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Suicide OCD people help. Tell me your stories, tell me it gets better and eventually stops, tell me it’s normal. Tell me something !

So i haven’t had an episode like this in a while. i’ve never actually been diagnosed with harm ocd so im even more terrified. I watched a news story a few years ago about a man who killed his wife by suffocating her and hid her body. well a few weeks ago i seen the same video on TikTok. since then ive had thoughts about killing my boyfriend in the same way. we don’t live together yet and we aren’t engaged but i don’t know why i would think like this. because i had a thought like this does it mean that im planning to do it? i don’t want to do it. i want to spend the rest of my life with him but this makes me want to run. makes me want to not marry him and never move in with him. i don’t want to alone with him because im scared ill do something to harm him. i have a huge lump in my throat and i feel like i secretly want to do it but i know in my heart that i dont. what do i do? i’m freaking out.

I often notice that i get into this rabbit hole, that i feel like what i have is a temptation and not just ocd. I feel that i label everything as ocd while i can have temptation too. Recently i was dealing with sexual thoughts and i said its ocd but at the same time i acted on ways that it seemed like its not ocd, its temptation. It scares me cause then when i have agressive harm thoughts or any intrusive thought, it might be temptation. Or when i dealt with this sexual problem, i had really bad feelings same as pocd, and now im questioning if it was temptation or not. How do you know if its temptation or ocd? For me tenptation is like when you fight to not do something but you are in danger doing it. Ocd is different. Maybe im afraid of it cause i watched alot of christian videos and everybody is talking about temptation, it makes me scared now that these thoughts/feelings were temptations but the same time i feel like im arrogant if i say its ocd and i cant have temptation...

I feel like im just a gay and i have to accept it. It feels so real. I dont even think i have ocd. I just think ive always been gay, into girls and now i have to accept it😞

If there is anyone hete that has made it through this, how does one manage the fear of the intrusive thoughts being true when trying to do erp? it terrfiies me to my core and gives me a overwhelming amount of anxiety to a point where i developed ocd tics and freeze. Its very scary but i really want and need to get better. Any advice?

I really don’t understand why people freak out if someone thinks they’re gay / lesbian or any lgbt or they think they’re attracted to that person yes I have ocd and I have my own struggles but I genuinely do not understand the afraid I’m attracted to so and so or what if they think this I understand it’s the OCD but why is it the end of the world if someone thinks that is being LGBT+ truly that bad or looked down upon … I hope I don’t come across as rude .. thankyou

I only see negatives on this page… can anyone share positives? Is anyone getting better from therapy?

I saw my mother asleep in a triggering position and noticed her triggering bottom area and I'm afraid I was attracted, and having seen her that way. The lightning hit that area in a weird way, and highlighted it and they looked weirdly lucid like the tights that Taylor Swift wears during her live concerts. And like the tighs area was unusually big but maybe that was because of the side sleeping position. I saw something unexpected that I didn't want to see and it was triggering was bothered, but what if I was bothered because I saw something "attractive" on someone I care about and do not feel that way? If that wasn't my mother and someone else would have I liked what I saw? Like how friends joke about other friends' mothers but they don't feel discomfort because they are not theirs. So I didn't want to see that, but was I only bothered because she is my mother? And what if I thought what I saw was attractive? Even though I wasn't the fact that I felt shocked and distressed implies I saw something that would be attractive in normal situations. I don't like that at all. I didn't want to notice what I saw. I could have gone all my life without this. I'm afraid that this is going to develop in a new ocd theme and that I'm never going to see my num in the same way I feel so sad about this My mother is pure and now my mind has degenerated her too. I feel hopeless. There has been times that I saw her in like similar situations but I didn't "notice" like I did this time. I'm afraid that I found it attractive this time. I can't live with this. I was shocked at what I saw. I'm trying to recollect what I thought and what I felt at that moment. I couldn't believe my eyes. I noticed too much. When I go past her I feel weird. I feel like things can't be normal again and when I see her I'm reminded of that trigger experience, it feels like I can't act normal anymore as if nothing happened, I get reminded of what I saw. I'm afraid that I can't see her normally anymore after this. And I'm afraid that this will stick and become a new theme. I didn't need this. I don't know what to do. What do I do.

I have real event ocd as well as moral ocd and a fear of having NPD. from ages 12-18 I used to cut myself in hopes that people would ask me if I was okay if I was feeling like stressed out or something. When I was in a relationship I would cut myself whenever he would upset me so he could see how much he was hurting me. I know that this is fucked up but I would also do this to my roomates to see if they would ask me if I was okay or see how badly I was hurting during this abusive relationship. I worry I am a bad person or have NPD because of this since it is really just so embarrassing and also like such an attention seeking and shitty behavior. i also am worried about this because i have this guy friend who i hang out with to go to the gym and h mart with and thats really the only reason im friends with him is because he can help me with the gym since he is a pro weightlifter and also because he loves h mart as much as i do now im worried im using him. Also I felt jealous of a different friend yesterday because she got to save a blue jay and i wanted to do it because that is such a cool story to tell and also i was jealous of how good of a person she is and how she got to prove that and i didnt i know that sounds crazy and in the end i went over and helped her but I kind to wanted to save it and i feel so bad for feeling this way.

I have been struggling for years with overwhelming and disturbing thoughts ever since I was as young as 5/6 (after one of many traumatic events). After said incident, it had left me with severe separation anxiety which had eventually made me develop a major skin picking issue that still affects me today. I have very violent and sexual thoughts out of nowhere but with some distraction I can get them out of my head. I think about doing things I have no desire to do AT ALL because it’s morally incorrect and downright disgusting. (Mentions of suicide)…but sometimes when I become embarrassed I picture myself committing suicide but I have no interest in dying nor do i have the desire to die. I hate to admit it but I become obsessed with individuals as well, (friends, potential partners and celebrities). I tend to become very obsessed and attached to individuals or ideas that I have interest in and I become extremely invested in and that’s all that’s on my mind for weeks and even months. (I know it sounds silly but I was obsessed with Batman for 3 years straight) it was all my mind was set on. I very often think about the afterlife and what I need to do to rest peacefully, it sometimes consumes me for hours or I wondering if I’m upsetting god. There’s much more I have to say but it’s already long enough, I’m just looking for advice to deal with this because I don’t know what’s going on with me and I hope I can have some helpful suggestions or insight, thank you! :)

I feel like I can’t have a single day of peace. When I get a thought, I automatically think that I thought that thought on purpose and it must mean something. Or I will think something and I will panic and think “what if because I was thinking about that thought it must be real and I want it?”. I have a bad compulsion of confessing to my partner and I feel like not only do I confess my thoughts, but I also admit to things that I don’t even believe or have thought about. For example, I will have a distressing thought about my ex. I will then confess to partner “i thought about them, I know I had that thought but I don’t want them”. Sometimes I confess that I thought about them on purpose, but its my OCD that puts meaning behind it. My brain can’t seem to comprehend that just because i have a thought that means it means I want that thought. And I always have to confess that I thought about my thoughts on purpose. I’m not sure why I think this way. I feel like such a terrible partner and I feel undeserving of them. They are very understanding but I know it hurts them. I know i love them so much but I feel like I need to confess and admit to being guilty or it will eat me up inside. I know that when I have these thoughts I dont want them, but I always feel like I need to confess or I’m “hiding/lying”.

Hi ya’all. I’m a Christian with Scrupulosity. I’ve been struggling with lust lately, and it’s been wreaking havoc on my scrupulocity. I get all excited and think it will be fine in the moment, but then I get severely anxious later, to the point where I’m terrified that I’ll go to hell or damage my relationship with God. I struggle to control myself around my boyfriend who I adore, but every time I’m intimate with him, I’m overcome with anxiety about God forgiving me. How do other folks with Scrupulosity handle sin?

I ate a sandwich and choked a bit on it and now I have a choking phobia. Having a hard time eating. Anyone else going through this?

Today I’ve been feeling like crap, I feel like I am losing my mind and I’m about to lose control. I feel so desperate at my own home. Do you know if this is OCD related??

Does anyone know if there’s a connection with Autism and OCD? I always thought I more had OCD but the more I’ve researched into Autism, I think I could have that and now I’m scared of which one I have or if I have both.

I feel like I just can’t do it anymore. Every new day brings new triggers and I’m starting to believe that I’m a monster that needs to be tucked away from the rest of the world. Not only for other people but for myself. I just want to sleep. I am so tired. And I can’t even begin to tell my family because they just don’t understand. They think OCD is simply cleaning and tidying up things and I can’t seem to get it through their heads that I’m living with this disorder, day in and day out. I just want some relief, even for a little bit.

my boyfriend (and his family) is going through a really hard time at the moment and I’m finding it really hard to be there for him. He has a lot of negativity at the moment (which is not his fault) and I feel like so much of it has gone onto me whenever I’m around him and he’s not himself We keep getting into arguments where he says that I’ve done things wrong without me knowing and I really don’t know if I’m doing stuff wrong or if he’s taking his negative feelings out on me. I keep getting thoughts that I’m doing it in purpose and I can’t tell if I’m actually doing it on purpose because of my rocd Because when we argue I say a lot of nasty things that I don’t mean and things that really impact our relationship I’m confused some days our relationship is fine and sometimes it’s so so bad like today we were just arguing the whole day and I’m scared I’m in a toxic relationship I’m scared I keep making problems and that I’m convinced I’m a bad girlfriend I keep getting thoughts to break up with him which would completely hurt him I just feel confused I don’t know what to do My rocd keeps getting triggered because we were arguing so much I was like i don’t think I’m in the right relationship it all just feels too messy for the perfect relationship I just don’t get how you know you’re in the right one???? I don’t want to leave him at worst but it’s getting so hard to deal with this I keep getting thoughts of someone i had a thing with in the past and I’m scared I’m not in love with my boyfriend

How do you stop? 😭

Hello! This is my second post today, so I wanted to ask about something. I’m someone who has a group of friends everyone is so nice of course but sometimes it gets so toxic (here are some important details: we are 8, and 3 of my friends talked to me privately because I did something wrong, I mean I was really doing bad mentally and struggled with depression and they didn’t like the fact that I distanced myself, of course I apologized and now I’m more careful and is trying to do my best to act in better ways). Well right now it’s been more then a year that I’ve felt like an outsider with them, not because they excluded me no, but because I’m faking my personality with them, always trying to be perfect, analyzing every word they say to me, I can’t even be happy with them, one time they talked in front how my boyfriend wasn’t their type and of course he’s my everything and he’s so handsome and I obviously defended him but everyone agreed that I was in the wrong, I try my best really but overthinking every detail about 8 different person to see if I did something wrong or not is so tiring, I feel like they all hate me, I just can’t anymore. Thank you for reading this, if you have any tips it would be really helpful (ps: English is my third language please dont mind the mistakes)

Hey all. I just need some opinions on if this is OCD or false attraction. This is long winded so I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read it 🤗. I am a happily married woman to my husband who I have been with altogether for 3 years & married for a year & a half. We may have different interests, but I love him. I hate cheating and it makes me physically sick to my stomach thinking about doing any of that to my husband. I go to this line dancing bar 2× a week because I love to dance. A lot of groups go regularly there. A while ago, I had this guy at a bar ask me for my number so he could add me to a group chat of a group of young adults that go. I felt like there was no harm for him to add me to a group chat so I gave him my number. He was somewhat attractive, but nothing was going to come of it. Later that night he messaged me personally seeming like he wanted to start a conversation with me & not add me to a group chat. I was quick to mention that I have a husband. He may have not known that I was married due to me being in my early 20s so I just put that out there to be sure that he knew nothing further was going to happen & could kindly back away. Probably a week after this interaction, I was planning my outfit for the bar because one of my best friends & I were going together. While doing that, I had the thought of "you're trying to look good for that guy". Instantly, my anxiety went up after that thought & I have had multiple panic attacks ever since. I have had intrusive thoughts of me being romantically involved with this guy that makes me scared that I'll actually cheat on my husband. I can't seem to stop thinking of this guy, which makes me question if this is ocd/false attraction or if I am really attracted to this guy and just don't want to admit it Any opinions and thoughts would help. I am really struggling with this one 😩