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the NOCD Community

Hi friends, I may have figured something out. I’m not a doctor, I just play one in my own mind. 😆 Ok, we all know that OCD usually acts up under stress. This is a given. I would go as far as saying it comes in as almost a “defense mechanism” (an automatic one) whenever something is causing us anxiety or extra stress. Perhaps it is a distraction (?) I believe it is. What backs this up is if one OCD theme or game doesn’t hold your attention, your mind will try a different one to see if that one works. So then why does it like to come in and “ruin” the good times as well? You’re not under stress, you’re excited and happy, or doing something you really enjoy. Or looking forward to something. It comes in and ruins it. I think the OCD part can’t distinguish between “nervous-excited” and “happy-excited”. It just comes on in because it is an automatic defense mechanism, and it has no idea that the excitement it’s picking up on has nothing to do with anxiety. It just knows that part of your brain is all revved up. It does not know that you’re all excited because things are going well. This is why when you’re having a good time somewhere and you’ve ventured out of your comfort zone and you feel all proud of yourself.. guess what’s coming right around the corner.. 😵‍💫 Thoughts? No trigger warning. This ain’t scary. Just a theory.

I have like 3 doctor appointments and dentist and I m so anxious about it I want to go to find out what’s wrong with some symptoms I have at the same time I don’t want to go because I m scared of bad news I feel like I can’t handle bad news

constant intrusive thoughts, constant groinal responses. couldn’t even watch a video on TikTok of a toddler throwing a fit bc she opened her legs and immediately my pocd acted up. it gives me groinal responses, bad thoughts, and feelings of anxiety, fear , and shame. I hate this. How do I get through life like this? I can’t even imagine being a teacher or a parent, because the next thought that comes is images of me hurting children. thoughts of “ur a p, ur destined to be a p, ur gonna eventually end up hurting a kid” “ur only freaking out because u know u will be shunned” I hate this. The thoughts go into so much detail and feel so real. No matter what I say or do, it argues back and convinces me im a p. Everytime I see children, anywhere, I can’t stand it because of this. I’m scared to have kids out of fear I will hurt them and do something bad to them for my own pleasure. I feel like one day im just gonna snap and hurt kids. I can’t take this at all. It feels so real. I don’t know what to do. I am crying as I am writing this. The groinal responses feel like actual arousal. I feel so angry, and sad, at the world and myself. I am scared and I think I am actually a p, and instead should get help for that instead of ocd. I don’t know what else to do

I can't move past some trashbags. Somebody put it near the door. I try not to be near to the door while going so as not to touch it. But what if others touched it and then i get in touch with these people, then i will get contaminated. Ugh this so messed up. I fèel like even going near the trash will contaminate me and what if i have touched it. Why don't people just throw the trash right away. Why they put it there for hours. This is triggering my anxiety so high that i am freaked out. I am trying not to do the compulsions if i haven't touched it but the "what if" thoughts are killing me. What if i have touched it😭😭

this is a genuine question i have bc when i was younger and had no internet restriction me and my friend stumbled upon on it and ever since my life has kinda changed. and i feel like it’s altered my mind even though i had stopped thinking or watching it. a little girl shouldn’t have seen anything like that and that’s why i became addicted and it’s so unfair. can anyone relate?

This guy I’m friends with has this rumour spread about him recently, the thing is I can’t say if he did or didn’t do the thing he’s being accused of, nobody can, but it’s a rumour that could get very serious very soon. But the entire situation that is at hand is absolutely disgusting, and I hate that I’ve even been involved. The only reason I am is because my ex and his ex are sleeping together (2 weeks after saying he didn’t want a relationship and 3 days after she broke up with her boyfriend) and we became friends because we were at the pub at the same time we found out and both started crying together. Apparently she has been sleeping with her ex and trying to sleep with her ex still to this day, that’s what he has told me, even though she is now in another relationship, I haven’t see. The evidence except for some pictures he took at her flat with the date and time showing he was there (not incriminating pictures, would be of her hugging him on their bed, or her doing her hair, stuff like that) I can’t choose to believe it but if he’s telling me then I will, until proven different, have no other reason not to believe it. But then this rumour came out, this horrible horrible thing that if has happened then I hope nothing but that she’s okay and recovers from what’s happened, but if it’s a lie is a massively fucked up lie to tell people. How do I know to believe things or not? Because right now being his friend is making my brain tell me some absolutely horrible things about myself that I just can’t seem to move, that I’m siding with the guilty party, that I’m having rumours spread about me in hay, that everyone is talking about me, that I can’t be friends with him, that I’m disgusting and just as bad as the rumour is (if it’s true). It’s horrific like I don’t want to side with either of them, I’ve heard from a fact source that she’s done some horrible things to her last boyfriends that should not be excused, but now I’m hearing this like I just don’t know what to do. And it’s making me panic and stress and it’s taking over my entire life like I’ve been sat here for 2 hours unable to do anything else because it’s all I can think about. There’s nothing else in my head except this right now, that I can’t just get on with my life and if I find out that what someone has told me is a lie until that point I can’t seem to just leave it be. Until it is proven different should I not be allowed to just live my life? Because nothing is being done about this rumour on any side, hers or his, irs just sorta there. Which makes me think even more that it’s just not true, but u til proven different I choose to not belive nor not belive it and I just wanna live my life. If I’m told that someone lied I’ll hold my hands up and apologise, I’m only getting one side of a story, but if they haven’t then I have nothing to pressure myself with. So why do I constantly go over and over and over in my head these thoughts? I’m hurting myself so many times I literally can’t do anything and I have so much to do today. I hate it I hate being involved I don’t want to anymore. I even said to him I’m an outsider and I don’t want to be involved, I don’t know anything and I shouldn’t it’s not my business I’ve only known all of you (her and him) for like 3 weeks, her I don’t even know but my friends do so I’ve heard from them what she’s like. It’s just all so hard for my brain right now

18+ I’m afraid that at some point I might’ve watched something illegal while I had a bad porn addiction as a teen- I’m not sure and that’s what haunts me. How could any of us know? How could we know the people in this porn are the age they say they are?! Why does this make me even more consumed with doom. I think rather dark stuff after that, concerning stuff for my well being cause I literally spiral so hard I feel as if I’m losing touch with reality. My panic attacks, my depression- all spurred on and taunted by a “what if” Do normal people genuinely not think about this? Do normal people keep moving forward knowing that’s a possible risk? If so then what? What if your eyes saw that? How would you even keep living? Or wanting to.

hi i’m belinda and i always have really bad intrusive thoughts. always have. im really young so i can’t get the help i need because my parents think therapy is stupid, so im glad i found this app. but i can never get these thoughts out of my head even if i don’t believe them. its so bad, i will never be saying it out loud. sometimes i fear that God won’t forgive me for my intrusive thoughts, even if i can’t control it. i don’t know. can anyone help? 🥲 or does anyone relate?

When someone talks behind my back and i come to know about it, it makes me a bit upset but the problem is that when someone accuses me something and lies about me to someone else i feel like i need to tell the other person that no this is not true and that person is lying about me. Although my inner self tells me not to do or say anything bcz i don't care what people say or think about me especially when i haven't done anything wrong but my ocd tells me to clear my name or something will happen. Is this also a type of ocd? What sub theme is this? I am just trying to ignore these thoughts although my mind is continuously ruminating and it is causing me alot of anxiety. Can some one please tell me what to do in this case? Or am i doing right by not doing anything bcz i feel like ots a compulsion for me?

Hello, does anyone here want to talk about their day and how they use coping strategies to get through their day I’m curious to hear how you guys fight your compulsions and intrusive thoughts I like to get another perspective because that helps me

I'm trying to study and I have a really difficult time making decisions so when thinking about whether to do old content or new ones my brain just said 'promise on your mum's life to only do old content until Tuesday' and that's really bad because I need to do new content too and now I don't know what to do

I can't stop crying. Everything in my life is difficult, and my OCD isn't making anything easier. My life feels like a constant battle, and I can't even find refuge in my own mind. Why can't my mind be my safe place? Why is it my biggest bully and enemy? I simply crave peace. I simply want to live a normal life, and think in a “normal” way like everyone else

I recently saw a tiktok about rabies and now I can't stop thinking about it. I'm so scared a bat bit me and I didn't notice and now I have rabies. I haven't seen a bat in a long time and in my country there hasn't been a case since 2018. But I'm so scared what if I have it or what if I get it. What if I wake up tomorrow and I have hydrophobia(one of the symptoms). I can't stop thinking about this:(

I remember before when I went through a phase of having really gory messed up intrusive thoughts it felt like I ‘liked them’ or like an ‘urge’ but I still knew I didn’t want that and I felt stressed out having it and now it’s been a long while and the themes come back but I literally feel nothing I’m desensitised and it feels like I actually like it and I’m not anxious or anything and I can imagine really horrible thoughts Literally on purpose I’m imagining them because I use to test myself by imagining thoguhts to see if I ‘like it’ or if I get anxious but now it feels like I jsut start imagining really messed up gory thoughts I got triggered when it remembered soemthing soemone told me a killer did and then I started having this and now everyday it feels like I am one and that I like it and it doesn’t even feel like I don’t want to be or that I hate this it and sometimes it feels like I like the thoughts or want that or as if I’m ‘enjoying’ the thoughts or want to do that and I don’t know what to do I wasn’t like this before and now I’m thinking what if after imagining yhe thoguhts now I’ve taken a liking and want to do that, it’s coming to me really strongly sometimes that I want to do or like/enjoy these really sick things and I keep letting myself imagine them and I don’t know why it doesn’t even feel like I’m testing myself it’s as if I’m just letting my mind wander thinking about sick things and then feeling like I am like that or want that, or I had this thing where I kept worrying because I had an intrusive thoguht about stabbing and then it felt like I knew what it felt like to stab soemone and ‘liked the feeling’ of physically doing that and now it’s like I will randomly get a thought ‘imagine you done that anyway’ or ‘imagine you did that right now’ and then it feels like I need to imagine how it feels to do that and feels like I would actually do that or that I want to idk what to do I don’t even know what I feel anymore and it’s scary it feels like I’ve accepted being this awful thing and almost like I want to be or am one and I feel confused and then just now I remember how some bad people supposedly ‘wanted help’ and then ended up being bad and now I’m thinking what if that’s me and me writing this doesn’t mean anything because these last few days it’s literally imaginined the most gory worst thoughts you could think of and it’s felt like I like it or want that and I don’t know

It feels like OCD has taken everything good out of my life. I only feel free from anxiety, guilt, fear and lack of control when I'm sleeping and I'm lucky that my intrusive thoughts don't affect my night's sleep either. My therapist has already warned me about the dangers of not doing anything that is good for me as this can result in severe depression, but I feel so guilty about my thoughts and then carrying out a compulsion, that sometimes I don't even feel like eating, I feel truly sick to my stomach. I have suffered from undiagnosed OCD for as long as I can remember, I finally had a diagnosis at the beginning of this year and it was a relief at first, to have an answer as to why my whole life was the way it was, but now I continue the treatment and I don't know if one day I will be able to improve. I know that OCD has no cure and it hurts to think that I will have to live every day of my life fighting my own brain. Anyway, this has gone on too long, this app is one of the best things I've ever done for myself and my disorder, I hope this all passes soon, I'm tired.

Does anyone else find themselves identifying with their intrusive thoughts? Like you believe that it’s really you and not some mental illness ? It feels like it really is me cause it shouldn’t feel so NORMALIZED in my own mind. How do I reverse this?

Im feeling so anxious cause of my pocd and real events ocd based on extremely horrible childhood mistakes... Here are the facts. - I made a severe horrible mistake of a sexual nature 3 times at the age of 13. - someone told me about what the mistake was and what it meant earlier in the week before the mistakes happened... - i had no idea what the mistake even was before I learned of it, much less ever do it.... - i had forgotten about being told about the mistake and what it meant, and the severe mistakes happened later in the following days... - it never happened again and I feel extremely guilty at the age of 22. I dont ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... I was told what this word was, but I had forgotten it... I did not have full knowledge or full understanding on how horrible this mistake was... I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 and I get intrusive thoughts of people calling me a P and a chomo and me getting arrested… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo… the real events happened only 3 times and I really didn’t know how horrible it was… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… I don’t want to ever be attracted to or harm kids in any way… 😭😭😭 my POCD says that the person remembers and that they were negatively affected... i genuinely despise my life...

context: I’m 21 attending community college. ever since spring of 2023, I’ve been pretty much failing my classes. I have dropped out of some and passed a couple. a bit of history; I used to be an A/B honor roll student. I repeated my senior year of high school to do me being at my lowest. I just kept working a lot and putting no effort into my school work. I felt much happier at work than school because of the people around me. it felt like I didn’t care about my grades at all and that I didn’t want to see anyone from my grade at graduation. fast forward, I’m trying to complete my associate’s degree. my goal initially was to graduate around this time of the year or summer. obviously, with me just failing classes again, I’m going to have to stall my graduation. for the most part, I have been paying for my classes except this recent semester which was Spring. my dad paid for it and yet I dropped out of some classes and failed the rest. I haven’t told him about it because I’m scared and just disappointed in myself that I let it happen again. now I’m working more due to it being summer and doing classes online in hopes to finish my degree sooner. I want to repay the amount my dad paid back to him because I feel so guilty. of course, it’s my fault and I understand that. I’m holding accountability for my actions. I just haven’t been the best mentally even though I’m trying to improve. it’s like one day I’m doing okay and then it falls back again. there’s not much business going on at work and new employees have been quitting. there’s one person quitting and I have been feeling the same for quite a while. I usually just try to think and say “just get through this summer” because I need the money. I feel like trying for another job is hard. but then I asked my dad yesterday if anyone at the company he works for needs people. he said that there’s plenty of positions and he can get me in. as much as I don’t like the food industry, I have experience in it & if I will make more than I do now with my current job, I might as well start there. I just hate having to deal with people. I’m not really that good at socializing. most of the time it’s just the forced “being nice & starting up conversations” to people so it’s not awkward. most of the time I’m quiet but once I open up a bit, I can talk. just not in a friend way because these are my coworkers. anyway, going back to college. I want to make enough so I can pay back that semester balance to my dad and have enough saved for a motorcycle. I haven’t taken a riding course yet, but will need to do I can see if it’s for me. I feel like riding a motorcycle will help me ease my mind. it’s like I need it. I’m desperate to just escape from here and just breathe. I have been thinking of paying for my own tuition for the fall. it’s going to cost a lot because I’m out of county and don’t make much anyway. I just feel so fucking dumb for wasting my time and money on classes that I didn’t even put effort in. I don’t know why I’m putting myself through this. I want to improve but when I try to start over again, I fall back. it’s been a constant cycle. I don’t want to fail again. I’m currently taking a class and doing the homework right now even though it’s the last day to turn it in for credit. I put myself into this because I want to work more for money yet complete my classes at the same time. my online friend told me to just take it easy and I just ignored her advice. I do understand her but I feel like I need to be catching up with people my age. I think most of them are on their last year of college or have graduated already. and yet I’m still here. struggling. I’m behind everything. my cousins that are close to my age (a bit younger) are doing well in college. they both know what to do and I’m still lost. one graduated already and the other is still in school. I feel so behind and a failure as a first generation student. so far, been failing classes, been mentally exhausted, dealing w/ self-harm, no irl local friends in 5 years and just lonely. I’ve been fighting with myself for this long. I can’t feel most things anymore. I’m just tired. and I would like friends, but as I mentioned in my previous post, I don’t know people’s true character. I don’t want bad people in my life. mini rant: I want friends my age. 20s. 19 is okay. 18 seems like pushing it but I just want someone my age or older. I want to feel where I believe I belong. I feel like an older sibling or something to those younger. nothing wrong with them but I’m just tired of being the older one I guess. I do have like 2 online friends that I talk to that are older. but they have their own lives and are busy. everyone is busy. I get that. I just feel so alone. I feel like a failure because of my performance at school. I don’t know where I’m going. I just want to find something to look forward to living life.

DO YOU HAVE INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT CERTAIN PEOPLE? Like, a specifical person that annoys you more than the others that show in your intrusive thoughts. Because of that, it feels as if I actually were attracted to that person, I can't take this.

Stay strong your videos helped me. I was diagnosed with ocd. Pocd false memory real event themes. I had p*rn addiction in the past and i would specifically search adult porn or particular celebrity names to ensure i didnt come across any p*do stuff by accident. There were times websites still had images of what looked like underage or normal family ads and i would get angry and anxious because i dont want to see that. There was one time i looked for a celebrity video and it had compilatiom of her s*x scenes from her movies. It was all good until one scene it was her trying to arouse her husband in the movie and he was holdimg their child in his arms (nothing bad) but since all the videos prior were adult s*x i fast forwarded passed the scene with the kid. I couldmt find the scene i was looking for of the lady so i had to go back and found it. Finished the deed and moved on. Told my wife how i came across that kid scene and how angry snd mad it made me. I wasnt trying to do anything bad i was intentionally looking for a female celebrity. I went on and now years later ocd doubts if i intentionally looked for the child or when i went back to find the scene i passed thst scene snd i recall being anxious having to pass it but i was looking for a scene and now my ocd worries was i looking st the child scene again. If i wouldve done something that bad i wouldve confessed and turned myself in. P*do is the worst thing to me. I am not one and dont have a history. The false memory real event ocd therapt says just accept uncertainty and move on but i cant accept if thatbwere true. I use logic and reasoning to try solve the ocd. Im not a p*do and it gives me anger and anxoety. Not pleasure. Plus my intentions was to look at a particular adult celebrity i found attractive. In my religion doubt is falsehood and in liberal arts doubt is conquered by logic and reasoning. I used my cbt tools and have more evidence against the ocd doubt but i still feel guilt or anxiety about what if i did that unimaginable thing when i came across the scene of the child when i was looking for margott robbies s*x scene.