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Why does ocd have to get in the way and ruin everything you’re trying to enjoy I’m tired of it just don’t know what to do

I put too much on my plate. Im working full time night shift, a full time hybrid student, and doing clinical rotations all in the midst of buying a house and adding a third to my long term relationship. i thought i could handle it. i thought that if i wanted this enough that i could make it work but now i feel like my brain is on fire. Working nights has me so paranoid that i have to count my steps out 1-2-3-4 and sometimes feel completely glued to my seat counting 1-2-3-4 over and over to get the feeling of dread to go away. I am constantly ruminating and reassurance seeking to the point of breaking down every time i’m alone. My brain is full of all of the what-ifs so full that it’s hard to sleep. I had my first appointment with a specialist but due to everything going on, i fell asleep while waiting for the appointment to start (Telehealth) Before all of this started my OCD was just the counting steps and bouts of contamination fears and over cleaning but now im questioning my life over and over to point of pointlessness and its driving me insane. i cant do this. i will because i know i have to and it will be over soon but im so scared and i dont know how i can come out of all of this okay and intact with the people i love still around me. i hate who i have become.

i constantly think bc of the way my stomach feels i may be getting cancer or pregnant (not that i’ve done things to make that happen) i just overthink it and convince myself i did and i go crazy sometimes i feel like i have no one to talk to bc no one understands the way my head works.

What I’m looking for Has anyone ever - had an intrusive image - That’s vivid - In first person and felt “close” but you know it’s imagination - But you can still see/maintain awareness of the room you’re in at the same time - has all 4 of these points ever happened to anyone else at the same time?? Edit: AND - they only have OCD as a mental health diagnosis - They’ve never taken any major drugs I know I need to calm down on looking for people exactly like me but I can’t Therapy is booked in tho

still feeling like this :(

…Was one of the most heartless, cruel, and disturbingly ignorant comment sections I’ve ever seen. I genuinely want to scream and sob from the grief reading that comment section has caused me. ***SEVERE trigger warning because these comments were BAD. Please read with caution.*** The post was a girl with contamination fears sharing one of her experiences, where a makeup bag got contaminated by being placed by the toilet. An experience a lot of us can relate to. The comment section? “We know you’re faking this” “This is satire” “Grow up” “boohoo cry p*ssy” “so tired of snowflakes” “shut up liberal” Lots of cursing out and insults… And, one of the top, most liked comments?? “Just a reminder these people can PROCREATE and VOTE!!” I just….I cannot believe the cruelty of this world. This is why I struggle sharing my struggle. This is why there’s such a lack of mental health awareness—because anytime someone speaks up, they are punished and shunned and berated to oblivion! I PRAY DEEPLY that there IS good in the world beyond the horrors of that internet comment section. Needless to say…I won’t be viewing comment sections for awhile.

How do you all handle feelings of isolation? I feel so alone in this and I feel like I will never have a friend or partner that I can really truly talk about everything with.

I want to move on from my past relationship but can't shake it. Everything reminds me of her, and I know I didn't do my best to facilitate the "best" possible relationship. I need to take accountability; however, my life revolves around her. And there's nothing wrong with that because I love her. And I know she's moved on. I have been stuck in the past and still am. I play music sometimes which reminds me of her, and I am filled with joy. I guess I just need to stop. We can all push forward and realise that we are capable. (I say this but I almost contribute nothing to my family). (I have everything). I feel as if she is me and I am her because we are. (Or were. That is a very irresponsible and disrespectful connotation for me I feel not anyone else). I'm so selfish. The last message she sent to me was very respectful, but I continued to pursue her. And it poisons my mind. I understand that there is nothing wrong with love, but is this love or obsession? I've written an entire story dedicated to her but it still feels wrong. Again, I must stop. However, it feels like I cannot. Feelings do not represent the entirety of the situation. I feel lost, but I am not lost. (We are never lost). My father also molested me when I was younger and I feel as if I am the issue with everything. (In the context of my previous relationship I was). I have a sort of saviour complex, but I just need to let her go if I really love her. And me (If anyone is experiencing the same issue or has then I am here to tell you that it is okay). (Your thoughts do not define you, only actions). And by acting like a saviour I become nothing more than a pebble. (Pebbles are good). I am attempting to become my "true" and "authentic" self but feel so fake. I was extremely irresponsible in not thinking when getting my previous relationship. I also gave attention to another girl and I also feel (as I should) horrible. But we're worthy even if we don't think we push forward into the future. My relationship with my family, in my childhood, (Not representative of now) deeply effects me. Everyone is here for the first time, so we must consider everyone. And what my dad did to me was not justifiable. I have to forgive myself, ultimately, for what I did in my previous relationship in order to grow. I am growing. We all are growing. There is hope and light for everyone. I attempting to stay true to my self, but every day is a reminder that I don't really love myself. If I loved myself I would be perfect. (No one is perfect, and I am not perfect). I miss Lauren so much. But I know she is thriving. And I feel like the victim but I'm not. I feel as if she owes me something when she doesn't owe me anything. Not very often "consciously" but subconsciously I think I am a bad person. Which I am. There is no excuse or pity party event that will absolve me. And I embrace that fact. She is so strong. And I'll always admire her. I do not want to be absolved. I am a toxic person. And I always will carry this burden.( But there is nothing wrong with Acknowledging your faults). I just feel if I do one thing wrong, which everyone does things wrong, I will end up being supremely horrible. And I am horrible. (No one is horrible we are all human). I am full of contradictions. We all are, but I feel as if I am the only one. (I know I am not). I wish I wasn't so toxic. And I know wishing won't solve my issues. She was my sun. And she was never "mine," Which I thought. Possession is not love. Neglect is not love. Selfishness is not love. After we broke up, I could barely sleep. And I kept having sleep paralysis. I could literally feel my heart bursting out of my chest when I tried to go to sleep. (I am alright now and know that I am loved by myself). But I am not really okay. I always attempt to humble myself and it's working so far, but it's also not. I guess that's part of the process. There is only me. And I cannot blame anything on anyone, nor do I blame anyone. I am responsible for what I did. And I really want her back. But I know that is not the right thing. I am lost. (Or I feel like it). Always. (My love for Lauren). (I am deeply disgusted by my previous wanting of another woman. I never pursued anything, but I still feel guilty and I shouldn't). But I do feel guilty. We were both not ready for a relationship, I suppose. I must love my self. (I apologize for the grammatical errors).

I’m dealing quite good with my ocd. There are days where I just feel certain about myself and my feelings for my boyfriend. Other days, or even just moments, I am overwhelmed with doubts, like now. If I think about it, I cannot stand to leave my boyfriend, because I feel so safe and loved. All I want to know is that nothing can separate me from him. It’s really hard, sometimes I still think that it’s not ocd but it’s like I’m discovering a part of myself that has been hidden all of this time (I’m 25). Moreover I’m also dealing with past memories that I did not give much importance until now. I do not want this for me. I want to stay with him. I’m also dealing with a lack of attraction sometimes, because if I think about it, I do not get anything, probably because I’m still anxious. Just want to share this with you guys, if someone can relate and write about their current condition it would be very nice to read about you. Hope you are doing well.

Hello Solo My psychiatrist prescribed me alprazolam A quarter for the morning and one for the evening to calm my extreme anxiety So yeah I've gotta say that even for me, a person that has suffered with extreme anxiety all the life This time around it's been crazy But I'm also afraid of becoming addicted to it Any experiences?? Opinions? Anything?

Does it ever piss you off that other people can just think normally and not get triggered by the smallest things? Like I’m in debate class right now and this girl is practicing her speech and keeps repeating the phrase “then she wouldn’t have been raped and beaten” and I’ve had MAJOR rape ocd issues in the past so it just kinda triggers me and it got me wondering and kinda pissed off about how normal people think you know what I mean??

Today I was reading “a court of thorns and roses” and when they introduced the Bogge all I could think was “oh my god this is ocd!” It beckons to you begging you to acknowledge it so it can feed on your fears and try its best to break you down, you can listen to it and let it be there and sit with that uncomfortable feeling like Fayre did but don’t give in, don’t give it your attention. Don’t look at it

ROCD, MOCD, HOCD, SOOCD, POCD. The worst ones I'm flitting between right now, is H and P, the ones that feel the worst and are the most sickening. Up until 2 weeks ago, I was doing well and feeling more positive. Today my mind has been trying to go back to where the POCD actually first started, or the biggest trigger that I can remember. Never a good idea to do that. It's gone back to my friend's child. Remembering at a wedding when she was so pretty all dressed up, really beautiful. And I don't know whether it's the physical and mental state I'm in now that's doing it, but it makes me feel like I re-acted mentally and physically to thinking that. The worst thing was, she was really beautiful, really photogenic and there's a cloud in my heading giving me this feeling of I reacted in "that" way and wanted to. I didn't. But I'm in major anxiety right now, because I'm "feeling" it. Why? Does that mean I am? In my head it's questioning I'm in denial. It makes me feel sick. Ever since then I worried about being around ,not just her, but other responses that I felt would trigger that. Oh my god, writing this down is making me feel sick and anxious and I've convinced myself I'm evil. I don't want to do anything like that, I swear. All this is ruining my potential for a friendship/relationship because I don't feel I can ever be around him because of what is going on, how crazy and psycho I am, and on a physical level with them. And I really them them too and loved spending time with him. I've always avoided relationships in the past, because of my confidence, and I've missed put. It makes me feel so sad, because I'm not evil. I seem to convince myself I'm the P word (I can't even say it), that I'm gonna harm someone because I get angry or upset, that I'm other worse things as well. That I can't do this, and I'm gonna fail. Right now, I feel like I've undone everything positive I've done and experienced over the last couple of months. Which makes me spiral more, I dont want that.

Worried that I’m gonna speak negativity into existence after seeing a video on tiktok saying that you speak things into existence. Dude I hate this so much. I hate this so much.

I steal stuff all the time, not from her but just in general. I took a pencil from a teachers desk while I was subsititute teaching because I just loved the way it wrote and it has such a good grip on it I don’t know. It was so stupid of me and now I feel giiity for that now. I have adhd and my impulsivity makes it hard for me to recognize the consequences of my actions and how it eel so guilty for having this sense of entitlement. I’m worried this impulsivity has led me to be abusive by begging for my ex boyfriend to come back to me because I think I should just have what I want all the time

I can't handle this anymore....Everytime I hangout with my partner they say one little thing I don't like and I started balling my eyes out and they wind up comforting me. I'm constantly being triggered by him and I don't even know why. I got a TikTok slideshow about healthy relationships today and one said "genuinely enjoying each other's company" and i started to spiral. Recently when we hangout I am constantly analzying anything that can be contrused as toxic. We were watching sex and the city and he said he hated the show and I was like see thats so toxic and unhealthy a good partner would never hate a show I LIKE. I'm analyzing everytime he has shown frusteration or been upset about something or has said something the littlest bit mean and convincing myself that my relationship is somehow unhealthy and toxic even though it's not. My mind has completely warpped my perception of him and now I see him as this evil man when before I thought he was the sweetest most gentle man ever. I am even getting intrusive thoughts of us getting into nasty fights or hitting each other which would never happen. BUT WHAT IF IT HAPPENS IN THE FUTURE EVEN THOUGH I DON'T THINK IT WILL. I think my ROCD has really found the ultimate trigger because if the relationship did become toxic I would have to leave and I'm just so upset. I genuinely love my partner and this is becoming between us and I am on the verge of panic 24/7. I am constantly scanning for the littlest signs of abuse like he told me he didn't like these pants I ordered but he may like how they look on me and my brain is like "YOU SEE HE IS TRYING TO CONTROL WHAT YOU WEAR" like he has never told me to not wear and outfit or change once. I'm so sick of this my brain is convinced he's a "bad guy" when he is so far from it and him getting the smallest bit frustrated about anything means he has "anger issues" trust me he has seen me mad about things and I have been far worse. It's like the only way I can be with someone is if they're are this perfect robot that never has one bad moment or is allowed to show any negative emotions in front of me. Am I just gaslighting myself?? I am actually spiraling out of control and don't know what to do. I'm scared these thoughts are going to taint my relationship to the point of no return. I am also scared of having "gut feelings" that I'm in an abusive or unhealthy relationship. PLEASE HELP ME!

Tips on how to not let the intrusive thoughts ruin me

Hi! I have a really hard time traveling. I feel like everything is dirty or can never be cleaned enough. Fabric Furniture is the worst for me! I much rather stay home and relax than travel. The problem is that my family loves to travel. They feel like I can never live a normal life because of uncomfortable I am in hotels or rental houses. I normally try and bring as much of my own stuff as I can but sometimes I still cannot relax. I end up ruminating on all the things that need to be cleaned in the room. Which leads to a fight with my family because they see it as perfectionism. We are currently on a trip and the rental house is not as brand new in the pictures. The pictures are your typical ones where they do make it look better than it is. Some of the furniture is different than the pictures and the walls are all scuffed up. Is it wrong to expect it to be pretty much what is pictured? Does anyone have any tips to try to not fixate on how dirty traveling can be? Or explaining to others how it affects you without seeming like you are complaining?

So I’ve recently began dating someone and we’ve been in a relationship for almost 5 months. At the beginning of the relationship it was amazing and I’d also started tapering off medication. Shortly after though I felt the urge to confess to him about all of my past partners in terms of who I was sexually active with because before he and I entered a relationship he was not the only person I’d been involved with.I would only feel relief after telling him all details regarding these circumstances only for about a day later something else would feel just as urgent for me to tell him. I started connecting these things to other subtypes I’ve experienced and I was very depressed and so was he. There was an instance where I saw him check out another girl and I at this point was avoiding looking at men as a compulsion bcs my boyfriend has been cheated on twice before and it is the center of my subtype (have i or will i cheat on him) and after catching him do that I checked another guy out and afterwards felt very guilty for doing. Suddenly i statted mentally receiving and came up with a story from remembering a time he double texted me and I got very anxious thinking he was cheating on me and so I started to wonder what if I flirted with someone at school and started reviewing my memories , texts with my friends and him to try and “jog” my memory , wanting to go through my own phone to see if I’d done anything. I obsessed for weeks over this. Shortly after I traveled to Mexico City for a wedding and my bf was constant in reminding me “don’t forget about me or don’t cheat on me” when I got the wedding we were assigned seats and I was sat at a table with people my age , one of which was a guy I found attractive this was for obvious reasons very triggering. I promised my bf to no drinking alcohol also bcs I dding want anything to happen. I knew the boy sitting next to me bcs his parents are friends with mine and this was our first time meeting and we were all talking , I felt like I needed to talk to everyone else though about similar topics bcs I ddint want to seem like i onky wanted to get to know him and not everyone else bcs i found him attractive , I also made sure to tell the table I did have a bf. I danced at the dance floor and did enjoy myself though I found myself having these thoughts of wanting to be single and having this feeling of wanting this boy to find me attractive and I wasn’t at first super distressed by this until I got back to the table with my parents and avoided this boy bcs I fekt like I’d just done something really bad , I have since then been mentally reviewing the wedding and wishing I’d never gone bcs now I feek guilty and like I’ve cheated and keep asking my mom for reassurance and wanted to tell myself that it’s ocd but I feel like I’m using it as an excuse , any help ?? I also will get false memory ocd of me doing something like only dancing with him instead of in a group and why did I sing this song a certain way around him and also that I did dance moves in front of other people and not just him. I don’t know what to do or how to do exposure for this.

I cant tell if this is OCD or not. Im a teenager right now and Ive been dealing with stuff like this since I can remember, so around 3 years old. Something I do a lot is repeat something exactly 4 times to protect myself from getting hurt (Ex. Ill hit the volume button on my phone 4 times or something will happen). I also will accidentally touch something with one of my fingers so then I have to even it out by touching it with all of my fingers. I have thoughts like “If you dont do *something* a certain amount of times then *something* will happen to someone”. These are some of the more mild thoughts I get, but they do get pretty violent. But I never feel right and I always feel uneven and I cant tell if this is normal or not. Most of the time I cant even go a few minutes without having to do something (that can potentially harm me) in fear that something will happen. Almost every week i unintentionally come up with a new thing I have to do repeatedly and now my mind feels so full with stuff I have to do or itll have a certain outcome. I cant say more because now I feel like if I say it, it will happen. I cant use any negative words cuz i feel like something will happen. If I need to explain more in depth I will, but can someone please tell me if I should get help for this? Because it is REALLY impacting my life and I feel like im constantly trying to hide from my thoughts and its all of the time i cant take it anymore