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the NOCD Community

I have recently found God after being non-religious all my life and it’s been tremendous for my mental health. I still suffer with OCD but turning to God makes it bearable. ❤️

I’ve never really been one to take meds but I just started Prozac today and I’m scared I will become dependent on them. And the parts of me I most enjoyed about myself will disappear and I’ll be someone I don’t know. I don’t want the thoughts to continue any longer. I just want peace and quiet

My daughter has been in therapy for about two months. She is doing erp. I’m not seeing any improvement and may be getting worse. She just had a bad panic attack. I know that there is no set time for improvement but should there be some? I am worried especially now that she is having panic attacks. Does anyone have any advice on this?

Hi everyone. I just want to vent because I am struggling with OCD so badly in a way that I haven't in a really really long time. Like doubting my memories and wanting to check/repeat movements and actions Ii make sure I don't touch things that I feel are contaminants. I haven't been like this in 3 years. It's hard to be back. It's scary. I know I can do it but god I'm so deeply frightened. I've always had a chaotic life, and it's been a really hard year with everything going wrong on top of it...but I think what set this flare up off is my relationship of 9 years (with someone I've known and loved since I was 17, and I'm 34) coming to and end and realizing that despite my efforts to heal this relationship....it is good that it ended because it was emotionally abusive. Like classic gaslighting, manipulating to meet boundaries, and constantly insulting me and me not noticing because of my trauma emotional abuse. I'm devastated to have both come to this realization and knowing I have to leave this behind because repair is not possible due to where my ex is at in this point of time. When we were together, our love seemed like the most certain thing in the world. I thought she was going to be the rest of my life, and I looked forward to being with her. I would always tell myself that no matter what happened in life I would have her...and with all the crazy awful bad luck things I had going on in my life she was a beacon of hope. It's so hard to lose that and to have to start all over again, working a scary job I hate and living alone in a home where i witnessed a violent death. Everything is so uncertain and scary and I know that one of the many (knowable and unknowable) reasons my ocd is flaring up is because I am trying to protect myself and trying to find certainty in the face of the unknown. I just feel so trapped and scared. Like my life will never get better and I'm doomed. It's so hard to wake up at 5 am to fight the urge to go in and out my front door to make sure I'm not touching the item I'm scared of contaminating me and feeling like if I do touch it....I'm dead. It's over. Theres no way to clean or repair it. That there's no coming back. I'm just really really really scared. It's scary to doubt my memories and perception again. I know it's because of stress and change and grief...but it's so hard. I've been doing ERP, inner child work, mindfulness and meditation and they help but it's still so frightening and they don't always help for long before I start getting scared and spiraling again. I know I have to go through this process and I know it will help me heal from the abuse....it just seems impossible and frightening and hopeless. I'm trying so hard to not give up and I am reminding myself that I've done this before and I can do it again and again. Please send good vibes

anyone who has recovered from this theme, how did they do it because i’m really struggling, does medication help?

We just got new hurricane proof windows on our house. I’m scared because I’ve heard that if we had a fire the firefighters couldn’t get in so that’s been on my mind. Now I’m considering taking a new job that will require me to be in office quite a bit for the first few months and I keep seeing things about house fires everywhere. Yesterday someone literally told me about how his house caught on fire and it’s so good he was home because he saved it. I told myself this was stupid and then next thing I know a fire truck comes down the street. I am so scared to take this new job and my house catches on fire while I’m gone and I lose my dogs and my house.

IDK WHY I HAVE THIS FEAR and even if i know that this is not logic im still scared that im a psyhopath like omg im so scared how do i get over this im so scared this fesr hase been here for 2 months does anyone have advice?

I’ve been having better weeks recently. Weekends are still a struggle for me but I’m pushing through and each week they are getting easier. I went out yesterday and had a few drinks with my partner it was lovely to have a laugh and get a little drunk. I usually avoid alcohol because I’m always scared of how I’ll feel the next day. Today I’m a bit anxious thoughts are swirling around but to be honest I just keep agreeing with them. I.e. “Ah yes maybe that is true” I’m not arguing with my head. I’ve been conducting my own erp which to be honest has been hard and has lead to me crying afterwards. A game changer for me in my recovery process is talking to my mum and fiancé about what is going on with me and the thoughts I have had. Part of the shame was the fact I hid these thoughts and feelings for so long. 7 years in-fact. I buried them deep down! Now it’s not a secret anymore it’s out there if my ocd gets bad i know there is someone to turn to, someone to talk to! They are great at not reassuring me, which is annoying sometimes but for me necessary which is amazing! From being a little girl my I was never career orientated, I mean I want a good job but it wasn’t my main ambition. For me my dream was to get married and have children. I was so shy as a teenage and would get these intense crushes on boys (looking back probably obsessions) I would just want to be with them, day dream about having a boyfriend. I was a bit of a later bloomer compared to my friends and didn’t get my first boyfriend until the age of 15. He wasn’t particularly nice to me and as a woman now I can see how that damaged my self -esteem. Fast forward 5 years I meet my now fiancé at 20 after having my first ocd breakdown at 19 which was in relation to sexual orientation. Before this the idea of me being potentially gay or bisexual never crossed my mind. I became plagued with intrusive thoughts of a sexual nature. I began to think I was attracted to my friends and that I couldn’t be around them. I thought I was lying to my new boyfriend and using him because I hadn’t told him about these thoughts. These thoughts have plagued me for all of my 20’s. At no point was I aroused by them it was the opposite. I tried to seek help several times and I just couldn’t be honest and open because I thought my therapist would confirm my worst fears “I was gay or at least bisexual” At 26 my boyfriend became my fiancé. We bought our first home 6 months prior. I went into a state of panic and shock. Questions began to whirl around my head “Is he the one?” “Do I love him?” “What if I am gay and I haven’t figured it out yet” “what if we get married and I figure it out then and I’ve trapped him into a marriage with me” This was the moment I realised I cannot avoid this anymore I lost 3 stone in weight was unable to sleep, eat, I got signed off from my job it was awful. I had therapy but it wasn’t overly great and I’m back on a waiting list but I am getting better. I’m not avoiding triggers however uncomfortable they make me feel. My life is moving forwards, I’m getting married next year, I’ve booked my venue, I’m getting small glimmers of excitement for the future. The future I’ve dreamed of! I’m not weird, disgusting or manipulative I’m not hiding my “true self” I’m someone who has suffered with a very misunderstood mental health condition for nearly a decade. If anything I’m strong, I’m courageous, I’m resilient and I can and am getting better! Go me!! 💕

Hi all, I’m planning to start anti depressants for OCD just wondered if anyone has found this effective with intrusive thoughts? I’m scared if once they have worked I go off them and have a relapse?

Hi all, my name is Ryan and this is the first post I am sharing on this app. I struggle with a lot of forms of OCD, as I’m sure many of you do as well. My first memory of experiencing OCD symptoms was when I was 2.5 ish. However I did not get formally diagnosed until I was 25 after the OCD becoming debilitating during 2020. I got prescribed medicine then. It helped a bit but while on it I still experience symptoms. I feel like medicine silences the irrationality a bit. But it’s always still there. I’ll be honest I don’t like taking medicine. I don’t like the way it makes me feel, how it numbs some things but intensifies others. When I have gone off my medicine for one reason or another my symptoms definitely intensify. I am currently off and strongly considering starting again because OCD is starting to control my life again. Since I went without medicine for 25 years of life it’s so hard to justify taking it. I sort of feel guilty, like I was able to do it without before. My OCD has gotten worse throughout the years but I also remember some really hard times before I was diagnosed and I got through it. I wish there was a better option. The medicine isn’t perfect but it’s something. It’s a constant struggle for me.

I'm freaking out because I saw a tiktok on cocsa and now I'm afraid I did it when I was super little. I had to be like 6 or so but I can't remember, i just remember being little, not even 10 yet i dont think. I remember i was with my younger brother and my dad and we were all playing hide and seek in a hotel. And then me and my younger brother were hiding in the bathroom. I remember us giggling and then I remember making him lift his shirt? Or us taking turns lifting our shirts? Then im not sure if we showed each other our genitalia or not, or if his pants were down. I genuienly cant remember but i think we did (me and a friend in lile 1st grade got in trouble for doing that once, so i wouldnt put it past me and i keep getting a vague memory of it so maybe we did). Then i remember kissing his stomach before my dad was like 'what are you guys doing?'. And we both just laughed and left the bathroom. When I was really young, I was exposed to porn and it messed up my brain. I dont think it was innocent even though I didn't understand like what I was doing because I was really little. Hes from my dads side (who i dont talk to anymore) so i havent seen or spoke to him in years. I weve gotten along before we stopped talking though, but still. What if I traumatized him?? What of I did cocsa or intended to/almost did?? What if he doesn't remember now but will remember later and be traumatized??

Reposting this to see if it reaches any other people. My partner knows I have ocd but we have been having arguments because I keep asking him super inappropriate questions about whether he loves me, is attracted to _____, is thinking of other people, doesnt feel attracted to me, etc. I get these obsessive thoughts and feel like I have to ask him to get rid of it or get reassurance from him that it isn’t true. But then I’m never satisfied with his answers, and keep asking questions until it comes to a point where the conversation is completely destructive and neither of us are happy. I see a lot of people talking about doubting their relationships and feelings for their s/o’s, but does anybody else have this experience? Advice? Is this relationship ocd too? I am 90% sure it is but the 10% is telling me I’m just crazy, obsessive, possessive, and jealous. I know insecurity must play a big part in why I obsess over these things, but I cant help myself from thinking these thoughts and asking him these questions. We love each other and he is doing his best to support me, but this is putting a big strain on our relationship. Lmk if you relate. Thank you for reading

Does anyone else see someone attractive of the same sex and start intrusively thinking things like “cute” or something beyond just acknowledging them as good looking? I avoid looking at good looking same sex people on tv shows because I get those intrusive thoughts and it makes me question what does that mean of me. I don’t want to be gay and I feel so uncomfortable and it feels like denial every time I try and do a compulsion. It’s hard to look at men on TV shows because my mind comes up crazy stuff and I don’t know what it means

i had a good day today with compulsions and not giving into mental compulsions. it’s been so so hard to not do compulsions because my existential ocd latches on to everything and anything. but i did good today! i gave in at times, but i was strong enough to resist the thoughts a lot of the time. and thats better than ruminating all day right? i’m gonna keep on going. however, im having complex feelings. i feel less strong in my beliefs and positions. my values aren’t as clear (because my ocd revolves around what is real, so it tells me my values are a made up thing and not really valid) and i almost feel like when i get out on the other side of ocd i will be someone else. idk, maybe a colder person, someone with less values or a sense of right and wrong. thing is, i have this weird feeling because of existential ocd, that i “broke out of the matrix” and am the only person with the view of the real reality and everyone else is simply brainwashed and hasn’t realized it yet. that feeling scares me so much, and i can reason that it’s not true and doesn’t make any sense, no way almost everyone on the planet is brainwashed.. but its how my ocd operates. snatches the things that are important to me (my values, morals, overall beliefs) and turns it into something else. any sliver of uncertainty makes me freak. i feel like i will never be the same. dude i just don’t know, but im gonna hold on to that hope that i’ll be a better me.

Why must my OCD always make up the scariest scenarios to torment me with. Some guy was hitting on me on reddit and the convo didn't get far before I just blocked him but now my OCD is like 'he's gonna be mad and DOX YOU/STALK YOU' huh??? how did we get here?? now I wanna compulsively delete my account .. These new meds better kick in fast T-T

Because of years of scrupulous OCD the very idea of religious services and activities brings up apprehension and stress. How can I rewire my brain to learn to enjoy these things?

How can i know that im not actually faking my attraction to hide my denial and hiding my real attraction like its so scary and confusing

especially since ive recovered a lot from my bad episode of like religious “ocd” (im nto diagnosed) i feel like idk a part of me just wants my ocd compulsions back like i enjoyed all the control i had in my life and like i sort of liked how ill i was and thats so wrong to say but i dont know how to get rid of this feeling because ive had it for months atp

This isnt really OCD related but rather just a vent post. I wanted to leave my feelings somewhere so feel free to ignore this. I feel like im going to die at this point, since i can remember ive been dealing with thisbfeeling of alienation and loneliness (yknow, the autistic experience) vut i dont know how longer i can keep up with it. I feel like ive failed at the most basic things that make a human being, making friends, having a job, studying, romance. I see everyone around me reach greater heights while i am stuck in one place and i feel like im going to rot in the spot. I only have two friends, one of them is away in another state preparing to be a priest and we can go for months without talking and still act so close, but im afraid hes ultimately going to leave. My other friend, my best friend for 7/8 years is also drifting away this very moment, she's in her last year of uni and will grafuate as a technician, she has a wonderful boyfriend and friends who lives overseas and she has plans to leave the country in some future. Im obviously beyond happy for them and what theyre achieving but i cant keep acting like im not rotting with envy, they have so much going on for themselves and so many people around them i feel like at any moment i will no longer be part of their lives and theyre going to be okay with it. I cant keep acting like that wouldnt kill me inside, i love seeing them succed but i hate knowing that im such a failure in just doomed to fall behind and just watch as everyone moves on. Its always been like this with every friendship ive had and at this point i dont know how longer am i willing to take it, this crippling feeling is something you never get used to, it always hurt the same and living out of resignation is horrible. i dont want to live a life repeating this painful meaningless cycle.

Im an athletic guy and a couple years ago i had a very badly broken ankle. An open fracture. I eventually had to have it fused. So i will never be able to run for fun again or do some other sports i love. And its all i think about. Its hard for me to focus on anything because im obsessed with the mistake i made that caused the injury. I was drinking. I feel very depressed because sports mean a lot to me. I feel like a completely different person. Im lost. Maybe i should take medication, idk. Not too thrilled with side effects of them. Anyone have thoughts on what i should do?