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Hello does anyone struggle to go to sleep at night? feels like my mind is awake all night and wake up exhausted.

TW death, terminal illness I feel like I could be suffering from complex post traumatic stress disorder, specifically due to loss. I just get these waves of sadness, not always physical but like a hole is in my chest and my body is compacting on itself. Sometimes it does come out in the form of crying. Random things trigger it, mostly music, and sometimes it seems like nothing at all has. Death has always been a core part of my life and my childhood. I have a massive family and im one of the youngest, so that means much of my relatives have and will die before me (potentially.) my grandma when I was age 2, great grandparents around 5-6, 2 cousins around age 8, grandpa at age 9, aunt at age 10, other grandpa at age 12, other grandma at age 13, more aunts and uncles age 14-16, and most recently, my uncle who I was very close with died when I was 18 a year ago. They’ve all died from rather horrific causes, glioblastoma, birth defect, cancer, dementia. Cancer is the biggest. I just feel like im always anticipating the next soul shattering loss. Will it be my mom or dad? My cousin? A baby cousin? My aunt and 2nd mother figure? I feel surrounded by death. I think this is why I have such intense, spontaneous waves of depression. I feel it right now as im typing this. I think writing it out is helping.

I l’m getting an ultra sound of my stomach tomorrow for a “pain” I’ve been having. I have health OCD and as you can imagine, my anxiety is through the roof. I just can’t stop thinking that something is deathly wrong with me. The results won’t be back until Monday and I just don’t know how I’m going to survive any of this. 😭

Is accepting the thoughts but trying no to get scared by them even if they are scary and cause me anxiety a compulsion? Like I m accepting them but I m trying no to be scared of them so I don’t get the anxiety but I still get the anxiety

I am constantly fidgeting and playing with my hair as sensory relief. I have a great deal of sensory processing issues. Like, finger picking, shaking leg, playing with my hair, etc. These are all things I sometimes don’t even notice my body I’m doing. It almost feels I am not in control. I have others constantly pointing it out and asking why. Makes me super embarrassed and uncomfy. Any fidget recommendations or anything to help me find other ways of relief or desensitization?? Sending all good energy ✨

Hello, I am diagnosed PTSD, ADHD(when I was kid, not sure if I grew out of it, Panic Disorder, GAD, and Hypochondria. Let me start by saying 2023 was one of the most stressful years of my whole entire life, it seriously took a mental toll on me and ever since August of 2023 I have developed this strange symptom and I do not know how to articulate what it feels like but I will try my best, so bear with me... it feels like my eyes are aching and my brain/mind is just completely overloaded, if I try and read anything or really concentrate on something or do anything that requires brain power i get super restless and my brain tries to pull me away from whatever it is I'm trying to focus on, my brain physically will not let me do anything that requires a lot of mental power, it feels like everything is too much and if I try and power through the feelings anyway I get agitated, restless, nervous, just this overall crawl out of my skin, urge to escape feeling. It's almost painful. I literally feel pressure in my head and almost get a headache. This symptom has made my speech sloppy, I can never form complete sentences, I have trouble forming thoughts as well. It seriously is affecting my ability to function, I get this feeling on and off throughout the day and it lasts about a week or two then I'm somewhat normal for a week then it will come back again.

Do you pair it with another activity? Do it at the same time every day? Something else? I'd love to hear your answers. Hopefully I can adopt some of them.

i’m really scared. i’ve had hocd for the past 3 years but i’ve only known what it was for about 6 months. i have groinal responses really anytime i look at a woman, i am scared that it’s arousal. i’m scared that i’m gay and don’t really like boys and im scared that things from my childhood “made” or “proved” me to be gay. i have intrusive thoughts that tell me to kiss my friends and i get really anxious around them and ill think i’m attracted to them. i have a really great boyfriend and i really like him and when we touches me it feels amazing but my mind tries to tell me it’s not real and it’s anxiety. also TMI i get lubrication from groinal responses but i also get wet from my boyfriend which makes me confused on which is real. i don’t want to be gay, i want to be straight. i want to just be able to live my life. someone help me!!

I'm sure I'm not alone here but has anyone else reached the stage where they no longer tell new people about there ocd or even try to explain to anyone what it is and what it feels like. In the past 4 years since I have really struggled with this the majority of people that I have told and tried to explain it to have either laughed at it or just said 'yeah you want to stop doing that' As if people with OCD choose to ruminate and do compulsions Don't get me wrong there have been a few people that have listened and tried to understand but the majority of people have either laughed or said something like yeah don't worry about it we are all a bit weird. Now I don't hold any bad feelings towards anyone I have told but I think I have decided that from now on I will only speak about it with people who I think can actually help

I’ve been diagnosed with ocd from the age of 9. i’m now. 18. My OCD changes rapidly week by week or day by day. My OCD as of right now is ROCD. I just went to visit a friend with some girlfriends. I felt like i was trying to impress the person and act “cool”. This caused me to spiral and think that i may like this person even tho i love my boyfriend so much. it causes me so much distress. i want to tell him about it which i have in the past about other people and scenarios but it hurts him. i understand how it could. i’ve been dating him for 4.5 years and i don’t want this OCD to consume me and make it seem like what im thinking is how i actually feel.

i havent been on here in a while everyone has told me i cant rely on validation with ocd stuff but i just wanna feel normal and feel not so alone and get advice. so recently my ocds getting bad again my bf visited and just all my intrusive thoughts were eating me up again it was worse i think cus he was with me but anyways my compulsion is confessing i’ve been able to control it and not tell past things or intrusive thoughts he doesn’t wanna know he doesn’t care we’re trying to move past it but i kept obsessing over one thing in particular and it’s one thing i still do bc ive done it since i was a child and it brings me comfort it’s a way to escape my life ig. you’ve ever heard of maladaptive daydreaming ig it’s like tht but different more extreme for me i actually have 1 specific story i think ab and i actually act out as if it’s happening. i do things like pretend to be in a band and act as if its me singing and performing like actually get up and pretend im on stage. i have friends and im in a band and i have a background and characters and ive been doing this exact same scenario since i was in my early teens. it’s comforts me. this is weird but when i pretend im performing i dance sexy sometimes or just dance in general around these friends and it’s just makes me feel cool and sexy and my love interest in my scenarios are always my bf whether we’re strangers or know each other. in my day dreams i do it to get attention from him and people to think im cool and sexy bc ig i don’t feel like tht in real life. i act as if im actually having convos with people or dancing with friends or performing and interact with friends while pretending to perform. i kinda think its weird. anyways im not gonna go into anymore detail but last night i gave in and confessed to him. which im so mad ab ive been so good with not confessing stuff and i slipped up. also now tht ive confessed tht i feel like confessing a while much of other shit which ik i can’t do and my trying not to but it’s hard. anyways he said its not weird but he’s does feel weird and upset ab tht fact tht i imagine dancing sexy around other guys and daydream ab other guys even if hes the love interest in my scenarios. i dont want to upset or hurt him in any ways ive already done so much to hurt him and im trying to work past it but he says he doesn’t care if i keep doing it or not and tht hes not mad or upset with me he just wanted me to know how he felt ab it. idk what to do this scenario has been with me since i was young and it’s been my comfort my escape from reality and i like doing it. i just feel like a bad gf if i continue and i don’t wanna feel like tht. should i stop? he also made a point tht if he did the same i would feel weird ab it too. which yes i would if i didnt understand or do it myself but i cant really know how i would feel because i do it so idk. i just dont wanna hurt him i told him i would stop if he wanted but he said he doesn’t care and he’ll just forget ab it in a week and tht he knows it would never happen in real life so he doesn’t care but i feel like he does care and im gonna feel guilty ab it. it just brings me comfort and ig im sad tht i probably not gonna be able to do it anymore without feeling guilty. i need advice on what to do and if this is something tht needs to be stopped.

I cleaned for so long and showered for an hour. My hands are so pruney. I hate living like this. I’ve lost hope in myself. I cannot do it. I hate the fact that OCD is curable I hate it. I used to have a good plan for my future. Now I’m just nothing. Two years ago I thought that I would be better but I’m still the exact same. I was going to go to film school, I was going to move out, I had my own car, I graduated high school, was going to a behavioral program for this, and had so much opportunities lined up! But I’m still in the exact same place two years later.

This one is really hard cause i used to suffer with this before i started taking meds. I didnt wanted to but my therapist instead of helping me, she dealt with it like medicine will save my life...Like we never talked about what should i do differently, i always got that i should take medicine and its on me if i dont recover... and after i started taking it still we didnt worked on things deeply, it was like we are waiting to the medicine to magically solve my problem. This is very toxic and wrong. Sadly not many doctors and therpists will tell you the truth that medicine is just a helping tool, many treat it like you depend on it. So now that i stopped taking it after a year, ocd uses it and tells me im suffering now becuse i stopped taking medication, it will be worse, i should take it again... and i feel scared and guilt that it was a wrong thing to do but at the same time i know this is what i need to do to recover, i need to face my fears without medication cause thats how i can train myself to be able to live without it. Its just scary cause this is a risky thing and its hard to trust in myself that im able to do it. And ocd likes to accuse me that i will not, and now im here cause i stopped taking meds...

I feel like mine isn't really thoughts anymore it's just rumination, doubts, anxiety and compulsive checking. But because I don't get intrusive thoughts anymore or as much I feel like I don't even have OCD and it's really triggering me making me feel like I'm actually bisexual or attracted to men. I'm losing attraction to women now as well I hate this

Okay so, I feel like I’m going to become a monster, I feel like I want to do my intrusive thoughts. But in my heart I know it’s wrong. I cry and cry because I’m scared I will listen to my thoughts. I have been praying every single day. I want to be a good person. I tell myself do good, and do not do evil. My intrusive thoughts are about hurting people, especially my siblings. It’s makes me cry. But I’m scared I will act on them. I want to be locked up so I don’t do anything. I’m 21 years old now, I still live with my parents. And I want to tell them so they know, and so I can get help, I just don’t know how to tell them, and I don’t want to scare them. I don’t want them to think I’m a monster. I don’t think I can do this anymore. Every time I see something horrible, my brain thinks I should do it. Please give me advise, what do I do

I wonder if anyone is like me. I'm a woman and u have periods. And when I reach a certain part in the period cycle, my OCD will perks up. I get all anxious and perform my compulsion more intensively

Feeling like I’m curious what it would be like to harm like I’ve been fighting the thoughts for so long that I wonder what it would feel like or be if I gave into the thoughts but harming isn’t good and I don’t want to hurt myself

i keep having dreams about cheating on my boyfriend, but i love him so much and don’t see myself with anyone else. but it’s making me anxious and i feel guilty. could there be a specific reason for this?

Eventually? Can anyone relate to this I mean it in the nicest way possible because I think this community is fantastic and very helpful but I have also realised that a big part of my OCD is reassurance and craving certainty as I'm sure it is with most if not all OCD sufferers and the irony in that is whilst a lot of the questions and answers we all give can be very helpful and educational at the same time some of it could be deemed as OCD itself as in reassurance seeking and reassurance giving Therefore I ask myself this. When am I going to be content within myself that I have asked all of the questions and got all of the help and knowledge thay i feel i need to strt moving forward with my life and i no longer feel the need to ask anymore questions regarding ocd because whilst it has been helpful it came also serve to keep you stuck.

I’m going through the worst ocd flare up , I can’t stop crying and feel like I’m the worst person in the world and that no one understands how it makes me feel and how I feel so alone and that I’m a horrible person. Why do I feel like everything I’ve done makes me the worst unlovable person. Why is it when I pray I’m still so sad and nothing get fixed so I can be happy. I just want to be happy and at peace and stop having these intense overpowering thoughts. I know they say it’s best to sit with the thought until it passes instead of trying to direct my self but it just won’t go away and I’m trying hard to let it pass but something will always remind me of it and bring me right back to square one. I’m just so miserable that this is my life and thought process every single day😪