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I started doing ERP and I absolutely hate it! It feels like I actually like and want the thoughts 😭

Therapy be the cause of my ocd and desire for perfectionism? So I have posted a lot of questions on here since I've been a member but this is probably the biggest question I have asked To be as brief as I can be about this prior to me starting talking therapy at the start of 2020 I was a very functional person who went to the gym 4-5 days per week and went to work. The only flaw that I felt I really had was that every 2-3 months I would go out drinking and get extremely drunk to the point of blacking out. I wouldnt touch a single alcoholic drink for 2-3 months but then I would go crazy for 1 or sometimes 2 nights but then go back to not a single drink for 2-3 months. This prompted my mother to start suggesting to me that I have some talk therapy and there were a few occasions that she told me quite angrily that I had to go to counselling. I felt like this was an over reaction and I need to add here that even though I got very drunk I never hurt anyone or anything like that I remember those moments I felt very attacked and judged especially as my mother is also someone who occasionally gets black out drunk. Eventually after a few years of being told every few months that I should have some counselling I gave in but I seriously feel that this set off a perfectionism drive in me and was a big cause in my ocd. I think drinking he way that I did probably was a coping mechanism of some sort but I don't feel like it effected my life negatively enough for me to do something about it because I never did it regularly enough Basically before agreeing to talk therapy I was functional, going to work and mostly happy without any ruminations or compulsions Since going to talk therapy at the start of 2020 I'm non functional, haven't worked for 4 years now, have Preety much stopped exercising and my whole day is spent ruminating and doing compulsions

How do you know if its rocd or not? Or if you’re just finding excuses for being a terrible person

Haven’t been like this in a little while. I’m feeling super anxious and jittery and I can’t get rid of the feeling. I’m trying to sit with it and let it naturally subside but it won’t. I think it’s because I’m nervous of going into work tm because of the last two shifts I had weren’t great and I have that in my mind. Idk just needed to vent and I love any advice.

i have a lot of issues with thinking i am romantically / sexually attracted ti every guy i am around whether or not i think theyre cute i convince myself i do and every tingle or anything i feel i convince myself its a crush. and ofc some of that is due to rocd but i fear that some of it is genuine / natural and smt im meant to feel as if im meant to be with them. and when ppl say any intrusive crush is due to ocd i question whether its an ocd crush or if its intrusive bcs i dont like the idea but its still inevitable and smt my heart is meant to gravitate towards which i don't want. anyway i have that w one of my bf's friends bcs they already make jokes abt me flirting w that friend and its made me question a lot od things like if him and i ever hang out alone or he picks me up even tho its all respectful to my bf i wonder if i secretly try to take advantage of my bfs absence to enjoy the attention of being w the guy alone. sometimes i wonder if im standing too close to him or closer than i would stand if my bf were there with me or if im being touchy or anything. and i think this guy is not bad looking and i try to give myself icks bcs i used to be sure i wasnt attracted to him but recently ive been unsure and i alwags have this feeling of trying to be everyones closest friend even w guys like him or feeling happy when they ask me for help w smt or come to pick me up or things likr that alone sometimes in a friend way sometimes idk if thats normal or romantic etc or emotional cheating. and today he wanted my help covering his tattoos with makeup and i tried to make him do it himself so i wouldnt touch him and the whole time i was trying to be super cautious not to do anything that wld give off the wrong impression and i told my bf everything right after abt what happened but there were some points where i wld have to help blend in the makeup w my brushes and on his biceps so i had to get a little closer and i stood a little close to help direct him thru the makeup so he could do most of it w his own hands but im super scared / stressed now that i took advantage of my bf not being there and that i blended the makeup and stuff too closely and i wonder if i wouldnt do that if he was there w me even tho i feel like i would but it wld make him uncomfortable idk i tried my best to be respectful but at the same time im scared i didn't and i feel like i emotionally cheated and i am super scared also bcs this is the guy i question having a crush on so idk if i took advantage of my bfs absence or not i need advice

Hi, I'm Alexander   I want to start off by saying 2 things: 1. I am so proud that you are still here, fighting your war, pushing day by day. You are loved, and you are not alone. 2. I find humor helps me feel better about my OCD, as it kinda takes the wind out of its sail, so I hope I do not offend anyone with the silly jokes I make. If anyone takes offense, please let me know, and I will revise my post.   I was diagnosed with OCD in February of 2020, roughly 4 weeks before the world stood still due to COVID. At the time, my obsession was Harm OCD, but as time has gone by, I have acquired additional subtypes, almost like I am collecting Pokemon (gotta catch 'em all, right?). Over time, I have battled with HOCD, Pedophilia OCD, Real Event OCD, Incest OCD (it's not even a defined subtype yet, I'm just a hipster like that), and few others when I have the free time. My go to compulsions were rationalization (which only made things worse) and avoidance (watching Bob's Burgers and playing Rocket League). I started therapy at NOCD early January after a very rough holiday season, with many panic attacks, crying episodes, and generally wishing I was never born. My therapist, Andrew, has been such a gift in my life, treating me with care and compassion that my OCD makes me feel I am not worthy of. Together, we have identified that the core fear my OCD feeds on is abandonment; I am afraid that if I am the person my OCD wants me to think I am, that my friends and family will abandon me. When it came time to start (E)xposure (R)esponse (P)revention, I'm not going to lie, I was terrified. The first few sessions left me in quite a mess (to be fair, I definitely underestimated my response to my exposures, my bad Andrew, that's on me). Session after session it has gotten easier to face my triggers. I learned to steer away from my compulsions, and to process the triggering obsession like the trauma it is. I have been given the OCD Conqueror badge for my progress, and I appreciate the sentiment of it, however, I'm sorry NOCD, I think it gives the wrong idea. Conquering implies a set-in-stone victory, but that isn't what OCD is. OCD is a lifetime war, and a new battle starts every day. Somedays OCD beats me up pretty bad, but with the help I am getting, I am happy to say that most days I kick OCDs ass, sorry for cussing, brother ---^. I know that OCD is cyclic, and days might come where it battles with everything it has, but I'll be better equipped for it this time around. To those who are in active therapy, don't forget to tell your therapists that you appreciate them; without them, there would be no NOCD for us! Show them the same compassion, reassurance, and love they show us! To those who are unsure or scared of therapy, remember, "courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it" -Mark Twain

My thoughts about a brain tumor started to become a thing about 9 months ago. At first they were horrible but I've been able to control them ever since. Ever since spring break started a couple of days ago, thoughts about a brain tumor have been debilitating and they are so real I'm convinced I'm dying. My mind kept telling me I was worthless anyway, and finding belong so I all makes sense and all the symptoms make sense too. I can't go to the doctor because I'm in another state and I don't know what to do. I also ran out of medication a couple of days ago and I won't be able to get more until April 9th. So it might be that but I'm convinced I'm dying.

I have all of these and im just asking because I always thought nobody would ever understand how much is constantly going on in my head all at once, all the time, everyday. Sometimes there's so much in my head i feel suicidal purely out of wanting a break from so much constantly going on, feeling like it's never going to stop and I can't handle it, and that nobody gets it or ever will. Like there's so many different layers of thoughts and anxieties that connect to triggering each other every day all the time that I don't want to have to even try to navigate any of it anymore... Does anyone else feel this way...

Ok so I am getting married next year. My fiancé and I have been living together for a long time. I honestly am so worried about getting married to him, because of my most disturbing thoughts about my physical attraction to him. This thought originally came up when confronting the major life decision of moving in together, and it hasn’t stopped since. I feel sick, because a lot of times these thoughts and disturbances come up when I see him and actually don’t feel attraction to him. Almost every day I have these thoughts and think that I am hurting him by marrying him. On the other hand, I don’t want to deprive myself of something that I’ve always wanted, and I don’t want to be alone. Both of these fears seem like OCD, so it seems like the universe isn’t telling me the right decision to make. Help?

Any advice on how to deal with the feelings of guilt that comes with ocd thoughts? I think my biggest trigger is feeling anxious (heart racing, throat knotted, drop in my stomach) so I start thinking back to things that made me anxious before and see if they still make me feel that anxiety if that makes sense. It’s like I try to tie an anxious thought to the feeling for the feeling to make sense to me. I am trying to just let the feeling be but it’s so hard especially bc I start feeling guilty when my boyfriend is around and telling me how much he loves me. I just feel like I’m holding something in that is going to break our relationship and hurt him which is my biggest fear. I also have a hard time with past memories that seem like proof that all of my thoughts are actually true and not ocd so it is so hard. If anyone relates or has any advice at all please lmk. I’m not sure why these past two weeks have been so hard for me

Idk if anybody is religious but yesterday I was so distraught and suicidal and I pray to God to give me a reason to continue and beat OCD. I called suicide hotline and it sort of help. It's really hard to talk to a stranger what you're go through, especially when you comes to OCD. I made a call to an ocd therapist through this app and that helped. It wasnt until after hours later that I told my brother why I've become distant and I told him how I was feeling suicidal and I promise that I will go on anti-depressants. I just wanted to say that idk what's gonna happen in the future and idk if I'm able to fight ocd or seek recovery.

Is it normal/ok to think your partner is weird? I keep thinking it and I keep panicking and feeling like I don’t like him and need to leave. I’m starting to worry that maybe he’s just too weird, or maybe a “little off” and crazy. It’s so frustrating.

Im so tired from seeing & feeling from men’s pov , i really dont want to be a man , im really into men but hocd and tocd keep convincing me im not

Fucking help, please. How do you shut off these intrusive harm ocd thoughts?

I don’t know what to say. I feel a bit lost to be honest with my thoughts. They feel so real, they actually hurt so much. Why do I find myself comparing to my boyfriends and my friends? I’m not them, they got nothing to deal with me. It’s just that I feel the need to prove I have it worse, and to do that is to partake in actual harm. I have been feeling really low lately, honestly I feel like I’m losing it. It’s a scary feelings to think unaliving myself may be an option for me but I don’t want to do that. In all the hardships in life, there is so good in there. I have my boyfriend , I got good grades, I have a good home life I guess, I have friends and other amazing things too. It sad to say but I kinda need some comfort to know I’ll be fine. I feel like I’m at the end of my ropes right now. When people tell me their struggles I compare them to my own. When people give me advice, I overthink it. When I have something hope it gets torn apart. My heart hurts a lot. I feel like even if I do pass I’ll just be another number, like a casualty and no one would care. But that’s not true, people do care about me enough that they want me to live. I’m just so tired of feeling this way. I need help. But I feel like I don’t? God fucking damn it leave me the hell alone. I didn’t do nothing at all. I’m a good person I have morals and I have everything that is fit for me. But why go for everything I care about huh? Let me heal in peace. I can’t even pick up a fucking pencil with other thinking about whenever I could draw good, or even take a breather. it’s disabling its fucked and it’s hurts. Leave me alone. I’m too young to bear this pain. Living isn’t supposed to be a chore. It supposed to be something to look toward to the happy things in life. I fear I’d slip one day and do something awful to myself. It takes more than two painkiller to kill you right? I won’t do anything bad. Maybe I shouldn’t consider this though. I feel like I’ve reach pure insanity with my mental health. Maybe I am depressed or something. God I need help. But why do people try to even help me? Why do they care? I feel myself switching. I’m trying my best to not believe anything my thoughts are telling me. I feel so awful to the point I feel happy. What type of sick shit is this? I do care. But at the same time I feel nothing. This is terrifying and torturous. Please help me. What is this?

Hi! I am a Christian who is about to get married. According to my religious beliefs, I believe that if you get married, you cannot marry again except for instances of infidelity or death. I was in a play in college where my character married another character, and so I am obsessed with the idea that I actually got married to the other actor, and therefore have no (religious) right to be married. It is really ruining everything surrounding my upcoming marriage and making me feel extremely distressed, anxious, and hopeless. My friend recommended this app!

Can someone reply

Hi guys, trying to hopefully get some opinions. I am very confused about whether or not I actually need treatment. I recently had an intrusive thought that disturbed me deeply, I ruminated for about 2 weeks and felt so much shame and guilt around it. After that, I started to feel much better and my brain started realizing that I have no need to feel shame because it’s just a thought. I started looking into OCD and found that this feeling of overwhelming shame and intrusive thoughts are common symptoms. I just dont know at what point I actually seek out treatment, or if I just say “ok, we seem to be moving past this, I think we’re good”. Is this OCD? Was this just a panic response to a bad thought? If anyone could offer insight, I would really appreciate it. Thanks!

I've never been turned on by a woman. I've admired a beautiful woman but more so in ways I wish I looked that or a 'good for her' never anything sexual. My SO-OCD is back quite strongly at the moment and it's causing panic in me because I have no crush on any males at all and I've been single by choice for so long it's making me worry what if its because I'm really secretly gay or bi. I even get scared to test mentally thought of being a woman incase I like it. I've done this test before and came to conclusion it wasn't for me but now it's back again. I even used to watch WLW p-orn but not like the close ups it was more because it was less peeness on face.

I lie sometimes, and that sometimes turns into a lot to get out of work. I called in 20 times in 24 weeks which I was told by management that it’s unacceptable and they asked what they can do to help. (That was a couple weeks ago). And I called in yesterday. I wasn’t feeling well, but I should’ve went in anyways. It wasn’t that debilitating to not go into work so why did I do that ? I don’t understand why I make the choices I do, and why I continue to do them after being confronted and knowing that is wrong ? I’m terrified of getting in trouble by my boss. She’s quite firm, harsh, which makes sense because she’s running a store, you never really know what to expect when she’s there. it’s not easy to be around her and I know it’s not just me who feels this way because my coworkers have said the same :/. It’s like walking on eggshells and it reminds me of my home life with my dad. My dad isn’t a bad person, I love him, I know he loves me back and he always makes me laugh, but I get so extremely uncomfortable when he’s angry. It seems he’s always angry at something at least once a day, and I hate hearing my parents argue so I just turn my music up and stay in my room. I always fantasize about having my own place, and just doing a full 180. With my boss, There’s always something wrong or, something that makes her mad and it’s hard to be around her since she expresses her negative emotions quite harshly, to the point where it really can be unnecessary. this should not excuse my actions, but I swear this has to be one of the only reasons why I hate going there. Why don’t I just quit ? Well first, I can’t quit until I find another job, and secondly, even though I keep applying I never get responses back. I just continue the cycle of my actions. Why can’t I just show up, do my job, and go home. Why does it affect me so much ? I’d rather stay home, bed rot, and do nothing. Why ? I have the recourses to help myself be better, do better for myself and others around me but I don’t. I know it’s because of my mental health. No normal human being, with a healthy brain and rationality acts like this. I recognize my issue but I don’t have the motivation at all to fix it. I want to change but I also don’t because it seems too hard. All I do is self harm. Smoke weed. Bed rot, and go online. And when I’m not doing that I’m at work, the only time I get out of the house and actually do something. Instead of taking this opportunity I find ways and excuses to keep me home. I ask for shorter shifts, I’m only part-time. I work four hours a shift and I don’t work often, so why don’t I just go in ? It’s hard for me to write this without belittling and somewhat defending my actions. I’m not a bad person, I don’t do bad things, I don’t go out of my way to make someone’s day worse. I really do try to be kind and supportive to everyone, I don’t mean to hurt people and I don’t like the idea of it, I love to make people laugh, but I’m just causing my downfall and I hope I never take anyone with me. All I do is hurt myself over and over. I scarred my skin because I was upset. That’s kinda permanent. It’s not a smart decision. I wish I could make people understand my experiences and everything I feel but I know that’s impossible, and the more I repeat it the more it sounds like excuses, and it kills me inside. At the same time why should I explain my experiences, because my thoughts, and my actions shouldn’t be influenced by something that happened in the past. Nor should I let my mental health take this much of a toll on me. It’s irrational and not fair. All I want to do is belittle myself of my experiences and call myself dramatic but the more I do I feel worse, while also trying to make myself feel better because there has to be a reason why I do this and don’t change ? This can’t all be my fault can it ? Am I really that stupid and lazy ? Why don’t I just try ? All I ask myself is why. The guilt eats me up inside. Of course I’m not going to tell anybody about this except strangers in the internet because I’m ashamed of myself and don’t need the people I love to be too.