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Has anyone tried N-Acetyl Cysteine for their OCD? I’m scared to try it. My brain keeps telling me if I take the medicine my throat will close up. So I’m looking for experience.

I've had mild pure OCD my whole life, always worrying about unlikely outcomes, despite being such a logical thinker. It wasn't consistent or disturbing, so I never saw it as an issue in my life, until 9 months ago. I felt a sudden overwhelm and OCD about many things I thought were unimaginable, things I could never imagine myself doing, or things I just could not bear potentially happening to me. I did so much research and suffered for months, crying, not knowing why this happened to me and why I am having these thoughts during every waking moment of my life. Eventually, through all my countless hours of research on how to stop intrusive thoughts (which was technically a compulsion), I came upon hearing about non responsive messages like saying "maybe, maybe not", etc, essentially doing ERP by myself. I tried these out and it would work for a bit, then I would lose hope or be unsure about how to respond to certain thoughts. Being unsure about whether this self-ERP effort is working on whether it's correct, or if I am doing it right made me lose hope. I was in a dark place, extremely depressed even though everything in my life from an outsiders view was perfect. This is when I decided to join NOCD, with an immense fear that I can't share my thoughts with my therapist because they're "crazy". Silvia, my therapist was an angel sent from heaven. She was so kind and made me feel understood. I was so sick of OCD and I needed a solution, so I opened up with everything to her and she immediately knew it was OCD taking over my life. Now, after 3-4 months of therapy, I can say I have finally regained control of my life and I feel like my old self again. I can finally feel happy! I know the goal of ERP isn't to stop thoughts, but ERP has led to the frequency of the thoughts diminishing by ten-fold. There is hope for everyone! If I had one piece of advice which worked for me, outside of your practice, you need to get creative with your day to day thoughts, and use non responsive messages in your every day life. That is like having way more practice, inadvertently. Keep practicing and keep going. You can never fully get rid of OCD, but it will be way better eventually.

I haven't seen many people talk about this but does OCD cause sadness? Like yes it causes me so much anxiety and discomfort and stress but also it makes me so sad and upset. I wake up every morning not wanting to wake up and get out of bed because I know what I will have to deal with. Every day is torture! That's why I love sleep so much. It calms my mind

I’m not feeling good at all rn Grades with college have me thinking about everything and I feel like everything I’ve ever done makes me feel like I don’t deserve a good future I have an urge to pull my hair out and I don’t want to do that I don’t want to hurt myself. My past is just affecting me and my drive to work so much I’m so defeated I feel like I just need to lay I. A hole and never come out so I don’t hurt anyone ever again

I got half of my grades back today (I’m still missing two their not in yet) And from I see, my gpa is now a 1.6. I’m so disappointed and disgusted with myself. I cannot believe I went so low and did this to my mom. And I know it’s because of my lack of drive and procrastination and how I believe I don’t deserve an education or anything good. Anyone who’s in college, please tell me how do I get nyself drive back? How do I tell myself I can do this? I don’t want to disappoint my mom more than I have. Please advise for next semester?

This is going to be a longer post so hats off to the ones who take time to read it, luv you besties 🫶 So I’ve been struggling for the past 6 months or so with what I hope is ROCD, though I don’t know for sure because I’m not diagnosed. I really struggle sometimes because my bf is a little weird, I’m willing to fully admit that. He’s just a little hyper and goofy and different from other guys, which can be really great at times, because he doesn’t take himself so seriously that he isn’t willing to have fun, he’s willing to be open with his emotions, and he isn’t easily uncomfortable or embarrassed, and I’m not like that. I get nit-picky about those behaviours as times, but I just like to rationalize it by calling it his golden retriever energy, which I think is a cute way of looking at it. But he’s also awkward at times, there are times where he does something super weird or cringy or irritating and I can’t stop thinking about it, playing it over in my head, and it bugs me so much, and I try to rationalize it but I can’t. One thing I really struggle with, is his voice. For example, yesterday I hung out with him, and we were talking, and I was about to say something but stopped myself half way through the sentence because it was a secret I didn’t want to give away, and then he started sounding really whiny as he said “you can’t do that” “why won’t you tell me” or something like that. And it wasn’t like angry whiny, it was a little more lighthearted, but I don’t think he was being ironic or jokingly whiny, I think it was genuinely him just sounding whiny, and then all of a sudden mid sentence he cut back to a regular voice. It made the whole thing just sound really cringy and not very masculine, like he was poorly acting, but I know he wasn’t, it was all genuine, just really cringey. And I can’t stop playing it over and over in my head, trying to make sense of it, trying to make myself feel better about the whole situation rather than uncomfortable. I do that with a lot of things that he does tho, even normal things, but I especially have a hard time with his voice and his vocal inflections and idiosyncrasies and the way he sounds in certain situations, literally every little thing. I obsess over whether he sounds/acts masculine enough and normal enough, I keep picking apart every time he sounds whiny, whether he’s actually whining or not, sometimes his voice just sounds whiny because he has a higher pitched voice and he can’t really change it. I pick apart his voice when he laughs about something, or when he sounds excited or happy. I pick apart his voice when he tells stories. I can’t stop, and it makes it super difficult to be present in conversations. Idk if it’s ROCD, because he does genuinely do odd things that make me cringy and bug me from time to time, sometimes even things that are a bit of a turn off, but I think I get so carried away that it becomes way bigger than it needs to be. Is it ok, even if I didn’t have ROCD, to find things that he does weird, cringy, annoying, a turn off, etc? Sometimes it genuinely feels like the “ick” (I hate that term so much). Is it normal, even in regular relationships, to experience this “ick” feeling? Everyone seems to say that when you like someone, nothing they do is weird or cringy to you, you never get the ick, and if you do then it’s times to move on. But I’ve also heard others say that it’s not about them being perfect or not having any Icks at all, it’s about loving them enough to look past the Icks and not focus on the cringy things they do. Is this true? If so, then how can I do this? The other day he told me he loves being with me because he feels like he can genuinely be himself without judgement, but little does he know that all my brain is ever doing is picking him apart and judging everything he says or does, and that’s not fair to him. He is such an amazing person, and he deserves so much better than me.

Hey so I took 2 ocd test I know I probably shouldn't but I just couldn't take it anymore I've told my experience here to all of you twice and yall help seebthat yes it is ocd. The obsessive intrusive thoughts, images, urges. Not to mention my compulsions researching,ressurance,self reassurance, debating the thoughts, saying no out loud and rumination. And this takes up almost all day but my counselor says it's just severe anxiety but I think it's because I didn't answer correctly when he asked me a question about catastrophizing I barley do that anymore but these thoughts scare me not to mention when I took both ocd test online they both said I have ocd tendencies like high tendencies

Sorry i have to repost, i see alot of posts doesnt get the attention, i scrolled down to check my post but i saw that around my post there were alot of other people that doesnt get a comment or even a like or something. I know its not possible to react to everyone but now there like 1 in 10 posts get atleast a reaction. Im not blaming people, maybe the app is slowly dying which is sad... However here's what i posted.

I can't get out of bed. I can't eat. I'm already skinny. My thoughts and responses are so confusing now, they've all blended together and it feels so real now. All I'm thinking now is "I am." Even though I don't want to be, it's not me, but scenarios are playing in my head as if I like them and want them. I just don't want to be here anymore. I had other themes but they have been pushed out for this one.

How can to tell the difference actually being gay or hocd I’ve been struggling with this I don’t want to be gay the thought of it scares me and I’ve always liked women but suddenly I get these intrusive thoughts of possibly being gay and it scares the crap out of me but if feels so real. It’s so much lately that I feel like a certain attraction to same sex but I feel it’s like a false attraction. I’ve had ocd for a few years now it was only contamination and a bit of pocd but now it’s this theme . Please help? Anyone go thru this ? How can you tell the difference am I really turning gay or is this HOCD? I obsess about this day and night it gives me a lot of anxiety I fear it being true my thoughts

I’m a stay at home mommy with my 2 year old daughter. My husband recently went back to work full time after being off for 6 months. It’s day 3 and I am SO TIRED. my daughter is absolutely amazing and all around a really good toddler but just with my mental compulsions and the intrusive thoughts it makes me extra tired throughout the day so I really have to push myself through making her meals and bathing her and washing the bottles and cleaning the house and making sure she doesn’t get hurt and the whole nine. I definitely feel the ocd is more when I’m tired too so it’s like a cycle but hey atleast I’m doing it ya know ? Keep pushing through the day everyone and enjoy the fun moments. You guys got this !

One of my biggest fears is, having feelings for someone else other than my partner. I don't want to have crushes, i don't want to get attracted, i don't want to love anyone other than my partner. I hate having feelings for anyone else and i hate the idea of this happening. I can't distinguish false attraction and feelings from the real one because my trigger feeling is same as the excitement feeling. I don't care if having crushes, getting attracted is normal. I don't care and i don't want it. I don't even want to normalize it. No matter what i feel, i will choose to love my partner and my partner only. But having these thoughts and feelings are enough to make me feel like i cheated on my partner. I want to stay faithful to my partner. With my actions, but also with my feelings and thoughts. My partner is my everything. And i don't want to hurt him in anyway. I don't want to hurt him in my mind, with my thoughts. Everyone triggers me, especially some specific people. They are my biggest triggers. Making eye contact with them, even being in the same environment with them kills me. It makes me feel like i actually love these people and i have a crush on them, and i stopped loving my partner. I don't want to love anyone other than my partner. I don't want to have crushes. I feel so horrible and disloyal. I don't want these thoughts and feelings. I also feel like i always try to impress people. I feel like I'm the same disgusting person I used to be and I haven't changed at all. I feel like an attention-seeking, disgusting person who talks to everyone, constantly tries to attract attention and impress, and is unfaithful and disgusting. I feel like a wh*re who wants people to chase her. I feel truly disgusting. And i feel like i normalize this. I feel like i actually have a crush or love that person who triggers me and i try to impress them. I feel so horrible and i have so realistic feelings for them. I hope these feelings are all fake. I don't want to develop any single feeling for someone other than my partner. I feel like i actually want them, prefer them. My mind creates scenarios about him and repeats the images about him. Im having a panic attack. And i truly feel like i want to cheat on my partner and this never felt that real before. I feel like a unfaithful whore who keeps secrets from hee partner, wants to cheat, love and lust chaser. Etc. I feel like i don't care about my partner and i don't love him anymore. I feel like i actually love that other person and not my partner, i have SO MANY UNFAİTHFUL and disloyal thoughts and FEELINGS. Im just hoping, and begging to god, i hope these are fake. I feel so disgusting. I feel like i don't even feel guilty, i actually love that person. Idk if im being clear enough, i feel like i can't explain my feelings properly. I need some help, advice or support. What id i love that person? What if i have a crush on them? What if i don't love my partner anymore? What if im not loyal? I choose to stay faithful and not act on these thoughts and feelings. But having these thoughts and feelings are enough to make me a horrible, disloyal person. I feel like i nornalize, enjoy being a disgusting person.

I also have pocd and real events OCD regarding explicit anime/explicit cartoon corn too… (14, 17-18) the content was on public sites and some of them said the characters that were underage in canon, were 18+ in the content, so I thought they were safe to watch… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… some of the explicit anime characters looked and were really young… and i avoided most of the content involving the really young anime characters, but i thought some of this content wasnt Pediphilic because they were on public explicit sites and had millions of views… so i thought it was safe to watch... I didnt know how horrible the young anime character content was or what it represented… I assumed that some of this content was safe to look at because it was on public sites and had millions of views… and doing my research about it later on made me vomit… i dont ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… there were some anime characters that looked and were extremely young… i didnt know how horrible this type of content was or what it represented… When i was looking at explicit anime content (i was 19 and was making sure the characters were over the age of 18) I accidentally looked at characters that were 17 by mistake... (a couple times even though the site said all characters have to be 18+) my pocd is saying im in denial for all of this... this, combined with my previous pocd and real events based on this... makes me just feel so alone...

Hi all, I was wondering how other people with POCD deal with the guilt and shame that come with the POCD

I can almost remember the day this all first started. I was in high school, the year was 2019, and I was watching a horror movie in theaters with my friends. The movie was The Prodigy. At the very beginning of the film, there’s a scene where a woman gives birth to a child, and then it cuts to a shot of a completely naked baby. Child nudity has always bothered me severely, but this stayed with me for weeks. I couldn’t enjoy the rest of the movie because I was so bothered by it and it eventually started to plague my personal life to the point where I was questioning myself and getting extremely uncomfortable around life. Eventually, I ignored it and after a week, it went away. A few months later, I watched the film The Boondock Saints. During the scene where Willem Dafoe is making out with another man while he’s dressed as a woman, I felt something happening in my pants. At first, I panicked and checked to see if it was an erection, and was relieved to see that it wasn’t the case, because I’m not gay, I’ve never had the urge to do anything with another man before, and I’m certainly not opposed to my own sexuality. I could care less if I’m gay, straight, bisexual, etc. But because I felt something in that moment, I questioned myself every day since. I’ve tested myself many times and I’ve always came up with the same answer: I find men attractive, but not sexually attractive. Eventually, after battling with it for three years, I decided in 2022 that I had enough. I couldn’t go out in public or be around another man without staring at them for prolonged periods of time; it didn’t matter who it was. I would get extreme anxiety, but I was compelled to keep doing it. I get a tingling, almost burning sensation in my genitals that convinces me I’m having an erection, which further coerces my thoughts, thus making me want to do things I don’t want to do. I always snap out of this state but I can’t prevent it from happening. I tried doing what I did before with children and ignore my OCD until it went away, but this time it didn’t work. I eventually fell into the rabbit hole again with POCD and, to his day, have struggled severely with both to the point where I avoid going anywhere outside of work and home in fear I might do something I might regret. Even after I snap out of it, eventually, the intrusive thoughts come back again and I feel like I’m in danger to myself and others. I have no way of beating this at the moment, so I hope this app helps.

Growing up i never felt forgiven for anything. No one ever said “it’s okay I’m not mad at you”. As an adult I don’t know how to forgive myself for anything. I feel like a bad person for absolutely everything even my own thoughts. I don’t know how to stop telling myself that I’m the only person like this and that everyone around me is normal.

Over half a year ago, This girl wanted me to rp a CNC scene with her and to not ask the next time we chatted online. When we started doing that the next time we met, she suddenly left the chat. So Im scared on if consent wasnt given. I remember her saying that she got booted the next time I talked to her, and asking if she wanted to continue where we left off, but im not too sure and I cant recollect it... as a part of the roleplay, she would say "stop" and I think she roleplayed her movements but I dont remember if this was a part of the roleplay, or her genuinely telling me to stop... my friend on the explicit chat site says that since its been over 6 months, that I most likely didnt do anything to hurt her and that I should move on, but my intrusive thoughts keep saying that I violated this womans consent, when a womans consent is the most important thing to me... my harm ocd keeps saying I SA'ed the woman and intrusive thoughts of her saying this and I just throw up every time...

I have horrible Harm/Suicide OCD and depression. When I was in the thick of this horrible disorder I would take my pain and my hurting out on my own skin. My hand fell as the main victim and so did my back, shoulders, and my neck. It’s been a bit now and the scars are more faint. But I have never met someone with the same or similar scars to mine. Of course I never want to because I wish my experience on no one, but it does feel really lonely and isolated. I feel like a freak for these self harm scars from my OCD and depression. They make me insecure and are a daily reminder of my trauma. I’ll put a photo of my healed up hand as a reference. If anyone can share their story or their scars it would be a great comfort. Who else is a OCD scar buddy?

Does anyone else fear they may die in there sleep?

When I was 13 (4years ago) I went through a period of time in lockdown where I was obsessed where I was obsessed with the idea that my parents would get COVID and I was sure they would get it and die even though they're young/not at risk. I had: prayers repeating in the back of my mind 24/7 Everytime I went downstairs I'd say a prayer, everytime I reached the top id put my phone in a risky position to show id sacrifice materialistic pleasures and say a prayer, I prayed in multiples of 5 (4people in my family plus God,) I assigned all of my family a teddy bear and said a prayer whilst hugging each one, I kept praying by shutting my eyes every second, when I was about to go to school id have to quickly take my shoes off and pray which meant od be late but I couldn't not do it and ignore the prayer for my parents to not get COVID Then I became obsessed with the idea that I could be gay- my brain told me this 100X over and I couldn't concentrate on work Then I thought I'd definitely have cancer and I thought every little thing wrong with me was a big scary illness- my screen time on google was 10+ hours a day during the second lockdown HERE is where I don't know if I have OCD. All these went away but I still pray all the time and if j see a picture of god I can't ignore it I have to pray. I'm so obsessed with the idea that my dad could get cancer now and I keep praying that he won't. Materialistic pleasures (e.g smell, taste, sight) are ignorance in my religion so I keep thinking if I give them up my dad won't get cancer. Everytime Im about to do something like a play a song my brain thinks 'give that up' or sacrifice it and I have to or else I think my dad will get cancer. It got so bad I couldn't eat or sleep or even study Now I can do things like listen to music if I 'promise to God to do it' (not on my Dad's life) The thing is I don't know if these knew symptoms look like OCD. They just look weird and I'm scared I don't actually have OCD because j can't get diagnosed until next year ( I don't want to tell my parents) and I was just wondering if anyone could help me figure it out :)