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the NOCD Community

I am generally optimistic about my OCD recovery but today I am feeling very hopeless. It feels like I may never recover from it and that it’s a life long punishment.

Just now I was thinking of all the times I was at my sisters kindergarten and after proving that I haven’t done anything inappropriate there I suddenly remembered when in November there also was some event there and I had to walk somewhere different to go to the toilet. And now my brain keeps bothering me with the thought „what if you graped sb on the way there and forgot?“ and like, this is abt last November. And I know for 100000% sure I hadn’t. I remember my entire way there, I even remember details abt people being around some water fountain and lighting candles. Like I remember everything. And there were people all around me too. I remember using my phone after using the toilet too. And I remember I was also going for a walk and my brain keeps being like „but what if I graped somebody on the way there?“ and like, I remember almost the entire walk I went on. I also remember seeing two people and an old couple talking and listening to music. It doesn’t make any sense and ik I’d def remember if I had actually graped somebody but my brain won’t leave me alone I just can’t keep false memory ocd up I hate it all so much. Whenever I’m like „I gotta stop thinking abt it, I KNOW I didn’t do anything.“ my brain goes like „but what if I’m risking the change of it being true in the end? And am ignoring it?“ but I KNOWWW it’s not true 😭 But the thought keeps bothering

I’m really struggling with my ocd right now. I feel like I’m unhappy in my relationship and all I do is get frustrated. I’m questioning everything about my relationship and I’m worried I’m going to ruin everything.

But anyone else have a bit if misophonia? Frustration with noises, I know it can depend on different things and possibly different conditions. If you have any tips, feel free to share

I had an intrusive thought saying I want to let these feelings for my dad as in sexual an dormant if and just to feel them but I don’t want to so I don’t know why my brain is saying that now I’m scared that I actually do have feelings for my dad that aren’t intrusive thoughts. Help!

Does anyone have coping skills for being stuck in a loop with suicidal thoughts. I'm really struggling and I just went to get out of this loop I don't know why this is happening and it's like constant and I think "omg what if I do because I'm thinking it" please help.

Im currently trying to heal from my ROCD and im really struggling right now. I just had to stop taking Lexapro 3 days ago and its really freaking me out. My ROCD got bad about a month ago and it was one of the most painful things i’ve been through and when it started I wasnt taking anything. After a few days of suffering I went on Lexapro and everything improved from there but now I have to get off of it and im terrified. I feel myself spiraling and I know its not good for me but im so scared things are going to get bad again. I know spiraling is like a compulsion and a defense mechanism but idk anymore. Things have been getting better recently and now im starting to doubt myself and the obsessive thoughts are coming back, they are not bad as before but still. I feel so overwhelmed and confused

Does anyone ever see very triggering stories on the news of something terrible and somehow your mind tricks you into thinking that you are also capable of those acts? I know I would NEVER but somehow my mind groups me into that category and it’s so scary and triggering. I wish I could just let these thoughts pass by but it’s almost like I’m constantly trying to prove that I’m a bad person. I’m sad and tired of this 😭

Today I watched a podcast that I thought would help me with HOCD but actually stressed me out even more. I can’t stop overthinking things I did in the past, how I didn’t mind it or stop it, analyzing past thoughts that could be “signs”, and convincing myself that I am in denial. I even have thoughts that if I just accept this then everything will be okay however when I get that thought I get scared because I have a girlfriend I truly love, even though I’m confused with my feelings and emotions I know that I’ve always loved her. I’m extremely scared that I’ll end up just finding out I’m gay and it’s almost like I already know the answer but won’t admit it. I really don’t know how else to explain it but it’s causing a lot of sadness and stress. Is this common for anyone else out there?

SO this is a tough one. A while ago I was doing the laundry and I stumbled across my older son's underwear and they had stains on them and out of curiosity I wanted to smell how bad they were, they were gross. Later on I started questioning my self, I then got my younger son's to check and to see if this was some weird fetish and everything was ok. But recently it's come back and I can't stop doing it, it's not just a quick smell, I have to really smell them like the crotch area, Its not pleasurable but I feel like I have to do it to get rid of this urge but I don't even know why the urge is there. I'm terrified because this is my son and I know it's not sexual but my OCD is saying otherwise I do tend to smell everything, my hands, clothes, everything, but the underwear I'm purposely doing it over and over and I'm really worried. Please someone help, is this OCD or am I goingad

Most ppl tell me that I’m seeing reassurance when searching online but it’s rly not.. I miss wanted to understand my thoughts better. It’s so uncomfortable when my thoughts tells me sth but I don’t understand it or it’s giving me so much discomfort. I’ll go crazy from not checking . What shld I do?

I'm having intrusive traumatic memories of when someone sent a p***phile gif in a telegram group out of nowhere. I was traumatised, I saw something that shouldn't ever exist, I remember condemning him and then leaving the group. It was many years ago. I'm starting to even remember the details, it's traumatic. I wish I could erase this memory. I was a child too and I even forgot this shit happened, a lot of years passed by and I developed pocd and I've been healing from it but I'm just remembering this unsettling and disgusting event just now and I keep having flashbacks of it. I feel guilt. I understand it wasn't my fault but I wish that never happened in my only life; I got marked by this event forever, nothing changes that. How am I supposed to go on with my daily life aware of what happened? It's ingrained in my memory. How can I ever be intimate again? How am I supposed to practice erp with this fucked up stuff? I'm lost. It's too much. Others triggering memories are returning. I wish the victims are doing okay and I hope that those who are responsible, and that person who sent that stuff are burning in hell. Trust your parents when they tell not to chat with strangers at a young age. I learned the hard way and now I'm dealing with the permanent and irreversible consequences.

Hello, so my biggest problem and possibly the biggest gate from me escaping Hocd is well, false attraction. So the feelings and thoughts I get get 100 percent of the time aren't sexually(don't get groinal responses, never in my life and still to this day don't want to have sex with dudes or see them naked. Nor romantical thoughts really(il get images but I kind of identify it as,"if I liked them, I would keep it going, like I romanticize about women before hocd") but the physical feeling is what's messing me up. its like now 60 percent of dudes I see attractive now, and I dont want to be attracted to them. it just feels now like physical attraction or emotional attraction, i keep getting the urge to look at them and i feel like idk how to explain like tense or some feeling that i cant explain maybe? and what sucks is when I try to say,"its Just HOCD, you never felt like this," and now i get doubts or it feels like i did get these thoughts. I'm just asking if this is just hocd again because it feels very real, and what sucks is Ido if I have distress or anxiety feeling anymore

My OCD has been a little better since I started this whole journey with therapy. The one thing I’m really struggling with is my anxiety. It used to be that my anxiety was fueled by OCD thoughts. It seems to have shifted though to just everyday life. I don’t even feel like I’m thinking about anything yet I have fear everywhere. I feel like I don’t know how to tackle this as it’s new territory. Living with this all day long fear has really started to take a toll depression wise. Just curious if anyone else has had a period like this. Any tips would super help.

Im on the verge of panicked spell and i don’t want to do that while in still at school- this is really long im sorry i just need help Since yesterday I was randomly reminded of a random horrible memory. I was a family bbq and i was supposed to have fun but then my brain made me remember two horrible things that since then i cannot stop obsessing over it. I keep trying to calm myself down but i simply can’t, i try to rationalize but my brain keeps thinking over wise. Basically my brain decided to remember something a really old toxic friend of mine told me when i was younger.(about 13 maybe) i asked them to accompany me to a family members wedding party and we were standing in front of my older family members table by the dance floor. All of sudden, unprovoked-this leans in my ear and tells me one of my beloved family members that i love so fucking much is “staring at my a**”. Obviously i was in shock and quickly said no they were not-i paused for a long time because i was scared of the possibility and turned around to face them. They were staring at this “friend” i had with me very clearly. I look back to them and say “they were staring at you-they don’t know who you’re-“ then they go on and say “why did it take you so long to answer?” and i remember wishing i told them to call their mom and go home. I wish i ended the friendship right then and there. I was and still deeply afraid of this because years later when i was like- 15 maybe-me and two beloved family members(with the one my “friend” accused that awful thing of) were standing with me for a photo and as they reached to hold my waist their hand accidentally grazed my butt, not a grab just a graze then as soon as that happened they held me between ny other family member. Then the picture ended and i remember feeling so fucking defeated-so horribly sick and ill god typing it im shaking now-i remember i told me parents crying because the first thing i thought of when that happened was what that “friend” told me and i was so scared because they were “right” my parents told me that family member would never do that to me because they love and and they wouldn’t do on purpose which of course i want to believe but i was just so scared that that “friend” wad right about everything they told me. I didnt mention it but they’re a huge part of why my s*xual ocd is so fucking bad and a big reason i had a fear of male family members hurting me or worse-it was and still is horrible even though i thought i got better until this happened. Do i think what happened was on purpose i dont think so because this family member has taken care of me since i was born and i love them and other family member so much-i dont want to believe that but all i think about what that kid told me-ill never forget it. Please help me i don’t know how to calm myself or work through ny issues i just wish i could forget everything. Please and thank you.

I’ve got Pure O and my compulsions are tricky to identify sometimes. But how should I feel when I’ve successfully resisted them? Trying to sit with the anxiety and the dread!

I dont know if thid is actually my ocd because my stresser was my dad being in hospital and I’ve been in therapy had EMDR sessions and I’ve been completely fine since then but now.. Anyone have flare ups after a change in your life? I’m a student nurse and I’ve just finished my first placement and I’ve never been so happy like I was on that placement and now I’m back at uni… I have constant breathlessness, what ifs and a strong need to cry and a massive feeling of panic and in my head I’m like no no no this can’t be happening. if you get me and I don’t know why it’s happening again but I want it to stop I was doing so fucking well I was happy. Like actually happy and now….

I’m not sure if I have it or not, or if I don’t and I’m just a bad person? I’m even embarrassed to go into details but can anyone explain what it’s like, as sometimes my thought get so bad and intrusive that I worry I’m trying to hide behind rocd as an excuse and I am just a bad girlfriend?? Can anyone relate🥲I live my partner absolutely but sometimes I worry they’re not that into it and I overthink about what it would be like to be with other people, my ocd can be so bad I’m wondering and maybe wishful thinking? That these thoughts/ obsessions could just be the ocd? Please can someone explain their experiences with it🙏🏻

For the last 13 years I've been told I have a severe panic disorder, along with every other anxiety disorder in the book, and while I definitely do, No meds have ever helped & after seeing many therapists/psychiatrists, etc, I'm finally seeing one that, withing minutes, asked me if anyone has every tried to treat my OCD first, instead of the panic & anxiety...... Up until that point, I was unaware I had OCD. After more sessions with the Dr, & my own at home research, I could cry. Every weird "quirk" I have, they way I think, what I was always told was hypochondria......it's all OCD. I'm baffled. Anyway, my doctor wants me to try a medication called Luvox (Fluvoxamine). From what I'm reading, it's a pretty common med for OCD. I'm also, however, reading that it can interact with just about everything. I'm not a huge fan of taking daily medications. But, if it could potentially make me feel better, I'll absolutely give it a shot. So my question is, if you've taken this, has it helped? Is there anything I should be aware of? Good things? Bad things? I've googled, but I'd rather hear feedback from actual people who've taken it. Sorry I'm ranting and this is so long, this is a new journey for me, and I'm a little nervous!

Does anyone else suffer from the lack of motivation to do anything but obsess, that they lack the initiative or desire to take care of themselves. Such as proper bathing, etc. I always thought OCD was cleanliness and order, but my life is chaos, anxiety and misunderstandings and conflict in my home life. They think I initiate the conflict, but I only react to how I'm being treated to due to my OCD/anxiety, but they treat me as if nothing is wrong with me and are not supportive at all. Every day is a repeat of the day before. A never ending downward spiral. I'm convinced at times, I've seriously somehow unleashed demons that are oppressing my life and my especially my mind, and it scares me to death. I feel like I'm spiraling towards an abyss and once I plummet into it, I will be lost to true insanity. I used to take such pride in taking care of myself and things. I was constantly tidying, arranging, straightening things out of order. Now it's like, I'm exhausted from being in fight or flight, but I still suffer from the crippling anxiety attacks. Highly agoraphobia, so I leave the house only for doctors appointments and the like. I have no friends. It's a very miserable life. I've lost all hope. I posted a short, yet rambling bio as my first post. Hopefully, someone can relate to it and this post! Hugs to you all, Liz