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Parts of the day I feel my body get stressed from the thoughts. But a lot of times I just don’t! I have the feeling and the thoughts, I don’t want them, but there’s no anxiety, just some kind of sadness

TW !!!!! i’m so scared right now and i just want someone to relate because i feel like an awful awful person, this is an event hat happned when i was 5 or 6 i don’t really know how old i was but i was a young child and with another child who was 2 or 3 years younger than me i can’t really remember the age gap but that’s what terrified me because im scared i did COCSA. ( child on child sexual assault) i feel awful and i have this recurring thought “what if i took advantage of him” and it wont stop. i remember i said to him do you want to see what sex is like and i said but keep your clothes on and he said okay and i want doing it for sexual pleasure because i dont think i really understood or knew what it was but i kept my clothes on and he took all his clothes off when i didn’t want him to (including his underwear)and he got on top of me and was moving and i remember feeling really uncomfortable so i stopped it and i know this might be tmi but i just need to know if i abused him or not because i cant stand the thought, im really struggling and i don’t think there was any evil intent behind what happened but i keep having the recurring thought “what if i took advantage of him” i don’t know what to do i feel like i should turn myself in to the police i feel dreadful

Everyday I have my own schedule and it’s to wake up at 4:45 go to school at 7:17-7:22 and go on with my normal school schedule which includes going to lunch with one of my friends and coming back to the table to eat with our other friend. Yesterday the first friend went to San Antonio so she was gone which messed with the schedule but it’s happened before so it wasn’t as bad, but the second friend wasn’t responding or anything to me asking if he was at school but he’s the kind to never check texts so don’t blame him or anything. In lunch I saw him in the distance so I went up to him but he saw me and went into his dads class which I got confused by so I went to my art class for lunch instead and the paranoia and stress from the schedule change built up (more things on my daily schedule were coincidentally broken that day on accident so it was a lot) and I started crying in the back of the class. Then after maybe 2 minutes the friend came into class to get me and I accidentally acted shitty by not talking a lot and I still feel bad about it. How do I stop getting this worked up and horrified by slight changes in my daily schedule 😭😭 I’ve tried breaking things too like when I leave in the mornings and it doesn’t help fix the problem. Freak outs like these have happened a thousand times but I think yesterdays might’ve been the worst freak out from the schedule being disrupted 😓

At this point I’m very unsure of whether or not I have ROCD. I’m undiagnosed and some people seem to describe it as “worrying about things in a relationship without having any real substantial proof of it being true” but in my case I obsess over my partner’s “flaws” that do in fact seem real or true (at least in my eyes). But they aren’t objectively bad, it’s just superficial. But because it’s physical, it has proof of being real and idk what to do. I tend to obsess over a bunch of random “flaws” but rn it’s his voice. And I don’t want him to change who he is, especially not for me. I don’t think I wish his voice was different, I just don’t want to be obsessively nitpicking it or feel turned off by it anymore. I like him so much and I don’t want this to be a deal breaker. I never even cared or noticed when I first met him (at least I don’t think I did). But now I just keep obsessing about it, and how he sounds when he’s excited or loud or with his friends or the way he sounds when he says certain things. And I keep feeling turned off or annoyed by it and it makes me sad because he’s so amazing and I just want to love him. But all I can think about is how his voice sounds. I know Reddit is a terrible place to go looking for answers. And I regret doing it, because everyone who’s posted with a similar situation has had comments telling them to end it, telling them it’ll get worse, or that it’s ok to have preferences and that they should find someone better. I don’t want to be superficial and end it over such a stupid thing. I like him a lot. He’s so supportive and he wants to help me feel better. But I also want to stop obsessing so much about it and I feel like I’m ruining the relationship. It’s not fair to him.

I can’t stress enough the importance of letting thoughts and feelings be. It’s soo difficult to try not to fight it because it feels so overwhelming and important. But I promise you, when you let it be it ALWAYS passes. I kept trying to fight the anxiety I had, which kept me stuck. Once I allowed myself to feel scared and uncertain, the feelings have gotten less and less scary every day. I promise you that you’ve got this ❤️❤️OCD recovery is possible !!

I’m so tired of my thoughts. Some days I feel better, no thoughts or just a few, some other days I feel like I’m totally in denial and I’m hiding this part of myself to me but above all to the people around me, especially my boyfriend. I can’t really stand anymore the presence of these thoughts, make me feel I won’t be happy in my life never again and this makes me feel super depressed, I’m afraid I can develop depression. ROCD and SOOCD make me doubt myself and my feelings, and every time I see a case where a person find out later in life to be gay I literally start to cry. I can’t stand this anymore, really. I’m in therapy actually, so it is better compared to a few months ago, but I always question if it’s really ocd or not.

My current therapist doesn't do erp and my syntoms aren't getting better, so I would like to change. I live in Italy and I struggle finding somebody who does erp. I've found a therapist but I'm scared she will not do erp properly and it will lead to nothing even this time. A part of me would love to try therapy with NOCD, however: - I don't know if therapy in a foreign language would be very effective - it's kinda expensive without insurance If somebody has tried it, would you like to share your experience with me? Thanks!! P.S: I'm really struggling making a decision but at the same time I'm afraid this could be part of "obsessing about obssesing"🫠 Like maybe I'm compulsively seeking therapy... but I just want to get better ugh

I'm in a relationship since November with a wonderful guy. I'm in a flare up right now. I'm very scared about the persisting thoughts on whether I love him or not, and I also still have some SO-OCD thoughts. Also, I'm thinking about changing therapy and try a new one (who does erp in the right way, I hope), so it's all very confusing. I didn't want to share my ocd themes with him because he is already dealing with some difficult stuff and I'm also scared he wouldn't want to stay in the relationship with me or he would see me in a different way. At the same time, it's so difficult to "hide" something like this... I'm afraid it will take me away from him anyway

I’m going through what is hopefully just a really bad hypochondria episode where I’ve convinced myself I have schizophrenia but it’s her 8 months I’ve been through a range of crazy symptoms but the most prevalent symptom is getting crazy delusional thoughts like “what if my wife is a demon and trying to get to me” “what if nobody is real and these are all monsters/demons out to get me” etc etc. the thoughts are absolutely terrifying and they make me look at people differently, and i have to question myself whether I truly believe the thoughts or not, they feel so real, when they come on I almost catch myself genuinely feeling paranoid that they are 100% real and having a panic attack, but then the tiny bit of me that’s still rational brings me back to reality. And from then on I have to question myself all day “do I really believe this?” “Well you technically can’t disprove those things” “if it’s not real, then why does it FEEL real?” “This really is schizophrenia” “ what if it’s not schizophrenia but ACTUALLY real?” “who do I go to for help?” “What if I can’t trust anyone” etc, it’s literally hell. I can never give a satisfying “No, I don’t believe this” to these thoughts. I can go days and weeks and be able to confidently shrug them off and tell how ridiculous they are only for them to come back with a vengeance the next day. I could really use some reassurance even though I know it’s bad. I have never been like this before until I started obsessing over schizophrenia. I’ve been like this for 8 months now.

So after a period of long depression and OCD episodes, I finally got my first job as a barista. I’m ready to start tackling my fears, one by one! Or so I had hoped… Unfortunately my trainers are not great at training. It’s been two weeks and only just today have I started making drinks. But apparently I’m supposed to be doing everything already. The other trainee (who was trained on different days and therefore by a different person) is already making drinks and handling the register, and my trainer for today was gloating about her success when I arrived And then I show up, and the mood changes…. Cue the baffled expression, confused customers, and frustrated managers as I stumble around, not really knowing what I’m doing, BECAUSE NO ONE TAUGHT ME! I feel sick, and I’m terrified I’m going to be fired. My OCD flares up at work too because of the stress, and I sometimes mentally shut down. And bear this in mind, outside of training, there is only ONE BARISTA per shift. So once I’m done training, I’ll BE THERE ALONE. And I’m supposed to be done training soon! But I only know how to work the register. I feel awful, and my anxiety over this has caused my insomnia to return. So I’ve barely slept….. This is technically just a rant. I can’t complain at work because I don’t want to cause any tensions between me and my coworkers….It’s all too much.

i have recently had really bad confession ocd. i have an amazing happy healthy relationship, and i’m slowly destroying it. now, it’s come as far as me confessing thoughts that i probably shouldn’t be having to him. i feel so much guilt and anxiety if i don’t tell him, but telling him is just ruining our relationship and hurting him. i don’t mean these thoughts, i love him and want only him. i also confess at least 5+ times a day. I struggle with not even knowing if some things im confessing that i’ve done in the past are real or fake. it’s like i don’t know if what i did was real or not. im trying my best to stop confessing, but it’s hard because how am i supposed to know if it’s something he really needs to know or not? i don’t wanna lose him by telling him stupid stuff i should have kept to myself. he’s my dream person. it’s hard to act normal around him when i’m having the urge to confess. that leads me to not hold it in when he asks if i’m okay, because then if i say yes i’m lying so then i have to confess. we are very open about things, but it just has gone too far on my end. if anyone has any tips on how to overcome this please share.

I did something 5-6 years ago when I was barely an adult, and I know it was stupid, but I know I can never take it back, and I hate myself everyday for it. I feel like I can’t move forward in life because I can’t forgive myself and honestly sometimes don’t even want people to see I exist. I haven’t done that same thing in years but I still see myself as a horrible person. How do I move forward. I’ve been in therapy since I was 19 and also have extreme extreme checking ocd and it hasn’t helped but this rumination has been a big problem lately.

Hello! If you’ve looked through what I’ve posted before, you’ll see that I struggle with intrusive thoughts about if I love my partner, if I am truly attracted to him, and the long distance. However, it seems as if I am starting to obsess over something different. Those lovey-dovey feelings have come back and now I feel certain that I am in love with him, it’s like something completely changed overnight. Even though this may seem amazing, something new has come up. Just the other day I noticed that when I spoke to him about the future because I find it important and nice to talk about, he seemed to change the subject by complimenting me. This may seem sweet but it’s almost as if it triggered something in my mind. Now I am aware that I have an anxious attachment style which can be hard to manage during a long distance relationship. I am not aware if he was actually trying to change the subject or if he was trying to be sweet, but either way it has impacted me negatively. I am super confused because now I am obsessing if he truly loves me, if he will leave me, and if the relationship will last. I love my partner and would love for this relationship to grow into something beautiful. My partner and I have only been together for four months, almost five. Regardless I know I love him and I would love to settle down with him. It could be considered too soon to feel this way, but after the relationships I had before, this one is amazing and I truly do not want to lose him. I’ve also done some thinking and realized that my abandonment issues could be coming into play as well. This fear of him leaving at some point and not loving me is bothering me, causing me to become anxious and more clingy. I find this to be an issue because before I wasn’t all that clingy, I was the opposite. I am afraid that I will push him away with the clinginess I am struggling with at the moment. Of course because he is an amazing partner he is very understanding and knows I can’t exactly help it. I am trying to learn but sometimes learning can be hard, especially for someone with an anxious mind like myself. I worry that I won’t be able to get out of this terrible mindset and that it will spiral out of control and keep me from feeling happy. This brings me to the question I’ve had in mind. Could this be a part of the ROCD/Relationship Anxiety cycle? I’m asking this because I feel like there could be a pattern. I am aware that OCD tends to switch themes from time to time but this feels terrible. It feels so terrible that I feel a need to run just so I don’t get hurt. Of course I feel an attachment towards my partner, I love him and want to grow as a person with him, but I don’t appreciate this anxious clinginess and intrusive thoughts. I would greatly appreciate some advice or insight on this. Thank you!

My daughter said dad my eyes are blue and without missing a beat my brain said(I can look in them as you die) Can anybody relate to harm ocd doing this?????? Everything she says it's like my brain has got some violent remark like this. I'm starting to doubt this is ocd. I've been trying to educate myself more and more about this theme and haven't seen anything similar to this. So please if you have had a similar experience with this them please feel free to share some knowledge. My daughter is the most important thing in my life, and it's putting a big damper on my fatherhood

Like a week ago i got up to drink some of my gatorade and it went down the wrong pipe and Immediately started coughing and my chest felt like it was burning really bad and I could barely breathe. Ever since then I have been trying really hard not to get water or other fluid in my lungs by drinking really slowly but it seems like im trying so hard not to get water in my lungs like now im doing it unintentionally by trying so hard not to and its probably a mental thing but I have been getting water in my lungs this whole week and then ill cough and then after for like a day it will feel like my chest is burning and I have shortness of breath and it feels like im going to cough up blood. I aspirated again today and now the feeling is worse than its ever been and it seems like it just keeps getting worse and I can barely breathe and my chest hurts so bad and its burning and feels like i can barely breathe and Im going to cough up blood. Im afraid if i get water in my lungs again accidentally Im going to have to go to the hospital and get like a feeding tube or something

You ever feel like real event OCD makes you feel like a fugitive from the law? I get real event OCD that latches onto everything. I go all the way back to childhood, teenage years, etc. Some days I imagine myself as the most hated person in the world on the tabloids. What did I do that could cancel me? What terrible crime would I be accused of? What was my intent when I did that? It’s all the same. I will see stories about people having their lives ruined and dark secrets come up years later. I pray I’m not like those people but sometimes my OCD will take an event and balloon it into something huge in my head. I’m here to offer anyone going through this some hope. I thought ERP would make these worries go away but I fully embrace them. ERP works, but you need to make it work. It’s a lifestyle change and you need to change the way you approach it. I wanted it to just disappear and go away. Bring. It. On. I am so tired of OCD worming its way into my life and making me feel like I can’t enjoy it and be loved. Taking my life back and offering hope to all my fellow comrades. Yes, we have OCD, but no we don’t have to suffer from it. I say this sincerely that I love you all and will be rooting for you every step of the way!

Today was kinda hard😵‍💫 I tried to go to a new therapist who does ERP (my current therapist doesn't - I've read a lot about it on NOCD but never tried it with a therapist). However, telling her my intrusive thoughts, I got so triggered. I don't know, but the more she asked and the more I answered, my brain was like: "She thinks you like girls and you are in denial... and you know, it's probably the most logical thing. That's it". I somehow went out there convinced that was the truth. Then I had a really ugly cry with my mother 💀 and now I don't know what to do! I don't know if it's her "fault" that I got triggered or if it's a good thing... like, she didn't reassure me or give me an answer ("oh don't worry, you certainly love your boyfriend!" or "uh yeah, you're absolutely lying, you're in denial"), so maybe that's a good thing?

I'm going to take up drawing again so when I can't do anything else, I have that to distress. I struggle with down time 😬 Are there any artists you like and can recommend to me? I want some references to go off to help me get better.

I made tons of mistakes mainly because of my lack of experience, but there's one that is actually hurting me more than any other, I have given up on over the love my life due to my deteriorating mental illness (OCD) and I know that I have caused her a lot of pain, I know that there are no Justifications for breaking people's heart but I wish she knew the amount of pain that I had to deal with due to my OCD, she knew I had it but she couldn't fathom the amount of distress that it caused me, I chose the coward's way out, I left just like that so I could figure what was wrong with me and now I feel like the most disgusting person on earth. Just wanted to get this of my shoulders, thank you for bearing with me.

I’m so confused right now. I found someone who romantically loves me entirely and who I romantically love completely back. They’re basically my perfect person, it feels like my soulmate. I told them to just be friends with me for now. Because I have this idea that I need them to share my faith with me, I was obsessed with it, it is by far the only thing that could be considered “wrong”. They respect my faith, they’ve done everything they can except convert (which I would be mad if they converted for me, that’s a personal decision that shouldn’t be made for another person.) I just have this idea that I need the emotional connection with them that would come from shared faith. It doesn’t help that I have some friends who believe an interfaith relationship wouldn’t work advising me. I’ve been obsessed on this, I keep asking everyone in my life for advice on it, I couldn’t eat or sleep or work leading up to the conversation trying to find “the answer.” Now that I’ve told them we should be just friends while I work things out so they’re not caught in limbo with me I’m worried I made the wrong decision, that they’ll move on before I know, that this whole “Need” of mine could just be OCD and I threw out the best relationship and person I love the most in my life for no real reason. Idk how much time it’ll take. Idk what’s me, what’s a reasonable doubt or reaction, I’m still struggling to focus on anything else in my life. How do I know if this is a genuine need of mine or if it’s my OCD convincing me there’s something wrong, I can’t trust myself or my own judgement but the decision has to come from us and he won’t proceed if I tell him not to because he’s amazing. Idk what to do, I can’t trust myself with anything. I know OCD is involved here because I’ve had other intrusive thoughts that didn’t stick as long that I was able to overcome because I do trust and love him so much. It just occurred to me yesterday that “the big problem” could be OCD getting in the way too. I also have trauma from an ex heavily manipulating me with my faith, despite that I told him right off the bat I didn’t expect him to be involved in that part of my life if he didn’t want to. I think that may be coming to play as well?