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hey so i had a really bad intrusive thought about the cross and Jesus’ resurrection, am i going to hell :( im so scared i dont mean that but it just happened

Hi guys, I think this was bugging me before.. When I close my eyes, fast images and outside thoughts hit me like I’m just about to go into a dream. But the awake part of me is still too sharp and identifies it as “false” or “that’s not true, it’s the beginning of a dream.” Why would dreams be coming in so fast like that? I’m really beginning to think it’s more like hypnagogic hallucinations, since I have been known to hear noises, voices, and even slams while drifting off. These are like dreams that rush in and try to convince me to go along with them. But the awake part of me opens my eyes because it knows it isn’t true. I’m not overtired when it happens. It’s more like a certain stubbornness in me that refuses to just drift off with the dream. If it is a dream, that is. It not only causes anxiety, but annoyance. Gets the heart pumping.. pure frustration Took 3 hours to fall asleep last night, and about 20 of these false/fake sleeps that couldn’t follow through to dreamland I Hate It

I've had some bad trauma in my teen years and it was enough for me to complete shut down when it happened. It was also followed up by a dude, unwanted exposure to pornography. The sad thing is on average people around the age of 13 are exposed to it, which I was. I'm not even gonna mince words. This stuff really fucked me up. It made me act out really badly online and in person. I talked to a lot of random people online and it was sexual and I was pretty mean to people in person from time to time. I don't even know why I was so mean, but I was. This stuff was really bringing out the worst in me and I was addicted to the content. I can't help but think about the memories and they make me extremely uncomfortable. I take no pride in my actions as a teenager not because I want to blame myself for it (although subconsciously I tend to) but because of all of this unresolved trauma. Questioning the positives of my life, low self esteem, insecurities, not letting go of the past, having trouble communicating with people, and how I feel about myself. It all stems from this and I think being bullied in childhood. I think what happened in my adolescence has more of an effect on me though. My whole life I didn't have OCD until 2020. The very same day I found old messages from years ago that were sexual involving a stranger online I didn't know. It gave me so much anxiety it felt like my mind physically change. And boy did it change for good. Ever since that day, I've had POCD and real events obsessions and they still stick to this very day. Could it be that OCD was some kind of amplified warning sign? A sign that I went through a really rough time when I was a teenager? I'm beginning to think that it was in some ways. This stuff hurts a lot and it's hurting my adulthood. I don't know what adulthood could have been like without OCD but all I do know is that I'm constantly thinking about this non-stop and it gives me a lot of shame and guilt along with unhealthy coping mechanisms that have hurt me many many times in the past. Even still, they're very hard to stop. Much like compulsions. All of this stuff still greatly bothers me to this day. It's the unresolved trauma that keeps me on edge and unable to just relax and be okay with myself.

Do any of you have lots of trouble “accepting uncertainty” as part of your ERP because as a Christian sometimes you wonder if it’s really OCD or true conviction? I’m struggling with this right now.

my aunt gave me edibles to help with my anxiety from my intrusive thoughts. well i think i ended up greening out and i woke up this morning and my brain feels all fuzzy and i still feel like im going to die. has anyone with ocd ever been through this. im so scared right now.

My Ocd turns everything innocent and normal into something horrible. Sometimes when my daughter and I are watching tv she will want to play with and brush my hair. It feels so nice and relaxing or she will cuddle up and rub her feet on mine which is relaxing and makes me feel sleepy but ocd ruins it by telling me it’s inappropriate and that i’m enjoying something inappropriate. One day I saw a snapchat video my young grandson made of himself just out of the shower looking at himself shirtless in the mirror and I was thinking that he thinks he’s so cool and is probably going to flex like all boys do and laughed to myself but then the ocd kicked in and said that I was attracted to him and it made me so upset because I never have and don’t think of any child in that way. I don’t feel that way so how can ocd try to make me believe that I do?? How can ocd be more powerful than my own actual thoughts and feelings? This disorder is so debilitating and upsetting. I can’t live like this.

Hi guys I’m new here as I just got my official OCD diagnosis. I’m 31 now and have been dealing with this on and off since I was 20. For me it’s mainly pure o and mental repetitive thoughts or headspaces I don’t necessarily want to be in type vibe. I’m excited to all chat and potentially help each other and offer support :) To start- although the diagnosis is relieving it’s also a bit overwhelming as now I’m almost nervous about all the ways that this could latch on in the future. It’s almost like now that I know what’s up/ the floodgates are open. I normally workout 4-5 times a week, eat well, I don’t drink alcohol. When OCD flares up it can be debilitating I was taking 10mg of citalopram for many years but since the diagnosis this week - the psychiatrist I met with switched me to 20mg of Prozac. I’m trying to be strong and optimistic but I feel like my mind is all over the place. I feel a lot more generally anxious like there’s a pit in my stomach and feel like alllll of these OCD themes are coming at me. I feel like I’m definitely dealing with a version of META ocd as I’m worried about the medication etc. To anyone who has had success with Prozac - I guess this is maybe a compulsion to ask for reassurance. Is it normal to sometimes feel worse before you feel better? Especially as I switched to a different med this week with my diagnosis ? I feel like there’s a lot out of my control and it’s very overwhelming at the moment.

What do you do with yourself when it feels like it’s all true and that’s who you are and what you want now? It no longer feels like I’m doubting, it just feels like it’s reality. Please, tell me that it’s actually possible to turn into THAT? I can’t keep hearing everyone saying OCD when none of you know what’s going on inside my head and how I’m feeling. Please.

I’m at a point where I think I can do this but I need help. My primary OCD subtype is ROCD. My girlfriend is wonderful, endlessly supportive of me (I’m Trans and just figuring that out and she’s been so good about it as well as still being with me after I went to the mental hospital) and easily the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’ve recently had the discovery of what my OCD cycle is (that being that literally whatever I think of her the intrusive thought is the opposite and then the compulsion is to think the opposite of that and it goes into a spiral). This has made me realize that me saying I love her or that I don’t love her are both intrusive thoughts in their own specific contexts. I love her very deeply and that’s why I’m asking for help. Those of us who also suffer from ROCD, for intrusive thoughts about breaking up with her, as that is a major one that I can’t seem to shake, what is your ERP for that? As supportive as she is I don’t want to like mime out the scenario with her as that just feels wrong, so what are things you guys do to combat these feelings? I know that OCD is “the Doubting Disease”, so usually if I doubt something positive in my life I know it’s OCD. So please, if you’ve had similar thoughts to mine, tell me how you handle it. Most of my ERP has been for my more minor obsessions like symmetry or even numbers, we haven’t tackled ROCD much. My therapist is also learning about OCD with me but he has helped me a lot and honestly I owe the man the sanctity of my family but that’s a whole other story. I’ll stop rambling. Hit me with your stories!

I feel like cancel culture is the enemy of OCD. It goes against everything so many of us have difficulty accepting- forgiveness, self-improvement, and feeling like a morally good person. Does anybody else get severely triggered by people being “cancelled” over small things and thinking: “That could be me someday”

I need advice. Or similar experiences shared. I have contamination OCD. Was in NOCD therapy and doing ERP. Initially saw progress with ERP, but I hit a wall. I had to give up therapy and switch to a psychiatrist to seek help through meds. I had to give up therapy for psychiatry due to financial reasons. Anyways, i’m a couple of weeks into my transition from Lexapro to Zoloft with the intention of slowly upping my dose of Zoloft. In the meantime, I have suffered several panic attacks (something that is not common for myself), emotional breakdowns, and periods of random crying and severe sadness. My mood has stabilized some but I am still very easily triggered. My living situation is slowly becoming harder and harder to navigate. Kitchen is contaminated. So is the living room and dining room. My boyfriend is contaminated. Physical touch is extremely challenging and it breaks my heart. Where he sleeps and his things are contaminated. So is the laundry room. I used to be able to say my bedroom, bed, closet, and bathroom were my safe spaces. But now, that’s going away as well. Recent bug incidents in both my bathroom and closet have changed that. I don’t know what to do or how to fix it. We spray our pest control product, call for the apartment to do the same, I have light plug ins for flying insects, and another set of plugins supposed to emit some sound that bugs don’t like. I keep a clean and tidy house. I know having bugs is normal- but it’s making my OCD even worse as of late. Any help, guidance, suggestions, or related experiences are extremely welcome.

Sometimes i really hate my ocd. I am a positive person, i search for the good in everything. But sometimes i get so mad and frustrated that I am forced to think about things that do not pertain to my life or values on a daily basis. It’s the endless loop of what if and the feeling of doubt that follows behind you all day long. I know it’s time for me to switch medications as my current regimen has only been operating to about 50-60% when I am used to 95-100%. I feel like sharing frustrations and making space for these emotions is healthy. Share with me what you hate most about your ocd? And oh yeah, i hate how ocd is such a tricky mental illness to the point that you basically sit back and watch your brain malfunction and produce thoughts sensations and feelings you know aren’t true. I swear half the time I feel like I have six brains running at the same time. Like I’m impressed sometimes at the fact that i can have ocd thoughts on loop all day, while trying to drive, do homework, be present with family, hold a job, sleep, exc. it’s like my brain creates a totally seperate story of what’s going on vs the present moment. I’m going to need my Serotonin to boost now. This girl needs a break 🤣

Is it normal to be flattered when the opposite gender gives you attention and to like to feel pretty? I have a loving boyfriend and I would never cheat on him. I feel like I emotionally cheated because I was dancing at a wedding reception and was enjoying that this MUCH older, popular, “attractive” guy was noticing me. I tried to move my butt or dance “better” when he was looking?? My boyfriend was not at this reception and I was drinking. When the older guy left, I was sad because I wasn’t going to get the attention that I was getting. But we didn’t have a conversation other than him saying a few words to me. I did not say anything back to him. But I did enjoy his attention because I felt pretty. I never ever wanted to cheat on my boyfriend. I just wanted to look good. I don’t know why. This sounds awful. This incident was almost two years ago and I still feel horrible about it. My dad has told me this is human nature and I’m just overthinking it. I’ve already told my boyfriend and he was hurt but he said it would be like him wanting to look good on the beach in front of people.

I have been with my bf for a year and a few months. I started to get symptoms of ocd in February. It started with the random need to confess things. One of these things was that I’m convinced I cheated over a year ago (Before I was with my current partner). Basically when I was 16 I ended up talking to 2 people at the same time and sending lewd pictures to both without either knowing. I didn’t really know what I was doing at the time and didn’t really think about it. The first dude seemed to like me but then got confusing and I took it as him just playfully joking around eventually, then another dude messaged me and seemed serious. With the serious dude i wouldn’t say it was 100% a proper relationship more like a situationship there wasn’t really any boundaries or anything “official” set, more just sexual stuff, flirting and nicknames type stuff. Eventually the jokey seeming dude found out about serious dude and shouted at me a bit and I stopped talking to him, and not even a week later I stopped talking to serious dude because unfortunately I found out I was being groomed by him. I didn’t really think about this situation at all up until February when I confessed it to my bf. I confessed to him but he was fine and wouldnt say it was exactly cheating. I have asked for reassurance that he’s okay with the situation over 6 times since confessing. My ocd is trying to tell me he is trying to convince himself I didn’t cheat 😞. There was another situation right at the start in the talking stage with my bf before we were together. A diff guy liked me and wanted to start going into a talking stage. I sort of said yes/maybe but I just couldn’t get myself to like that guy to be in a relationship with him. The guy found out about my bf and that we started talking and got mad so I blocked him. My ocd is trying to tell me if that didn’t happen I’d still talk to that guy too aswell as my bf 🥹do I need to tell myself “look, he’s blocked! Nothing happened and you are loyal to your boyfriend. “ I had a scenario that set this overthinking off, it involved something like “I am a loyal person” then my ocd shut the thought down immediately and shoved the 2 scenarios in this post in my face…. It won’t let go of it I can never call myself a good person I’ll always have guilt and feel like I don’t deserve good

So, I was exposed to pornography at a very young age and it ruined my childhood. Of course, at the time I saw those disgusting, horrible and even illegal things and I liked them, but now I have to deal with the consequences of that, and I feel disgusting. When I got professional help, I was told that even if when I was a child and watched lolicon, for example, it is okay beacuse I didn't harm anyone. But I still feel guilty, I do not want to hurt real children, I had never had these intrusive thoughts about children, it is only now that I am overcoming my addiction that I realize how awful and harmful the things I've seen were. How do I forgive myself, and accept my past mistakes?

Trigger warning: dreams about being attacked/ patterns/“ predicting” I’ve been wanting to talk about this for a while. But dreams are a big part of my ocd, one of the big parts. A lot of my ocd types manifest in them a lot and lately I think I’ve blocked them out(?) but there’s always one dreams that comes to me every middle of the month. And it’s a dream about being attacked by the same heavy set man, with a blue shirt and I’m a younger version of me or me now. When I mean attack I mean he chases me around and attempts to “ass*lt” me but before he actually does it I wake up and I freak out every time. I have reason to believe that this exact thing will happen to be someday? Or even worse it happened to me in the past and I just don’t remember it. It’s sounds scary and ridiculous of course but the fact I have this dream so often it freaks me out and I feel like I need to look out whenever I’m out in public. Especially when I look for places that I find similar from my dream or people I think look similar not even the man himself. I know it’s probably just my head messing with me but having this dream obviously freaks me out. And I’m just waiting for it to happen. Does this happen to anyone else? I know you can’t really get rid of dreams but is there anything I can do?

Hello, it’s been some time since I’ve been on this platform but I’m not sure where else I feel safe to talk about this. Every minute of every day, I have the most horrible intrusive thoughts imaginable and I am constantly disturbed and horrified with both these thoughts and myself. I understand that these thoughts don’t define who we are, but it constantly raises the moral questions of if my brain is capable of conjuring these thoughts, even if involuntarily, then what does that say about who I am. The only solace I have is that I’m always disgusted with these thoughts but I’m constantly afraid of being some kind of monster because I have these thoughts and I feel like a terrible person for having these intrusive thoughts. I am in therapy and on medication, but neither are making this any easier, at least not yet. I don’t intend on stopping either nor have I felt any urge to actually carry out these thoughts, but they haunt me every minute of every day and I can’t stop them.

This post is just food for thought and I guess kind of a venting post. I’m curious to see who else would agree with this. Is anyone sick and tired of being labeled ? I was “diagnosed “ with OCD officially about 7 months ago. I’ve been in ERP for the same length of time, and I won’t lie I’m going through it. This journey has been absolute hell for me in all honesty (as I assume it is for most people). However, why is that because we’re going through a hard time we have to be labeled with all these different diagnosis? Like if you’re overwhelmed or stressed you automatically have anxiety, if you experience scary thoughts or have obsessive tendencies you automatically have OCD, if you’re feeling down or sad it’s automatically depression etc …. Why can’t we just be told “hey you’re just going through a hard season right now” or like “you’re human and these experiences are all part of life “. I feel like these labels are what’s keeping people hostage, and making them feel broken or messed up. Even with ERP, there’s like a stigma that after a certain amount of sessions you “should” start feeling better , but that’s not the case for everyone. I’m in this for over a year and a half and I’m still very badly struggling. I think normalizing things like love, patience, and that this is all normal to go through is essential to build up someone’s self esteem. Challenges alone have the ability to make you feel defeated, lonely and broken. We don’t need extra stigma around it….. rant over !

Good morning friends. While I'm in my recovery and very close to I think my breakthrough I want to share what has been helping me and really what I came to the conclusion of. We think our minds and brains are broken but really we need to change our relationship with our minds and separate ourselves from them. Your mind is not a bully, your mind is not against you! Your mind is your very best friend. Every intrusive thought you have is your minds way of protecting you to the possibilities it THINKS will happen. You are NOT your thoughts you are NOT your feelings. Thoughts create feelings. Thus feelings are joined with thoughts. Once we start realizing our thoughts are protection we limit our suffering. Stop hating your mind, stop hating your thoughts they are protection. Your brain gathers information to create stories that may be similar to you however, it just wants you to be careful even though you know deep down you're safe. You don't need saving. Your brain is working just how it's suppose to. Our true nature is peace, joy and happiness. Our anxiety is a signal to step back and let our thinking settle like a snow globe when you shake it. When you take that step back and leave your thinking alone it will settle and your true state which is peace, joy and happiness returns to you. (the snow globe settles) Any thought you have while anxious is distorted and you will never be able to solve anything in that state. Leave that thinking alone. When you feel depressed that's actually a defense mechanism. That is a signal to rest you're fighting too hard. You don't need to fight just simply leave it alone. We have been taught anxiety and depression are bad and we need to fix ourselves but what if because we think they are bad we fight them and hence make our suffering worse? What if we change the relationship and notice these are signals to step back or rest? We don't need to fight we don't need to resist. Our minds are our friends keeping us safe from info we once gathered. Our thoughts are NOT us. No matter your worries no matter your feelings your brain is your friend anxiety and depression are defense tools. You don't need fixing you need to just be 🤍 everything will be okay. I love you all and I hope this gives you some help today. Keep on going don't give up better days are coming for you all ✨️

I just read something on the NOCD website that says if you have persistent doubts or your relationship, it’s not OCD but actual relationship doubts.. That just sent me into a spiral. I have good days but my bad days outweigh the good ones later so now I’m scared that I want to leave my boyfriend but I literally don’t. I’m so confused