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working to conquer OCD
My brain tends to tell me that iām lying about my OCD for attention. Or thinking that iām just using it to lie about my intrusive thoughtsā¦but when I ask myself and others. I was diagnosed with OCD but my brain says itās just attention. Is this normal?
i hate starting with a new therapist. i obsess over my trauma and then when itās time to go to therapy itās almost unbearable to talk about. last therapy session was on friday and was my first ever appt with this therapist, found her through my jobās employee assistance program. i was telling her how i feel like a bad person and sometimes have suicidal thoughts. she was not warm or reassuring. she asked me how i would do the deed and i explained to her and she did not say much at all. i left the session feeling worse. i have another appt at 3 today and the roads are icy and iām just dreading it. and if i cancel i will feel like an irresponsible piece of shit. i already told her so much so i feel like i need to keep going. but im depressed and it is so hard for me to think about leaving my house. what do i do?
OCD and anxiety are back in full swing due to something I have absolutely no control over. My brother has been a drug addict for a long time. Heās been able to get sober a couple times but this time is the worst Iāve ever seen him. I know there isnāt much I can do. You just basically sit and watch the demise of the person you used to know and love. He tells us he wants help but he just needs to get high one last time then heās done, of course, neither I or the rest of my family help him with that request. We donāt give him cash, we will get him food and thatās it, maybe my dad will buy him cigarettes. I donāt sleep well, I am constantly over thinking, I have images going through my head constantly, Iām planning events that havenāt even happened yet. The OCD thoughts are terrible, and although knowing what the thoughts are helps, it brings me extreme guilt. Today I feel like Iāve just been floating through the day, I canāt remember the last time Iāve dissociated this hard for this long without being able to snap out of it. It was easy to ignore his situation but this time he asked me for help, good help. Help to get him out of his situation, what do you do in that situation? Of course Iām gonna help him. Of course he wanted to seek help then after saying he wanted to stay at my house till he went, but now itās been 2-3 weeks, he still wouldāve been at my house if I had said yes cause he clearly isnāt ready to leave this chapter behind. Iām so tired of dealing with this. Iām 23 in 3 days. He is gonna be 27 in March, our parents are no better than he is at this point, and no help to me or him. My brother wonāt talk to my mom cause heās angry with her for kicking his gf out, he talks to my dad but my dad doesnāt think heās in any position to tell him anything (which is true, he really isnāt but he can try at the bare minimum) so itās basically on me to figure this out, our sister offered to help with the charges up against him, but he didnāt ask for a PD so he needs to do that too. Iām stuck, Iām tired of dealing with this, and I donāt want the anxiety that comes with it. Thanks for listening to my rant :)
Has anyone just not had the anxiety stop, now If I donāt feel the chest tightness I think about it and it just comes flooding back inā¦ anyone have any good tips to bring the anxiety down ?
Are any of your intrusive thoughts just constant? Like Iām latched on to the sucididal ocd and every time I do something to distract myself or continue working itās always just lingering there š„ŗ
For as long as i can remember i have always been boy crazy. I have always had crushes on men, had sexual interactions with them, etc. Iāve never thought about a woman in that way. I remember around 2021 I had a āwhat if I were gay?ā thought but after around a week it went away. Now the thought is back but 100x worse. Mid December 2023 i suddenly got the thoughts again. I canāt really pinpoint what triggered it, but it may have been the TV show I was watching. In the show a woman around her 30ās dated men and even married one but then all the sudden ended up marrying a woman later on. I starting to think āwhat if that happens to me?ā I couldnāt fall asleep for days and would cry throughout the day. I eventually told my mom about this as I kept having anxiety attacks and she said well if you donāt only like men then thatās ok. But the thing is that I want to like men. Iāve always imagined my life with a husband and kids. I donāt understand how something like this could happen basically overnight. I used started therapy for my anxiety but how do I bring this topic up? Does anyone who has soocd/hocd think this sounds like ocd or could I really just be in denial. My days now consist of these persistent thoughts. Iām always on here or reddit/quora looking up my symptoms to see if anyone else feels the same. i donāt wanna feel like this anymore. i wanna go back to november when i didnāt have these thoughts. Iām still having the thoughts about a month later but the anxiety isnāt as bad which is making me feel worse. i feel like i should be more anxious considering i want to be straight. this isnāt me.
They're just so raw and cut and bleeding but I just keep washing them. The anxiety of thinking/feeling they're "dirty" is just too much to handle.
Hey, so my therapist missed our session yesterday and isn't answering any of my messages, could she be in holidays and forgot to tell me, or do you think I should contact someone in case something happened?
My boyfriend watch porn and it makes me think hes really weird and gross but i cant control it, am i wrong? even tho i also consume it sometimes it feels so weird, looks like hes a porn addict, i dont wanna end my 4 years old relationship bc of PORN what should i do
Today I woke up with an intrusive thought of being scared to have hurt my dog when I was last downstairs. Then I went through everything that I remembered from the night to prove that everything was always alright. But then suddenly I got the intrusive thought āwhat if I had hurt my little sister when k woke up one time at 4 am?ā and like, before this thought I remembered everything from 4 am really clearly. I woke up bc of noise coming from outside of my room and thought that it might already be 6 am so I looked at the clock to realise it wasnāt. I then realised that it wasnāt 6 am yet and then I donāt know what exactly had happened but at some point my AirPods were next to me and I was looking for their case to charge them but saw it was on the table and I was too lazy to get up so I just let them stay there. I was still hearing the noise which was my little sister crying bc she probably felt ill idk. My mother was there. I know that my little sister had been in my mothers room all the time basically. And then I went back to sleep. I canāt remember anything else after that anymore, probably bc I was sleeping. But I keep being like ābut what if my mother had brought my little sister to her room and I hurt her then?ā and like idk if this even makes sense at all bc my mother has like this camera thing whenever sheās not in the same room as my little sister and has it on full volume. This only just now, after hours of ruminating, clicked in my head. Like, she def wouldāve heard if I had hurt her right? And from what I remember, she had spent the entire night in my mums room anyway. Like I genuinely donāt remember standing up, nothing. But even when I resist ruminating, the thought wonāt leave me. Like itās this pitch in my stomach. This pitch telling me āwhat if itās true though? Why do you not feel bad? What if itās actually real and you really forgot doing this and now those are your memories and you donāt even feel bad abt it? Would you live with the thought having done this? Are you capable of doing this?ā and it wonāt leave me. Like it makes me feel as it this is actually a real memory. But I didnāt remember this even when I got the thought. Like itās all powered by āwhat ifās. I keep being told that not ruminating will give a sense of logic back but no matter how many times Iām like āyea no donāt ruminate, later you will have your logic back and youāll be able to think abt this as irrationalā but it feels as if Iām further away from the truth than I was the first time I replayed my memories. Itās as if ruminating completely messed up my memories. I donāt know anymore, this feeling is making me doubt whether itās not actually true deep down and I just lost control over myself at night. Like I remembered the night so well the first time I was replaying it. Had No doubts over this. Maybe if this thought wonāt leave Iāll ask my mother but I donāt want to distress her but at the same time I just need to know. I generally always wake up with such fears. One time I was scared to have lost control over my brain at night and if I had just watched illegal videos and forgot abt it (turned out wrong of course after checking my screen time so), then 188273 times I was scared to have hurt my dog and now this. Like I think she was with my mother but now Iām not sure anymore. By now Iām yet again back at having to lock my door at night to make sure I donāt have to worry abt hurting others.
So I have been in therapy/medication for half a year now and I can safely say that it has changed my life for the better! š I want to share some of my experience and advice ā¤ļø I know it might not work for everyone. 1. Think about your life and how you want to live it you are the only one that can decide how. When a intrusive thought comes and you want to do a compulsion you have a decision š do you want to live the rest of your life in misery? Or live a free life with a calmer mind? Personally I realized that compulsions = bullshit life. I know it's hard to give up doing compulsions but you know it's going to spiral down into a dark hole so why not try something different for once? 2. Do some research on LGBTQ not as a compulsion but to have a bigger understanding of it. What helped me was that I realized that sexuality is a bigger spectrum than I thought šÆ I realized I couldn't be 100 percent sure bc it actually was impossible š¤·āāļø you could be a little or a lot. I found some peace in that I don't have to put myself in a box it's alot more fluid than you think. 3. This one is a little tricky bc it totally goes against my ocd but I try to be okay with the thoughts almost "force" myself to not make a big deal out of it and continue living the life I want! This one is maybe for people further into treatment. 4. Keep reminding yourself that life is a gift explore it as much as you can there is so much more to life than figuring out your sexuality I know people nowadays make it into a big deal but it really is not maybe you will figure it out? or maybe not? Things happen when it's time for it to happen. But remember you will be okay ā¤ļø don't waste it on ocdā¹ļø it's not worth it. You are the master of your own life! I wish for everyone suffering with this theme to keep fighting and finally find peace in the unknown all the love to all of you šš
Is this normal? Does everyone experience this or if you experience it it really means that it's not for you. Or this is the same as relationship ocd? Im not in a good state these days but its okay cause im actually getting stronger now, but im really prone to have negative thoughts and any feelings that makes me question everything. I want to work with music, when im in my normal state i do know i want to work with it, but now i got feelings like maybe its not for me, and even that i dont like it now or something similar, and it scared me, it scared me cause deep down i think i want it and before i knew this is my path but now these feeling and thoughts scared me. "Does it mean its really not for me? Am i just avoiding to accept im not good for that, it's not actually for me?" I have these kind of thoughts.
I felt so understood when I learned that a characteristic of OCD is to question or doubt your own judgment. This is something I experienced quite frequently, and especially around my physical disability which causes pain. I wanted to ask if anybody else living with OCD and a disability or chronic illness sometimes questions their pain and has thought patterns along the lines of "this hurts... but does it really hurt?" Or " I don't feel good.... but do I just not feel good because I'm thinking about how I don't feel good?" Let me know in the comments if this is something you experience. Sending love and support to anyone living with OCD or other comorbid conditions. P.S- I have found OCD recovery YouTube Channel very validating
My room was my safe space. Free of bad germs. But today lots of things happened and I am currently in bed just sitting with the contamination in my room now. Itās late and my room is separated from the main house. So, in order to clean and wash my hands, I have to go outside and through the back door of my house. Which will be a whole hour long cleaning and washing episode. (I accidentally left the keys to the house inside the home anyways) I had to pick something up from my room floor which is dirty to me and I sobbed cus I felt so defeated. I put on hand sanitizer so much to feel better but I still feel so useless about it. My bed is also contaminated from earlier and I sprayed lysol on it but I know a limit on to stop cus I donāt want my sheets smelling like it too much! I feel so defeated and Iām just sitting with these contamination. Especially the bed one, which hurts my very soul cus my bed is my top safe place. I feel so gross and disgusting. Iām tired and lost Iām debating on just cleaning my bed sheets tomorrow but Imma be so real rn. I donāt feel like it because doing laundry ESPECIALLY my bed sheets is such a hassle for me my god. I already did laundry today and itās what started these series of contamination in my room to begin with. My goodness. Iāve been telling myself āItās okay, Iām still cleaner than anyone else even with these contaminated things on me right now.ā Comparing my cleanliness with others actually helps me relax a bit. Right now Im thinking of people who pick their stuff off the ground and donāt wash their hands or put on hand sanitizer to feel better about my situation.
I donāt even know if I have ocd but recently, I started to get these intrusive thoughts whenever I talk to someone. Like I think of saying something very mean or harmful (which I obviously donāt want to say). This has made me lose a lot of my confidence and makes it difficult for me to talk to people. Nowadays I try so hard to think of the right thing to say that itās made me take too long to respond to someone. It makes me seem boring and not fun. It sucks because my entire life I never had this problem. I used to be so funny and happy. I used to talk a lot and was very extroverted. I loved to talk. Now I donāt know who I am or who I want to be anymore. I donāt know how to talk to people anymore. This all started when I started college. I just want my old self back.
What's your experience with food & ocd? Curious how much you all feel your diet helps or affects you. It's actually helped me to reduce sugar and caffeine, only drinking decaf, but mainly being meat free again. No judgement on your lifestyle please share š
At what age did your OCD begin to develop? I've had mine pretty much ever since I can remember.
Iāve been struggling a lot the last few days. My anxiety has been high, my OCD is trying to come back in, and Iāve been feeling sad. Iāve been crying a lot more than usual about missing my boyfriend and my parents when Iām not with them. The weather has been HORRIBLE the last couple weeks. Itās been really cold and icy, so Iāve been cooped up in the house and feeling really isolated. Iāve been working hard to process my emotions but itās still hard. Anyone else going through something similar due to this winter weather?
I don't know what to do. I'm stuck wishing I didn't do all of the things I did related to my addiction and I just feel awful about myself
Has anyone experienced weight gain while on lexapro? I was on it for many years with no weight changes, but recently gained weight without changing my diet or exercise and Iām wondering if lexapro could be contributing. Thanks!
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OCD doesn't have to
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