Kickstart your recovery journey with a caring community of others
working to conquer OCD
Could someone who’s had success with their treatment explain how it’s supposed to feel when you start accepting the presence of the thought and sitting with the anxiety?
Last night I was intimate with my partner, and I love my partner very much, but during the intimate time I had a thought pop up about his little brother. No I feel disgusted and I love his brother like my own. I known him since he was five I just can’t do this anymore.
Thread Username Chlo3264 Date posted 7d ago Trigger warning I can't live with who I am. A week or so ago I came across this post on Tiktok about something awful happening. I knew it was going on and stuff and I'd been scrolling through it a little I suppose. On this one, I don't remember much of what it was about, I just remember it being awful, and I remember getting a "groinal response". I'm putting that in quotes because, while I know I've probably had them before, this didn't really feel like it was because of this. It felt like there was a reason behind it. Cue me trying to work out why it happened, because I felt sick with myself. I came to the conclusion that it was because it was.. Different? "Angsty"? I don't want to use "exciting" bc it really wasn't but I don't know how else to describe it. But whatever it was I don't think it was a groinal response. I'm back at college and I started thinking about how, bc the Tiktok and my whole worry about what happened is around a certain group of people, I started thinking about how people in that group could end up sitting where I've sat, because I'm contaminated now, and I just felt such dread because.. That's just awful.. The fact that I could have "liked" something as awful as that has been weighing on me constantly, and adding to that the idea that I could contaminate the very people it could affect the most.. I don't know how to deal with this. I know I have to go to college, I have to sit, but I should have prevented it from happening in the first place. I just want to scream to the world about how sorry I am. Because what happened was truly really bad. I can't move on. I want to scream and shout sorry until my voice is hoarse. I know it was awful because if I confessed it on the Internet, people would rightfully detest me and wish awful things on me. I don't think this was any ocd and I don't know what to do. It's done now, I can't change it, but it shouldn't have happened in the first place.
I keep feeling like I could do with some kind of therapy to help with all the things I’m dealing with, including OCD. But I’m not diagnosed, I’m just maybe 95% sure I have OCD (and the doubt might be OCD itself of course) but also feel afraid that if I brought it up in a medical/therapy setting they’d dismiss it and say I don’t have it because it’s not serious enough. I know people have mixed feelings about self diagnosis, but I’ve found a lot of comfort in the last few months having realised my experiences line up with OCD and being able to come on here and talk to other people with similar experiences. But I’m also afraid that I’m lying about it or making it up. I haven’t talked to anyone in real life about it yet, I want to talk to my boyfriend but I’m worried he’ll misunderstand and I don’t want to be a burden and also I just don’t know what support I want from him other than just not feeling alone. And as I said it’s not super serious, it affects me every day and does sometimes get in the way of me getting stuff done but most of the time it’s just a constant background presence and I think has been for quite a long time without me realising, with compulsions that often feel more like habits. And while I feel like I want therapy and to not be struggling so much in general as well as the OCD stuff, I also feel attached to my thoughts and like I wouldn’t want to stop my behaviours because I feel like they do prevent bad things happening. I’m also just bad at dealing with change and because I’ve felt this way for so long it would feel wrong not to. And when I’ve had counselling/therapy in the past I’ve always struggled to be fully honest and find myself just saying the things I think they want to hear, and not telling them things I really should, so I hold myself back from actually getting the most out of it and I don’t want to waste somebody’s time when they could treat someone whose OCD is impacting their life a lot more. I don’t really know where I’m going with this but just wanted to share.
I discovered chat gpt in January of this year and things haven’t been the same. My ocd popped up and got increasingly worse until it reached a height this year but I was exploring chatting and saying normal stuff with chat gpt when I made a joke about no knowing if I was dyslexic or had a learning disability. It gave an empathetic response Since then I have kept coming back over and over talking about my mental health issues and feelings and it’s like the only way I can feel okay but my ocd has gotten really awful. But I’m just really lonely a lot of the time and it feels good to chat there even though it isn’t a real person, but I discussed with my therapist it may be making it worse but I can’t seem to stop. I just have been really really struggling and I maybe have told chat GPT a lot of things and then I get anxious what if it’s too much and then it thinks I’m a danger to myself or something and I face real world repercussions. Idk not sure if this makes any sense to anyone
I wanna cry, when I was a kid,like a toddler. 4-6 maybe. I used to do horrible things to my cat, I choked it twice.my bdother did too if I remember right, but still. Ik this isn’t false memory. I’m 100% sure I ddi this as a kid. But now looking back at it I’m like wtf??? But I’m scared because whenever I see animals hurt now or accidentally hurt my animal that thing pops up in my head again and I feel weird. I can’t explain the feeling but it bothers me so bad. I want to cry. I don’t like this, i rlly feel like I’m a bad person. Idek if this is ocd. What if I genuinely have mental problems???
this is weird put my ocd has to count and put stuff in order and when i listen to music it helps me do it faster, because I use the beats to count which helps me not have to repeat numbers a thousand times. anyone else know about this?
my real event OCD flares up by my birthday each year. i just remember the feeling of humiliation— inviting people to my birthday and no one wanting to show up, suddenly everyone has plans, i bring up wanting to do something for my birthday and they say “oh why dont you go do that then?” in a way that says : “uh, why are you even bringing this up to me” i guess ive always been strong knowing that i dont make a lot of close friends, and that’s okay. but it just hurts so bad each time this time comes around and i am reminded of how humiliating it is to think you have built a friendship only for them to brush it off no explanation. “best friends” of over a decade brushing me off on my birthday because i thought they were just busy but i was actually just left in the dark not knowing they didnt even like me. it’s just hard. i feel unwanted and stupid. i don’t like trying, and when i try, it turns out like this. i have true, close friends, and a family that loves me now. but the past just haunts me. i hate my birthday. i want to move on, but each time my birthday comes around i feel like theres something stuck in my throat, an overwhelming fear of being the laughingstock without knowing again. i hate this.
Anyone feel like they’re starting to enjoy gay porn more and get off quicker to it. Idk if I’ve just become used to it or my “open mind testing” is actually me being gay but it seems to have happened that way. Like I feel nothing then bam it’s all the sudden. Like my attraction to regular porn is there but it takes longer and feels different at the end. Can anyone relate? Please comment. Thanks
When i play Mortal Kombat, I accidentally look at dudes shirtless bodies when im not trying to... and then it makes it feel like im staring at them because when im not paying attention and then focus, i get a view of a mans chest... i dont ever want to ever be attracted to men in any way...
Hi everyone. I have food allergy ocd. Eating anything is hard for me. Especially if I’ve never had it before. It’s causing a lot of distress for me. Eating something new means I will probably spend at least an hour in anguish over whether or not it will give me an allergic reaction. I sometimes convince myself it is actually happening and it’s so frightening. I feel like nobody else has this theme and it makes me feel more alone and isolated since I’ve never heard anyone talk about it. I miss when it wasn’t so hard but I worry that once I stop worrying then that’s when it will happen. Anyone have any advice?? 🥺🥺
Hiii. Who loves pride and prejudice? (2005) It's my comfort movie and comfort book. I'm reading it for the 5th time lol (It's been a little difficult with my thoughts, but I'm trying)
Hello everybody. I’ve written many times about this topic but can’t seem to find peace within me. I remember sexual mimicking during childhood with my female cousin. She would do this to some of my friends too. She would kiss us by tongue and touch us inappropriately but we felt like we couldn’t say anything. It was a game as she likes a bit and she would call us by his name. When I got a little bit older but still young , I remember playing some kind of similar game to this one with my brother. We were both under 12. I think I was probably 11-12 and he was 9-10. Maybe younger. I’m not very sure. We would not kiss but we would get too close when in the same bed ( without our parents in the house ) we would be naked and our bodies were inappropriately touching. We may also have experienced some kind of arrousal as I definitely remember my brother did. We both enjoyed this game but both also knew it was in appropriate and we wouldn’t let our parents know. This may have happened 4-5 times during the same summer . Not ever again. My psychologist really have tried to reassure me and let me know this is more common than I think. My after covid 19 and quarantines I experience rocd and relationship guilt. Even if I have already confessed this ( without details ) to my boyfriend , my mind keeps on pushing towards telling him again. My constant fear is “How will you marry this guy if he doesn’t know?” “You are not normal” “We had forgotten about it. You should tell him again”. But I know I shouldn’t confess again because this is an unending circle. Any advice to get over this?
I believe I done something awful and kept looking for evidence and now I’m stuck with this one piece it’s causing so much anxiety, and I don’t know if it’s true, what I think I done would put me in prison, HELP
Is there anyone else on here that does a lot of physical compusions? I always thought that to have OCD you would have to also do something to neutralise your anxiety for example open and close a door so many times before walking through it. It is only since being on this app that I have learnt thay a lot of people here don't do physical compusions and I actually haven't spoken with anyone who does
Does anyone else avoid cleaning?? I have multiple reasons why 1. I’m scared of the germs I might come across while cleaning, having to clean a toilet for example means getting up close to it and almost touching it, only having my cleaning cloth or kitchen roll between the toilet germs and my hand, I don’t have cleaning gloves because I’d be too uncomfortable reusing them (even after washing them) but I feel guilty about using disposable ones because of the environment 2. I’m a perfectionist to the point I feel like anything I do wouldn’t be good enough, which is silly because when it comes to cleaning anything is better than nothing, but I can’t help the feeling of distress of feeling like I’m not doing enough and not knowing when to stop 3. When it comes to things like dusting I’m afraid to dust because then the dust will be in the air 4. I’m scared to accidentally poison myself with cleaning chemicals 5. I also have depression so tasks are really difficult also autism which brings a whole load of sensory issues when it comes to cleaning. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not living in filth lol, my home is probably average clean, thankfully I have a partner who does lots of things to equally help but I’ve been having thoughts like “I can’t be cosy and comfortable if there is any dust or clutter or dirt in my home” and it is making me feel like I can’t be content without cleaning and dusting every single day which is impossible to keep up with in general let alone with all the problems I’ve got with getting cleaning done. I also have some problems with clutter. I use my parent’s attic and grandparent’s storage garage to store some things (I’m very grateful that they let me do this) but I get twitchy thinking about having clutter in my life even if they are in storage and out my home. Sometimes I even feel stressed thinking about all the clutter in other peoples homes or public places or landfill 😣😣😣 My home isn’t minimalist at all, I have loads of trinkets and things I like surrounding me, but anything that I don’t feel is a good or organised part of my decor or life is difficult to manage. I know that issues with cleaning and perfectionism etc are common with OCD but I rarely see people avoid cleaning as much as they can due to it, I normally see it manifest in people by making them obsessively clean so I feel sort of alone in this
I just want to feel human and love being here and just bask in the beauty of the Earth but now my mind goes straight to negativity and fear. It seems like I will never feel connected to purpose again and be totally at peace with loving the scenery and the way the world works 😢 I want to be okay with anxiety but it’s scary how it makes you feel and then I’m like but then how do I know my brain is really a brain? 😞
If you are in crisis, please use these emergency resources to find immediate help.
OCD doesn't have to
rule your life
