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I am having the worst panic attack of my life, I'm a dumbbass and I read some stupid cooks that trigerred my pocd in a massive way. I'm freaking out so bad, can anyone talk to me. I feel like im dying for real

2 moths ago I blew up and spilled all my intrusive thoughts into my family and broke my relationship with my older sister. of my 19 years of life it has never been this bad of a relationship with my sister never and we were two peas in a pod before super duper close confiding in everything in each other and now I broke her heart, trust and reliability in me she now has to go to therapy and she has ptsd from what I said and did: I regret everything and each day I am haunted by what I did, what could have been and for not being able to regulate. I went to therapy for a year and a bit more a year ago (for anxiety, change difficulty and high functioning on autism spectrum didn’t know I had ocd at the time) which helped tremendously but then because I got better I stopped taking it seriously and did not work on my techniques and did not ask to go back to therapy. Then I blamed every life decision and intrusive thoughts onto my family and said many things I wish I did not. The conversation started and stemmed from simple topic of deciding on an invite from a friend the night before but I put on intrusive spin on it and it stated my downfall of thoughts and my indecisiveness. I talked to my sister then my whole family then proceeded the following days I still put blamed and terrible thoughts and distrust onto my family who cares and changed our dynamics entirely. I said so many hurtful things and did not heed warnings just because I couldn’t sit with my thoughts and emotions. And because I didn’t realize the consequences or feel remorse at the time even though I was warned. Now I do and god it hurts like hell on earth. I also said a bunch of things about my entire past so my sister found out every supposed truth or honest thing I said to her was not so. She really liked how honest and open I was but now she found out everything was a “lie” and that I felt/thought so many bad ways about her and my family. Complete 360* she said she feels like she doesn’t know who I am anymore and I don’t either. Now I am left picking up the pieces and am distraught with my reality I kept on repeating trying to relive the misery with talking to my family but now I realize it no good as I’ve been told repeatedly so I should stop and at least here I could release it healthily and ask if anyone has every done the same and if there is hope for putting back all the pieces again. I don’t wish anyone to have to go through the same things I did but if there is someone out there like me I could really use some home right about now. Because now I haven’t really been in touch with my sister at all for moths despite living in the same house and she put me away on her socials which she told me she would if I kept on pushing back on our relationship and now complete social media connection is practically gone and her life practically as well as she is trying to heal and protect herself from me. I am sad, I am scared, I regret. And I didn’t want to work on myself because I believe I could return to the past and change it and it will all be better again. Help and redemption I hope to gain through NOCD and now I know I have OCD from my second diagnosis from today I wish I figured all this out sooner and worked on my therapy as well. (_ _).｡o○ʕ⁎̯͡⁎ʔ༄

My first post on this forum. I just need to vent a bit. I have been dealing with OCD for about 10 years. I probably relapsed about 20 times now. Most recently 2 months ago for no particular reason other than becoming a father a month earlier which i guess was some kind of positive stress that triggered me. And this time our friend is really having a go with me. Especially now i am on vacation and have nothing much to do in the mornings which causes anxiety so severe i threw up in the first hour of waking up 2 days in a row now. I'm doubting every last od my positive feelings. Am i suicidal, how is my family going to feel if i kill myself, is it ever going to be better, how can i take care of my kid if i'm like this, am i going to throw up every day now? I started going to CBT last month in adsition to my 100 mg of SSRI . Hope it gets better soon ffs 😮‍💨

i've always loved kids and they bring me so much joy and light and laughter into my life, i was an infant teacher at a daycare for years before going to college. i've always wanted a family , a husband, kids, a cat (already have my baby boy kitty witty), a nice dog or two in a nice house with a job i love or to stay at home with the kids blah blah blah . now that i've been struggling with HOCD i'm terrified. i'm scared that if i have children one day i'm gonna go into psychosis and act on intrusive thoughts which i would never ever ever ever do but it's a scary feeling . it has made my whole view on my future change so drastically. im scared of having kids now even tho it was my dream for so long. when i was a kid if anybody asked what i wanted to be when i grew up i would say "a mommy" . it's just kind of annoying. anyone else struggling with this ?

Pleaseeeee Lord make this stop

I’ve been taking Zoloft for 5 and 1/2 weeks. The first two weeks were 25mg and up to 50mg when upped in the dose I felt my mind quite down more for about a week. I’ve had so many themes of OCD from harm, SO, Existencial. For about 3 months I’ve had really bad depression and my OCD is really just hyper focusing on my depression mainly because I hadn’t felt this bad in over 4 years. I thought I had OCD beaten and it destroys me the fact that it came back with a vengeance. I’ve also obsessed over the fact that I can’t sleep at times which feeds the viscous cycle. Anyway back to the Zoloft, I’ve been in 50mg for 3 and half weeks and I honestly feel like ass my depression is bad. It never really went away but it’s bad now I also made the mistake to keep drinking alcohol which I swear to not take an other sip as long as I’m on this med. I don’t drink on the regular just when I would go out with my friends. anyone can relate in terms of the medicine ? Im really debating wether I should speak to my psychiatrist to discontinue the meds.

I feel as though my life has been going a little TOO well recently and that something catastrophic is going to happen in order to "balance everything out" or make me feel less happy. It's preventing me from living in the moment and enjoying what's happening right now. Has anyone ever experienced this type of anxiety? Any tips on how to handle it?

On social media I will be scrolling and suddenly I see a post like “if your partner does this, leave!” “If they do this you deserve better” “this is a sign they aren’t loyal!” “If they’ve lied you can never trust them!” And if my partner has done something “bad” mentioned in a video I get sent into the worst searching spirals :( they can go on for hours. Also seeing people commenting agreeing with the post/sharing their experiences in comments is very triggering and I can ruminate/replay the video/comments in my head for hours or even days. Like I see so many people agreeing that a certain “flaw/red flag” that my partner has is bad and “worth leaving over” that I get convinced that my partner is a bad person and start asking him a million questions and end up ruining his mood.

How do you work through your relationship ocd when it focuses on real flaws? By real flaws I mean things that exist in reality, that cause you annoyance or bug you a bit or just make you feel anxious or turned off? How do you work through those in your relationship? Because I know that I can’t change my bf, especially since the things that bug me are just part of his personality, characteristics, and idiosyncrasies. And since I can’t change him, but these things still bother me, what do I do? I don’t want to leave, I want this relationship to work. But I get so stressed by the presence of these flaws because they leave me feeling hopeless with no idea of what to do to not feel overwhelmed or obsessed.

Anyone here struggling with health ocd at the moment? I’m making myself physically sick over the thoughts of me having cancer. If anyone can share their experiences and what they did to get through it I’d appreciate it so much.

Hi everyone. I’m new here and am still learning about erp therapy. I was wondering how I can love and accept myself with ocd. The version I want myself to be is the complete opposite of who I am right now. I’m not living in the moment and compare myself to my friends a lot who have strong personalities and sound like they’re more mature than I am & cope better than I do & are smarter than I am. How can I practice self-love while practicing erp therapy?

I'm really tired. Since i wake up, i'm constantly tired. I would sleep all day. And every visit i do, i keep getting gaslighted, or not taking seriously. Every time i try to talk with mumy friends, and i feel worse, because they can do so much in one day, maybe even 3 or 4 fully activities, when i have to choose if i prefer to survive (so eat wash etc) or do something useful (study, hobby). I can't do both, without my body completely hurting. I feel so hopeless, it never changes i am useless for myself:(

I'm at a point where I just want the thoughts that tell me I'm not a good person to stop. I just want to tell them yes I did these things and I'm not proud of these things even if I thought at the time they were right, and just leave it at that for good. All I want is to just be able to think positively of myself again and not get stuck in anxiety loops all day everyday. There's things I need to practice saying to myself but they can be so hard to do, especially when the intrusive thoughts feel 100% correct.

Went to a smoothie shop for my ERP today. I expected it to go well. But the noise was too much 😞it took me like 30 minutes to reach a calm-ish state. But even being back at home now my intrusive thoughts are so loud and I feel discouraged and very panicky and fearful. I’m so disappointed in myself and I’m afraid I’m going backwards . This is so hard

Is anyone else still really worried about Covid? I'd made a lot of progress last year, e.g., masking less, but now I've found out that Covid can cause long term organ damage and the impacts of each infection is cumulative, so you're more likely to get long Covid with each infection? On top of that, I've been on a lot of Novid/covid conscious forums and a lot of people are saying if you don't mask everywhere you're engaging in eugenics, so now I feel like I've made a mistake in reducing my masking??? I'm just worried most of all that I'm gonna cause long term damage to/kill someone, especially because my mum has copd :( I wish I had a clear answer as to what the right thing to do is, but obviously it hasn't been long since covid was discovered, so there's still so much we don't know

Hi I know I’ve ranted about this a few times and I know I shouldn’t but I’m panicking idk what to do. Just saw this Tik Tok and the comments were saying that my relationship (year 12 girl and y11 boy with year and a half age difference is not okay). We’ve been dating nearly four months, two months before his 16th which I told myself “the age difference isn’t gonna change, as long you do nothing sexual its neither legally or morally wrong” and now the worry has switched to “it’s not legally wrong but is it morally wrong?” especially after seeing this Tik Tok. It talked about how girls mature faster than boys as well but I thought that was kinda a myth tbh (apparently it’s not although it fluctuates with exceptions). And before I started dating him I checked with basically everyone in my life that they thought the age gap was normal which they said it was and that it was nothing. We’ve been best friends for a while btw so the feelings developed naturally, I took the risk of my OCD flaring up because I loved him but then at times like this comes the worry that I’m hurting him, an idea that terrifies me. There’s no noticeable maturity difference between us at all and we work together doing drama and film stuff all the time (we’re both actors). Any opinions? I don’t want to give up something that’s both making us happy over something that could be the result of a chronically online opinion.

How is everyone

Hi! I’m looking for some advice or someone to relate to as having ocd can be extremely isolating. I’ve been having a really bad flare up of my rocd (relationship ocd, and I fear that I am developing pure o as well. My compulsions have been strictly mental and have caused me so much distress to the point that I feel numb and almost empty. Does anyone relate or have any stories that might bring me some hope?

I smoked way too much weed on Saturday and I still don’t feel completely normal. I’ve smoked too much before and have had this same feeling but I’m scared it won’t go away. I was hyperventilating, my heart was beating super fast, and I had no idea what was going on around me. Now I’m scared to eat because I feel like someone put drugs in my food. I don’t feel real and I’m scared it won’t go away. Please help

This post largely revolves around my current themes of SOOCD and ROCD. I began my OCD recovery journey this year in late February. Just a few weeks ago I received my conquers badge and felt on top of the world but with a forced change of therapists and becoming a little lax on my ERP’s I have had a tougher few days, but nowhere near as bad as it was (although I have stood on the edge of that hole wanting to jump down) This journey has seen me learn many things, some of which have helped me prevent other themes from riding back up. One recent one was actually after taking a test at work. My top strengths largely revolve around execution. In summary, seeing a problem, figuring out what is wrong, what needs to be done, and fixing it. Guess what has no fix though? While I have gotten better at accepting that I do have this terrible disease that causes unnecessary doubt, it’s also hard as this involves putting my best strengths to the side, but that I also need to. Other things I have learned include: - Not basing judgements off of a feeling because feelings aren’t reliable and constant - That I lack self compassion and don’t let myself be a human a lot of the times - That I crave control, but only for myself and that a lot of my fears, OCD related or not, are things I don’t have control over. Ex. My orientation, if I might die tomorrow, if the world around me is a simulation, even my fear of flying is because if we crash I can’t do anything about it. In my recovery though I still have a fair share of repetitive thoughts, in relation to SOOCD and ROCD. If you have read this far, and have any advice or see how I may be going the wrong way about something, I do greatly appreciate any feedback - Am I just using OCD as an excuse? - Do I even have OCD? - That dude over there is good looking, that means I’m gay - My mind changing a woman in a daydream or when I’m laying with my wife to a man - Wishing to go back to how I was - And more Largely when these thoughts pop up, I try to accept them as much as I can or give an answer OCD doesn’t like. Am I using OCD as an excuse? Maybe. Do I even have OCD? Probably not. Will I go back to how I was? Probably Not. I still have a lot of progress to be made, and it definitely sucks in the meantime being someone that wants to cross something off his list as soon as possible, but I do know I can make it through it, even if I had a twinge of doubt while writing that. I also wanted to include some tips I have learned for others dealing with a theme of SOOCD and ROCD that may be able to help them - If you’ve read stories or questions about how do I know if I’m gay? And have seen responses from people with vague answers like, if you get this feeling in your stomach when you see x person it means you’re y orientation, or I didn’t realize I was x orientation originally but looking back I had thoughts about y persons. These are not helpful responses for someone with OCD because you have OCD and they don’t. As you’ve probably heard everybody has intrusive thoughts, and we all process information differently and what works for someone without OCD will not work for someone with OCD. They can make those decisions and have those thoughts and go about their day, we cannot. Even if in the moment you can, like an annoying fly it will buzz by again. - If you look back and think, why didn’t I react this way when I had this thought? You just didn’t. You processed and handled a thought in a way you want to and only OCD wants you to figure out the meaning behind why then and not now - Someone dealing with SOOCD isn’t afraid of being a different orientation, they’re just afraid of…. When I was in a really bad spot, this statement terrified me because I was afraid of being gay. Through time I have learned that I’m not afraid of being gay, honestly if I was I wish I had known in grade school. It took a while to see but during your recovery I bet you too come to see that you’re not afraid of being a different orientation, just something else to what you have known, and know yourself to be - Last one is that everyone’s OCD is different and that OCD can do anything. If you feel the urge to ask, does anybody else experience… If no one responds to your question, it means absolutely nothing. Even if someone else hasn’t experienced that, it does not mean OCD can’t do that because OCD can do anything and will target everyone different. OCD just wants you to feel like you’re the exception to the rule and wants to find that one bit to latch onto to sew that doubt.