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Im so tired from seeing & feeling from men’s pov , i really dont want to be a man , im really into men but hocd and tocd keep convincing me im not

Fucking help, please. How do you shut off these intrusive harm ocd thoughts?

I don’t know what to say. I feel a bit lost to be honest with my thoughts. They feel so real, they actually hurt so much. Why do I find myself comparing to my boyfriends and my friends? I’m not them, they got nothing to deal with me. It’s just that I feel the need to prove I have it worse, and to do that is to partake in actual harm. I have been feeling really low lately, honestly I feel like I’m losing it. It’s a scary feelings to think unaliving myself may be an option for me but I don’t want to do that. In all the hardships in life, there is so good in there. I have my boyfriend , I got good grades, I have a good home life I guess, I have friends and other amazing things too. It sad to say but I kinda need some comfort to know I’ll be fine. I feel like I’m at the end of my ropes right now. When people tell me their struggles I compare them to my own. When people give me advice, I overthink it. When I have something hope it gets torn apart. My heart hurts a lot. I feel like even if I do pass I’ll just be another number, like a casualty and no one would care. But that’s not true, people do care about me enough that they want me to live. I’m just so tired of feeling this way. I need help. But I feel like I don’t? God fucking damn it leave me the hell alone. I didn’t do nothing at all. I’m a good person I have morals and I have everything that is fit for me. But why go for everything I care about huh? Let me heal in peace. I can’t even pick up a fucking pencil with other thinking about whenever I could draw good, or even take a breather. it’s disabling its fucked and it’s hurts. Leave me alone. I’m too young to bear this pain. Living isn’t supposed to be a chore. It supposed to be something to look toward to the happy things in life. I fear I’d slip one day and do something awful to myself. It takes more than two painkiller to kill you right? I won’t do anything bad. Maybe I shouldn’t consider this though. I feel like I’ve reach pure insanity with my mental health. Maybe I am depressed or something. God I need help. But why do people try to even help me? Why do they care? I feel myself switching. I’m trying my best to not believe anything my thoughts are telling me. I feel so awful to the point I feel happy. What type of sick shit is this? I do care. But at the same time I feel nothing. This is terrifying and torturous. Please help me. What is this?

Hi! I am a Christian who is about to get married. According to my religious beliefs, I believe that if you get married, you cannot marry again except for instances of infidelity or death. I was in a play in college where my character married another character, and so I am obsessed with the idea that I actually got married to the other actor, and therefore have no (religious) right to be married. It is really ruining everything surrounding my upcoming marriage and making me feel extremely distressed, anxious, and hopeless. My friend recommended this app!

Can someone reply

Hi guys, trying to hopefully get some opinions. I am very confused about whether or not I actually need treatment. I recently had an intrusive thought that disturbed me deeply, I ruminated for about 2 weeks and felt so much shame and guilt around it. After that, I started to feel much better and my brain started realizing that I have no need to feel shame because it’s just a thought. I started looking into OCD and found that this feeling of overwhelming shame and intrusive thoughts are common symptoms. I just dont know at what point I actually seek out treatment, or if I just say “ok, we seem to be moving past this, I think we’re good”. Is this OCD? Was this just a panic response to a bad thought? If anyone could offer insight, I would really appreciate it. Thanks!

I've never been turned on by a woman. I've admired a beautiful woman but more so in ways I wish I looked that or a 'good for her' never anything sexual. My SO-OCD is back quite strongly at the moment and it's causing panic in me because I have no crush on any males at all and I've been single by choice for so long it's making me worry what if its because I'm really secretly gay or bi. I even get scared to test mentally thought of being a woman incase I like it. I've done this test before and came to conclusion it wasn't for me but now it's back again. I even used to watch WLW p-orn but not like the close ups it was more because it was less peeness on face.

I lie sometimes, and that sometimes turns into a lot to get out of work. I called in 20 times in 24 weeks which I was told by management that it’s unacceptable and they asked what they can do to help. (That was a couple weeks ago). And I called in yesterday. I wasn’t feeling well, but I should’ve went in anyways. It wasn’t that debilitating to not go into work so why did I do that ? I don’t understand why I make the choices I do, and why I continue to do them after being confronted and knowing that is wrong ? I’m terrified of getting in trouble by my boss. She’s quite firm, harsh, which makes sense because she’s running a store, you never really know what to expect when she’s there. it’s not easy to be around her and I know it’s not just me who feels this way because my coworkers have said the same :/. It’s like walking on eggshells and it reminds me of my home life with my dad. My dad isn’t a bad person, I love him, I know he loves me back and he always makes me laugh, but I get so extremely uncomfortable when he’s angry. It seems he’s always angry at something at least once a day, and I hate hearing my parents argue so I just turn my music up and stay in my room. I always fantasize about having my own place, and just doing a full 180. With my boss, There’s always something wrong or, something that makes her mad and it’s hard to be around her since she expresses her negative emotions quite harshly, to the point where it really can be unnecessary. this should not excuse my actions, but I swear this has to be one of the only reasons why I hate going there. Why don’t I just quit ? Well first, I can’t quit until I find another job, and secondly, even though I keep applying I never get responses back. I just continue the cycle of my actions. Why can’t I just show up, do my job, and go home. Why does it affect me so much ? I’d rather stay home, bed rot, and do nothing. Why ? I have the recourses to help myself be better, do better for myself and others around me but I don’t. I know it’s because of my mental health. No normal human being, with a healthy brain and rationality acts like this. I recognize my issue but I don’t have the motivation at all to fix it. I want to change but I also don’t because it seems too hard. All I do is self harm. Smoke weed. Bed rot, and go online. And when I’m not doing that I’m at work, the only time I get out of the house and actually do something. Instead of taking this opportunity I find ways and excuses to keep me home. I ask for shorter shifts, I’m only part-time. I work four hours a shift and I don’t work often, so why don’t I just go in ? It’s hard for me to write this without belittling and somewhat defending my actions. I’m not a bad person, I don’t do bad things, I don’t go out of my way to make someone’s day worse. I really do try to be kind and supportive to everyone, I don’t mean to hurt people and I don’t like the idea of it, I love to make people laugh, but I’m just causing my downfall and I hope I never take anyone with me. All I do is hurt myself over and over. I scarred my skin because I was upset. That’s kinda permanent. It’s not a smart decision. I wish I could make people understand my experiences and everything I feel but I know that’s impossible, and the more I repeat it the more it sounds like excuses, and it kills me inside. At the same time why should I explain my experiences, because my thoughts, and my actions shouldn’t be influenced by something that happened in the past. Nor should I let my mental health take this much of a toll on me. It’s irrational and not fair. All I want to do is belittle myself of my experiences and call myself dramatic but the more I do I feel worse, while also trying to make myself feel better because there has to be a reason why I do this and don’t change ? This can’t all be my fault can it ? Am I really that stupid and lazy ? Why don’t I just try ? All I ask myself is why. The guilt eats me up inside. Of course I’m not going to tell anybody about this except strangers in the internet because I’m ashamed of myself and don’t need the people I love to be too.

Starting Prozac Tommorow morning, and I’m terrified that I’m going to get bad side effects, I’ve seen some really scary articles about them, and it’s causing me a good amount of worry, anyone on Prozac or know anything about it? I’m really hoping it works in helping my ocd, I’ve been on Zoloft before and I don’t really remember and side effects but I do remember getting nausea so I switched to Prozac after a years break and ocd coming back harder.

Curious of what you guys think of this . My wife and I have not spoken in about a month . Not any particular argument just an overall harshness in many conversations leading up to the no talking , by both of us . Instead we have only been communicating through three methods 1- text 2- email 3- handwritten note . I am hoping when we talk again that we can each be more productive and polite with further future conversations. Feel free to weigh in with your points of view , hoping guys and girls both weigh in . Overall it is relatively quiet and peaceful.

Please give me good advice to manage all my evening at home when I am home alone please help me

At the risk of asking for reassurance, how did you guys deal with your ROCD after a breakup? Did you leave your partner or did your partner leave you? My OCD greatly affected my first relationship but I have come to terms with accepting that it didnt work out simply because we both decided we wanted to explore new things as we were very young and our goals did not align. Right now however I am in a much rougher spot because the person I was with does not want anything to do with me anymore and its been one of the most painful things Ive ever experienced simply because of how abrupt the discard was. Without the reassurance of having them by my side, everyday I question more and more what my actual feelings were for them. If I really felt limerence or just comfort, if I was attracted enough, if it ever felt "right," etc. My daily mood fluctuates from emotional numbness, jealous rage, and what I think is genuine melancholy only to then get a fight or flight response when I start to think that I was kind of forcing my feelings being with them. I miss so many things about them, I miss their body, I miss falling asleep together, I miss the comfort they brought me, I miss the chemistry that I felt couldnt be replicated with anyone else I know irl. Yet at the same time my brain just feels a massive void when I think of them now as if they never even existed or the dopamine rushes werent enough to make me really *feel* something for them. This automatically makes my OCD go and say “well, maybe you werent *that* attracted to them and thats why you had some doubts from the start.” I had similar thoughts when I was with them, but I also felt genuine excitement by seeing each other that I really just ignored my OCD and it did not impede much in how I perceived them or stop me from enjoying myself. The recurring “grass is greener” thoughts were definitely prevalent when I was with them but not even close to as bad as they are now that were broken up. They were especially inconsiderate of me and my emotional needs during the last times we spoke and that just made me feel like I had all the more reason to just accept my OCD and realize this person was never someone I truly liked. Its just so frustrating because even after all thats happened I cannot cope with possibly accepting that this was all a lie. I know that I felt great when I was with them even if the dynamic of the relationship itself was very imperfect. It just pains me that I probably will never see this person again and I will now have to deal with these thoughts and getting help on my own without them. This experience has warped my perception of relationships, of my own attraction, and what I even really want from a partner. So I’m genuinely asking, how did you guys deal with ROCD after a break up knowing that your ex partner will probably never talk to you again? I dont need reassurance, just want advice and examples of how to deal with this emotional turmoil. Any help would be appreciated in the meantime.

When he was a newborn I gave my baby an open mouth kiss (jaw opening) on his head. I’ve never seen anybody else kiss their kids like that. He’s almost a year old and I can’t get past it. I do it on camera on my hand in mirrors and on used to do it on my son’s head and cheek as a checking compulsion. One time I was checking on his cheek and he turned his head so it landed on his lips. I feel disgusted. I feel like that’s something that only happens between romantic partners. Also when he was 3-4 months old I was lightly stroking his back, the side of his leg, and then the inner thigh. I felt an intense amount of anxiety the entire time. I feel like I SA’d him with the inner thigh part. I’d compulsively check to see how far the crease of his diaper was from his private out of fear. I just want to be a good mother but I feel like a monster.

Hi everyone, I really need an advice. I discovered I have ocd two years ago. I tried to go to therapy for a few time in 2022 but it was terrible: my therapist didn't do erp and was convinced I didn't have ocd because I didn't have any physical compulsion (🚩). In November 2023, I started going to therapy again: finally, I received my ocd diagnosis. However, even my new therapist doesn't practice erp. She understands my disorder a lot better, but she doesn't give me homework or tips for exposures. I am not as desperate as I was some years ago, but I must admit I can't say I'm fine either. I constantly ruminate (even if I try not to) and I feel anxious almost every day. My main theme before was so-ocd. Now I have less obsessions regarding that, but I'm starting to develop r-ocd. I'm in a relationship since November and the idea of losing him or ruining our love do to ocd really freaks me out. Another thing I should add is that I live in Italy, and here it's very difficult to find a trained erp therapist. So my question for you is: do you think I should try creating a hierarchy of exposures on my own? Is it something that I can try? And if it doesn't work, should I try to see if NOCD can do therapy for people living abroad? It's very expensive and it wouldn't be in my language, but it seems to me that they are the only ones who really understand all this. Thanks to anyone who will take the time to read all this and give me an answer❤️

Saw a post today about the late blooming lesbians because this woman got married to a man and had two children only to realize that was a lesbian and now I don't know what to think as someone who is engaged to be married to a man that I love whole heartedly.. ✨️cue so-ocd✨️ Someone help 😭😭

Hey, this is my first post and I just need to get this off my chest. I’ve been suffering since 2019 now which feels like forever and in fact makes it feel more real as I can now remember back to times where I was struggling with this. I have had periods of calm but seem to have a flare up every year. I am yet to receive therapy but have been on Zoloft and am currently on Prozac. I am really disturbed by an image in my head that I may have done something sexually inappropriate with one of my dogs and have been suffering with this for years. I can’t work out if it’s a memory or not as it’s hazy but the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. It confuses me as I feel like if it had happened I would’ve felt guilty at the time and not just remembered it years later. I’ve always found bestiality abhorrent and can’t understand why I have the image and feeling of me doing this. He has recently passed away which caused a massive relapse as I’m now constantly upset that I can’t remember him properly and whenever I think of him I just get triggered which is distressing as I love him so much. I haven’t been able to get over this and just wanted to see if anyone could relate to this. I’m terrified of myself. I can’t tell my friends or family as I’m so ashamed by the content of my suffering and I feel so alone

For most of my life I thought what I was going through was normal. Before I started therapy, I had even 'accepted' that this was who I am... That I was going to be depressed, anxious, obsessive and compulsive for the rest of my life. The thing is, now I know that I don't have to be any of those things and for the most part, I'm not those things anymore. They weren't me, they aren't me, but they're apart of me. I've learned to manage them and my OCD and I couldn't be happier. Sure, symptoms come and go, sometimes more intense than other times, but I've learned how to manage them and I'm happy, I'm living in the moment more than I have for most of my life. You can do this too and if you're thinking about therapy, do it. I know it's not accessible for every person and I want to acknowledge that too and I hope you all get the treatment and support you deserve. This isn't forever and you have a community here.

I remember my therapist talking about surrendering to your thoughts does anyone want to expand and explain this.

Ordering Repeating Extreme overthinking Hours and hours doing my those OCD rituals Cannot read or write because of this Taking time while switching on fan/light etc.... Self harming No one understands about my OCD It's been 2 years Random crying and feeling helpless and lost most of the time Re doing and re writing and re reading Checking doors Arranging doormats sometimes takes like 20-25 minutes to arrange doormats Random and worst compulsions Example: Touch the door 4 times or else my loved one will die Then it becomes 4x4 16 Random imaginations of numbers Nothing becomes perfect Wasting all my time to study (I'm in 10TH GRADE)doing all these. Very slow while writing notes in class because of rewriting and my bench mates notices it sometimes and makes fun of it. Even my bestfriend doesn't understands me and laughs at it but she tries to support me but they are not understanding what I am going through. Compulsion while I go to bed when I am extremely tired and then I waste the next minutes or maybe hours doing those without sleeping even if I am tired or class the next day. Seeing all these my parents yell at me and makes fun of laugh at me call me mad or crazy.Mu siblings and my cousins laugh at me and says "Stop doing these.Why are you acting" "JUST STOP THESE". I ALWAYS DO RITUALS WITH THE ANXIETY THAT SOMETHING HAPPENS TO MY PARENTS.And I love soo much that I can't even explain but my parents don't understand why I am doing these and one day my father pleaded and cried saying that "Please stop this.Dont be crazy.You are making me sad and tense.These are just your thoughts". One day while going to a function(we were running late) and my family was in a hurry that time I was ordering the footwears which was kept outside my house it tooke me 8 or more minutes and my father yelled at me and He destroyed all of the arrangement with his leg and all my hardwork was ruined and watching this my sibling started laughing hardly and I broke down into tears and yelled back at him and said that I'm not coming without arranging these. COUNTING ALWAYS. Retyping things, My teachers noticed this during computer lab and yelled at me.

My sister randomly one day told me she had sex with our cousin and then every time I tried to ask her about what happened she would say it never happened or get mad at me for talking to her about it. I told a bunch of people and honestly i admit I think I wanted to get attention from people but it also made me feel like I was gonna explode if I didn’t tel someone. I ended up telling my roomate who was dating my cousin after he was treating her badly they broke up and she was sad so I told her that to make her feel better but now I feel guilty cuz why was I telling people her business? What if I was trying to smear campaign her without realizing it? Why did I want to shock people like what is wrong with me?