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the NOCD Community

How is everyone

Hi! I’m looking for some advice or someone to relate to as having ocd can be extremely isolating. I’ve been having a really bad flare up of my rocd (relationship ocd, and I fear that I am developing pure o as well. My compulsions have been strictly mental and have caused me so much distress to the point that I feel numb and almost empty. Does anyone relate or have any stories that might bring me some hope?

I smoked way too much weed on Saturday and I still don’t feel completely normal. I’ve smoked too much before and have had this same feeling but I’m scared it won’t go away. I was hyperventilating, my heart was beating super fast, and I had no idea what was going on around me. Now I’m scared to eat because I feel like someone put drugs in my food. I don’t feel real and I’m scared it won’t go away. Please help

This post largely revolves around my current themes of SOOCD and ROCD. I began my OCD recovery journey this year in late February. Just a few weeks ago I received my conquers badge and felt on top of the world but with a forced change of therapists and becoming a little lax on my ERP’s I have had a tougher few days, but nowhere near as bad as it was (although I have stood on the edge of that hole wanting to jump down) This journey has seen me learn many things, some of which have helped me prevent other themes from riding back up. One recent one was actually after taking a test at work. My top strengths largely revolve around execution. In summary, seeing a problem, figuring out what is wrong, what needs to be done, and fixing it. Guess what has no fix though? While I have gotten better at accepting that I do have this terrible disease that causes unnecessary doubt, it’s also hard as this involves putting my best strengths to the side, but that I also need to. Other things I have learned include: - Not basing judgements off of a feeling because feelings aren’t reliable and constant - That I lack self compassion and don’t let myself be a human a lot of the times - That I crave control, but only for myself and that a lot of my fears, OCD related or not, are things I don’t have control over. Ex. My orientation, if I might die tomorrow, if the world around me is a simulation, even my fear of flying is because if we crash I can’t do anything about it. In my recovery though I still have a fair share of repetitive thoughts, in relation to SOOCD and ROCD. If you have read this far, and have any advice or see how I may be going the wrong way about something, I do greatly appreciate any feedback - Am I just using OCD as an excuse? - Do I even have OCD? - That dude over there is good looking, that means I’m gay - My mind changing a woman in a daydream or when I’m laying with my wife to a man - Wishing to go back to how I was - And more Largely when these thoughts pop up, I try to accept them as much as I can or give an answer OCD doesn’t like. Am I using OCD as an excuse? Maybe. Do I even have OCD? Probably not. Will I go back to how I was? Probably Not. I still have a lot of progress to be made, and it definitely sucks in the meantime being someone that wants to cross something off his list as soon as possible, but I do know I can make it through it, even if I had a twinge of doubt while writing that. I also wanted to include some tips I have learned for others dealing with a theme of SOOCD and ROCD that may be able to help them - If you’ve read stories or questions about how do I know if I’m gay? And have seen responses from people with vague answers like, if you get this feeling in your stomach when you see x person it means you’re y orientation, or I didn’t realize I was x orientation originally but looking back I had thoughts about y persons. These are not helpful responses for someone with OCD because you have OCD and they don’t. As you’ve probably heard everybody has intrusive thoughts, and we all process information differently and what works for someone without OCD will not work for someone with OCD. They can make those decisions and have those thoughts and go about their day, we cannot. Even if in the moment you can, like an annoying fly it will buzz by again. - If you look back and think, why didn’t I react this way when I had this thought? You just didn’t. You processed and handled a thought in a way you want to and only OCD wants you to figure out the meaning behind why then and not now - Someone dealing with SOOCD isn’t afraid of being a different orientation, they’re just afraid of…. When I was in a really bad spot, this statement terrified me because I was afraid of being gay. Through time I have learned that I’m not afraid of being gay, honestly if I was I wish I had known in grade school. It took a while to see but during your recovery I bet you too come to see that you’re not afraid of being a different orientation, just something else to what you have known, and know yourself to be - Last one is that everyone’s OCD is different and that OCD can do anything. If you feel the urge to ask, does anybody else experience… If no one responds to your question, it means absolutely nothing. Even if someone else hasn’t experienced that, it does not mean OCD can’t do that because OCD can do anything and will target everyone different. OCD just wants you to feel like you’re the exception to the rule and wants to find that one bit to latch onto to sew that doubt.

I can’t stop crying i currently live on public housing my partner pay rent which is no cheap either been trying to move to another apt but they are so much expensive I don’t work due to my anxiety so I m a mess is my fault we can’t move today I found a cheap apt but my bf is at work so I think is gone is taken once again this is my fault because due to my anxiety I can’t even go out I don’t work I m no body :( I wish I could find a way to make money from home but is impossible

My ocd is really bad right now. Two days ago out of nowhere I thought what if I have dyslexia and that really made me anxious... I read fine except in front of other people because I get anxious. And then yesterday I woke up and it seems like I read slower in my mind than usual. I don't know how to explain it but doesn't feel right. I'm very scared. I know you can't get dyslexia overnight hahahaha but I'm scared something else is wrong:(

I would like to get to know you all better so feel free to tell me anything! How did you find out you had OCD? What made you all join this app? 😊

I am mostly recovered from HOCD but my issue now seems to be that I’m very obsessed with my appearance and if I look like a lesbian or not. I’m not super feminine looking and I work from home so some days I just really don’t care to do my hair or makeup and I’m fine with that and I don’t believe that makes me less feminine. But I can tell a difference between the way my straight feminine friends look when they don’t try vs how I look when I don’t try. It’s both true but also not helpful for me to compare. Idk how to not be obsessed about this.

I don’t even know what type of OCD this would fall under but here it goes lol. ever since i was a little kid If someone bad happened to me while i was listening to a song, I wouldn’t listen to it anymore, or if i heard it i would take it as a “bad omen” so i would try to avoid it at almost all costs. if something good happened to me, I would take it as a “good song” and need to listen to it on repeat so something good would happen even though it would drive me crazy hearing it after replaying it so many times. I have little memories in my head for almost all my music like for example “the day i listened to this song a kid near me coughed so it means that if i listen to it then i could happen again and i could get sick.” can anyone relate? any tips to help stop?

I want to beat my OCD because it’s starting to affect my way of life and messing with me hanging out with friends and loved ones. Does anyone have any good recommendations with helping get rid of intrusive thoughts?

I want to find the off switch, my brain is so determined to convince me of things that are just not true. But I just don't understand, I know deep down they're not true.. so why am I so desperate to prove it? I'm literally at my wits end

Has anyone got any to share? I want to challenge myself for a month of mental health and wellbeing routines to see if it makes an impact to my day. So far I've only got drinking water exercise and ice cold bath

i feel weird for talking/ dating people 2 years younger. ive been with people my age, and older, i do prefer older. but i have been with people younger. im scared this makes me a p. when i was 16 i did it, and earlier this year being 18. 2 years is my limit though, for going younger. a lot of people said it’s ok and it’s not a big deal but i have heard some people be like erm..: Im just scared i need to be in jail or im a weirdo :(

Hi everyone. I (30F) have been struggling with “fear of schizophrenia” OCD for a very long time now. This theme certainly comes in waves for me, but even when I'm not experiencing it acutely, it is always in the back of my mind. I feel like I can never truly plan for anything because soon I will be psychotic, so it won't matter anyway. I live my life in constant, abject terror that I am indeed becoming schizophrenic. At this point, I truly think that I am. Before I go further, I will mention that I have extreme health OCD, as well as some harm OCD and contamination OCD. Prior to this year, I used to think I had every deadly illness in the book. I used to go to the ER for every ache and pain, for every sensation that felt unusual to me. I worked through a lot of that but I cannot seem to apply those same skills to this theme. This started in 2020 when I had a strange thought like "what if there are cameras?" and while I KNEW that there weren't, the fact that I had such a thought at all made me fear that I was becoming psychotic. I later started paying more attention to my mind pops and hypnagogic hallucinations and it has been downhill from there. Still, I had kept this fear to myself and under wraps for years until December of 2023. I woke in the middle of the night and as I was scrolling on reddit, I noticed a post to the tune of "What is the scariest fact you know about the human mind?" and the top one was about dementia. Someone had linked a free cognitive test called MindCrowd to test for dementia or mild cognitive impairment. I decided to take it and, being half asleep, scored miserably on it. I decided I was too young for dementia so this was definitely the onset of schizophrenia. Since then, I have taken dozens of cognitive tests and scored very very well on them, including up to about 3 days ago. I do not have cognitive impairment. I am still intellectually and cognitively intact. I have no family history of schizophrenia or any psychotic disorder (although OCD runs in my family). I have OCD and Borderline Personality Disorder. I have a lot of symptoms that make me believe that I am entering psychosis. I'll list them below: **Pareidolia -** This one is the one that is the most distressing to me right now. See r/pareidolia for examples of what I am talking about. At some point in the past, I read that pareidolia is a symptom of schizophrenia. For a few years now, whenever I think of this fact, I become vigilant of facial patterns in things. I am at such a point of hypervigilance about pareidolia right now that no matter what I look at, I can guarantee that I will be able to find a face pattern in it. I am usually actively thinking about pareidolia prior to it happening. If I were heavily distracted, I would most likely not notice it at all. I notice it in everything now. This is one of the most distressing symptoms ever. **Mind pops and brain chatter -** it feels like I have a mental radio. Particularly when it's quiet or I'm anxious, I "hear" a lot of chatter in my head. This can range from the sound of a crowded area in my head (I don't ACTUALLY hear it; I know it's in my head) to random words and phrases like "Tina Tuna" or "dinnertime", etc. I also have songs playing in my head almost constantly. I don't like to sit in silence because of these phenomena. I usually have music or a podcast playing. **Hypnagogic/hypnopompic Hallucinations -** these are heard right as I'm falling asleep. Could be bits of conversation. They disappear when I wake up. **Closed Eye Visuals -** Occur when I'm falling asleep, especially if I'm extremely tired. Can pretty much be anything. **Weird thoughts -** I think this one I do to myself. I'll have a super fucked up thought like "I wonder what kind of music my cat would listen to if he could like music?" and then be like "what the fuck, why did I think that?" **Constant hypervigilance -** Making sure I didn't see or hear something that wasn't there. Asking for reassurance from loved ones that they also saw or heard what I saw or heard. **Brain Fog -** I think this might be stress related but there are times when I become so stressed from my anxiety that I feel like I have no thoughts left in my head. **Afterimages -** Sometimes if I look at brightly-coloured things like lights, I'll see an afterimage of it for a few seconds. *I went to the hospital at the beginning of this week for all of this and an ER doctor, a mental health nurse, and a psychiatrist all told me that I categorically and completely do not have schizophrenia or any prodrome of it.This should have been reassurance enough but it is not. I don't think anything is. I am terrified that I will lose my mind and hurt the people I love. That is my biggest fear in the world. I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want to live a simple, quiet life with my wife and my cats. I love them so much and I never want anything bad to happen to them. I hate that this is happening to me. I have seen so many stories on this sub about people whose symptoms essentially mirrored mine. Based on post history, a lot of people recovered from this theme. I just can't seem to. This is the worst my OCD has ever been. I can't take medication because I have had horrific experiences in the past on medication. I spend probably 8-10 waking hours a day thinking about schizophrenia, googling, testing myself (such as with the Mask Illusion, which I do still fall for btw), doomscrolling on Reddit, seeking reassurance from basically everyone, asking my family and friends if I seem psychotic, asking if they heard noises or saw things that I had, etc. I have nightmares about it when I sleep. I feel like I’m going to die from the anxiety this is causing me. Last night, I barely slept because I kept dreaming of pareidolia. I’m at the point of feeling like if I stepped outside and got hit by a truck, maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing cause I could finally stop worrying about schizophrenia. So, am I schizophrenic? Or is this illness anxiety and OCD? Can OCD trick you into thinking you’re psychotic?

Has anyone got stories to share? I've never had one without ocd. I'm not looking for anything other than to work on myself but would like to hear the before and after experiences with ocd and relationships. I've accepted it may take a little longer because I think a little different from most. I'm chatty and can pretty much talk to anyone but I'm not going to settle when I feel ready. It takes a lot for me to really connect with people on a deeper level. I don't mind if someone is going through something but can't be with someone afraid to do anything about it and it's painful to see it everywhere I go 😞

I honestly felt terrible this morning. My OCD has been getting really loud over the last few days and I had a massive relapse this morning :( I was stressing out and worrying that I might have done something harmful or terrible to someone I love and the thoughts kept looping around in my mind. I was struggling with this since Saturday night and I had a chat with my mum about it this afternoon and I felt really worried and emotional. I had to ask her for reassurance even though I explained to her that reassurance is not good for me. She was really hesitant at first to give me the answer, but I carried on asking until I got it and she finally gave me the answer and I did feel relief after it. I know this is a win for the vicious cycle of OCD:( I was doing so well on my journey to recovery so I feel like I have let myself down big time. I was 3 months without any compulsions or reassurance seeking. I know OCD relapses can happen. I would love to hear any advice or words of encouragement that anyone may have😊

I'm having a hard time. I stopped using gel nail polish originally because of fear of developing an allergy. I decided I would do it for an upcoming trip. I spent 12 hours doing my nails today and now I'm awake at 4am thinking I'm having random itching on different parts of my body and that it's a gel allergy. I've been googling for an hour. I need sleep. I'm so paranoid. Worst is I still have to finish one hand tomorrow and I need to redo one nail completely. If I develop an allergy from this ill never forgive myself.

i cant even use sleep as an escape now, i just had the most gut wrenching dream ive ever had. Usually i dont grt vivid dreams, and if i do than its a underlying fear of something that i wad already worrying/thinking about. But i haven’t thought about the moon exploding, like in a longggg time. It’s comforting to search up and know that so many people have similar dreams, but dream literally left my in shock and shaking. To make matters worse, my mom dad and sister were in this dream too. So now its hard to even think of them, and im getting all these crazy existential thoughts. I cant never catch a break man, whether its awake or asleep. Im glad that i dont think the dream means much (which is realllyyy goood considering ive had dreams where im incredibly convinced that there coming true (they never do). But what really spooked me after was the fact i saw a cardinal (a VERY significant symbol im my life ever since my grandma passed) and im sure it could mean anything, plus its the morning, cardinals are always out. But i dont like the fact i had the dream and saw that, but maybe i shouldn’t think to muvh into it. Thoughts?

Does anyone else’s ocd really not fit into subtypes the thoughts are all random ?

I’m getting anxiety around this coworker because I think I’ll get a crush on them and also with other guys I get anxiety that I will get a crush on them and thus, emotionally cheat on my partner. But then the anxiety is making me think I like them even though I know that’s not true. This only happened after I got really anxious that I felt an attraction towards someone even though all I said was that they were cute in appearance in my head. Now I’m deeply scared that my fears will come true because I don’t want anyone else. I only want to stay with my boyfriend ideally for the rest of my life.