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My brain keeps saying what if it’s not OCD and you are in denial and you are just using OCD to cover it all up…

i feel like having this ocd is making me transgender. i constantly imagine myself as transgender like starting to use t, coming out to my family and my boyfriend. i would really prefer to not be a boy but i don’t even know what i want anymore. and now my voice is triggering me because i sound feminine. what’s going on 😭 im freaking out

Can’t do this anymore. Been suffering from this for two years straight and it just keeps getting worse 😔

Ever since I caught my... now-ex, I guess... having cheated, and I worked the nerve to talk to him and break it off in a surprisingly strong and boundary-concious way for myself, I have been looking at housing areas around me. I can't move out soon even if I wanted to since I want to apply for disability and that can take a year or so, I have no job and no saved up money because we used it all when he had no job/refused to get one and was hoping it would be quick and easy for him to find one (took him 4 months). I have no car so I was/am checking mover services over and over. I keep looking at the bus routes in the city to make sure the apartments that are available NOW are around them, which I know makes no sense because there is job guarantee they will be available later. Which... leads me to checking again the next day. Or later that day. All stemming from discomfort that he is just still lying even "just as roommates" and it is a trigger for my ROCD even without being in a relationship anymore. I am so frustrated. This would be my first time moving out on my own. The uncertainty and fear and distrust here is eating at me but I have no friends or family to go to so, I'm just... stuck.

This is probably the worst part of my ocd. When I have a flashing image I have to start adding details, thinking of scenery and making a little story up. Now I find that my stories actually have some truth, there’s details that are in favour of my false memory ‘evidence’ almost. I find myself doubting all day everyday due to these details.

Please only read this if you are 18+ (contains mention of s**cide) I have had severe body dysmorphia since beginning college. I’ve been skinny my whole life and have an entirely flat chest. I was doing really good for a while, but I made the mistake of looking at social media today… There is an influencer who is built exactly like me and I always go to her page to find positivity…I looked at some of her recent posts and the things men and women were saying about her were horrific. Among some of the many hate comments were things like “nightmare body”, “genetically inferior to other women”, and just brutal things each of which would take a person years to recover from hearing. There were countless gifs of dancing skeletons, and a lot of surprisingly attractive people brutally bashing her. I haven’t felt suicidal in years and all at once I see very little point in going on. The world has finally defeated me and I just can’t see what the point is in seeking happiness if I could only ever possibly be lying to myself when i feel good about myself.

Ughhh I don’t understand why. I guess maybe it’s because I haven’t been sleeping well but my stomach has been killing me. I’m currently here at the ER waiting to be seen to make sure I’m not getting some kind of stomach bug because my OCD thoughts went CRAZY a few hours ago

I've been writing borderline obsessively the last week or two. My story has come along way and has a few ocd themes within the story with some characters. The main characters have moral scrupolosity and harm ocd and I'm very happy with how the story is fleshing out. If I were to turn this into a trilogy, I've imagined this as a movie as well. I want people even without ocd to relate to the struggles and cry their eyes out on one scene in particular, and I'd be surprised if they don't. If you could write a scene to describe your internal struggle, what would it look like, how would it play out? I'm not looking to steal ideas as I'm strictly against it (why I haven't read any of the many books I've bought recently until my story is finished). I'm just looking for inspiration, the feeling that I want my scenes to invoke in the readers or viewers.

When you wake up and start actively thinking and worrying about it all, you're bringing it all into your head. Like they aren't intrusive anymore. You just think about them and worry, with me just thinking "oh my god, I'm g..." like I've convinced myself. But I don't want to have convinced myself. Worrying all this thinking is gonna be in my head all day. I feel anxious. Does anyone recognise this?

Do compulsions change? The onset of symptoms started a month ago and since then I’ve been diagnosed 3 times with ocd. 3 times because my anxiety got so bad that I was a psychopath that I had to make appointment after appointment with therapists/psychologist. Not even a psychologist telling me I wasn’t a psychopath was enough. Ig making the doctors appointments was a compulsion. Since I obtained these three separate diagnoses for ocd it seems to have calmed me. This is weird and now I’m doubting I have ocd. My day is still bombarded with thoughts and I believe I still have a compulsion but it’s not like I used to do. I used to Google 6+ hours daily when I was in my worst phase of it. I’m productive now but am avoidant of anything that has to do with serial killers, violent crimes on the news, and even some words that trigger me because they’re related to my themes. My most obvious compulsion or at least I think it it’s a compulsion is shaking my head and saying no either out loud or in my head. I do this subconsciously now when I do almost anything. I’m just used to it and I do it especially when the thoughts hit or if I’m triggered by anything I mentioned above. I doubt I have ocd because I’m not consumed and impaired like I was a few weeks ago because of it. Sometimes I wish I could just go back to that because it would ensure that it was just ocd even though it was hell and at one point had me thinking about suicide.

So I just did the DOCS assessment my therapist assigned me after my first appointment and I got a low score on on it (14) which means I don't have OCD. Did this happen to anyone else? I finally thought I knew what was wrong with me and that ERP therapy would work, but now I'm worried that my therapist won't be able to work with me or that my thoughts actually mean I'm a terrible person because I don't have it.

I’ve posted on here about recently losing my cat. When I get really upset and cry about her not being here anymore, I have thoughts that I’m not actually upset and it’s just an act. I know it’s not, she was my baby and I miss her and love her more than anything. These thoughts are so horrible, how do I make them stop😞

do you guys have sometimes moral/ethical rumination about why something that is obviously bad is bad? I'm afraid of it because sometimes I feel like I don't have an immediate or sufficient answer, and that I believe something is wrong just because of collective morals, and not because i genuinely believe it is bad and that makes me sick. I'm afraid of faking it. I had a very triggering disturbing question about why something is bad and i didn't have a sufficient answer for me to make me believe that it was a genuine belief of mine. It bothers me that I'm not so firm about a certain belief, and yet it's the very thing that made me want to end my life a while ago. I'm afraid that im faking my repulsion to evil and horrible things and I just think that way for convenience. I can't tolerate it, not because of what others would think but because i can't tolerate living myself like a sick monster that has sick thoughts.

So I got into this bad habit with all my themes where I will deliberately imagine the thoughts to imagine what it feels like to do that thing to ‘test’ if I like it or not and the theme changed recently to thoughts about stabbing and now everyday I’ve been deliberately imagining stabbing thoughts about my mum because a few times when I imagined it idk why it felt like I know how it feels to stab someone and ‘like/enjoy’ how it feels to stab someone and now I keep imagining it and I avoid going home everyday and come home late because I’m thinking there’s knives at home and everytime I come home I feel like I HAVE to start imaging the thoughts to see if it’s real even the journey home I have to start and it’s like even if I imagine it and it feels like I don’t like it because a few times before it felt like I did I don’t belive it and then a few minutes later I will have to Imagine it again and soemtiems it will feel like an urge and that I actually want and like it like I don’t. Have bad feelings towards it. I’ve had ocd for like 2 years now and after deliberately imagining thoughts from different themes I literally don’t get anxiety and that further makes me feel like I like it or want it and I find myself thinking of sick things like I’m curious and that makes me think there’s something wrong with me? Sometimes i feel like if someone hated it they would do everything they can to forget it but it feels like I’m at a point where i can’t think about it and not be bothered like im not as desperate to stop having this but at the same time I don’t want this but it’s weird idk what to do say if I’ve taken a liking and like it 🙁

Please help I'm so scared. So I've been focusing on seeing pixels for 2-3 days now and today I woke up tired and I can't seem to make my eyes stay focused. I can unfocus them on command and I've been doing that the entire day. I can't seem to make them stay focused. Unless Imm distracted and focusing on something else. I'm so anxious that this is another symptom of something serious. Has anyone experienced this? I have extreme health ocd and I can't stop thinking about this

I keep thinking about every little thing my bf does or says, I keep thinking he sounds and talks weirdly, and I keep thinking he does weird things or that he’s not tough or masculine enough and whenever I see an attractive man I stay playing scenarios in my head where the attractive man has the same “flaws” my bf does to see how I would feel if another man did it, like I’m trying to make the “flaws” feel normal and ok. And whenever I’m on the phone with my bf he’ll say something in a way that seems “weird” to me and I can’t stop thinking about it and playing it over trying to recreate the inflection and tone in my head so I can see if his inflections and tones sound normal enough or manly enough or if his idiosyncrasies are odd or abnormal or unattractive. But what’s worse is now I’m not feeling the overwhelming waves of panic that I used to have when I had these thoughts. Now they’re just thoughts, but I still feel bothered by them because they focus on “flaws” that bug me. I don’t know what to do. I worry that it’s not OCD anymore. I’m not currently diagnosed either which doesn’t help. I feel like a liar, like I’m busting using ROCD as an excuse to avoid the truth.

Something just isn’t right. I used to be different, attracted to much older men and guys in general, and it felt good to be gay. And I used to be completely against pedophilia, cause I know it’s wrong, that should be a universal thing, and these thoughts haven’t always been as present as they are now. But now, it’s the complete opposite. It’s like me being a pedophile is all that exists in my head. I feel like no one gets it and keeps basing it on their own experiences and OCD in general when it’s not that easy. I keep having these thoughts and while yes I may react negatively I think I’m just trying to do that to avoid actually acknowledging that I may just like these things. I mean I can never enjoy myself sexually without thoughts of kids or literal infants show up in my head. How I could become this person? I believe it’s because I was exposed to a lot of sex and porn when I was younger and I gained some kind of sex addiction and now I can’t enjoy sex like I used to cause I need something different to get off. Makes sense to me, so Idk how anyone can “reassure” me when this sounds like the logical explanation behind everything. And yes, an OCD specialist told me I have OCD, but misdiagnoses can happen. I just am this person. Do I want to do these things? No, I know better, but if I really had OCD these thoughts wouldn’t feel like they’ve become my entire identity and who I really am. Who I used to be is gone and now it’s this. There’s nothing I can do to change that.

So I've started having obsessive thoughts about my mom's sexual orientation too. I think that she's not straight, I've noticed many times that she admires beautiful women a lot.. like a lot which I find a bit weird (I don't know if it's because of my hocd) but I've started having doubts about her orientation too, I feel the urge many times to ask her out that whether she's into women or not, I feel this urge to tell her about LGBTQ stuff to see her response (she don't know properly about LGBTQ coz this is a taboo in my country and only younger generation knows and aware about such stuff).. I've always have urges to ask her about her sexuality, I know it's weird but this is what my HOCD wants me to do. She still in touch with her school's best friend and I've doubts that she might have done something with her best friend in the past as she studied in girls school. I reassure myself that "no, she might just admiring the beauty of women etc" but the obsessive thoughts about my mom's sexuality give me urges to yell at her that's she's not straight or ask her out. You might be thinking that why do I care about her orientation but if I get to know that she isn't straight then I can't able accept myself as a straight girl coz according to my brain, a bisexual woman can't have straight daughter.. Idk but it is what it is..😔

Why is it making me think I like these things, when I don't, just because I'm not disgusted by them? And I think this person is nice, if a bit odd, but because of that, it's telling me I must like her and I'm getting a response that feels real, all because of the way I'm assuming they look at me, and makes me uncomfortable, but I'm not shying away from it. (But anything that seems remotely sexual with anything sends off things in me, like sexual disturbing things and makes me think I like them too because they seem sexual. Same with kids). But I don't want it but, my god, it feels so real. It's messing with me, it's going "you like her." And I'm not always fighting it, which brings on more response, which makes me more convinced and then it gets persistent. I've never had anything like this. Please does this sound familiar?

Lately my intrusive thoughts are centered on my kids. Why is ocd coming for what is most precious to me?? This is so painful and the hardest i’ve ever had to deal with. The more I tell the ocd it isn’t true the more it tries to make me feel that it is. I can’t live like this😢