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Why do I have the urge to off myself when having ocd thoughts? But I dont want to die.

When I had a meal today, I noticed that my stomach was aching afterwards. That's never happened before. I also read that not having good bacteria in your gut can take a toll on your overall health. I feel great fatigue in my head if I'm not moving or if I'm laying down, and it's connected to my gut. Has anyone else had this problem?

Hey! Hello. I'm a guy from Spain who wants to help his girlfriend with OCD. Any advice? Lately, she's been struggling a lot with relationship ocd. She questions herself if she loves me or if I could want to be with other people... She doesn't even leave her house for fear of seeing other people and her body reacting as if she liked them. Excuse me if I made mistakes writting in english! Plus: If someone here talks spanish and want to share experiences with her, please let me know! It would be great if she could meet more people with OCD... Now she is creating her own account♡.

Does the idea of marriage scare anyone else? I’m 20 and have a bf of 2 years. Everyone around me is getting engaged, and although I love my bf, I’m not ready to get married. It causes me anxiety when I think about it. Anyone else?

So, the last 2 days I have been running an experiment on myself with what food and drinks I consume to see of it would have an effect. I haven't had a single intrusive thought in weeks before this. So I know refined carbs, caffeine and food with E numbers are all neuroinflammatories which makes the neuropathways on your brain harder to use. Making it harder for people with ocd to rationalise. For the last 2 days I drank nothing but carbonated drinks and processed food high in saturated fats and f***, the intrusive thoughts came in like a tsunami and were hard to deal with even with the knowledge I have on how to deal with it. Highly recommend not to do the same experiment. So this can cause high levels of homocysteine. Vit B12 is used to break this down but I didn't have any B12 during this. I also planned to upset my methylation as this is the method on which our gut usually digests stuff and creates hormones. I've been looking into something called the brain-gut dysfunction as it's linked to bowel problems and stress/ depression etc, a of which can make ocd harder to manage. I don't expect you to analyse everything but when you eat, especially junk food or snacks consider what may be healthy for your brain. The healthier your brain is, the better it works.

Has anyone else’s contamination OCD just gone through the roof since living through a pandemic? I didn’t even realize that’s what it was until the other day. My themes are primarily health and existential… But now I realize it’s also contamination, or at least I think so. I avoid public places, still try not to eat indoors, and if I do, I literally go into a countdown of how many days it’s been since being around people to know when I’m in the “safe zone.” How do y’all deal with it?

so i've been okay so far with having sexual ocd but i just feel i've done something or im horrible bc im hypersexual due to my trauma of being sa'ed as a child and isolated my almost whole childhood so i didn't have anyone really but my sister to have friends and such but ive been yk living and not caring if i feel sexual abt someone or if i do something mb i think is out of urge to get out or say, but recently i keep thinking mb i did something bad where its obv or mb my sister or dad didn't notice what i did or thought it was that bad and i did something sexually bc of how i feel and such like i almost need it out of comfort and idk if im good bc i just feel so out of control now and ive been doing good so idk what's wrong with me and just trying to grasp onto memories bc there's memories where ik i was expressing me being sexual to get it out or i ignored it to just live still bc of my mom's advice ig like im losing track of thought and im starting to forget what i do and just feel so sexual or if i did something or if i even care, which im 16 and i just don't know on whay to do bc i feel ive been oversexualizing myself around older guys too to get groomed so i have more trauma and a excuse to do bad things? like thays whay my mind thinks but it's now happening with my dad and how i almost get it out bc i have no one and i just feel im terrible bc im like oh no abt it, i just wanna be a good person bc i have a mood where i feel nothing like idc abt my ocd or my thoughts which don't feel bad but yesterday i was thinking abt it and felt bad if so bc i was trying to remember and grasp mostly my mom's been here for me and it's like i try to tell her everything thay has happened or if i expressed myself in a situation to get reassure im not doing anything bad which i haven't and just living even if i felt sexual or blah blah but i just haven't and i keep thinking im horrible or did something bc i find it weird if it's normal of how im feeling or what not on whay to do i just dont know on whay to do bc im so confused of everything and my feelings like trying to normalize it and just how i feel is confusing, like for example i was at a shop and a older lady was giving me my cash back and put it in my hand aka touching me and i just thought of sexual and comfort like i wanted her to keep doing that but i find it normal to feel sexual but it's like has happened before and i'm not a bad person bc it happened accidentally or not meant but i want it to keep happening even if accidentally but wanting it purposely if inappropriate?? -sorry if it doesn't make sense, i have trouble expressing how i feel or am bc its just difficult for me but I just don't know and I asked my family if ive done anything and they said no but I keep thinking of memories of hanging on or trying to grasp to tell thay I did something sexually bad or mb slightly brush against, etc and it's like I did it purposely or yk feel sexual abt and want

If you want to read the whole thing read my last post. Its sad that suicidal ocd posts get ignored, i see alot of people doesnt get cooments to their posts about suicidal ocd. Hopefully one day it changes I talked about getting so frustrated with the thoughts and sad, that your mind goes into "maybe i should do it cause its hopeless, i never recover, i had enough" and i feel frustrated and and angry so anxiety cant show itself, so then the situation is that i feel hopeless and my thoughts starts to engage with the suicidal ocd and i get feelings like its hopeless i should do it. Does anyone experienced this? And it doesnt counts as real suicidal problem, but in this situation is hard to decide

I don't feel like doing anything. I have so much mental fatigue that it's hard to even move. I have pressure in my head and I just feel so exhausted. I hate this.

Decorating the house made me trigger cause i rememberd last year when i had ocd and suicidal thoughts was i was decorating the house. Because of a setback, i was already worked up by ocd, so when suicidal ocd came i was like this is too much for me now, i cant do this, and then something happened that i cant understand. I got hopeless and my thoughts went to thinking about "i cant deal with this, maybe i should do it" and i remember a year ago i had obsessions about doing it, like i had thoughts about what and how should i do, but it wasnt plans, it was random thoughts coming to my head. And beacuse i was hopeless it felt like starting to consider it cause i cant deal with these thoughts. I know consider is a big word, i dont know how could i describe it, i would like if when im having this someone would be here helping me realize what do i feel, cause how i interpret it is that i feel hopeless and im actually considering doing it. Which ofcourse makes me more anxious, and what i misenterpreted before too, it was that when i push away this hopeless feeling, i get angry and i understood that as im angry that i didnt hurted myself... i didnt had this bad for more than half year and now i got triggered and idk where to put it. Also some days ago youtube popped a video up for me and it was about someoene who wanted to die bc of ocd. I didnt watched it but i just remembered it now and i started to compare myself. Also whenever people talk about suicidal thoughts, they just mention "i had thoughts about suicide" and they see that as they were suicidal or wanted to die, and others react to those people with care and "oh you poor thing" mentality, which is understandable but because suicidal ocd i have those thoughts too, and when it gets so bad that im starting to lose my hope that i will recover, it gets real like im considering it, ofcourse i compare myself to those people cause it sounds the same... i feel hopeless and i have suicidal thought...my brain is like buuumm your suicidal too, and it hits me. So someone who dealt and got through suicidal ocd, did you had this thoughts too when you were hopeless like "maybe i should do it cause i feel hopeless, i will never recover, this is annoying, i want relief"? I know it sounds the same as suicidal thoughts, thats why im worried too

hey everyone! so i'm not sure what to post so i guess i'll just post what i'm going through, i hope someone sees this who understands. i feel really alone. ‼️⚠️TW⚠️‼️- thanatophobia, intrusive thoughts, harm OCD, religious OCD, existential dread/crisis/questions GENERAL INFORMATION so i'm 15F, just got into high school. i've always had thanatophobia (extreme fear of d3ath and the process), but as of recent it's gotten terrible. it's all i think about. my intrusive thoughts are usually related to it, and sometimes i think that "oh i know it's going to happen soon! it's going to happen today!" and i'll believe it and freak out for the rest of the day. my parents have been telling me that there isn't a point in worrying, but i'd argue against that. it's not like i chose this, it's not like i want to be worried. it just happens, i cannot control it no matter what i do. the idea of not being on earth frightens me, like for example: i cannot stand thinking about the moon landing and stuff because those people aren't on earth. i like it here, no matter how messed up it is, it's all i know. and many people understand that thought process. earth is my home, it brings me everything i need. it feeds me, lets me sleep, brings me air, gives me water, it's nature surrounds me in comforting light. the earth is my home, i love her, and she loves me. i don't want to leave her, because she's the only thing i know. RELIGIOUS BACKGROUND. im a christian, however i guess i would say i don't associate with that title due to the fact christian's tend to not really be what they say they are. i'm a christ follower, and i believe he died and rose again. people tell me heaven is beautiful, that it's the best place ever. and while yes it's a good place, it's also terrifying getting there. and i often freak myself out asking myself questions of "what does it look like? does it feel like a dream? is it physical?" so many things in my head. people tell me to read NDE's, but those only make me more anxious. EXISTENTIAL PROBLEMS so my existence has been hard to think about. i often think about how cruel death is, how it's so hard being alive because you are taunted with death. you build things just for it to all break down. and that's something i struggle with greatly. i look around and think to myself "wow, these are things i love, but in the end they don't matter do they?" and that isn't too comforting. being around friends hurts too, because i can't just enjoy myself. existence is such an insane thing, and how one can exist and then not. that's terrifying!! LIFE STRUGGLES i struggle to take care of myself, i won't shower for a couple days nor brush my teeth because i really can't bring myself to get out of bed. i also don't go outside a lot, due to the fear of getting into an accident. i struggle to join into social activities because my brain is always busy with worrying rather than enjoying the moment. i cant relax when i'm out of the house because of the what ifs that play in my head. i don't feel safe when i'm not home, and that's a problem because if i don't leave the house then i'm not getting sunshine which, by the way, helps mental health a LOT. i kinda threw myself into a pickle. anywho, i really just need someone who understands. who gets what i'm going through, who saw this and maybe thought "hey, that sounds like what i am/i was going through!" and could maybe tell me their story and what they did. i feel so alone. and so helpless. thank you if you read through all of this, much love to you 🫶🫶

Do you guys sometimes think the WORST things? Like SO inappropriate. You know your family wouldn’t want you around or if they knew what you thought they would absolutely think you are sick and not want you to be around their kids or family? Idk I am really convincing myself I am not okay. And this isn’t OCD. I am so scared.

I’ve been sleeping great for the last few months, but just recently I have been having a hard time sleeping at night even if I try to take a nap. So obviously I’m more tired than normal, which makes my ocd worse. Now when I try to fall I sleep i have anxiety flare up and makes it even harder to fall asleep. I’m literally tired trying to fall asleep relaxed and comfortable and can’t. Does anyone else have this problem?

My boyfriend showed me a video on Instagram with a person interviewing a couple on the street asking the guy if he’s okay with his girlfriend having male friends, trying to bait them into saying it’s not okay but they were just like no obviously that’s fine, and they said anyone who tries to control who you’re friends with is controlling and isn’t worth your time. This really triggered/upset me because my boyfriend has a female friend he’s known longer than me, but they’ve had feelings for each other on and off in the past. Over last year and the year before their feelings came up again and we had a rough time within our relationship with him being confused and me being insecure. Last summer he broke up with me (it ended up being temporary) and while we were broken up he hung out with this girl a lot and they kissed once. We later got back together and worked through it and he said that it made him realise it was me he wanted to be with. But basically I’m still really insecure as I always have been and my OCD focuses a lot on this girl and what they did etc. I have at times expressed that their friendship makes me uncomfortable, and before they’d kissed I know that he thought I was being controlling but I was just afraid of what would happen with their feelings, and then what I feared did happen. Now even though we’re stronger than before and he says he’s 100% sure it’s me he wants to be with and his feelings for her are gone, I still feel so insecure and ruminate on it all a lot and have compulsions relating to it. The words from this video “controlling” and “not worth your time” are going round and round my head and I’m so afraid that’s what he thinks of me or will come to think of me and that I’m a bad person, and I just can’t stop thinking about it. I cried with my boyfriend after seeing the video and he knew why and reassured me, but of course OCD doesn’t take reassurance. It sucks because I know it’s partly OCD, but it also feels like a genuine thing to be worried about given what’s happened in the past. Thinking about it all really takes over my life a lot of the time. Anyway sorry about the rant :/

Hi everyone, I want to talk about something kinda personal because I don’t really get to talk to my family about my life without being judge. So I have had anxiety/OCD and more since I was a kid. I have some terrible thoughts, including about the dead and etc. anyways I feel like I was neglected as a kid and a young teen but I don’t want to put false blame on my parents. I just need to know. Ever since I was a kid I’ve felt different, I’ve had these terrible thoughts and feelings that I wasn’t enough. My sibilants would always tell me to stop crying, shut up, call me names and hurt me. I always thought it was just a sibilimg thing until we got older and they still bask my mental health and hurt me. For example my sister and I worked at the same place together and people there didn’t like me . And all I did was kept to myself. Well my sister threw it in my face all the names I was called and it hurt a lot. My siblings don’t know about my ocd bc when I shared it back in 2021, they laughed at me and told me to stfu. There’s moments where they are nice, but more where they judge and hurt me. Nobody in my family seemed to care for me until I was on the verge of killing myself a few years ago. I’ve always gotten my basic needs from my parents, but I can always feel the difference in how my mom and dad talk me to my other siblings than me. My mom calls me names and my dad just recently stopped only bc he was having bad anxiety (when it’s in his favor). My mom always screams at me about money and getting my dog outside and my dog being bad ig. But no matter what I cannot catch a break. I am told my parents feel like they have to “walk on eggshells” around me because I’m so sensitive, and my siblings have kids and made a comment if their kids were ever like me they would “nip that in the ass”, to stop them young. I kinda just sit there and take this all. Always have. I always stick up for my siblings and help them. But when it comes to me they don’t care. Same with my parents. My mom tells me to not tell her what I’m going through bc it’s gotten old. Can anyone help me? Help me understand. Is this neglect? Like is this why I always feel hurt and just not good enough. They make me feel like the black sheep.

I found a way how to manage with OCD First you have to Change your mind. And think that if you know how to help people with OCD , that means that you know how to manage with it because it Works for you. First of all 1.Go deep inside of you. 2. your Obsession comes from your panic. 2. Your panic makes you anxiety. 3. Learn What should you do to manage with your panic. 4. Do you have Any Story with your heart attact or feeling like your Heart will stop when your Heart accept your Stress that you have? 5. Check your heart with doctor if you have Any medical Problem. 6. If not, Realize that the panic or Stress you have the things is Hard for you And if you manage with it , you just gonna be old earlier then your age. 7. The Stress makes you More closer to be or Look Older. 8. Do not taking the things just you cannot Deal with it. It is harmful for you. 9. Do not try to be responsible too much for Other people feelings. 10. If you do, its gonna affact you seriesly And you will look older More them. 11. Try to increase your dopamin, avoid from Stress And let go the things that you cannot Deal with it. 12. Do not make empathy with all people or Try to take their stress just Try to do make them calm ( if you don’t have Easy Option). 13. Do your all responsibility with time flow to make everything easier for you. 14. Do your things on the right time to not think about them later. 15. It Is not Bad if you say someone that i cannot think about it. The More you think more you anxious, more you feel tried. 16. It doesn’t make you Bad person to Focus only your Life and try to think too much with Other Person. 17. The more you become obssed the more the affact other people. They do not have to take the heavy things with you just for you to feel comfortable. 18. Do not think bad when people doesn’t think with you how to solve your problem. 19. They don’t have to spend their brain function with being anxious because of you. 20. focus more on your response 21. Everything will be happen with your passed experiences. You cannot control the things. 22. Everything in the life is connected there is no suprise. If what you do, even if you don’t want , you will have to take response of your actions. 23. Accept your stress your heart should accept or learn how to accept the things. 24. Leave everyone‘s life if it is not your business. 25. Someone else’s action is not under your control maybe on their head the way how they what to behave you is their own life. 25. If someone wonder about you idea to keep or end with your relationship , you cannot control it again. If they ask you it’s your life too and you can decide yes or not. But if it is without your decision it’s also their life how they want to be as a person, is not your life again. 26. The person had a decided something without your decision is should make you to think that you are not even in their life if they make a decision without communicating with you. And it is little bit selfishness and you can decide actually easily that with this kind of person , your relationship would not go more anyway. It could go more worst. 27. Do not forget! With just assuming you shouldn’t decide the things. It makes you selfish too. You must always communicate with people. 28. say the right things and right time. That’s why if you feel nervous afraid or etc realize your emotions and express it. Do not avoid from that. 29. Do not create or imaginate things by yourself the feeling first comes from other person how they reflect you. By obssing with them makes it more bigger! Just don’t do it yourself. Stay calm! And healthy! ☘️

Are they the same thing? I know this could be seen as reasurance seeking but I'm generally asking what the difference between the two is not for reasurance reasons but for educational reasons. I've tried differentiating them but can't seem to? Can anyone explain?

It feels very in it and very strong need to get rid of it and I cant escape it. I feel i won t ever be able to recover or that it will take so long and be a horribly hard recovery. If anyone has some tips or suggestions would be great to have some support it feels like no one undertands.

Hi all, first post. Long time health and somatic ocd sufferer, now debilitated with anxiety and a new depression over death - not in a suicidal way - and the afterlife. I can't accept that everyone I love will die, or just human mortality in general. I am grieving something very intensely that hasn't even happened yet. I can't stop thinking about the unstoppable march of time towards death. I can't accept the idea that what is so special in this world - or my world - will be erased. I feel like I will never get over this. I do have beliefs - I'm a progressive Christian, and family members of mine have had experiences of deceased family members on their deathbeds. However, my OCD mind cannot accept uncertainty. How can I - or anyone - be okay if we don't know what happens when people die? I feel like I'm going absolutely insane, and I will never be happy again.

Does anyone have like chronic thoughts about the damage capitalism does and like research things like “when will we have free healthcare” and like wake up for their 9-5 feeling so angry at the structure of the work day and how it takes up so much time. Like idk or have chronic stress over the genocide in Palestine or injustice