Welcome to
the NOCD Community

im scared that im a psyhopath and that im just pretending to be a nice person and i that i dont have empathy im so scared omg

People who have gone through harm ocd/suicidal ocd is possible for one day not to think about it? I just want one day of not being scared and not thinking about it, I just want to feel normal

This is a new thing for me…having a name for the thoughts and feelings I have. As a Christian, having religious OCD is terrifying. I want my faith so badly but I constantly fear “doing it wrong” or upsetting God. Where is my fear coming from? Is my fear evil? What if my doubt is evil? Ugh. Tiring.

Is this normal??? I can’t handle it… makes me so sad i want to cry.. and then i definetly feel my sucidal thoughts are true??

Throughout my life really at this point… I’ve suffered from intrusive thoughts regarding attraction to the same gender… Often these intrusive thoughts target people I know and I get hung up on the question of, “What if I’m attracted to this person?” I then constantly “check” to see if I’m genuinely attracted to said person and each time I do check very rarely am I met with reassurance but a strong feeling of anxiety. It’s happened only a handful of times, but it just terrifies me to think that we have no choice over who we find attractive.

Hey everybody! My name’s Tori :) I pop on & off of here every few months. Well, here goes. Since I was younger, my mom & dad offered comfort, but I always pushed it away. Especially my dad. He was a therapist & I deeply resented therapy for the longest. I used to think it was stupid, the concept of “cry it out”. Like, the heck?? That doesn’t solve the problem. Until one day, on a movie, I saw the power of just accepting that some days are just hard. No matter how you try to fix it, you can’t, & it hit home for me. Suddenly, I noticed myself craving that “just hold me while I cry” type comfort a LOT. & then eventually, all the time. But mostly at the time from a male-significant other. Less so from my dad. Well, almost 9 years later, here I am with that same craving for comfort. Just, a LOT more prominent & hindering. To the point that it can be almost annoying the way I fiend for it. Sometimes I crave it from a sister figure (I am an only child which was recasting for me as a kid) but most times, I crave it from either a male figure or a male significant other. The WEIRD thing though, is that, after a person has been with me in that vulnerable state enough, I crave it from someone else. Normally men. Like I said. It’s really shameful & embarrassing for me, but since this is an anonymous peer community, I just wanted to come on here & see if literally anyone related & if so, what started this in your life/what do you do about it? It’s a big hindrance in my friendships, but especially my mentorships that involve almost like, older-brother-ish figures. Sometimes I am good at hiding it or it doesn’t pop up as much. But last night seeing my “brother figure” hug my friend & say nothing as she cried, made me feel DESPERATE for the same comfort, even if it wasn’t obviously visible. It’s like it hit a nerve in some way. He’s an attractive guy, but not my type at all & mouth older than me. Suddenly though, I was completely drawn to him. Lotta words, but can someone help me interpret this? Thank y’all so much if you read this far.

Tomorrow I'm going on a trip to a city that is an hour away from my home for my best friend's birthday and her boyfriend's tagging along. I'm excited, there's not much to do where I live and there will be plenty of opportunities where were headed, shopping wise. But for the most part, I'm scared. I'm scared that I'll freak out in front of them, I've been having panic attacks frequently that are brief, and I really don't want to ruin her day. I can't expect for it to not happen, but all I wish is that it'd be brief and that I'll be able to manage it. I don't want to avoid this, it's her big day and it'll just worsen my condition more. Does anyone have any advice?

Hi, I’m hoping someone can help me. I have been having the hardest time trusting my boyfriend because I constantly have dreams of him cheating, and throughout the day I make myself constantly imagining him cheating on me and make myself feel horrible. It’s come to the point where I worry that I am too needy with my reassure and making him actually want to do those things. It all started because I found out he was lying about watching porn, and he knew how I was feeling insecure about myself and thinking he wanted other people. So when I found it I felt like my fears were confirmed. He’s been doing such a good job showing me that he’s a “new man” like he says, but whenever we’re apart I can’t help but picturing him doing horrible things.

I don't know what to do or how to stop this : ( if anyone has advice please, please let me know! It's happening to me that whenever I watch/read TV at night, get into an argument with a loved one, or haven't talked to them for a while I start to have intrusive thoughts/images that they're gonna get fatally hurt. For example, about seven months ago I had a car accident. I don't think I was left necessarily traumatized, but rather every time I have (the previously mentioned) intrusive thoughts I begin to reimagine my loved ones in that same (or similar) situations... and no matter how much I try to NOT acknowledge them...they often lead me to having anxiety or panic attacks. The only way that I seem to be able to stop these intrusive thoughts is by sleeping it off… but then that leaves to lack of productivity throughout the day and affects my life… I try my best to not give in into compulsions…especially because I also have dermatillomania so I KNOW that if I DO give in…it’ll end up bad. I’ve tried writing things down to see if it helps to calm me down. Although that did work for a while, I’ve started to feel/think that if I write my thoughts down they’ll increase possibility of actually happening :( so I’ve stopped doing that for a while now. I don’t know what to do anymore!

so i have anxiety but i dont know why like i just have racing thoughts and i lost all of my motivation for school and now im scared that this is schizophenria or pshyosis omg i had this fesr like 3 weeks ago and it never went away it just wasnt this strong anymore but it got strong again anyone else feels like they have anxiety but dont know why?

Yesterday I was checking the freezer in case a stray kitten might have get stuck inside of it, I did so because the night prior I had fallen asleep while my parents were making food and I feared my snoring might have distracted them while they were picking up something to cook from the freezer not paying attention if a stray kitten entered it. But as I was finished checking I realised I had to wipe water from the melted ice from the freezer because my mom would have noticed it and thought I had rummaged through the freezer and checked it herself, and since she would have opened it because of me, there was a chance once again a kitten could have entered the freezer because of me so I would have to go check it again. I didn't wipe it good enough in my opinion before they got back from work, as I refused to go wipe more water after having spent nearly half an hour checking and wiping, at this point I had wiped from the freezer to the hallway, always thinking I had displaced more water further and further, worrying a single drop would cause her to check the freezer. The process to check the freezer takes a while because I have to hold my tablet to record the entrance of the freezer to see if a kitten has come close all the while removing every item from the freezer and recording inside with my phone, and replacing every item while rotating it to see if a kitten isn't on it, which can take upwards of half and hour each time, not counting the wiping of water afterwards. I feel like crap now cause it's been a day since it happened and I forced myself bot to go check the freezer again but now since I felt a tiny bit of "pleasure" not wiping what I thought would be a tiny drop of water before my parents came back home, I feel depressed and can't enjoy my hobbies which feel corrupted now... It's hard to explain...

I have a really weird question. I don't know if I have OCD however I feel like I am having intrusive thoughts because of porn so I try and stop watching it but I can't even go 7 days without it. Forms of OCD are POCD and SO OCD, in the past back in high school I might have had harmful OCD, I was afraid of hurting girlfriends and friends I had and because of those thoughts, I pushed them away and made them hate me on purpose.

Anyone else get upsetting thoughts about relationships despite not being in one or even never being in one seriously? I don't know where I stand with it other than the fact that I'm not ready for it. I don't know when I'll ever be ready for one. I don't know when the time will come but I do know these thoughts about relationships don't help me at all and throw off my mood completely. I'm not even really fully sure why it bothers me other than the standard that society sets on it or the missing out aspect. Guess it still bothers me just like it did when I was a teenager

I was sick all week with the flu and starting to feel better tonight. Was hoping to see my boyfriend, but he’s gotta see his grandma this weekend and, for good reason, doesn’t wanna accidentally expose her to the flu! He’s at a party we were both supposed to be at tonight, which makes me feel resentful, but he’s been calling me throughout the night and even ordered some food to my house for me. We were just on the phone and he asked if it was ok if I called him back later and I said yeah. He asked, “Are you sure?” And I started to get choked up, so I said yes again and abruptly hung up. Which was a weird thing to do. I texted him to say, “Sorry I’m just feeling kinda blue. It’s not your fault. Just call me back whenever.” When he didn’t respond within a few minutes, I tried to call him and he didn’t answer. I followed it up with another apology, and he just responded “it’s ok” and has said nothing since. Both of my roommates are out of the apartment and I just feel so lonely and scared and like I’m a bad and manipulative person, and that this relationship is failing. Can’t tell if I hate myself, hate him, or both. I wish he was here to comfort me, but he has good reason to stay away given that I’m sick. I keep thinking I’m getting this upset because I’m a manipulative person. I’m scared of using my mental health struggles to manipulate others and get them to pity me. AGH I don’t want reassurance; I just want someone to talk to who gets it. I’m just really lonely tonight.

This is my first post and first time using this app. My partner knows I have ocd but we have been having arguments because I keep asking him super inappropriate questions about whether he loves me, is attracted to _____, is thinking of other people, doesnt feel attracted to me, etc. I get these obsessive thoughts and feel like I have to ask him to get rid of it or get reassurance from him that it isn’t true. But then I’m never satisfied with his answers, and keep asking questions until it comes to a point where the conversation is completely destructive and neither of us are happy. I see a lot of people talking about doubting their relationships and feelings for their s/o’s, but does anybody else have this experience? Advice? Is this relationship ocd too? I am 90% sure it is but the 10% is telling me I’m just crazy, obsessive, possessive, and jealous. I know insecurity must play a big part in why I obsess over these things, but I cant help myself from thinking these thoughts and asking him these questions. We love each other and he is doing his best to support me, but this is putting a big strain on our relationship. Lmk if you relate. Thank you for reading

Im getting scared about this situation... For context. I was on an NSFW discord server. There was optional age verification but i would only message women who were verified. I messaged this girl whose DM's were open... we talked before she asked me my age first. I said I was 20 (which was true) to which she immediately responded that she was 18. We talked about why we were on the NSFW discord server and had playful banter. I then asked her when she was born because I wanted to make sure she was consistent with her age. She misunderstood the question at first and said she was born in Colombia. I then asked her for the date she was born on. At 5 AM when I was asleep, she said "13😭", before reaffirming her age as 18 approximately 8 minutes after... does this indicate if she was lying about her age...?

What grounding techniques do you all use?

Anxiety is causes me to loop back to negative thoughts about my sexuality. I have had a gay experience when I was a young teen/preteen. Can’t remember the exact age and don’t remember every detail. It’s not something I would pursue or try again. Since then I’ve had multiple girlfriends I’m 31 now. I have a son but these thoughts don’t come when I see a man or even a sex scene with a man. It tends to just pop up the worse times are at night before bed when I’m completely alone. I use to have a bad porn addiction or have one still it’s been a full week sense I’ve done PMO. Of course usually I’d smoke weed and then PMO. Now without it my anxiety is high. I question if I’ll even be able to get hard with a woman, what if I changed and now I’m just not interested in women? What if I used porn to avoid being gay? I’ve never had these thoughts before and never watched gay porn until I developed this SO-OCD. Then i did watch gay porn on two different occasions to see if I would get any sort of arousal. Eventually I would just lose interest but it would also lead back to me watching regular porn and getting turned on and most of the time I caved and did PMO. I’ve fought the urge to do that and have been trying to just sit in my doubt watch some tv, using different show to rewire my brain away from being so over sexualized. Because even tho this happens when I’m alone it also can happen while watching tv. I’ll envision them being sexual. I never pictured myself in these situations until someone asked if I could see myself doing it. That’s when Id get super uncomfortable and nauseous almost like I gotta do something I truly don’t want to but someone is forcing me to do it. An image appears and my mind says well you can see it. That means you’re gay. Trying to do any of this without reassurance is the hardest part. Sometimes I self reassure and have to catch myself. But letting go seems similar to me saying fuck it and having a drink that I don’t want to have. Like I might be capable but I don’t want it

I need to write this out to get it off my chest. This isn’t my first rodeo with OCD. Two years ago I did therapy for real event/false memory OCD. The treatment went well and I saw great results. I thought I was better, however I “think” I might have CPTSD as well alongside my OCD. To be honest I have no idea who is in the drivers seat anymore. I met my now boyfriend last year. I met him under stressful circumstances that I think secretly play into my doubts of him. He is a VERY good man. Way too good for me. Great job, savings, amazing credit, his own home and the best…he actually likes me! He is beyond good to me and I can honestly say the best thing that has happened to me so far in my life. Yet I feel so confused. It started 6 months into the relationship. We had planned a weekend trip together and I was really looking forward to it, and suddenly a random thought of “ you don’t actually love him, you’re just trying to convince yourself” popped into my head and I haven’t been able to shake it since. I pick random fights that I believe are me secretly self sabotaging. The doubts are the worst when I’m away from him and when we are together things are great. I’ve felt butterflies for him. I feel comfort and warmth. And yet I still doubt. I think my perception of “love” is off. The men before him I was OBSESSED with. Like unhealthy. Which leads me back to the CPTSD. I think I’ve had limerence with those men. It was so intense that I think that since I don’t have that with my current bf (we have a healthy amount of solo time between us) I must not “truly” love him. Another reason I think it might be ROCD is because when I’m able to convince myself that I do love him, the fear and doubt just move to another aspect of the relationship. Like I’ll worry he will leave me, or that I will ruin him somehow. Idk anymore. What makes it worse is the outside world telling me that just by having doubts is a “sign” Idk does anyone else struggle with this?

I’m so terrified that my feelings are not a product of ROCD and are actually real. They feel real, I think they are, and it makes me mad because I just want to be in a happy relationship but then I have a really real thought that picks apart every aspect of my partner: what he looks like, how he sounds, how he acts, how weird he is, his intelligence, his emotional state, etc. recently it’s been really sad because I feel critical towards him doing normal things like feeling exited, or trying to be funny, or making jokes, or even him being vulnerable and crying. I feel so judgemental and it feels so real, like that’s how I really feel, and maybe I do think he’s a little weird but I don’t want that to stop me from loving him. And I feel like it’s bad for be to think and feel all these things. I don’t want to let these thoughts take over my life and ruin all the growth that him and I have done together, but it honestly feel like that’s how I really feel some days, and idk if it’s ROCD.