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And if so what does that look like to you. I think i may have and I can't figure out if I have or not.

Idk what is wrong with me. For so long I was so strong in my sexual preference for women as a straight man but after I was 17 I had a really bad experience where a girl told people around my school I sexually assaulted her and it fucking killed me. For years, massive depression couldn’t touch a women for years afterwards until after I graduated when in 2021. 2 months in my first trust gf when we had sex my anxiety went so far up that it put me in a panic attack or “fight or flight” reaction and my erection went soft immediately and couldn’t be put back up. I think also I was scared of sex itself and being good at it, I suck at calming my mind down in those situations and just being on the moment. Now since a young teenager I’ve always found women attractive and had crushes on them. Always fantasized about having sex with them and got aroused by it, just the act of making out with women gets me going or sometimes just being close to one. Mental attraction also goes a lot into my attraction to a women. But after that one altercation with my first gf out of fear I was gay i dumped her and left. Been struggling with it for years now. Never knew that I have HOCD till a couple years ago when I reading up on it. Then my past little fling past “situationship” ended horribly but I did have brief sex with her in my car but it ended fast because it was just too uncomfortable in the back of a Mustang😂but yeah then the next time after we had broke things off multiple times I just had no attraction to her anymore as a person although at one point I was almost in love with the girl and wanted to make her my gf. When I was younger I started a horrible addiction to porn that has horribly affected me. It’s comes to the point where straight porn doesn’t get me going anymore so I started resorting to stuff like trans porn. I always look for the most female looking one because the “manly” ones always just turn me off. So now I have stopped watching porn because I realized it was just turning was I truly liked and making it something it isn’t. My brain was just looking do true quick fix of a ejaculation. When I was younger I always watched straight porn and it always turned me on but as I got older watching it 3 to 4 times a day it started to attracted me less and less. Where now some days I struggle finding women attractive when before hand I adored and always found women attractive as long in my type range you know. Hope that all makes sense but yeah it’s brutal as man dealing with this problems because it just make you feel less than and like you are gay when as a young man this problem was not a problem. I was never attracted to men as a young teenager or even older teenager.

It’s as if I had a huge wave of realization that I actually am lesbian. Up until this point it was like part of me knew I wasn’t lesbian but now it feels like my body and mind is just accepting it, as if I’m too tired to fight it and the “proof” in my past is too much now. My mind is already putting scenarios in my head of how to tell my parents and the anxiety of having to tell my bf :( I don’t know what this is and I don’t know who I am anymore

i wish i could get diagnosed. i feel really guilty whenever i try to talk on this app because i think im faking it. i’ve done my research but what if it’s not real? what if i’ve just slowly shifted my habits into fitting the mold of the symptoms so im convinced i have it? i think it would make me a bad person to even think i have something that im not diagnosed for. and if i do get diagnosed and it turns out i dont have it, then i’ll be a horrible horrible person. i wish i could diagnosed. i dont want to deal with this ontop of every other thing my brain forces me to think about. i think im faking it everyday and it makes me so anxious i find it hard to breathe sometimes

Travelling has been so good for me. At first I felt like my life was in danger, I was skittish as hell and like a scared puppy. There have been times I’ve gone to hospital with injuries and times where I’ve had deadly diseases but I’m through that. I took the advice of travelling slowly so I’ve been in this village for eight months. I’ve weeded out the riff raff and I have friends now. In the UK I was finding it so hard to connect with people as friends. There were people I spoke to and visited regularly but since I left they stopped all communication giving strong “you are a nutter” vibes because I had a panic attack. Anyway people aren’t judging me here and they have religion so are kind natured and accommodating. I move on to the next place in two weeks where I will see less foreigners. I’m not particularly bothered about this as I only really speak to Indians anyway and it will be good to practice my Hindi. My best friends here are the street dogs and the little children who sell fish food and flowers come a close second. Those children will be getting a bumper parcel of coloured chalk before I leave. Best activity was going down to the ghat (steps leading to the river) and just watching the Ganges flow by while people are meditating and doing yoga. This was the best activity by far and it was free. I came here to see if I liked travelling before committing to full time travel. I love travelling solo and I’m more at ease with my own company than I thought I’d be. I’ve done a short course in English teaching and the next step for me would be to do a diploma in that. I can earn £1,000-£3,000 a month teaching English in India at a school but tbh I can more than cover my expenses by teaching for a couple of hours a day online. I have to leave in March to sort out some finances but I’m sure I will return whatever. When I’m back I’m going to begin the process of learning yoga. Yoga is always the suggested form of exercise for my illness and Rishikesh is yoga central. I’d like to learn to teach it and there are teaching courses everywhere here. I don’t know what I’d like to do then if anything. I’d have English and yoga teaching under my belt and I do have other irons firmly in the fire. Maybe I’d like to just wander and help those that need it. That is the thing that most comes to mind. I’ve been homeless, in homeless hostels, lived on council estates and in the drugs world and I’m old enough and wise enough to know who needs help and who is just taking advantage. I know money isn’t always the best form of help unless you are wise enough to give it to an organisation with the experience to know how best to spend it. Hmm yes, I am just sitting by the Ganges with meditators and yoga practitioners contemplating life and the future… I hope everyone’s recoveries are going well.

Hi! These past few days I think my theme had switched to some sort of time based OCD. I have spent my days looking at the clock and thinking back to earlier in the day, a few days ago, or even months ago and being extremely stressed about the fact that time is passing. Two hours can pass and I will be extremely anxious about the fact that time has passed and I will never get that time back again. I know this is OCD because even if I am doing fulfilling fun things during my days I still am constantly thinking about how it will be over and how time will never stop and it brings me great anxiety. I also have just come back to college after being home for 3 weeks. I do not do well with change whatsoever and I had a really great break and I’m wondering if break ending is what triggered this. I have spent my days wanting just to go back in time. I can’t figure out what ERP i can do for this to try to nip it in the bud. I’m sure overtime it will calm down but I really don’t want to ruin all these good days ahead being sad that time is passing. Just needed to vent i guess and is wondering if anyone has any advice. Thank you!

Has anyone had intrusive thoughts triggered from emotions such as frustration? When I start to get irritated or frustrated I get blasphemous intrusive thoughts. It makes me more distressed and panicked when the intrusive thoughts occur with that emotion vs just random.

I'm struggling with myself esteem right now. I'm wondering how I can raise my self esteem without giving into compulsions and ruminating on obsessions. I know that if one has OCD they should not seek reassurance. I could be wrong with this definition or perspective on what self esteem is, but isn't a big part of self esteem based on having reassurances or having schemas about one's self that they are a good person, deserve love, and have good things happen to them? Deserve may be loaded word but for simplicity I'm using it in this context to describe feeling that I or one should feel good about themselves and have good things happen to them. What I mean to say is doesn't self esteem take into account evidence of whether one is a good person, that one holds values that make them virtuous, or one has qualities that make them a lovable person, and one uses such perceptions of one's self to re themselves that to maintain or raise their self esteem a form of reassurance? I may be wrong but reassurance with people who do not have OCD may be a few quick mental reviews of what happened in the past or whats happening in the present to asses themselves, however the people without OCD only need a reassurance or two to accept their persecutive on themselves based on the events that have happened or are happening; and such reassurances in people who do not have OCD do not become obsessions of needing to know for certain that how one assessed themselves is correct. I know someone with OCD needs to sit with the discomfort of doubt and uncertainty that obsessions remind one of, then refrain doing compulsions to make one's self feel less anxiety along with being ok with the idea that one's obsessions may or may not be true or can become true if one doesn't do their compulsions. This makes erp tough but so important and necessary. So then how can I, a person with OCD, have good schemas or conceptions about myself, that I may look to for evidence that I use to reassure myself enough to accept them as a fact, and that which would help me then have better self esteem without giving into my compulsions of reassurance to alleviate the stress I feel from the doubt I have of from my obsessions of whether I'm a good person that should be loved and respected? In other words, how can I do ERP and become comfortable with being uncomfortable with the uncertainty that arises from preventing myself from doing compulsions, while also reminding and/or reassuring myself that I'm a good person enough to feel and think of myself as a good person? I think that my low self esteem comes from partly that I'm always obsessing over whether I'm a good person or not. If the feeling and/or obsession of being a bad person spikes, then I feel I deserve to have bad things happen to me at worse, have good things not happen at best, feel undeserving of love, feel I'm a failure of a man, and etc.. I think another major of component is I was bullied a lot in middle school and high school and I use to be very sensitive and cry. Then I went to college, and when someone would bully me or do something to me that was akin to bullying, I would get angry instead of crying partly to feel more masculine and partly because I had had enough of people treating me like that. If my rambling and run on sentences are hard to follow, I can try to explain further if you ask me to explain what I'm asking. tldr: I think someone, whether they have OCD or not, needs to reassure themselves of certain perceptions they have of their qualities that will raise their self esteem. My question is when does that become the compulsion of reassurance or seeking certainty about making sure they don't have qualities that they feel may be indicative of them being a bad person or reminding themselves they have good qualities that would lead to a improved self esteem, and when is just one stating their perception of themselves to themselves to have evidence that would raise their self esteem?

I’ve been dealing with feelings that feel so true and so genuine that idk how I can be the straight and girl crazy person I used to be . It feels like I’m actually gay and I just can’t comprehend it. It doesn’t feel a disorder like when these feelings happen. Anyone have experience with this?

Hi everyone, recently diagnosed with OCD when I retired from teaching after 35 years. been with NOCD Since August 2023with a great therapist but still at the 2 appt per week stage, have a difficult time with intrusive thoughts popping up throughout the day and with sitting with uncertainty while doing my homework- rumination is the biggest issue for me while doing homework. Will be turning 65 in February and having some issues with Medicare so I may have to stop treatment. I had seen a post in which someone recommended a book or workbook about OCD that really helped that person. I think the authors first name was Brian. I will ask my therapist on Monday, but if anyone has any recommendations, I would really like to know. I’m using my non engagements responses and telling OCD ‘ I see you but I don’t have time for you today’ etc and working hard to move on with the day. Thanks.

I feel horrible. Someone Please help. I can’t stop crying. I’m just so tired of this. I’ll watch videos of kids sometimes on tik tok or reels and every once in a while i’ll get a weird unexplainable feeling. It’s like a dark feeling but for some reason it feels sexual. It makes me feel sick trying to figure out what it means. I know I don’t want to touch kids but then my brain is like well explain this feeling.

This is ruining my day to day life. I don’t think health related ocd is my theme but I do often get intense anxiety when I feel “off”. I was in a coma for 8 days due to grand mal seizure in 2020. So I’ve kind of chalked up my stress about my health to a sort of ptsd relating to that event since it came out of nowhere. I didn’t date and was fully celibate for over 2 years until this past may when I finally decided to start seeing someone. We had unprotected intercourse probably ten times and protected the rest. We ended things at the beginning of august. I met someone new (my current bf) who had a full STD panel done and was good. I had a partial one done and was good, I had plasma taken in October which I know tests for hiv (didn’t do it for that reason, didn’t even have this concern then) they never said I was positive but what if it was too soon? I was having nausea randomly the past few weeks. Not all day but at random times. I was googling knowing I’m not pregnant and read so much how that means you can have HIV. Reading this few articles has sent me into a spiral and is consuming my days. I can’t think about anything else. I’m so scared. I don’t think I have other symptoms but I know it can take time. Idk how to shake this. I can’t stop trying to go back and think of every time I ever coughed since may or everytime I had a runny nose or headache because what if it’s hiv? I feel disrespectful feeling this way because What if it’s not but it’s on a constant loop in my head. I’m terrified TERRIFIED to get tested and confirm my fears. I stayed at a waterpark with my family and following had a terrible itchy rash that the dr told me was scabies I contracted from our stay. I was the only one to get it. Could that have been HIV? I’m sick to my stomach daily over this

I recently found out that I have OCD and it’s becoming harder and harder to enjoy every day that passes. I spend hours a day, reflecting on all of the bad decisions I made out of ignorance or out of intention. I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself for what I did but I also don’t know if it’s the OCD making it worse. I was wondering if you guys have any tips on how to distinguish between guilt over what you’ve done in the past versus the OCD. I just want to be able to enjoy every day, but I’m plagued with guilt!

I've been going through every single OCD almost I noticed, and harm OCD always bothers me I have urges but I don't act on them and they scare me. I'm just scared they are gonna assume I'm a bad person that I want to hurt someone. I don't but my thoughts keep arguing and it freaks me out.

I don’t know if this is part of OCD but every morning I wake up with anxiety and usually it goes away when I get out of bed and continue on my day, but it just is overwhelming. Sometimes that I feel like staying in bed is the most comfortable thing I can do or stay sleeping, is the only thing I can do because I don’t want to get up because I feel too anxious in the morning What can I do ? Does anyone have any advice?

Maybe this will be just venting out my anger cause my dad doesnt really appreciate what we do, and we dont get many nice words, its always about how bad we are. Of course this feel bad, but i got angry today cause while i was doing exposure to this, sadness came cause i had a thought that said how sad it is that our dad doesnt motivates us and help us and im on that group of people who cant relate to a dad who is their help and exemple for what kind of man we want to be and of course this made me sad but i wanted to ignore ir cause what good does this make? And then suddenly the words what professionals say "you shouldnt be hard on yourself, you should accept you feel sad about this, work with this cause this is a really important thing and if you dont do it you will deal with this hurt throughout your life.(maybe this is ocd) and then i became angry towards these profesionals, maybe i have distorted thoughts about this and i dont understand what they mean, but i realized if you always give focus over your sadness, that you feel sad over a thing and you try to let yourself feel sadness to heal your pain, that will just feed your sadness and you become a victim. This just made me feel worse and i made the problem bigger. I realized what i did before, that i tried to ignore it it wasnt actually bad, the bad thing was i did it in a fearful way and sometimes not in a loving/kind way. I understand trying to push it away makes it bigger and thats not what we need to do but no focusing on it and victimizing ourselfs will help. I realized healing actually means realizing you dont have to build your life over this, you have a choice to do what you want and it doesnt matter what others say. Even if its your family members. And since im working on ocd, i realized the method we use on ocd is actually what we have to use on everything we deal. Cause if we really are in danger, what will panicking do? You wont be able to do anything. Profesionals in the past always told be anxiety is not bad cause it helps us avoid things and its okay to be anxious. Well if you really understand this it means that its okay that you experience anxiety when something happens, but even if you are in a real danger, what really help is if you can remain calm and you can think soberly. And this is the same with situations when someone hurts you emotionally, you accept that you experience sadness, but i dont find it helpful to actually let yourself feel the negativity, i mean to give yourself fully to the emotion, cause that just makes you miserable. Here the same method you use on ocd helps you deal with normal life too. In the past many times i felt like a victim, i gave greater power to people who hurted me and i saw myself weaker. No mather how much i talked about it to therapists, it didnt helped,i just got stuck with it. I became afraid of experiencing them and i tried to solve it by giving myself into the emotions cause i thought thats what nurturing myself and accepting reality but now i know i just have to stop giving so much attention to these emotions, accept that i do experience it but i have the power to choose to move forward and thats what helps.

Hi Peeps, I am doing ERP right now but I struggle with triggering myself. I try to trigger my ROCD and collect situations and texts that could trigger me, but when I read them or engage in the trigger I feel nothing, I can't focus so good and please give me an advice I really want to make this work!!!

Hey im Felix and I’m 20 years old. Ever since a couple of weeks I can’t get a certain thought out of my head. It started in a period where I got my heart broken and had to move around quite a bit due to family reasons and work, which was very stressful for me. I also started having some physical problems since then. The thought that is stuck in my head is that I ruined my life by smoking a joint in summer and will never be happy again. I feel like I deserve the OCD because of it and it will never go away. Did anyone experience something similar, please respond I’m desperate. All my love, Felix

Because i overthink the smallest things, in my relationship i end up believing a lot of my anxieties, jumping to conclusions and making assumptions. This has many times caused such big arguments between me and my bf, many of which turn out to just be that I did not understand him on something, or that I have these crazy expectations because I constantly want everything to be perfect. I read into the tiniest things so often, that my bf has often felt that basically any little thing he would do I would somehow find something wrong. It overwhelms him, and it overwhelms me as well. The scariest thing is that me just reading something on social media can trigger this. I hate seeing “couple advice” or “relationship” videos on social media, because it causes me to overanalyze my entire relationship and the whole thing of “if you look hard enough for a problem, you will find one, and my brain will practically make up a problem, and will turn something so insignificant into something that i just freak out over. I really do not want to be like this… im tired of constantly freaking out over nothing. I want to be happy, and that has become so rare for me that when i do notice myself smiling, it is something I celebrate over. I dont know what to do anymore.

“Why doesn’t God just fox things for us? Why does any Christian have to suffer at all when God can perform miracles?” Christ never promised that we wouldn’t suffer in this world. In fact, He said we surely would! His promise is that He has overcome the world. Let me ask you a question… Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean He no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity or are persecuted or hungry or destitute? Or in danger or threatened with death? ‘For His sake we are killed all the day long, we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered’. Despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ who loved us. Loves us. Christ Jesus said Himself “I will never leave you nor forsake you”. And our worst situations can be used for good when we endure them in service if the Word of the Lord. -superbook For those of you who are already following Jesus, keep going and looking to Him. We need to focus on Him instead of our problems. For those of you who are not Christians, please know that it is not “religion” or judging others (although everyone does this) but rather it is accepting Jesus Christ’s sacrifice on a cross so that we won’t have to get the eternal punishment we deserve for our sin against God. He says all you have to do is believe in Him. Just reach up and take the free gift. It’s true and real and I am a witness to that. God bless you and please reach out with any questions❤️ or for sometime to talk to