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the NOCD Community

I'm trying to get a general idea of what the community believes. Yes or no answers only please. Once I get a good number of replies I'll follow up with info. Is your brain who you are?

So I was recently diagnosed with ocd and I have always been told since I was little that I have ocd tendencies but I worry that I am not ocd enough. Like what if I don’t have enough like things to address. Sometimes I worry that I’m faking it but I can’t tell the difference between what’s fake and what real

There is an exposure that I have been avoding because I'm so scared. Part of the avoidance was actually because there was no chance to do the ERP. Now that there is a chance I do not know if I'm ready. I have been feeling a lot of anxiety lately and feeling a little bit numb in terms of having a big anxiety attack but the sadness and worry is still there I just do not have the energy to react. That scares me too because when I have intrusive thoughts I'm just too mentally and emotionally exhausted to react but I'm still feeling sad, irritated, afraid, worried.... I'm worried about the ERP that will take place I'm worried that I'm not ready and it will make the intrusive thoughts and anxiety worse. Just writing about this is a little bit of an exposure. I wish I can explain better but you can see from the OCD theme what this post is about. I'm feeling calm and anxious at the same time (if that makes sense). How do I deal with this in the moment?

Does anyone constantly feel like they have to think about who they are and even who they used to be or it seems like you’re going to lose yourself. I’m also dealing with depersonalization so I feel like I’m going to just slip away

I don’t even know how to start but this is the worst type of intrusive thoughts i’ve had and it’s breaking me down.I really need to find comfort in this but have no idea how.I have intrusive thoughts about my religion and God which I can’t even describe in detail because I feel horrible about it.Its thoughts about death,contradicting my beliefs and saying i don’t like my religion and what I believe in,terrifying thoughts about afterlife. really need help with this It’s literally tearing me down and it’s sickening to me.I’ll try going into more detail if anyone needs it,if I don’t feel too uncomfortable.

When my sister told me she slept with our cousin I could not handle it and whenever I feel an intense emotion I feel lien I need to talk to other people about it in order to move past it and feel validated that my reactions are okay. I never thought of me doing that for superiority being a possibility until I learned about NPD and now I am confused about my intentions because I do think I am morally more correct than my sister and I do tell people things that bother me or things that happen for validations that my reactions are okay and justified. When I think of people disliking my sister because of that I get anxious and I feel guilty because I don’t want people to dislike my sister but what if I do and I just am in denial?

I've been thinking about this stuff for a few days, it'll go away for a little but something always reminds me or I will think it myself to see if it affects me. im so tired, i feel like its always there. I know if it's distressing me this much i clearly don't like the thoughts but then i think to myself 'then why am i thinking it?' 'you're just trying to convince yourself'. I feel fucking disgusting. I cant even sleep to escape it, it'll show up in my dreams. it makes me physically ill. I just want it to end.

I have been on ssri since i was 19 i am 37 now... i never really noticed a true improvement, of course much less anxiety etc, but never got to the root of the problem, im thinking about maybe stopping the medication and really facing anxiety to get to the root? What do you think about that?

I restarted my 100mg of sertraline about 2 weeks ago now and tbh i feel worse now being on them then i was off of them, for context I have horrible memory on them and i genuinely forgot to take them in fear of double dosing and was basically off of them for 3 months. I'm restarting them now and i feel worse??? I'm seeing my doctor on monday but the first week was fine, stomach issues but nothing i couldn't handle, wasn't super hungry in the morning but could eat at night, little anxiety but i could handle it. Then i had a huuuuuge anxiety attack at work on tuesday and ever since then its basically been i'm sleeping all the time, no appetite, severe social anxiety, and i hate being alone (my mom is my safe person.) like i'm very tempted to just do cold turkey because this is awful. I know it's my own fault i forgot to take them and now I have the medication reminder on...but i feel awful.

how do you accept uncertainty I find it impossible and so distressing? It’s ruining my life😔

Just reflecting on one of the more tricky tactics OCD can throw at us. And that is the False Memory. If you've had it, you know how badly it can suck...especially if you're like me and already have a somewhat poor memory. The life cycle seems to be (for me) 1.) Random what if thought...either completely random or somehow tied to a theme you're currently struggling with. 2) trying to rationalize..."I would never actually do something like that" "doesn't sound like me" or "I'd definitely remember if I did that...no way I'd forget that" 3) building feelings of anxiety coupled with thoughts of "what if you did actually do that...why would you be feeling this building dread if you didnt...there has to be something here" 4) vague feelings of maybe having consciously repressing the memory. Vague feelings of starting to recall it happening usually coupled with imagining the situation. 5) the imagined scenarios you've pictured begin to feel like they could be real...slowly they begin to feel more and more real despite some small part of you knowing what you're allowing OCD to do. 6) boom...you know somewhere in you that this can't really be true but it's starting to feel so real. You start feeling shame, guilt, panic, fear, dread, depression...the guilt is growing. Who even are you? 7) ruminations for days. 8) you're starting to work on it. Do the necessary work. Accepting the uncertainty. Entertaining the possibility while also acknowledging that maybe this is still just OCD 9) the feelings are starting to lessen, but that feeling of doubt is still there begging you to come back and revisit it. You have to make sure! You don't know how to make sure as you literally have no real memory of it. Which also feeds the loop sort of. The lack of memory is just as much frightening as it I'd somewhat reassuring 10) you're finally starting to come down. You're still feeling residual fear/guilt/shame/whatever...but you're also starting to realize how silly all this was. You bounce back and forth between feelings of relief and realization that youre being crazy and feelings doubt and fear. 11) eventually you're ready to move onto the next thing OCD is gonna throw at you.

I deadass feel so gross right now. So I just turned 20 and I feel stupid for doing this. I took a shower and I ran back to my room in a towel, and my 15-year-old step-nephew was asleep on the couch. I brought clothes with me to the bathroom to throw on after, but because the bathroom was so damp and I felt extremely disgusting (contamination OCD), I decided to go to my room where I feel more comfortable and less like there’s mold on me. I ran to my room and hoped that he was still asleep. I realized my towel was super short. What if I did that on purpose because I’m a pedophile? I’m so tired. Please give me any help at all. And I genuinely feel so dumb for doing that because it is lowkey weird. I’m 20 and smarter than that, but I just couldn’t stand the dampness. I genuinely feel like it was my fault and I should’ve done better and now the guilt is gonna eat me up til I no longer wanna be here. Just being real. ✌🏽

does anyone here suffer from both ocd and social anxiety? my ocd has been getting worse and i’ve recently realized that i also have social anxiety in new groups of people. my anxiety is so intense it drives me crazy. i wasn’t always like this. when i was a kid i used to be very confident and had a lot of friends. i always subconsciously shame myself for feeling this way and even though my ocd just let go of the last theme it had, my social anxiety has been making me even more miserable. social anxiety just seems to be such a loser disorder like «ooh i’m insecure and anxious and i’m afraid people will judge me» it makes me hate myself and i haven’t felt this way in a long time

My ocd is making me think I actually want to commit these hanus acts and I’m scared it’s something I actually want to do but I don’t want to do it and I’d never let myself

Let me start from the beginning. I’m a 26 year old mom, and the other day I was in the store saying my list of things I needed to myself out loud. Then I hear a guy (may 20 years old) say “ma’am are you talking to yourself?” Which I was saying my list. But when I looked at him he was just staring at his girlfriend. Later in the store I came across them in an aisle again and I heard him say “ma’am stop following us” (I totally wasn’t?) but I felt like at that point he was just trying to make his girlfriend laugh because he was saying it in a funny mockery type voice. And never directly to me. Well not long ago I was in the shower and I swore I heard my daughter call my name but when I got out she was still sound asleep in my bed. Then 2 nights ago I woke up in the middle of the night and thought I heard someone humming? So strange!! Then once again YESTERDAY I was in the shower singing to myself (normal enough right?) When I thought I heard someone else singing in the hallway but it also kinda sounded like when my dog is whining. But when I got out my dog was asleep. There was another time as I was falling asleep I thought I heard my own voice saying my name right in my ears! This is driving me insane. I’m terrified I’m schizophrenic. And everything I look up online says this is signs of schizophrenia. Does anyone have any insight? I feel like I’m checking every moment now if every sound I hear is real.

I’m really pushing myself to do exposures on my own and though I know logically it’s the right thing to do it’s so incredibly hard. I’ve overcome so many triggers and I know this is possible but it’s taking everything in me not to give into compulsions. Every second ocd is trying to grab me and lead me down the rabbit hole and it’s an exhausting fight. Just looking for words of encouragement ❤️

What's your thoughts?

I’ve had a really hard day, and OCD has convinced me my bed isn’t safe. My bed is my comfort spot so this is the worst place it could hit me. I have fear of paranormal contamination and bad luck/curses/haunting. Today was the birthday of someone who OCD believes to be paranormally contaminated. I was in the lounge and thought I saw a white cloudy thing out the corner of my eye but couldn’t see it when I looked again. It’s likely it was smoke or a reflection in my glasses but I couldn’t figure it out. I had a shower but got back into bed wearing the same clothes I was wearing when it happened. OCD is telling me that a ghost related to the paranormally contaminated person (because of their birthday) was in my house and has clung to my clothes so is therefore in my bed and will now cause all of the things I’m afraid of to happen to me whenever I use my bed. I wish i didn’t get into my bed but I was trying to fight it - it’s so hard to fight it when you then end up in a huge spell of rumination and planning of compulsions to alleviate the stress. I know I shouldn’t give in but I’m so afraid. All I want is a new bed but it’s not like you can just go and buy a new bed every time OCD tells you. I’m so tired of being scared that bad things are going to happen to me, and this feels like the lowest blow it could’ve dealt me. I just needed to get it off my chest to someone who understands, so if you read this - thank you.

I can't keep feeling this way

Has anyone on here have experience with being in a relationship or friendship with a narcissist? Just got out of a relationship with a guy that was emotionally abusive and pretty heartless. Im studying Narcissistic Personality disorder and was wondering if anyone has any experience. He has heightened my OCD a ton in the form of perfectionism OCD because he acted like I was the most imperfect person in the world. Working through it though with ERP