really made my OCD spiral. I'm still wiping groceries. I can't touch anything public or money without sanitizing. I wipe any surface I come into contact with or have some kind of plan of how I will conduct myself (what to wear, if I can cover my head, come home change, shower) just to make it through, say a dentist appointment or a manicure. Yes, I can complete the tasks, but the thoughts of the ritualistic washing just looms and makes me more anxious and depressed. I know not to go into specifics here, but can anyone chime in? I only have a good day when I don't have to come into contact with things or use my coping compulsions. Unfortunately nocd doesn't have an available therapist that accepts my insurance. Anyone here have success with ERP? I just think it would be extremely difficult.

Im so tired. I don't know how will i feel better. I tried everything but i feel so bad. My heart hurts and i can't breathe. I feel stressed for no reason. Im so tired. Im really tired of everything. I want to pray without stress. I want to be in a relationship, be a healthy and good partner without stress. Im so tired. Is it normal for OCD to be active for EVERYDAY? What if i upset, use, idealize, hurt, be obsessed, cheat my partner? What if i can't stay loyal to God and be a bad servant? Or what if God takes my partner away from me? Relationship and religious ocd, but sometimes pure, meta, s.o and more. This shit is taking my life away and i can't stand that anymore. I can't do it. I can't get a therapist. It's so expensive. No one here to help me. I feel like the worst servant, worst partner and worst daughter, sister in the world. I want to accept myself but OCD makes me feel like i don't deserve to live. Im so tired. I can't even look at enviroment. I walk by looking at FLOOR because everyone and everything triggers me. I feel so horrible. I always feel like something bad will happen or something is wrong. I misrecognizing my partner or others because of OCD. OCD makes me feel like everyone hates me. Even writing here makes me feel guilty for no reason.

I just saw this video of this lady talking about coincidences and death. I know I shouldn’t have read the comments but I did. It now has me freaked out that my thoughts are facts and will happen. How do people have gut instincts? It freaks me out. Has anyone ever feared this?

Hello! I am a happy mess because I met a cool guy (I saw him once so maybe I am in an illusion) but he asked me to hang out today and I really want to go and get to know him more. On the other hand, there's two guys. I am not dating anyone, but the truth is that I rn don't want to date anyone either right now. For one of them I think I liked him in some occasion in my life and he is honestly one of the kindest people I know, but the way I like him has no sexual or corporal context. I can't imagine myself even kissing him, but I care deeply for him. The other guy is also a kind friend who helped me during one of the most difficult times in my life and we used to make out sometimes, but we have stopped it. He is kind and attractive, but I don't see myself in a relationship with him. I know that both of them liked me in the past, Idk if they still like me being honest. I contact both of them in a daily basis, the first one is my biggest company in college. I am afraid I am being a piece of shit for hanging out with the boy I met. What should I tell the 2 guys? I don't want to lose their friendship, but I don't want to fool them too. I

Do you guys have any tips for dealing with OCD when you feel like your real events 'prove' your theme? A lot of people when discussing ZOCD have a harder time distinguishing it from having a paraphilia. Honestly, I worry so much that I'm just an anti-contact z**phile whos in denial, and I think a lot of that has to do with the messy discussion around it. There are days where I feel more secure in myself and days where I feel like I dont really know myself or fear I'm in denial. I know for a fact i would never harm an animal and have no desire to. The idea of being a z**phile is so distressing to me especially with my fears of abandonment. However with my real event, I worry it's proof I am one anyway. I feel like deep down i know my events were just a result of growing up with unfiltered internet access and being exposed to things I shouldn't have been (specifically furry porn art). but I still should've known better, and that's what gets me most. I've been almost a year porn free! But it still haunts me. I might be the only one in this boat but if anyone has any advice (especially on dealing with it outside of therapy) I would be grateful.