Kickstart your recovery journey with a caring community of others
working to conquer OCD
I'm so frustrated with how when I get so obsessive over an issue I ask my family and friends so much for reassurance that I know doesn't even help alleviate the distress. It makes me feel annoying. Any tips for reducing this behavior?
I saw a vid of a customer slap the shiii out of an employee I don’t really know the whole context but ik she wanted her money back and she was yelling at the employee and the employee said that she wasn’t with that attitude she was having, and she slapped her and then I got so pissed bc if someone slapped me like that hell I would explode, but what lead to this was that I was imagining what I would do if I was the employee, which was slap her but then it escalated so quick to where I was imagining like worse harmful stuff so all ima say is that yk blood but then I was like whoa 😳 why did I think of that?? It went too far and I also felt like satisfaction from it when I imagined it but that made me so scared after when I realized what I was thinking and I’m just so scared of my feeling and myself, but OBVIOUSLY I’m not gonna act out like god Jesus no but i just felt that way and it lead up to it so fast and I don’t think this is ocd if I’m thinking violently like this 😭😭 I think I need help bc I really feel like my mind is being slowly corrupted man :/ I wasn’t like this before I realized I was sexually abused as a kid and even emotionally bc I felt played by them and then this whole intrusive thoughts started happening for like 1-2 maybe and now this is where I am 🙂🥲🤦🏽♀️
Is the statement/experience of “this feels too real and true not to be real and true” common in ocd? Specific to SOOCD, it’s like I’m convinced it’s true, which then moves to “it’s denial”
Today I tried to tell my husband about my first ocd exposure session. It was overwhelming and embarrassing and exhausting and I have such little hope today that this will ever be much better and that success of living with OCD (diagnosed about 7 years but avoiding it for years) is just holding it together and trying to appear as together as I can. And man, I work so hard at just keeping my job and house and husband and child and laundry and everything together. I am very private about the state of my head and what I am struggling with and strive to just hold it together. And so when I decide to be vulnerable and tell him I am working with an OCD therapist on here 2x a week for about a month now, and how something as little as an unbalanced egg carton unleashed so much anxiety and instability that I was wobbly and mortified and he says he just doesn’t understand. How is our house cluttered or messy if I have OCD? Why don’t the undone dishes bother me? Or basement clutter? Or our yard? I am stunned, because I have been with this man longer than I have had the language to understand this brain, and my intimate partner of 20 years seems to think i must not have this since I can live in a messy house. My heart is broken and I feel so unknown, so unseen. Like he has no clue how much I struggle. I am so good at holding together that I have been on the brink of imploding and he doesn’t get it. Like at all. I tried to take a deep breath and explain that it isn’t about clean and order, it is about doing things to ease anxiety and feel like you have control. Explained the whole step on a crack and break your momma’s back bit, and how it made sense to avoid cracks as kid because it seemed possible you could hurt someone if you trip up. And how he probably doesn’t feel that way any more because his brain realized that that was not logical. But that my brain looks, no grasps, or maybe even yearns for things I can do to feel like I have more control over things. So that I can keep treading water again and not drown from the weight of all of it. And I lose him again, because he doesn’t understand that my brain fixates on dumb order things like egg cartons or balance things or repetitive body behaviors not because it is getting something accomplished, but because I can move on to treading water again if the eggs are balanced in the carton. It is so hard to feel so alien to the people you love and who love you.
Anyone feel like you are meant to hurt/murder? Like your true identity is the bad guy and you're just struggling to keep him under wraps?
—•—•—•—•—• [Interviewer]: Hello, OCD! Can you please introduce yourself to our readers so they can get to know you better? [OCD]: Hi there! I'm OCD, which stands for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I reside in people's brains and affect their thoughts and behaviors. [Interviewer]: Fascinating! Does that mean you live in my brain too? [OCD]: Well, it's possible, but not guaranteed. To know for sure, you would need to consult with a professional and get diagnosed. OCD doesn't affect everyone, only certain individuals. [Interviewer]: I see. Why is it that you only exist in some people's brains? [OCD]: It's actually related to genetics. Some people's genetic makeup acts as a barrier, making it more difficult for me to take hold. So, in a way, it's like a preference based on genes. [Interviewer]: Ah, I understand now. I thought you were referring to my pants earlier when you mentioned genes! [OCD]: Oh, not at all! I was talking about genetic information, not your actual jeans. By the way, I do love your pants. [Interviewer]: Thank you! How long have you been a part of human lives? [OCD]: I've been around for as long as humans have existed. However, it wasn't until the 1800s that my presence was officially recognized and identified. [Interviewer]: That's relatively recent. Did people struggle with you before that? [OCD]: They certainly did. It was a challenging time for those who experienced my influence. They didn't understand what was happening to them and often felt isolated and alone. [Interviewer]: That must have been incredibly difficult for them to deal with. [OCD]: Absolutely. They lacked the knowledge and support available today, so their options for seeking help were limited. Often they turned to priests or religious leaders, who associated their experiences with possession. [Interviewer]: That's understandable considering the limited understanding at the time. By the way, what's your favorite food, OCD? [OCD]: Well, my 'food' would be fears, insecurities, and doubts. They fuel my presence and keep me active. [Interviewer]: Are those a unique type of 'food'? I haven't come across them before. [OCD]: Actually, you may have experienced them in some form. While they may not be enjoyable or satisfying to you, they provide me with the energy I need to thrive. [Interviewer]: So, without these fears and insecurities, you wouldn't be as active? [OCD]: That's correct. Feeding me with self-love and self-compassion tends to make me less intense and bothersome. It subdues my influence. [Interviewer]: Interesting! Do you have a preference for self-love and self-compassion? [OCD]: Oh, absolutely! In fact, I find comfort and relief when individuals practice self-love and self-compassion. It helps create a sense of inner peace, and I can have a moment of respite from constantly consuming uncertainty and negative thoughts. [Interviewer]: That's an enlightening perspective. It sounds exhausting for both you and those affected by you. [OCD]: It can be quite draining indeed. That's why nurturing oneself with love and compassion can make such a positive difference in managing the impact of OCD. It offers a path towards a more peaceful existence. [Interviewer]: Thank you for sharing your insights, OCD. It's been a pleasure getting to know you better. —•—•—•—•— How I picture OCD in this scenario: (Image off of Bored Panda) ~
I just want to say to anyone who see this to keep fighting! I know how difficult it is to live with ocd, even taking one day at a time is challenging but we can all fight our way throughout this! I’m always here if anyone wants to talk xx
BIG TRIGGER WARNING! Relationship and Existential OCD triggers, this may also include new concepts that could become obsessions, so only read if you feel you are seriously ready to. It's alright if you don't think you should read this, just do what you think is right for you! This story goes over a series of possibilities of if a person got married to different people, and puts into perspective the concept that there could be multiple different but equally good options for someone to get married to rather than one "soulmate" out there for a person and puts into question the extent that it matters in choosing one person over another. In this story, you will need to know these things. It's okay if you don't fully grasp this information, it will all make sense as you read the story: -When you see [SET], that means the story is saving that spot in the storyline to be called back up later with the [RESTORE] command. When it is brought back, it is sort of like continuing the story from the last [SET] command as if nothing had happened between the last [SET] command and the [RESTORE] command. It's sort of like saving a game, or putting a bookmark in a book. This is also sort of like those books where you read a page and at the end of the page it gives you a choice and the page number to go to for each of the options. -When you see [RESTORE], that means that it is calling up the last [SET] spot in the storyline. This means that the storyline is being set back to the way it was at the last [SET] spot. You can think of it like time travel, or something of the like, that ends up with multiple split endings. Now the story may begin... --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- Alpha was a boy, born in a small town, and later went to a small school. He loved many hobbies, his favorites being sports, videogames, and reading: he loved sports -- watching them as well as playing them; he loved playing videogames -- it was a nice way for him to clear his mind; and he loved reading -- he felt like it was a place where anything was possible. He met many friends, and some did and didn't share in some of his interests, but only one friend is of particular interest to this story: Beta, a girl he met early on in his education and at a young age. They shared several hobbies, but primarily their love for videogames, and spent a lot of time together. They were best friends. The years continued, and they remained friends all the way up to highschool -- then prom came around... [SET] The years continued, and they remained friends all the way up to highschool -- then prom came around. Alpha decided to ask Beta out to it. She accepted, they went and had a great time, and soon enough they would become a couple. One thing led to another, until wedding day. They would spend countless hours together playing their favorite videogames. Alpha couldn't be happier, he knew she was the most beautiful and thoughtful wife he could ever have, and he couldn't imagine spending the rest of his days with anyone else. And they lived happily ever after. [RESTORE] The years continued, and they remained friends all the way up to highschool -- then prom came around. Alpha considered asking Beta out to it, but couldn't quite make himself do it. Prom came and went, and Alpha did not go to it. Alpha and Beta remained great friends throughout highschool and until graduation, but after that they didn't spend quite as much time together. They especially didn't spend so much time together because Alpha was making plans to leave for college. But before Alpha headed off for college, he took one last step back and asked himself what he really wanted to do... [SET] But before Alpha headed off for college, he took one last step back and asked himself what he really wanted to do. After thinking for the next few weeks, he was decided to not go to college and instead to join the military, a big decision on his part. And somewhere along the way, he met Chi, a beautiful woman he would have never met if not for his brave choice. They talked with each other, spent time together, and it wasn't long until they both expressed feelings for each other, despite not finding many things in common with each other. Then they made plans to marry after they were both out of the military. One thing led to another, until wedding day. After they were married, they had a bit of trouble with bonding, but after a lot of effort and seeing a couple's counselor, they made it work and even found similar interests -- and they both felt that the extra effort made their marriage stronger. Alpha couldn't be happier, he knew she was the most beautiful and thoughtful wife he could ever have, and he couldn't imagine spending the rest of his days with anyone else. And they lived happily ever after. [RESTORE] But before Alpha headed off for college, he took one last step back and asked himself what he really wanted to do. After thinking long and hard, Alpha decided to stick with his original plan and signed up for college. He went and met many new people, and it wasn't long until he met two young women, Delta and Epsilon. Delta was in a few of his classes, and they enjoyed watching sports together in their off-time. Epsilon wasn't in any of his classes, but spoke with him often, and they shared interests in both videogames as well as reading. Alpha had a choice... [SET] Alpha had a choice. And he chose to ask Delta out. They became a couple, and graduated together. They were very supportive of each other's educations, and after seeing how supportive and caring each other were, they found it only natural to start making wedding plans. One thing led to another, until wedding day. Every week, they bonded over the sports they watched, and often were the ones to get the football out in family gatherings. Alpha couldn't be happier, he knew she was the most beautiful and thoughtful wife he could ever have, and he couldn't imagine spending the rest of his days with anyone else. And they lived happily ever after. [RESTORE] Alpha had a choice. And he chose to ask Epsilon out. They became a couple, and Alpha graduated first, but Epsilon soon followed. Despite their different schedules, they had quite a few things in common, and they spent a lot of time together when they could. And with such a strong relationship, they found it only natural to start making wedding plans. One thing led to another, until wedding day. They played a lot of videogames and read many books together -- having things to bond over wasn't an issue. Alpha couldn't be happier, he knew she was the most beautiful and thoughtful wife he could ever have, and he couldn't imagine spending the rest of his days with anyone else. And they lived happily ever after. [RESTORE] Alpha had a choice. And he chose to ask neither of them out. They were great friends as it was. Soon, he would graduate, and he would use his degree to find a nice, well-paying job. One thing led to another, and Alpha never married. He spent quite a bit of time with his hobbies of sports, videogames, and reading. Alpha couldn't be happier, he knew that he was alright living on his own -- he still had family and friends in his life, and he wouldn't want it any other way. Meanwhile, Beta, Chi, Delta, and Epsilon all got married to their own husbands; and they all spent a lot of quality time with their partners. Beta, Chi, Delta, and Epsilon all couldn't be happier, they knew their spouses were the most handsome and thoughtful husbands each of them could ever have, and they couldn't imagine spending the rest of their days with anyone else. And they lived happily ever after.
Are there natures remedies for anxiety and guilt? I’m experiencing more anxiety at this time of month and I’m getting honestly fed up with nothing helping
It feels so real, i feel like i’m realising my true sexuality. I don’t even know what i’m doing on here, i know my past themes were ocd but this one no. It feels too real. I’m remembering things from my past that prove it even more and i hate it, sometimes i think i should just accept my true self and stop clinging to men. I’m doing so badly tonight, and ERP is so expensive, I just want someone to talk to who knows about ocd. It gets really lonely stuck in my own head.
I'll use the bathroom at work...wash my hands with 3 pumps of soap...shake my hands 3 times...use 3 paper towels to dry my hands. I'll open the door to leave but I'll turn around and go back in 3 or 4 more times, making sure I didn't drop anything on the floor. When I buy a snack at the vending machine, I have to walk back a few times times to make sure the machine reset so nobody can use my card after me. When I leave work, I lock then unlock the door 3 times. I'll even write on my hand all the closing duties I've done, and then check them off. But still won't trust it, so I'll do it again a few more times. When I'm at home, it's not as bad. Except for when I leave for work in the morning. Stuff like making sure my hair dryer and air fryer is unplugged...3 different times. All of this shit adds up throughout the day and it's making me miss out on other things in my life. I know it is. I need HELP. I'm also a binge eater who loves fast food. I know my bad eating habits contribute to my OCD and anxiety. I hope so. Because it would be an easy fix if it were. But i know it runs way way deeper than that. What can I do? I feel like if I don't stop counting, something bad will happen. :,(
I haven't gotten my typical ocd symptoms in a while since I had changes in my life. But since a few months something strange started happening and it's getting significantly worse. I get some kind of fear of choking every time I'm eating something complicated. In the beginning it was when I didn't have water to drink while eating. Now it's not just fear of choking, but fear of stop breathing in general. Nowadays when I eat I start getting very stressed, feeling pain in my chest, like my heart is racing from stress, and my esophagus gets thicker or I feel it that way, and I can breathe, but I really fear swallowing food. It wasn't life that before, I always ate peacefully. The worst is, I actually choke with good now, but I think it is because I get nervous and I don't swallow properly. These things happened to me while I was eating in public but now it happens to me alone and currently.
Does anyone here struggle with real events around their POCD? I didn’t physically do anything bad, I have a few questionable memories that are tearing me apart. I’m also having some “memories” (it is like 50/50 on whether it’s real or not) that I touched myself while watching a really really disturbing scene in a horror movie (a scene that involved a child). I have no idea if it’s real or not. I was struggling with drinking around the time and would often drink while watching things, and I’m afraid it led me to doing something disgusting. I’m sorry I’m just feeling really distressed today. Like all the progress I’ve made is undeserved.
I’ve been in my relationship for almost 9 years and I’ve been married to him for one year. I love him so much, he is such a great man so patient and caring and kind. And I’m very lucky to have him honestly I feel like it’s really hard for people to find someone they love so much they are willing to do anything for that person even though they may get on your nerves sometimes. But unfortunately I’ve been experiencing rocd I’ve been doubting how I really feel about him, if I actually love him, if I love him “enough” rather I want to be with him, I’ve been questioning what if I end up liking someone else? What if I do like someone else? What if he isn’t enough? What if that’s why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling? Feeling guilty at the same time because I feel like he deserves the world, and I feel like I’m letting him down (although he has been super supportive) I feel like I’m not giving him what he deserves. And it’s been an ongoing anxious feeling like a ball of fear in my stomach crying asking god why, having panic attacks and constantly fearing the worst possible outcome. All I want is to be able to be happy again and sit with him and live our lives happily and forget that this ever happened but it feels impossible. It’s like I know I love him and that I want to be with him but I can’t get these thoughts to go away. And the thought of “you’ve been with him for so long if it was actually ocd this would’ve happened awhile ago” keep getting to me or feeling like what if it’s not ocd? What if this is actually how I feel and if it is then how can I move forward with him? I don’t like talking about how I feel much besides to him and my closest friends, and it’s really hard for me to fully open up but I want to be able to share how I’ve been feeling so that maybe someone on here can feel not so alone. Everything I look up for rocd it happens a lot earlier within the relationship and everyone has their version of it. And it’s hard to find people that just start experiencing it way later in their relationship so I really do hope that someone that is going through the same thing sees this and just knows their not alone and I really hope I don’t trigger anyone else. This is something that is awful dealing with it’s like living in your personal hell. It’s by far one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with, I’ve been feeling so exhausted and drained today. I’ve been very sad and just very gloomy today (I also deal with depression) and I have tried everything to make me feel better but it’s just one of those days. Everyone stay safe and you’re not alone, I really hope that each of you overcome your ocd for the better.
They say don’t care what people think Be yourself Do what you want to do But what if I don’t know I don’t know who I am What I want I don’t know myself People say “your nice and pretty” But I can’t help but think Am I? Do people really think that Or is it just for show Just to make me happy It doesn’t work U want something out of life All I have is 14 years of regrets My friends My hobbies My life I regret it all I wish I could take it back “Just move on” they say But how How can I How could I A quote I always say is Your biggest mistake is not having one But I don’t have to worry about that Cause I have too many mistakes Lots of people don’t like me They find mistakes I don’t remember making There is always something wrong Something to dislike about me I don’t wanna die but I don’t want to live like this I’m excited for my future but scared of my past How do I move on I haven’t done anything threatening Or horrible But it’s just stuck in my mind Those little details matter to me I feel like I’m just here Not doing any good Not doing any bad I’m like a robot Just there when you have no other option I’m always last pick My thoughts cave in I cant breath but I can I’m in pain but I’m not I show it but I don’t I tell people everything which helps Until they take it the wrong way Or use it against me So I tried keeping to myself Which already hurts me But on top of that People know something’s wrong People don’t believe me when I’m sick anymore Everything has to be mental now Whether I break my leg Put me in a cast and then ask what’s wrong with me They think I know the answer? They just think I need a “mental break day” Which don’t get me wrong I do But I was actually sick People didn’t believe me I’m not faking it I feel dead inside but too full at the same time How is that even possible Two years ago I didn’t have a single issue Life was great Till my sister got anxiety last year And joint issues Then all the attention was on her You do the dishes You take the dog out You go get me a soda But when I would ask why I had to do everything all the time It was hey, stop complaining and just do it Your wasting time Well my whole life is a waste at this point so why does it matter My knee hurts No that wasn’t allowed To them I was just copying my sister I got diagnosed with depression and my mom just laughed She didn’t believe the doctor Cause only my sister could have problems She had to be the golden child But I can’t be upset I’m the youngest The favorite But how do you know I’m the favorite Just because the stereotype for a youngest child is the favorite golden child doesn’t mean it’s always true Just because I wear bright colors doesn’t mean I’m happy I want to be happy I just want out of the house But I can’t till I clean my room But I can’t clean my room It’s a big old butterfly effect Except this butterfly is different Too faced we could say I don’t like those butterflies I like the ones inside of me That flutter every time he says hi That’s what truly makes me happy But if I talk about him to my “best friend” She gets jealous “Everyone always likes you” “Stop bragging” “It’s not fair” It’s not fair for you? Seriously that’s why your mad? Life isn’t fair That’s one moral I know is true I cared so much about you but did you always fake it back to me Clearly you don’t know me I don’t know if your even my friend Let alone best friend Trust me You don’t want to be me On the outside I may be “pretty” But inside I’m dying I feel like im stuck in a burning building Except no one’s coming to save me I’m left to rot out “Just talk to her” they say But how If I do it will make her feel bad and hurt I don’t want to hurt anyone especially her And then she will find something bad about me Something like a mistake And there’s that butterfly The bad one That causes more problems than needed At this point My whole life is a mistake No one can change my mind Because in the end me and that butterfly are the only ones who truly know what has happened
I have contamination OCD. How am I supposed to do ERP when I feel like there’s poison everywhere? I can’t live like this anymore but ERP is terrifying to me.
l have rumination and intrusive thoughts OCD. Is this something that gets worse as you get older? Other than medication, how can I deal with it in a healthy way? To give some context: I took a professional IQ test and scored 158. I have ADD which makes me feel like a spastic idiot most of the time. I never ruminate over contamination or harm of any kind. It’s always the same “death and my own mortality”. Also, I get song/lyric loops stuck in my head, all day, every day. My job is very intense and I don’t live near a city, making it very difficult to get professional help/help from someone with excellent credentials, who specializes in my OCD-type. I would greatly appreciate any self-help tips.
Am I really these thoughts? It feels like I am. It feels like I’m this monster and there’s nothing I can do about it
I have OCD ever since i could remember. My earliest onset was when I was 4/5 yo (I'm 20 now). It's getting worse as time goes by and the most notable relapse was in the first-half of 2022. Long story short, I was a freshman in university at that time. My OCD was so bad that I would use avoidance as my coping mechanism, I dropped absolutely everything, isolating myself from everyone, and that made me have to retake most of the courses in my 2nd semester, along with other implication. I have gotten back up now, and i'm mostly thriving. I'll also start ERP next month after a tiring search of OCD therapist in my country. My question is, how do you deal with the grief of the life that you could have lived if not for OCD? I was also having such a hard time with so many life changes at that time (loss of home, living with low income family, etc). So many missed chances and potential that I know I could take if I wasn't relapsing. I used to be a high-achiever before, even got into the #1 best uni in my country. It's so hard when everyone notices you struggling too. I used to just deal with my OCD (i didn't know i have one for most of my life) and stressing 24/7 while still achieving things. I didn't know what would come in the future as this has always how I operate most of my life.
If you are in crisis, please use these emergency resources to find immediate help.
OCD doesn't have to
rule your life
