Welcome to
the NOCD Community

If we do it may have triggers to do with sa against me and survivors guilt.. I just really need to talk to someone right now, I'm really not doing well. I can't stop crying

Something I’m really struggling with is the thoughts of having a child. My husband and I got married last year and always planned to have kids. I am currently experiencing an OCD “flare” and I’m wondering how ethical it is for me to have a child knowing I may pass this condition on. Any insight is appreciated!

I have partner focused rocd and I have been with my bf for over a year now and we have engaged in sexual stuff obviously, my ocd has randomly latched onto consent?? Like there has been times where my bf asked to do something sexual and I’ve just made “unsure noises” and he has said “please” a couple of times and I did the sexual thing. I was fine throughout the sexual acts and wasn’t really uncomfortable but my ocd is trying to convince me I was uncomfortable. My boyfriend and I have autism and sometimes struggle understanding things and need straight forward/clear answers. My boyfriend said a few times he’s said “please” or asked me to do something else after I didn’t say yes is because he wasn’t sure what I was giving off wether I was not wanting to do it or if I was just thinking. The times he’s said please he took it as me thinking. I do see why he would be unsure as sometimes I don’t give a straight forward yes or no sometimes because I am awkward. I asked him if I need to be clearer with saying no because I am a bit of a people pleaser and he said yes and it’s completely okay if I say no and he will be fine if I ever say no and I can make it clear and I don’t sound “mean”. A lot of the time I have low motivation because of ADHD and I might be unsure/can’t be arsed to do it but then he does something and I enjoy it and want to do more because it gave me motivation. My ocd still tries to convince me it’s bad??? Also my boyfriend sometimes does playful silly stuff like smack my behind when I’m infront of him and I do it back and it’s funny but sometimes my ocd is like “omg he didn’t ask that’s really bad!” My boyfriend has said if he does something I don’t want him to do in that moment I can just say no. My ocd constantly tries to make him a bad person. Can Anyone relate/help?

Recently i’ve been having a very tough time. I keep getting a physical sensation that i have eyebrow hairs sticking out which causes me to obsessively feel my eyebrows with my hands and to pick out hairs with my hands. I really want to see them in the mirror, but looking in the mirror causes so many compulsions, where i have to do things such as see my eyebrow a certain way, blink at it a certain way, cut/tweeze them very precisely. I don’t know what to do cause when i feel them with my hands i keep feeling small hairs sticking out but i’m not sure if it’s actually like that because idk whether i should look in the mirror or not. Yesterday i pulled out some hairs with my hands and im concerned it also looks as if there’s not much hair in that area, but without seeing it in the mirror, i wouldn’t know. Should i just look at them in the mirror and make the necessary changes even though it could cause more compulsions? Because if i don’t, i go on thinking about them and feeling them with my hands all the time and then if i feel something wrong, it triggers me even more. pls, if anyone has advice, bc i’ve been struggling with this theme of ocd for a long time.

Hi I got my OCD 3 months back after watching a horror movie as I connected that movie with my past experience. Does any one enjoy horror movies who could help me to break my OCD by watching that movie. Kindly let me know

Recently I’ve come back to God, specially Christianity. I prayed and wrote to God for a sign concerning a mistake I made, and put within this letter for him to show me a yellow car if everything is going to be ok. Kid you not, same day I see a yellow truck parked while driving. I believe I was answered but my mind keeps nagging me I wasn’t. Do you think this is the devil and ocd trying to downplay what I prayed and wrote to God for? I know you shouldn’t ask for signs and wonders, but I desperately needed one.

My anxiety fluctuates throughout the weeks and it gets me so confused! One day I have absolutely no anxiety but the intrusive thoughts still remain, but aren’t as intense. The next day, the anxiety rises again and I tend to do more physical compulsions since the intrusive thoughts are more intense. I have no idea if it’s an influence from my daily structure (more anxiety on the weekend?) or if its hormonal or something else. I really don’t get how ocd works sometimes

Hi! Does anyone else find it hard to accept that you have ocd? I think it’s the most difficult part.

If I was 13 years old, and I made a severely horrible childhood POCD mistake that I was told about earlier in the day, but had forgotten about it because I had never heard of that mistake or done it before, should I be punished for it as a 23 year old?Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 22... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that she doesnt remember it, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... I was told what this word was, but I had forgotten it... I did not have full knowledge or full understanding on how horrible this mistake was... I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 and I get intrusive thoughts of people calling me a P and a chomo and me getting arrested… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo… the real events happened only 3 times and I really didn’t know how horrible it was… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… I don’t want to ever be attracted to or harm kids in any way… 😭😭😭  It’s making me feel like I know I’m a P or a chomo when I don't ever want to ever be those things… I perform avoidance compulsions all the time and I don’t want to be anywhere around kids… even accidentally standing next to one makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable and anxious… it’s making me feel like that I know I’m what my POCD and real events OCD are telling me even when a former ocd psychiatrist has told me that the real events don’t make me a P or a chomo… In addition it’s making me feel like I’m what my ocd tells me that I am… I didn’t know how horrible the real events were at the time when I was 13… I really didn’t… my POCD and real events OCD keeps calling me a P and a Chomo for what happened when I was 13 when I didn’t know what any of that stuff was… I truly didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t…  It’s making me think I am a rapist because of the real events too… my POCD just keeps telling me that I’m a P or a chomo or in worst case a child r*pist when I don’t ever want to ever be those things in any way 😭😭😭

just venting. tw for SH. too lazy to type everything. genuinely just tired. I don’t want replies. the end is somewhat beginning to be appealing. maybe if I do it, they will care. I’ll be pissed if they do. fuck off, you didn’t know me, you have no right to care if I go. I was always in the background. all of a sudden I will matter for a few moments, and what for? don’t even try to give compliments to who I was. you didn’t know me. it’s a shame I thought of a future. a non realistic one. I only felt comfort in my imaginary world. hopefully there is another life. a better world. I think I will rest now. good night.

This is the last straw for me I font think I can do this anymore. I dont know

I really need advice because I feel stuck. I know everyone on here is from all over. I’m from Ca and it’s so hot. Our ac just went out and we had someone come look at it but they said they would have to go inside our attic and replace something. I never have anyone come in because of my contamination ocd. So my mind is spinning out of control on what could be dragged in from the outside and the attic. I told him I needed time to adjust to him coming it so he did half the work and is willing to come back when I’m ready. It’s so hot I know it needs to get fixed but I’m freaking out!! I’ve never been up to the attic and I’m paranoid what might be there and plus him coming in and out of the house. I’m so tired of cleaning for hours and now if someone is coming it, who knows how long it will take. Can someone give advice! Thanks!!!

Hey! A little about myself my names Jacob, I’m 23 years old, I’ve been a firefighter since I was fresh out of high school and I’ve been dealing with OCD symptoms since around my Senior year of high school. When I was 17 I vividly remember being at home one day and all of a sudden having a full on anxiety attack with no trigger whatsoever. From then on it developed into me having no idea what was going on for weeks-months until I was able to do the right research and figured out I was dealing with OCD, more specifically Pure OCD. It mainly was made up of intrusive thoughts of harming myself or others, for example thinking of crashing my car into oncoming traffic or randomly attacking someone for no reason. It terrified me because the thoughts never reflected my character at all. In fact I’ve never even been in a car accident before thank god and I’ve never been in a fight! As I’ve gotten older and learned how to deal with OCD I was put on to a prescription called Fluvoxamine around the time I was 18-19 and noticed it helped significantly in reducing my intrusive thoughts and when I would have them there would be no anxiety or rumination following them. I’m now 23 and I work a steady job at my local fire station and I absolutely love it. OCD sometimes makes it challenging to go about my day especially when I have “flare ups” which don’t happen all that often but when they do it can be pretty overwhelming. I’m currently going through a flare up that is as challenging as all the other ones and it relates yet again to harm OCD. One thing I’ve been able to do very successfully is being able to recognize when it is a problem and I’m able to rely on my mom to sit and chat with me about what’s going on and help get everything off my chest. Flare ups usually only last a few weeks maybe a couple months usually, sometimes getting better and sometimes getting worse but I always remember im able to get through it and this too shall pass cause I’ve done it before and I will always continue to do it again. One thing I’ve been researching recently is Ketamine therapy for OCD/anxiety and was curious if anyone had any input on the idea of it. I’ve read some good things and some bad and would like to know too if anyone has tried it for themselves. Thank you if you took the time to read this😁

i feel anxious, i feel change. i feel like i don’t know. im being honest with myself. i love my girlfriend but i don’t know if i can give her what she needs when i feel like this and rocd. i don’t know if she’s the one for me sometimes. i feel good when im with her and i feel calm, not too much on edge, not too much on guard. i feel afraid of giving this my all, because i worry that i will want to leave eventually for real. bc im in my 20s and change imminent. i hate seeing these things on social media about how “i left this person because i knew that they weren’t right even though they were amazing to me” it scares me that maybe i know deep down the truth, that really triggered me today on tiktok. on top of it i just moved apartments, and that made me super stressed and burnt out. i really appreciate my girlfriend, we’ve been through a lot together. it’s no secret that my feelings for her have ebbed and flowed; it’s why it makes me anxious, it’s why it makes me feel guilty, it’s why im worried on if this is right. should i feel more secure and immensely and deeply emotionally connected in a way i was before. i don’t believe love is a certain way, i think everyone experiences it differently. for me i know that i feel light, and warm and action, a burst of excitement and a sense of peace and happiness. i question my happiness out of fear that maybe im not happy and that my gut is telling me something with rocd since my symptoms have lowered. i have to be true to myself, i want to grow and be happy, i want to come into myself with security. i need to learn to let go of these past obsessions and comparisons. i keep comparing my feelings in the back of my mind for my girlfriend to my last relationship. even though it was hell and full of limerence, i still felt like a weird sense of peace that i don’t experience all the time with her, though it was giving anxious attachment. but i feel like accessing that same sense of peace is broken now because of how my trust was broken traumatically before in my last relationship. i want to be able to give myself to my partner. but i feel guilty that i don’t know if i will end up with her or marry her even tho im only 21. my mind completely goes to this plan for the future and an age of when ill get married and the rest of life, and then it makes me feel like i dont want that but i feel like i have to stick to a plan. i dont want to do that i want to make my own choices and know myself. i’m feeling like i know i can be more present with myself and i know i must let go of any future ideas in order to find out what to do with my life. these thoughts make me question and fantasize scenarios. they make me almost feel regret starting this relationship bc of how i thought about it beforehand and how i think how it could be easier for me to be single because i wouldn’t be thinking like this all the time. i don’t know if people in love think that way. truthfully i don’t regret any of this, my anxiety and mind have created a perspective that this relationship has only been stressful and not enjoyable at all. but i know that’s not true. i don’t want to break up with my girlfriend, genuinely. i know that i would be miserable and so regretful. it would feel like a weight off me because of my anxiety and ocd, but i know i would simply be thinking about her still and how much i wished it worked out, or how in love i am with her, or how my life would suck without her, etc etc. but something needs to change in order for me to keep moving forward in this relationship. maybe it’s reframing my own life and myself. i create these plans and get successful quick schemes so that i can know what would or could happen and that all my aspirations would be met. but that just gives me anxiety because it makes me feel like i wouldn’t be happy with THAT LMAO. i want to change and let go of that and live presently. i feel it’s the only way through this. but i need advice and some guidance. does anyone have any advice? thank you for reading

Hey, this is my first time posting… so I am a little nervous. I have OCD, along with Bipolar 1, and Autism (autism was assessed by a therapist and psychiatrist but not an official diagnosis cause of the cost). I used to have my OCD treated with Effexor until it revealed my Bipolar disorder and instead I can only be on low dose Prozac (alongside other meds for bipolar) One of my biggest and oldest OCD symptoms has been a constant need to confess everything hidden about my life to my parents. It started when I was 15. I suddenly would become so stressed about something I did in the past (usually regarding more private topics, stuff no one wants to talk to their parents about). It would be so bad I would struggle to keep food down if I was fighting those thoughts. Although it’s gotten better, it hasn’t left without leaving me completely exposed, and it still pushes me to want to confess my private life to them. I always think “but X or Y was wrong of me to do, or was private” and then I’d feel like NOT confessing was me “lying by omission.” It’s hard to explain it… but I just wondered if anyone had and advice or just messages of solidarity. Thanks to anyone who read this long message, I appreciate it.

I will cut right to it. I have severe anxiety over psychosis or mood related disorders due to misdiagnosis when I was a child and into my early 20s. Turns out repressed trauma and a very bad upbringing can cause some serious ptsd, ocd, and panic . Imagine that! Lol. In all seriousness my doctor prescribing me 25mg seroquel as needed is scaring me half to death since 20 years ago I was misdiagnosed as rapid cycling bipolar and put on all sorts of things that disoriented me. My diagnosis for last 8 years is the above diagnosis I just mentioned. I am highly functioning and have a family with a senior level corporate job which provides me reassurance. Im 36 and now and just want to get better and have faith in medical practitioners. Anyone else struggle with a similar story that causes them to be fearful of medication and or physicians ?

I have noticed that my ocd symptoms has went sooooo downhill after my second trimester. I am terrified that this will get only worse during pregnancy. I recently finished my therapy and i dont have any medication currently. I have been getting instrutive false memories from past event. I feel that i’m losing my mind with it, and been crying all these 3 days in a row. I feel like i need to confess these hurtful false memories and instrutive thoughts to my man and i can see him getting upset by them. So, this one tv show triggered my cheating ocd, where this one girl kissed another guy than his spouse. And my situation basicaly was a taxi ride home with my male friend (i promised him to go for his avec to one wedding before knowing my man so i went. We never had anything romantic between us just old colleagues), and i was tipsy and telling him how glad i am to have him as one of my good friends. I kissed him on his cheek and the chat was that. Then we went home where my fiance and other friend was. This happened 3 yrs ago. So i think the cheek kiss triggered my cheating ocd also bc of that tv show. I have told my partner about this millions of times and he is okay with everything. There didnt happen anything else. (Even my ocd is reallllyyyy making it hellish for me to say this) Still i am ruminating so much. And i am doubting that do i remember right, did i kiss him properly, is there smtng i havent registered bc of alcohol etcetc. Or the worst have i told him not to tell me if i ask him? Its so ridiculous. I am SO dissapointed to myself as i was doing so well couple of months ago and now literally i have been asking reassurance from this person who was at the event with me already 2 years ago and now again. Im just embarrasing myself so bad right now😭 I feel so helpless with these kind of situations

i feel anxious, i feel change. i feel like i don’t know. im being honest with myself. i love my girlfriend but i don’t know if i can give her what she needs when i feel like this and rocd. i don’t know if she’s the one for me sometimes. i feel good when im with her and i feel calm, not too much on edge, not too much on guard. i feel afraid of giving this my all, because i worry that i will want to leave eventually for real. bc im in my 20s and change imminent. i hate seeing these things on social media about how “i left this person because i knew that they weren’t right even though they were amazing to me” it scares me that maybe i know deep down the truth, that really triggered me today on tiktok. on top of it i just moved apartments, and that made me super stressed and burnt out. i really appreciate my girlfriend, we’ve been through a lot together. it’s no secret that my feelings for her have ebbed and flowed; it’s why it makes me anxious, it’s why it makes me feel guilty, it’s why im worried on if this is right. should i feel more secure and immensely and deeply emotionally connected in a way i was before. i don’t believe love is a certain way, i think everyone experiences it differently. for me i know that i feel light, and warm and action, a burst of excitement and a sense of peace and happiness. i question my happiness out of fear that maybe im not happy and that my gut is telling me something with rocd since my symptoms have lowered. i have to be true to myself, i want to grow and be happy, i want to come into myself with security. i need to learn to let go of these past obsessions and comparisons. i keep comparing my feelings in the back of my mind for my girlfriend to my last relationship. even though it was hell and full of limerence, i still felt like a weird sense of peace that i don’t experience all the time with her, though it was giving anxious attachment. but i feel like accessing that same sense of peace is broken now because of how my trust was broken traumatically before in my last relationship. i want to be able to give myself to my partner. but i feel guilty that i don’t know if i will end up with her or marry her even tho im only 21. my mind completely goes to this plan for the future and an age of when ill get married and the rest of life, and then it makes me feel like i dont want that but i feel like i have to stick to a plan. i dont want to do that i want to make my own choices and know myself. i’m feeling like i know i can be more present with myself and i know i must let go of any future ideas in order to find out what to do with my life. these thoughts make me question and fantasize scenarios. they make me almost feel regret starting this relationship bc of how i thought about it beforehand and how i think how it could be easier for me to be single because i wouldn’t be thinking like this all the time. i don’t know if people in love think that way. truthfully i don’t regret any of this, my anxiety and mind have created a perspective that this relationship has only been stressful and not enjoyable at all. but i know that’s not true. i don’t want to break up with my girlfriend, genuinely. i know that i would be miserable and so regretful. it would feel like a weight off me because of my anxiety and ocd, but i know i would simply be thinking about her still and how much i wished it worked out, or how in love i am with her, or how my life would suck without her, etc etc. but something needs to change in order for me to keep moving forward in this relationship. maybe it’s reframing my own life and myself. i create these plans and get successful quick schemes so that i can know what would or could happen and that all my aspirations would be met. but that just gives me anxiety because it makes me feel like i wouldn’t be happy with THAT LMAO. i want to change and let go of that and live presently. i feel it’s the only way through this. but i need advice and some guidance. does anyone have any advice? thank you for reading

For a few weeks I was talking to a guy. I do have feelings for him but he was very upfront and talked about how much he liked me. It was clear he liked me more. He is also friends with a guy I dated for a month who turned out to be a well known weirdo at my school and people got insanely mad at me but I didn't know this and wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt but ended up unable to. Multiple times after a few months after I broke up with him I got some angry messages from people he knows. I wasn't expecting his friend to start liking me and he is nice but he is going very fast. He already started calling me "Baby" and "Pookie" and recently made a comment about how my bendy legs could come in handy sometime and how he wants to hang out soon. It was all a bit much for me but I've also been worrying about how my ex would respond and lately it's worse so last night I mentioned being a bit overwhelmed about how forward he was being and said I wanted to get to know him some more still. He understood and said it was his bad. It was fine but a few hours that morning I was stressed put of my mind and realized alot of the stress also came from the fear of having to deal with my ex boyfriend again. I couldn't stand that thought and I sent the guy this message "I'm extremely sorry but I think we would be better off as friends. I have been stressed out alot because you are or were friends with (insert ex Boyfriends name) and it just feels really awkward. There was a couple times when he got a new girlfriend where she messaged me and got angry with me out of nowhere, which she texted me again yesterday not to yell but for some random thing she wanted me to vote for but the notification alone made me anxious. Don't feel bad about what I said about being a little overwhelming and quick with it all because I should have said something before. It was mostly due to the fact I was already stressed out about this. Your really cool and its not that I don't have feelings for you, it's just that I don't think I could be any more then friends with you without feeling guilty because I doubt (insert ex Boyfriends name) would react well which could also get me yelled at by somebody again and it's also just kinda awkward and stressful that you two were or are friends. I just don't think I can deal with any correlation to him considering when I started dating him alot of people got extremely mad and yelled at me and then with the girl he dated after me losing it at me out of nowhere I just can't. I'm really sorry, and I hope you don't hate me for this." He said be understood and it was okay I didn't have to be sorry or anything. I didn't add this but I also just felt like I didn't have as much interest in him as I thought. There is another guy I kinda like and this guy was stressing me out, espically the fact with my ex, and I didnt wanna make him mad ether. I then cried cause I felt so guilty. My friend said I did the right thing and I'm not a horrible person and it's okay. Not only did my OCD make me feel like the most awful human alive for hurting his feelings, I also ended up worrying that now somehow because I did this "people will assume I'm gay or asexual" I'm not asexual or gay. I'm straight but support, however that what if made me feel homophobic and more guilty. My OCD loves to hit me when I'm down. Am I horrible person? Will people assume those things and am I homophobic for worrying about then?

I was listening to some podcasts on OCD and heard that a lot of times OCD can be triggered from a traumatic event. Looking back I can say I’ve always had OCD tendencies but it didn’t get really debilitating until a few years ago when my dad became a late in life alcoholic and drug addict. This event traumatized me in many ways including almost all of my OCD fears and compulsions today. I know it’s up to me to learn to manage my OCD but on days when I’m having a hard time trusting when someone says they’ll come back at a certain time and start to freak out and check their location or ask over and over where they are I can’t help but be so angry about where a lot of these fears stemmed from and why they might have such a grip over me. It might seem selfish but it’s how I feel.