Kickstart your recovery journey with a caring community of others
working to conquer OCD
what if god gave me this to punish me for everything iāve done wrong in life and now he hates me and iāll never get to see my family members who have passed again and iāll never get to heaven?
Hi, Iām new here. I just started ERP therapy for relationship ocd and health ocd. Today Iām having a particularly rough day. I canāt get out of bed, canāt eat, etc. I found out that we may have to put my family dog down tomorrow, and my heart is broken. I emailed my therapist to let her know that I was particularly struggling, and she told me to stop throwing an āadult temper tantrumā and to not give into the distress and to force myself out of bed. While I do feel that there is some merit in her recommendations, I did not appreciate the fact that she referred to my experience as an āadult temper tantrum.ā Does anyone have any advice or any similar experiences with therapists on here? It just made me feel a lot worse about myself.
When youāre struggling with OCD, connecting with others can be a great source of support. But frustratingly, OCD can foster feelings of loneliness, shame, and anxiety that lead us to withdraw from our relationships and self-isolate when weāre most in need of support. The good news is that we can change this pattern. Through developing our support systems, we can find the connection and understanding that are vital parts of every OCD journey. There are many ways for each of us to cultivate a sense of community and belonging. Other people with OCD, as well as those with a deep understanding of the condition, can be an especially powerful source of support, normalizing your experiences, helping you face challenges, and providing inspiration by sharing their own stories. Reaching out for connection can help us face OCD with emotional support, encouragement, and the knowledge that weāre not alone. Learn how connection can help you face OCD, and ways you can strengthen your support system.
Hello everyone, I am in need of some tips for ERP. I have been in therapy for a couple of months through NOCD and I have been having the hardest time doing ERP. I rarely do it in-between sessions. I am so afraid of my theme coming true but I am so sick of feeling anxious and sad. SO-OCD has truly ruined my quality of life and I just want to get back to feeling better. What are some of the things that help you when doing ERP for SO-OCD?
Yesterday i was checking my gallery, and i stumbled across an ai generated picture of a character i created, the ai pictured him with than skin and white hair. I felt like i didn't like the picture, and my mind obviously started (these are hard days, my obsessions don't stop): "YOU DON'T LIKE IT BECAUSE YOU ARE RACIST, YOU DON'T LIKE THE SKIN TONE", and i tried to fight this thought with: "Maybe you didn't like it because of the art style?", and the second one came in: "Maybe you don't like it because the hair color doesn't match with the skin tone?" The worst thing is that i kinda found logic in this second one, i felt like i kinda agreed, but moments after i thought: "That's not racist too? I CATEGORIZED HAIR COLOR BY SKIN TONE", i kinda spiriled into thoughts that only made my fear of being unconsciously racist becoming bigger, I LITERALLY send an audio to my boyfriend of a thought: "Right now i can't think of a hair color that doesn't match white skin", moments after i deleted the audio and i thinked: "Wow, that's so much WORSE, that's racist", but i had that thought because, when i was imagining a person with brown skin tone for checking, I IMAGINED A NON-ATRACTIVE PERSON FOR MY STANDARDS, and i spiriled so much worse: "Oh, no, I DON'T LIKE BROWN SKIN AND DIFFERENT FEATURES OF THE EUROPEAN ONES?!", The fact that i imagined an "ugly" person by my standards with the premise of "brown skin" killed me, and the rest of the day i was thought-checking trying to imagine that unattractive person with white skin to find out if i find it unattractive with another skin tone. In the night i continued with the obsession, and i tried to create a story in my head of an african woman in past times empowering and becoming a philosopher, or something like that. You guess it, that only made it WORSE, my thoughts and imagination went horrible and i imagined the worst stereotypical thing; TRIBES. I was imagining with native americans too, but i hate myself, because i was doubting: "Wait, how are the white skinned natives?" moments later i thinked of vikings and i just felt worse. I fell asleep, and i woke up with thoughts caming in, and even WORSE and hate thoughts, the thing that makes me feel more shameful is that the worst thoughts i inmediatly turn them off somehow and I repudiate them immediately, but the others i kinda tried to find them logic or deep inside me i thought: "Maybe they are not as bad", but i don't know, i'm afraid of having implicit racism and prefering white skin over brown skin, but in a pretty bad way, this is honestly hell
Does anyone else suffer through this and have advice on how to handle it? It's like I have a dream about security intimacy with another woman I know, but I clearly do not want that and never have wanted that with that person. I love my wife so much and I feel utterly guilty. Should I tell my wife? Or is that just compulsion for relief? I continue to think "what if I liked that feeling in the dream?" Or "you cheated because of this and because of past events." I've never been in an intimate relationship or really any relationship at all, and I know I would never cheat. Like I found girls attractive, but not like I want to have a real relationship with or have a sexual one with. Thoughts to help?
What do you when your OCD gets big again? When you have a bad flare up? The past few weeks have been so much more manageable and Iāve been so thankful about that. But yesterday, in true fashion, the OCD got bigger and scarier again. I think awful things about my health, dying, etc. Every sensation in my body is the craziest thing like cancer or some rare, awful disease. It feels SO REAL. And SO SO SCARY. To say I get terrified is an understatement. And then the rumination kicks in where I try to logically figure it all out. Itās so hard to manage at times even though Iāve been better. Has this happened to you? How have you gotten through it?
Does anyone elseās OCD operate in phases? For example I could be doing great with my OCD where for a random amount of time I donāt have many intrusive thoughts and if I do thereās no anxiety tied to them. But then theyāll start bombarding me for a random amount of time which can be 1 day to 1 week to 1 month and cause immense anxiety. Then rinse and repeat Iād love to know if yāallās experiences are similar.
Hi friends, I have recently been diagnosed with OCD these past few weeks. It all can feel really all encompassing and overwhelming. And almost like Iām completely at the bottom of the mountain and still realizing so many things I have dealt with were actually OCD. Does anyone have any advice or things they wish they knew in the beginning of starting treatment? I appreciate you all and the community. š¤š
Disclaimer, I am diagnosed with OCD, GAD, PTSD, ADHD, Panic Disorder and hypochondria. Iāve been in the midst of what I hope and pray is just an extremely debilitating health ocd theme for about 4 months now, where Iāve basically convinced myself I am in the midst of psychosis or developing schizophrenia or a related disorder. I obsess over it day and night to the point where I canāt even function hardly. Constantly researching symptoms and seeking reassurance. Ive been having this weird symptom where my ear canal will randomly feel this pressure/ticklish sensation and I start to become hyperaware of the hole in my ear, and I get this weird tense feeling almost like Iām expecting someone to stick their finger in my ear or expecting something to go inside of it, this weird sensation almost makes me want to cover my ear but I never do. But when I get this weird ear feeling I get absolutely ridiculous crazy thoughts like āwhat if a demon is trying to get inside your earā and Iām like WTF why would I even think of that, I donāt even believe in demons or religious stuff like that to begin with. I recognize that the thought is nonsense and FAR out of the realm of reality and makes zero sense.The fact that I would even have a thought like that to begin with scares the f**k out of me! I have never ever had thoughts like this before. YET now whenever I get that weird sensation in my ear I still get intense anxiety, why? Why do I still get such crippling fear from this ear sensation even if I donāt believe the thoughts? Why would my brain even come up with a thought like that in the first place? Iām so terrified of schizophrenia and psychosis, I donāt want to lose my mind ): I have a wife and so many dreams. Iām so scared of losing it. Has someone ever experienced anything remotely similar to this? I know this is very far fetched.
Hi guys I need help, I have a girlfriend of almost 2 years and feel like I like another person? I love my girlfriend with all my heart and I like everything about her even all her little things. I feel like I have a crush on this person or like an obsession? Itās not even that I think about her in a sexual or lustful way, she just happens to pop into my mind. She is attractive but my girlfriend is better looking. I would never leave my girlfriend for someone bc ik the 80/20 rule and my girlfriend has 100/0 because I want everything of hers. Iām just stressed out and idk what to do because it causes me anxiety to think about someone like that whenever I have a girlfriend Iām just very confused and I wanted to know if any of you guys had anything similar or advice?
I'm sorry to anyone who might read this, bc i know this might ruin someone's day, but i need to put my feelings somewhere and i have nowhere else to go. I have reached a point where i feel more suicidal than ever, i find reason in all those thoughts, a craving to make them come true, i feel like ive reached rock bottom. I don't enjoy my life, and it is a shame because of the constant effort my loved ones have put to make me feel loved, i am a defective human being, as days pass i am scrambling more and more for something to hold onto but it is useless, there's something deeply wrong with me for not being able to find joy in anything. My interests feel dull, my happiness doesn't last, my passions are being left behind, nothing makes my heart race anymore, i miss being a child because back then being happy seemed so easy, something you could take for granted. I have no will to continue studying, my career doesn't interest me and my other option is to be a drop out, i have thought of pursuing sewing and becoming a seamstress, but even that feels like something that will be left as a fantasy and nothing else. I keep disappointing my family and even when i first thought that that was something that i had to make peace with, that i cant always please them, i cant keep lying to myself saying it doesnt hurt me, it does, it hurts too much. I have endure over a year of feeling like days mush together and time doesnt move while i rot in place, i wasnt enjoying life, i was surviving. I survived and pushed through so many things bc i knew that my other option was to let myself die, but know i dont know. Is it really worth continuing to live like this? Things continue to get worse and im afraid of how bad it could get, i dont know if i really want to continue sinking deeper. I feel sorry for my family and friends and everything theyve done for me, i am flawed from birth, and i might have been destined to live like this, because i have no other way to understand why am i living like this, what did i do to deserve this? I love my family too much to do anything right now, so ill keep on surviving, as far as i can endure it.
Can someone please assure me this is just an ocd relapse and not something I should confess? About 10 years ago, I had a coworker who was extremely flirty with me. I donāt remember doing or saying anything flirty back to him although he insisted I āgave him looksā. I admit that I liked the attention as my bf (now husband) and I were very disconnected at the time. I keep ruminating on what I couldāve said or done to encourage him to keep being flirty with me besides me not telling him to stop. Iāve told my husband about all of this. This coworker was very inappropriate with all of the girls at work and he even got handsy with me once and I had to stop him every time it seemed like he was going too far. Like I said, my husband knows about all of this. I apologized for not sharing this with him at the time and for accepting the attention I was given and not stopping it in its tracks. I even apologized for if I did or said anything to encourage his behavior. He said as long as I didnāt make out with him (which I absolutely did not lol), then weāre good. I just still constantly feel like Iām āleaving details outā and havenāt been fully honest about the situation when I canāt think of anything else I could possibly share with him. I donāt want to keep bringing it up. I got triggered about a month ago after I thought I was over this, but I guess not. Is this just my OCD flaring up again? How do I get past this? š
Feel like SOOCD has already beat me and that I just canāt accept it
I just called off work on a Sunday my attendance is so bad I started in August at my new job and I have called off now 8 times since then but they overwork people and itās so stressful being a full time student and working full time at a place that is literally fast paced and non stop all day long. I feel like Iām getting sick with bronchitis too my chest is on fire and it hurts to talk or breathe so I felt like I had to call off and I told my co workers yesterday I would be there but I canāt do it. I donāt think I can do the job anymore but I canāt afford to quit. I donāt know what to do I am a failure. My mental health is getting worse too. The intrusive thoughts and anxiety is bad again and I was doing so well but with all the stress itās getting worse and I just donāt have the will to go on anymore š
I get a lot of āwhat ifā thoughts and false memories. How do we determine false memories and real memories ? Itās so hard especially being in a relationship I have āwhat ifā thoughts and false memories about kissing someone else.
This isn't an overly urgent matter or anything just curious what you guys think. So a compulsion is anything you do to reduce ur anxiety in response to obsessions. But is there anything you can do to ease ur anxiety or make it more manageable at the time while you do ur erp? Or I can't do anything to make myself feel more comfortable at risk of it becoming compulsive? Just curious about ur experiences
My OCD pulled out something very distressing that has driven me to the point of a near nervous breakdown and I am not sure if it is real or not. Details of the āmemoryā have changed considerably since it first popped into my brain. Point is it feels very real, and has that familiarity like an actual memory, itās however pretty inconsistent with details, some seeming more familiar than others, but I canāt nail down anything very conclusive. Itās just stressing me out, Iāve been told to embrace that uncertainty but I canāt, it just keeps coming back like a stack of bricks falling on me like itās something I actually did at one point.
Gonna vent to you about my childhood love and OCD because I got no one to tell them this š„² There is this guy that used to be my childhood love, I used to love him so much because of how gentle and caring he was towards me and both of our families noticed that and they were always saying that weāre going to marry each other in the future. We eventually grew up while being separated from each other because of life, but we still meet each other in some gatherings from time to time, and whenever I see him I donāt even say hi to him and immediately go somewhere to hide from him because Iām so shy to see him and Iām afraid others might say something about us getting together and it really embarrassing me, so I kept ignoring him for a while, however, he also started ignoring me and doesnāt say hi to me when he see me, and he changed so much I canāt recognise him anymore, heās now a great example of toxic masculinity, heās no longer gentle or caring towards me anymore and it breaks my heart, and now it seems like he doesnāt stand me, he once shouted at me for talking too loud with the others, and he doesnāt seem to care about my existence in general, through all these years we were distant from each other I was thinking about him, only him, and I thought he also was like me, only thinking about me, but he wasnāt, and I feel stupid and shameful for trusting and loving someone who doesnāt even care about me, now Iām trying so hard to stop loving him, Iām trying to convince myself weāre not meant to be together, and itās all childhood dreams that were created by our families and got stuck in my head, but due to my OCD, I keep getting opposite thoughts such as: weāre meant to be together, heās mine, no one will love him more than me, Iām the best match for him, even if he doesnāt treat me well I still want him, what if he will love me at the end? Etc. Iām afraid that Iām getting attached and obsessed over him and his validation and I HATE IT, I just want to forget about him and move on because I donāt want to get hurt once heās taken or married, Iām afraid it will affect me badly, and I realize loving him is no good, heās totter not my type but I feel forced into loving him, Iām writing all this because I saw him to in a wedding and I immediately tried to caught his attention and I wanted him to notice me maybe he would change his mind about me and eventually love me back, and now once I remembered what I did and thought about Iām truly disgusted of myself š¤¢ how desperate and pathetic I was, I donāt even know if it was my own thoughts or OCD I really need help about this situation, what can I do to stop being obsessed about him? How to make my OCD let go of him and stop it from making me false attraction, and what if it was real feelings from the start but Iām blaming it on OCD? Iām stuck, stuck in this for almost 6 years
Getting better wasnāt anythinggg like i thoight it would be and people kept telling me that OVERRR AND OVERRRR and i didnāt wanna hear it. What i hated hearing most is that i was never gonna be 100% sure about any of my thoughts and that made me wanna give up trying to get better. But like itās not like that all. No human can be 100% about anything. Let me put it this way. When you wake up and get out of bed u might not think about how the roof is gonna fall on ur head the moment u stand up, even tho itās a possibility, u j donāt care for it or worry about it. Thatās how u feel when ur brain starts healing from this toxic thought process. I was in the worst place imaginable with my mental health last year, i was very suicidal and had constant intrusive thoughts to the point i couldnāt focus on anything as they were non stop all day, every day and LOUD and i had a breakdown and i completely fell apart. I saw no future, none not in the slightest. I was ready to give everything up and then people noticed when i was finally at my breaking point, when i couldnāt breathe any longer, people noticed and they helped me, with unconditional love and no one shamed me or hated me like i thought they would. My family got me on medication and it took baby steps but iām the happiest iāve been since iāve had this disorder and i really do enjoy my life now. i get thoughts here and there but they donāt bother me and i j take them along for the ride, donāt be scared about the thoights, be scared about not recovering. Lots of love, to anyone who is struggling, you do not deserve the pain u are going through, u didnāt choose this and i am so sorry u have to be strong but u can survive. The best thing I did for my recovery was talk to the people I loved about my condition. They know u best, your ocd doesnāt know you at all.
If you are in crisis, please use these emergency resources to find immediate help.
OCD doesn't have to
rule your life
