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i’m NOT sure if it is ocd anymore. when i first started struggling i searched a whole lot on pocd and people who are actual p’s and i read something and it said like for p’s it’s more so the age and now whenever i find someone who’s attractive and find out how old they are (my age) my mind tells me im disappointed and that im not attracted to them anymore because they’re ’too old’ it makes me feel so dirty what does this mean does that mean i am one? this feels so disgusting i dont want to have that thought. ive always been careful, i’d always check people’s ages before interacting with a post and now its like i dont know please does this mean that i am one. i need to know if i am or not this makes me feel so disgusting. please what does this mean? i keep getting thoughts that i know what it means and that i am one.

Ok to start off, this is going to be long.I want to be thorough because I care about this situation and not sure where to go that someone understands me and how my brain works outside of you all. I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year now. This time almost exactly last year, I was checked into inpatient for POCD intrusive thoughts after spiraling really badly. At the time, I was working from home (still am) and living alone and not seeing many people. All themes are bad, but this one hit me really hard. My boyfriend met me a little bit before this all started happening and has been loyal and encouraging since then. However, he's started a new job recently where he works night shift and has nothing to do during that time, because all of the work goes to the day shift people. He's someone that needs something to do and a purpose when he works, which I understand. However, last night we had a tough conversation about me and my issues and he's said this before but he was frustrated because it's been a year and I don't seem to be doing better. I've been in therapy regularly, or semi since November of last year, my medications have been switched multiple times as well as the dosages in the last five months and I honestly don't feel much better. I've been struggling with both the motivation to do things as well as the intrusive thoughts. I think the biggest part of the motivation aspect is that I am always so scared and worried that I'll just snap and kill someone or something. That's my current ongoing fear and I haven't officially started ERP therapy, but I am working through a DBT workbook. It's hard to even find the motivation to do that. But my boyfriend has been struggling with hearing me say I don't have the gumption to do small tasks around the house. It's just tiring because I want to do these things, but my brain makes me so exhausted and anxiety ridden. He doesn't have OCD so he doesn't understand, and I know that but its hard. I explained to him that my OCD is here now, and it might improve and I'll have good times but overall it will always be with me and bad spells will come around again. It was hard for me to say that and I told him admitting that as well as accepting that fact was very hard for me. Now onto the next part. I gave him some sleeping pills because I was using them as a crutch to make me sleep when I would get very anxious. I didn't like it so I gave them to him to hold onto. Insomnia has been really bad lately so I asked if I could have a couple of pills to help. He told me at first that the pills were gone and he didn't know where they were. They were placed in his families' joint medicine cabinet so his mom saw them. The truth was, she had asked him if I still needed them and he said no. His explanation was that he's heard depression and sleeping pills are really dangerous together and that he's been worried that he'll get a call one day saying that I'm gone. I understand his concerns and I honestly am kind of relieved that they are gone but thinking back it also wasn't his call to make. They were my prescription medication and so he should've ran it by me. He apologized for lying and I forgave him but it still rubbed me the wrong way that he did what he did without asking first. I love him so much, so if anyone suggests breaking up with him, I've considered it and I don't want to at this point. But the hardest part of all of this is I'm not doing much better it feels like and that's hard for me. Does anyone here have advice? I really need it from people who have OCD as well. I hope you all are having a good day and thank you for reading this far.

Can anyone talk about what Zoloft does for the brain in the treatment of OCD?

It’s all becoming too much. Im scared that maybe I am just insane and crazy and I don’t deserve to be loved or to live because of my past actions that are disgustingly repulsive. What if im just using OCD as an excuse? I cant stop thinking about it and its making me depressed because im scared that I am just a terrible human being.

I have no idea if this is just OCD and I’m actually just straight or i was in denial my whole life. Now it feels so scary, i feel like im realizing my true self, that ive always been gay, that im just using SO-OCD as a cover up. IT FEELS SO REAL. I even feel like others with SO-OCD dont experience this feeling and i must experience something different. Its literally a feeling like an urge to admit myself that I’m gay and it even feels like i know im gay and i was using OCD as a cover up for 6 years. I cant even describe that feeling. When i try to imagine myself with a girl in my mind it makes me feel like i like that thought like i want it😔 It feels all very very real. I think you guys with SOOCD have different feelings and you actually have OCD. I dont want these thoughts. I dont want to be gay, i dont want to feel this. But maybe i was my whole life in denial. 😭😭

i have been sick for a while now (well over two weeks) and i don’t know what it is. my body stopped being able to hold food or drinks for very long, and it came out of nowhere. i’m sorry for the TMI, but i felt like after i drank even a sip of water i had to pee not even ten minutes later. and it wasn’t just “oh i have to pee”, it was like “if i don’t get to the bathroom rn i am going to pee myself right here”. much bigger TMI warning… the same went for foods; i’d eat and then hardly any time later it would all come right back out of the other end. as somebody who has dealt with ed’s in the past that lead me to sort of severe deficiencies in my body, this scared me. however, even more, with someone with strongly severe emetophobia (fear of vomit) this terrified me. i had no idea if the next step to this sickness was going to be vomit, and if vomiting was the next step, i had no clue when or where it would happen. this triggered my brain very easily to obsess. at the end of that first week, i had a strong, sharp, stabbing pain in my bladder and stomach above the bladder. it would get extremely tight no matter what i’d do, or how i moved, but it would be most intense if i had any sudden movements. sometimes, however, i’d just be sitting there and all of a sudden it would start stabbing me with sharp pains. - i thought maybe i had developed a very severe bladder infection. that went away after a few days and a week from it going away, i am here. almost every time i eat, i end up crying in a small ball over the pain. just tonight i was crying and terrified for hours because i was convinced i was going to vomit. it felt so convincingly like vomit in my stomach and i was trying everything to prevent it. finally, i tried taking pepto pills with some water. the water came right back up about half way through my swallow. i eventually tried oat milk which somehow worked like magic. not only could i swallow it, but i’ve also felt so much better after drinking it. however, i still obviously feel incredibly light headed whenever i sit up or stand up. i have no clue what any of this could be and i am afraid i will not be allowed to go to the doctor tomorrow unless it gets worse; i am honestly scared to even ask about going to the doctor. - i also know, however, if i don’t go to the doctor, my brain will never seem to stop obsessing over figuring out what it is that’s causing this to happen to me. i have a medical encyclopedia that i plan on searching through tomorrow to see if it helps me at all (assuming that’s better than dr. google). does anybody have any clue what this could be? or any tips on how to stop the obsessing? i am a sixteen year old if that helps any of this.

hi all. haven’t been on here in a while. it’s because I was doing good. really good, for a little bit there. I started a new medicine a few months ago now, & it has helped tremendously. I was leaving the house more, I was going in public, I went as far as 2 hours from home, I even DROVE my vehicle ALONE for the first time in probably 8-9 months. something is happening. im so so so scared im getting bad again. the last 5 days or almost a week ive noticed not feeling as great, having more thoughts again, not being able to let them go as easily, lasting longer, getting scary again. well, it happened yesterday. i was going to leave the house as ive been doing great at the last few months & I couldn’t. I came back home. & i felt terrible. & today i feel even worse. im spiraling im feeling bad again im so scared all my progress is going to mean nothing & im going to go back to before. i was actually feeling hope that i may be able to work again, leave the house more, go places alone, do more. is this something that happens with SSRI’s? 😭 I don’t want to get bad again. i felt remotely normal for the first time in YEARS. what’s happening😭

hi i’ve been in a major depressive episode this week bc of ocd and i think it’s really effecting my relationship. im gonna start by saying that i do have a couple friends but im too scared to ask them to hang out often bc i think they’ll say no for some reason? anyways this means i only really ever go to work and see my bf. recently i haven’t been doing anything inbetween to fill those gaps which has made me incredibly sad and anxious all the time. my bf was at my house yesterday and i got super anxious and started crying bc i was having bad intrusive thoughts. here is where i messed up (i think), i told him what was making me anxious all the time (which i’ve done before) and it made him feel nervous and uneasy too. i thought it would be helpful if my partner know abt my intrusive thoughts but i think i just went abt it the wrong way. so, he tells me that my repetitiveness of telling him all of these things also affects him and makes him nervous sometimes. he did clarify that this does NOT mean he wants me to withhold any of my feelings from him but rather be mindful that some of my thought can be stressful and nerve racking for him to hear. he also reassured me that he stills loves me entirely but he wants me to get better. i apologized that i ever made him feel nervous or bad bc i really never did consider what it felt like for him. and we did end the conversation on good note. however it is 2:30 am now and i can’t stop thinking abt it. i’ve convinced myself that he doesn’t love me as much anymore, that i’ve become a problem he doesn’t want to deal with, that i cant tell him anything, and that our relationship is just going to end. idk what to do. i find that during periods like this when i don’t have the friend/boyfriend balance in ppl i hang out with, my intrusive thoughts tend to cling more to him. but then that makes me feel like i’m overly obsessed with him and can’t love him how i usually do. i feel so stuck and like no matter what this is the end of me and him. i think our conversation was extremely healthy and i know he was only telling me bc he loves me and wants me to get better. this is actually the best and healthiest relationship i’ve ever been in. however since the start i’ve been under the impression that i was going to ruin it like i had been told in my past relationships. i don’t wanna ruin this. i love this man more than anything in the world. i just don’t know how to fix it. i am going on a walk tomorrow (well i guess later today) to help get me active and clear my mind. i’m praying to god that i don’t ruin this one.

I feel so burnt out. I’m not enjoying life anymore. I’m either extremely bored, sad, pr anxious at work, I come home and don’t even want to cook, watch Netflix but don’t even want to watch anything, and just want to crawl in bed, cry, and go to bed. I don’t want to do anything and work, chores, cooking, etc. are extremely hard for me to do. I compare myself to my roomate who works from home, is accomplished in her job, cooks a lot, enjoys tv, and way more extroverted and mature than I am. Sometimes it gets annoying and it’s the last thing I need. She sometimes “mothers” me and makes sure I know what I’m doing in the kitchen. I feel like I can’t talk to an erp therapist about things like this because I think it’s more than just erp therapy that I need. I’m struggling to take care of myself and don’t enjoy things anymore. I’m scared but feel numb about the future. I’m just exhausted, annoyed, and bored all the time. I also feel like I don’t like myself and judge myself constantly. I wish I could be more confident, have a more fun personality, felt motivated to do things, actually enjoy them, and have friends and family who would 100% understand me. I also wish I was more so a leader but I’m not. How can I live a more exciting life? I’m so bored and depressed everyday. I hate it.

i’m visiting NYC for a couple of nights for my girlfriends birthday. i’m really excited but i’m so scared my intrusive thoughts will ruin the whole trip for me. i have trans OCD and i’ve been learning to live with it but when i get into my panic modes, it’s very bad. what will i do if i have a flare up in the middle of the trip? i’m so scared. i wish i could just experience it and be happy. this is ruining me.

I won’t share exactly what my intrusive thoughts/themes are (or at least all of them) but I genuinely feel like I might be traumatised by how horrible some of them were. How do I get over this potential trauma?

Does anyone else with OCD experience extreme guilt? How do you manage?

When you have ROCD, is it normal that you tend to start arguments without even knowing? I’m at a point in my relationship where my constant seek for reassurance and asking the same questions for almost a full year is draining to him and his patience is running thin. My questioning got worse whenever he would reassure me and later would admit he lied. He has apologized and claimed he has changed since he saw the pain it put me through. However in my brain I still hold that grudge and fear he will commit the act again, so I keep asking if he is telling me the truth when he reassures me. He says i’m becoming toxic and a broken record that it’s now effecting the relationship. Is this truly the cause of me not knowing how to control any of my thoughts? is it normal for someone with OCD to hold such grudges for long periods and not acknowledging they’ve genuinely changed?

For the girlies, does anyone’s OCD get SO excruciatingly bad during their luteal/menstrual phase, and I mean to the point you consider you might have PMDD? My periods have been getting so bad for me this past year that I DREAD it coming up, because I am hit with a major depression that lasts for two weeks at most, and it can get really, REALLY bad. Does anyone know how to somehow combat it? Like is there anything I can do to help increase the serotonin lol.

When you had your first false memory experience did you think it was real because you didn’t know ocd could do that or did you feel like something didn’t feel right about it and suspect it was ocd?

I genuinely have like horrible horrible thoughts that disgust me, and I need help because I know they aren’t normal, and I never would ever act on them. My parents are more then willing to put me in therapy but I’m scared to bring it up because what if they ask details, I’m also worried about talking to a therapist about it because these thoughts alone are just so shitty, I don’t want to go to like a ward or something like that. It’s genuinely concerning me because they won’t go away, and they just are there. It makes me feel disgusted and I hate it.

Im having intrusive urges to harm a family member and have not been able to think of anything else in 5 days and i feel the urge is just getting stronger.. The only time im safe from these thoughts is when im sleeping.. why are they not showing up in my dreams?

Last year my dad tested positive for Covid but I went to the movies with my brother a day or two after! I wasn’t gonna go but my brother wouldn’t stop asking so I caved in and went. I wore a mask and thought I wouldn’t get anyone sick. Even worse, I went to the supermarket afterwards! Only because it was a quick trip and I passed people quickly. I can’t remember if I wore a mask but I’m sure I did because I wore one at the movies. But don’t I belong in jail for being so careless? Or at the very least, shouldn’t I feel guilty everyday for the rest of my life? I’m a monster. I can’t live with myself.

Please share your stories! I have really bad real event, false memory and POCD. I’m struggling a lot right now feeling undeserving, feeling like everything I’ve ever done in my life was meticulously calculated. Funny thing about OCD is even if I see someone do something way worse than me, it won’t phase me unless I’d done it. For example, something minor I did that really could mean nothing, my OCD convinces me it proves my ocd right. In light of the disordered times, I’d like to ask for someone to share their ocd recovery story, maybe some tips and how they did it. It’s feeling pretty impossible for me right now. Thank you!

What to do when you are alone? I just read that the toughts get worse when you are alone. What do you guys usually do when you are left home alone?