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working to conquer OCD
I'm having a bit of a crisis tonight. I didn't have many clean clothes so I figured I'd do laundry when I woke up (my sleeping schedule is all messed up). I'm weird about touching the laundry soap, I have to shower immediately afterwards so I started laundry and showered. I got out and put on my last pair of underwear and a T-shirt. I didn't have any clean shorts or pants, not a big deal but I feel weird. Whatever. The washer gets done and I go to put the stuff in the dryer and I didn't notice my partners hoodie was in with the dirty clothes. The same hoodie they were wearing a few months ago when our cat had worms and it jumped on their shoulder, leaning something on it. I don't know if it was dirt or poop but my biggest fear is worms/getting worms so I've avoided that hoodie like the plague. I tried ignoring having touched it or that it was mixed in with all of my clothes so I hung up the hoodie but I also had to touch a hanger that isn't ours, I don't know who touched it last or how long it's been sitting there collecting dust. At this point I started panicking so I threw the clothes in the dryer and took a second shower. When I got out I couldn't stop thinking about my clothes being contaminated so I had to rewash them, which means a third shower. But before that I dug around in my dresser for some old clothes to wear that I might of forgot about and sure enough I found a pair of shorts at least so I put them on the bed on my blanket, put the clothes back in the washer and took a third shower, it was mostly cold this time. But when I got out I realized I had touched the shorts on my blanket with my contaminated hand and that they touched my blanket so I threw both off in the floor with my feet and dug through my dresser again except with my foot this time and found a really old pair of shorts that are two sizes too big. At some point, too, I knocked off my 2DS charger onto the floor so I can't use that anymore until I clean it. All of my outside pants are now in my floor, the clothes are washing for a second time and at some point tonight I'm gonna have to wash my blanket and take a fourth shower. I'm so exhausted, I can't take this anymore. I want to cry.
I deal with false memories, I’ve had a few that have been pretty bad, but normally I’ve been able to tell myself “hey, this is false.” I remembered something a few months ago, and a genuinely don’t know if it’s false? When I first remembered it, it never crossed my mind at all that it could be false. I just assumed it was entirely true. But now that I’ve been thinking about it, there is a possibility that it could be false. It supposedly took place last year during the fall or winter, I remembered it last august. It’s an extremely extremely specific scenario, and the memory is kinda complex. I also vaguely remember remembering it earlier, but it now affecting me that much? Although that could have just been having intrusive thoughts related to the subject. With my confusion on whether or not this memory is false of course comes my ocd shoving it’s way into everything. Something my brain has been telling me recently is “if the memory could be false then maybe only parts of it are and you’re actually just a terrible person” (that would make more sense if I explained the memory). And now I have to keep reminding myself that it’s either all true or it’s all fake, because our ocd would not produce the “better part” of the memory without producing the “worse part”.
I was at the gas station and the guy next to me pumping gas was talking to me and wanted to shake my hand. I have HIV OCD and I’m afraid that somebody will prick me and why Avoid handshakes or touching people. I ended up, shaking his hand as “exposure therapy”. I told myself to not live in fear and challenge myself and do an exposure to prove to myself that I can handle it. I’m sitting in my car and I’m trying not to let the negative thought get to me. I know if he would’ve pricked me, I would’ve felt it, I would’ve had a bloody stingy finger. I remember his hands being soft. I’m trying really hard to overcome my fears.
How’s everybody with ocd doing tonight ?
I’m looking for anyone who is working in ROCD or has recovered from this form of OCD. Does anyone feel like personal accountability is a difficult exposure? My core fear in ROCD is that I am in the wrong relationship and will stay in the wrong relationship even if all signs point to 🚩🚩🚩 My relationship with my current partner is not perfect and we do have disagreements and arguments. I have already been reassured by family and friends and therapist about these situations being normal level conflicts (no abuse happening here). I have been feeling so frustrated about my ROCD and the doubt and hyperfixation on the negatives in my relationship. My attempted solution to this is to be as accountable for my side of our issues as I can, owning my OCD symptoms, and owning any of my bad behavior, without then turning and calling him out on his behavior. This has been AGONIZING. I become so fearful that I am being taken advantage of, that he will learn that he never had to be accountable, and that in the end I will be a pathetic victim who chose her own terrible fate. I feel like me taking this accountability is a pretty intense exposure and wondered if anyone has experienced the same thing?
Anybody know how strenuous/exhausting the exposure therapy is?
Why does it feel like I want to harm someone? Why does it feel so real? What if I want this???? I’m not even focused on the actual thoughts like the images I can’t even real imagine anything it’s just the feeling that comes with it or like “the what if you WANT to?”
Does anybody else’s intrusive thoughts come in the form of “delusional thoughts”? I’ve been in a terrible episode of hypochondria or ocd for the past 6 months where I have FULLY convinced myself I am developing schizophrenia, it started with becoming really easily overstimulated and not being able to concentrate and now it has spiraled out of control to where I am constantly getting intrusive thoughts center around demonic stuff, which i have never ever believed before, I have always been a skeptic. But now i get these thoughts all the time like “what if this song has hidden demonic meanings?” “What if your wife is a demon” “what if nobody is real and your just in hell” “what if this political figure is being controlled by the devil”, the typical kind of delusional thoughts you would expect from a schizophrenic. Keep in mind I am a literal atheist and all about facts, science and evidence, I am a skeptic. Not only does the fact that I’m even having these thoughts in the first place scare the life out of me, but I have to constantly battle with these thoughts in my head if I believe them or not. I feel like I have to constantly hold myself back from fully going off the deep end, I feel like I have to constantly disprove these thoughts and stop myself from believing them, but they feel so real and it’s scaring me so much. One part of me is like “why can’t we just stop worrying about this, this is delusional” and another part of me is like “what if I actually do need to worry about if these things are true or not, they FEEL true” and I’m just like “wtffff I shouldn’t have to worry about if things like this are true at all in the first Place!” I feel like I have fully lost my mind, and in no time I’m going to lose this little bit of insight I have. I hate these thoughts so much, I don’t want to think about them, but now that they are here, I feel like I can’t forget them. My dpdr is already making everything feel so off and weird and unreal and I feel like it’s only giving these thoughts more credibility and realness. I feel like this could also be partly a terrible form of existential ocd that’s being thrown into the mix with all these “what if thoughts”. Ugh I just want to be normal again ): but I don’t even know what normal feels like anymore because I’m constantly on the lookout for symptoms that I can’t even be normal anymore. Btw: yes I am seeing 2 therapists and a psychiatrist and all of them do not believe I am developing schizophrenia.
This isnt blaming others, but for years now i learned that you have to accept anxiety and then stay busy, live your life and dont give attention to anxiety, try to focus on the day. I just learned this now that this is actually avodiance, when you try to be busy to avoid anxiety. I did this cause i still didnt revovered from anxiety and im still afraid of experiencing that or panic. I felt everytime that its like im still avoiding it cause i try to be busy and some even say "act like anxiety isnt there" well i did all that and i just pushed away the anxiety. Idk how that helps for others but i made me recovery worse cause i didnt actually recovered, i just pushed away fear...
So many posts I’ve seen say ‘treat the thought as a thought and behave based on your values’ I have SOOCD. It’s so confusing I have no idea what my values are anymore. Do I assume whatever i was into before ocd started is my values? Like I don’t think I have any real ambition/want for a relationship with a guy, but I’m so numb, it’s been so long, I have no idea? What to do?
Does anybody else’s intrusive thoughts come in the form of “delusional thoughts”? I’ve been in a terrible episode of hypochondria or ocd for the past 6 months where I have FULLY convinced myself I am developing schizophrenia, it started with becoming really easily overstimulated and not being able to concentrate and now it has spiraled out of control to where I am constantly getting intrusive thoughts center around demonic stuff, which i have never ever believed before, I have always been a skeptic. But now i get these thoughts all the time like “what if this song has hidden demonic meanings?” “What if your wife is a demon” “what if nobody is real and your just in hell” “what if this political figure is being controlled by the devil”, the typical kind of delusional thoughts you would expect from a schizophrenic. Keep in mind I am a literal atheist and all about facts, science and evidence, I am a skeptic. Not only does the fact that I’m even having these thoughts in the first place scare the life out of me, but I have to constantly battle with these thoughts in my head if I believe them or not. I feel like I have to constantly hold myself back from fully going off the deep end, I feel like I have to constantly disprove these thoughts and stop myself from believing them, but they feel so real and it’s scaring me so much. One part of me is like “why can’t we just stop worrying about this, this is delusional” and another part of me is like “what if I actually do need to worry about if these things are true or not, they FEEL true” and I’m just like “wtffff I shouldn’t have to worry about if things like this are true at all in the first Place!” I feel like I have fully lost my mind, and in no time I’m going to lose this little bit of insight I have. I hate these thoughts so much, I don’t want to think about them, but now that they are here, I feel like I can’t forget them. My dpdr is already making everything feel so off and weird and unreal and I feel like it’s only giving these thoughts more credibility and realness. I feel like this could also be partly a terrible form of existential ocd that’s being thrown into the mix with all these “what if thoughts”. Ugh I just want to be normal again ): but I don’t even know what normal feels like anymore because I’m constantly on the lookout for symptoms that I can’t even be normal anymore. Btw: yes I am seeing 2 therapists and a psychiatrist and all of them do not believe I am developing schizophrenia.
My new physician who is evaluating me for OCD asked about if I hear voices. I immediately got anxious and still am 24 hours later. I am deathly afraid of going schizophrenic and losing my grip on reality so my intrusive thoughts are very much surrounded my sounds , imagining I’m hearing a voice , being hyperaware , or being afraid of silence. When I said no I do not have auditory hallucinations I then begin to tell myself that I was lying and I probably am having hallucinations but just sane enough to lie about it? I am in a cycle of self doubt and it is driving me nuts. Why can’t I just take my diagnosis for what it is? And believe it is the right one?
I put a trigger warning on this for people who have scrupulosity just in case. I have religious OCD and it is really hard to go through. It goes “f you Jesus” “sorry God I didn’t mean that I love you” “f the devil I love Jesus” “I hate the devil I love Jesus” “I love the devil” “no that’s not true I’m sorry God I didn’t mean that” “f you Satan” in my head all day. And then I’ll be listening to the radio and listening to KLove (which is a Christian radio station) and I’ll have what I call contradictory thoughts which is when one or many of my thoughts contradicts the truth of God. Because it will be that Jordan Feliz song and he’ll say “the king is alive” and my brain will say “no he isn’t” and it will send me into an annoyed spiral. “Yes He is I’m sorry Jesus I know you’re alive”. If anyone else goes through something similar to this please let me know so I can feel less alone.
Hey! Has anyone experienced worse anxiety and intrusive thoughts when first starting medications? The morning anxiety is the worst!
I seem to ruminate so much with POCD and analyse everything about myself, my life and even everyone around me. I’m even afraid to open up to a therapist or even to see my family because I don’t want to talk about it. My ocd feels different to everyone else and that’s scares me. I don’t have sexual images I just have the negative thoughts and fears of becoming a P or the fear of liking children. This SUCKS!!!! I even get suicidal thoughts playing in the background aswell. Is it possible to have 2 subtypes at the same time?
I downloaded this app yesterday hoping to find a bit of comfort among other people struggling with the same things. I’m really scared to post but I’m trying anyway. I have two really bad intrusive thoughts that make my life very difficult. One is this intrusive memory of when I was dog sitting when I 14. I was impatient so I pulled on the dogs leash (as his owner said I could tug on it and he would come). But he didn’t move and think I pulled way too hard and I’ve been wracked with guilt. This was 5 years ago and it still haunts me. I can hear the dog coughing and I think it was from me pulling too hard. About 6 months later he passed away and I fear greatly that something i did caused it even though he was old. In my head I wonder if I’m a truly evil person to hurt something smaller and less powerful than me. I didnt intend to hurt him but I worry I hurt him more than I know. It haunts me. I go over and over the memory in my head with seeing which parts are really, wondering if I’m evil. I also deal with POCD. I am in college currently but I feel like I’ve aged ten years since the onset of my symptoms. It’s taken my joy and innocence from me. I just want to live a good life and be a good person but my brain is malfunctioning. In addition I am frustrated bc my psychiatrist did not diagnose me with OCD but said all my symptom were due to GAD even though I meet all of the requirements including cycles of intrusive thoughts and compulsions( though mine are mostly mental). It’s difficult not having an official name for what I going through.
i haven’t been diganosed yet with anxiety or OCD yet but i’ve been having anxiety started in december having chest pains and it made me think i was having a heart attack or heart issues but last week i was talking to my cousin how he went through depersonalization/derealzation i didn’t know what it was until he told me about it because i experienced it but ever since last week on tuesday i’ve been having overthinking issues about being scared of death and having intrusive thoughts of “what if i hurt myself” when i don’t wanna do it and it scares me because i don’t wanna go through it and i’ve been really tired and exhausted because i just feel like i’m trapped with my anxiety and i never had this feeling before (i’ve been through a lot so this is why it could be happening randomly now) but my things i struggle with is my thoughts and constantly look stuff up. my dad says “oh ur having anxiety while ur overthinking the anxiety” and i always think i’m going insane or if this is even real. i was suppose to go to the doctor today my mom emailed a therapist and told her that she has to pay at the desk and i was so upset because i wanna get better eventually and get a therapist but i have to wait until next week i think to see if i can go to the doctor and see what they say and see what else they diganose me with. it’s just been so tough rn and school has been stressing me out a long with it and i’m so tired i just feel like it’s an everyday thing now and i feel like i’m going insane when people say “oh ur okay and ur not insane” then why do i not feel okay??
Maybe this is why i have ocd, or ocd made me a quick fixer. When a problem comes i always try to find a solution to it and this helped me alot of times and i was called creative. But there is the other side of this, that i have ocd and i want to fix things. And what im thinking know, i feel like i can associate the two, my suicidal ocd thoughts and the quick fix mentality. When i have a problem that i cant solve, thats when suicidal thoughts hit me, and it feels real. Deeply i know its not a solution, its not good, yet im struggling why do i get in m mind as a solution when im struggling. And there where the quick fixer mindset comes. I never done anything and i will never do, but this feels like its not ocd and its a lie, it feels like im actually want the thoughts cause i want to fix the problem quickly and this makes me think I can say this is actual suicidal ideation, and it makes me feel bad. People come with "but you can heal from that too, its okay, alot of people dealt with that" but this makes me angry cause i dont want to accept it, it feels not right to tell myself i was considering suicide. Still one of the hardest thing i cannot accept. It helped me to realize i have the quick fixer mindset, it will help me to work on things, but this still makes me think i was considering suicide, it was a solution for me... i dont want to say that but i feel like im avoiding
when you've been anxious about 1 thing for a few days can it trigger other things to come on 😢
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OCD doesn't have to
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