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SO OCD is getting bad again. Telling me that I'm attracted/like girls when I know I don't but it's bothering me:( I don't want this again

Before I write this please do not read if you struggle to talk about your feelings. :) I wish I never started this in my head, I don't want it to affect others reading this. I feel like I can't vent. I feel like I shouldn't. I feel like I don't need to. Everyone else can but I shouldn't. Writing this right now is making me feel so guilty and scared. Everytime I want to or a do something bad happens and said person probably thinks I'm weird now to top it off. I keep telling myself "what's the difference between if I say it or not?" And I realize I only have more problems when I do and I don't feel that much better. I feel like in my family I'm gonna get negative feedback. The last times I've opened up it gets used against me in an argument. I don't like talking to my friends because I don't want to make them feel bad for me or for them to think I'm an attention seeker but sometimes I start to spin out and I feel really bad because I really want help but I don't trust anyone or myself. I feel helpless. I'm tired. It sucks because at the end of the day I know that I shouldn't talk and that I'm not going to because as I write this I feel guilty for needing help. I don't know what kind of OCD this is but because of my other OCD types I over think to the point I need to take breaks during the day just to sit and try not to cry and that's so dumb of me but it's true. Then I feel like I shouldn't talk to anyone. A part of me knows I should but there's a bigger part of me that knows that I really shouldn't.

Does anyone else get trigger when you see other Sexual Orientation OCD sufferer saying that they're scared of being gay for the most stupid reasons, and here you are dealing with false atraction or even some sense of crush and groinals, and when you read those stupid reasons why other people think they might be gay you are like, that's OCD and mine it's not really OCD

Idk if it’s ocd or not. But I’m feeling so guilty for thinking this. It’s bothered me since I started dating my bf. We been together 9 months now and he’s 5’8 and I’m 5’0. I understand how shallow and stupid it is to care about height. As every guy I spoke to has been about 5’8-5’10 idk why I care. It’s been bothering me how much I care about it. I’m in love with him so much but it isn’t getting out of my head how “I wish he was a little taller” I don’t want him to be 6’ or anything but even a bit taller. He’s also just smaller too and I feel so damn bad saying this and thinking it. He knew I felt this way in the beginning cuz someone told me and I told him it’s not how I felt now and I grew to love him so much so idc and it is true I don’t care he’s taller than me so who cares? And he’s the best person I’ve ever met and I don’t ever want to lose him. I have never ever felt this way for anyone ever I want to marry this man but I can’t stop fucking thinking this and it’s causing me so much guilt I don’t know what to do

Hey guys, So I'm not entirely sure if it's my ocd or if I'm just a stickler for rules. A doctor once told me that drinking and meds is a no go. Now I avoid alcohol, being on 3 different meds out of fear that an interaction will occur. My problem is this. If it is infact OCD than my ocd brain is blowing its importance out of proportion and I am displaying avoidance behaviour out of fear. Everyone I know says "live a little,it's fine, people drink on crazy meds all the time" this reassurance does not help and often makes me feel badly that I can't get past the fear that it will somehow mess with my chemistry due to them both being drugs essentially. And so the way to face it would be to have a drink or two and face the fear. BUT.. But if it is actually unsafe than am I doing right by avoiding? I'm not sure how to handle this situation theraputically in terms of moving forward. Any guidance is appreciated.

Hi Everyone, I’ve been struggling with intrusive thoughts now for about a month now and it has developed into HOCD like symptoms. I have genuinely never had any attraction towards other same sex members but now my body feels as if it does even tho I know deep down that I feel no attraction. It’s really stressing me out. I get this unwanted groinal arousal that does not feel good. Can I be for certain that this is HOCD and that I haven’t turned gay overnight? I don’t enjoy the thoughts at all… Thank you

I hate how my mind works. It’s more annoying than anything. I can’t look at the number six without feeling disgusting. I can’t hear the number without panic arising in my body. I can’t say it. I can’t do anything with it. I hate how there’s good numbers and bad ones. It’s annoying. Why does my brain make me think I’m infected when I come across it??? Why can’t I think of the number without trying to “protect” myself and say it’s just “two groups of three” Every time I see the number I want to puke and get it off. Get what off exactly?? Idk. The infected feeling. The bad feeling. But it’s a number. A number. It’s not even physical. It’s a way of keeping track of an amount. But no matter what I say logically. It doesn’t matter. The feeling doesn’t stop. The thinking doesn’t disappear. It ruins stuff for me. I hate it

Does anyone struggle with their breathing, I have been obsessing over it for a couple days now and every time I breathe I feel like I am not taking in enough air and when I try to take deep breaths it makes me panic even more because I feel like I can’t take one. It’s scaring me because it makes me obsess about my health and my heart , like maybe I’m breathing this way because of a heart condition that’s undiagnosed. It makes me feel so winded and I get scared to do anything that could possibly make me out of breath. It happens after the smallest of things too which is why my brain goes straight to heart condition. Does anyone have any advice?

Hi! i don’t really know how to start this off or how to explain my ocd so i’ll just start from what comes off the top of my head lol. So strangely, i think i shown signs of it in my early age, i would often like odd numbers, groups of 3, 5, so on. some numbers were okay but when picking flowers it had to be 3 lol. When i was about 10-11 i used to have extreme anxiety, it was so dumb and caused by my tablet not working. The charger port was messed up and i was terrified of not having this tablet, or being able to do whatever i did on there lol. Before i had said tablet my tv stopped working one night while my mom worked night shifts, the sound went off and i was in full panic. I really can’t name why, maybe i just needed the background noise ? I dunno. I remember calling her on the house phone then having so much relief when it went back to normal. I used to get such bad anxiety my stomach would hurt insanely bad i’d have to sit in the bathtub with water for HOURS. I think my ocd had gotten better.. but i used to be very specific, before bed, i had to make sure my bed looked made at all times (before leaving, before sleeping, while on it sometimes lol) And id often pull on my comforter at least 35 times till it felt right, and restart when it didn’t. And i would often pull on both sides of the shower curtain before leaving, to make sure it was “fully closed”. My pillows were often cornered and i always fix the pillow case and pull on it till my arm would go numb and id force myself to stop. But then.. id have to restart. Because i messed it up lol. I used to have the old iphone 6, and after clearing out all my notifications i’d have to clear all open tabs and click on the home button, while switching to different pages of my home screen in a very specific order. It was mentally exhausting honestly. Especially for a 12-14 yearold girl. I think it’s a hell of a lot more toned down now, but still definitely there. I have to fix my bed before leaving, i always get my dog a treat after leaving (not really ocd) but i do have to screw on her cap to her treats over and over. It’ll be on there but i’ll keep pushing it lol. (Which often f*cks me over when i need a jar of pickles or some type of condiment that’s in a jar lol.) I still clear out all my notifications but mainly before i do something i’m “excited or looking forward to” to do on my phone. like playing a game, making a tik tok, even just normal stuff like checking the status of where a package is at. I’ll often play games on my ps4 and before i do, i have to go on each sides of my hair and use my pointer finger to remove the hair between my glasses and my ear if that makes sense lol. Back and fourth over and over. There’s certain things that i don’t have a pattern to, that i just do till they feel right and they take forever to feel right. I’ll often do it before eating food as well, and if i don’t i have this annoying feeling like i can feel my hair there, or almost just an annoying feeling like a scratch you can’t itch. I think a part of it is like “rewarding” myself maybe? i’ve heard of that or even just kind of “preparing everything” like everything feels nicer when it’s clean, it’s nicer to sit down and do my makeup, or play a game when my bed and surroundings are clean lol.

Can pocd be movements to? Or is it strictly thoughts only, recently I had a thought and a groinal response and it felt good? So I moved into a position again to get the same feeling? I know that’s disgusting can someone please respond

Hi, I’ve never shared on here before so please forgive me if this is too much or is upsetting. I’m currently struggling and don’t know what to do/need to vent. Since I was a kid, I can remember asking my mom things like “if I touch this and then touch my mouth, will I get sick?” Or the same question but with “will I die?” at the end. I’ve been afraid of illness, especially stomach illnesses for pretty much my whole life. I’ve gotten very sick in the past after not properly washing my hands and then eating, and it has scared me ever since. Now I’m 25 and constantly wash my hands and use hand sanitizer. If I’m at home I’ll wash my hands in the bathroom, then wash my hands in the kitchen, and then use hand sanitizer. This cycle is driving me insane, but if I don’t do it I’ll have panic attacks, convinced that I’ll get sick. Today, when I was getting up to get ready for work I opened my trash can and saw maggots. I’m home alone right now and had to do all the clean up myself. I’m very afraid of getting sick from this, and called my boyfriend sobbing because of how gross the situation was, and because I was so afraid. He assured me that this happens when flies get in the house in the summer time, but I still can’t get past it. I’m so stressed out about cleaning the entire house. I’ve already showered once and washed my hair, but can’t bring myself to eat or drink because I’m afraid something bad will happen. I’ve been dealing with health anxiety for almost 20 years, and the fact that I spend almost every second of every day worrying about getting sick or dying is a painful reality. I have a difficult time being social, going to work, and being intimate. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel completely hopeless and trapped in my mind. Has anyone dealt with this before? I really need to get help, but I don’t have health insurance right now and am trying to avoid going to the hospital (even though I think I might need to).

I suffer from obsessive thoughts, zooming out, rumination, lots of daydreaming I overexagerate and I am so tired of it

Hey everyone. My mental health journey started last year when I developed OCD which I believe started in childhood. I have suicidal ocd with some relationship and existential mixed in. Last night I experienced my last bad panic attack due to derealization. I don’t have depression- I want to be here. But I’m so so tired of dealing with this. I’m scared that I’m “too far gone”. I don’t want to give up. I start IOP next week. Is there hope for me? need some positive thoughts

i wake up constantly in the middle of the night, and i just woke up and i feel so weird i genuinely can’t explain the feeling. i feel like im still sleeping and dreaming and that nobody will be able to see me or hear me, i feel like ive completely lost myself like i am not me and that im in someone else’s brain/body. i feel like nothing is real, i do experience a lot of dissociating but this doesn’t feel like that. i have thoughts that i leave my body and go to someone else’s, specifically that im my dad because my dad has a lot of mental health issues, and a lot of issues from doing so many drugs in the past, and he’ll go into phases randomly where he goes completely insane and says he hallucinates, he’ll say/do random stuff that doesn’t make sense to anyone else but to him he’s making perfect sense and i am terrified ill end up like him. or that i am him and ik this sounds so crazy. i feel like this isn’t even ocd anymore, it’s so exhausting and it’s a new feeling everyday that’s even scarier. all i can do is cry and sit here because i am genuinely so tired of this, i don’t even see a point anymore. i feel like ill never live a normal life ever, i can’t make friends, i have no friends to me honest, i can’t even feel close to my boyfriend because of all this, i don’t feel close to my family either. i don’t know what to do anymore but i am so tired of this.

I was diagnosed with harm OCD 1 year ago, it all started with a clear image of me killing my ex girdriend with a knife and it rapidly evolved to seeing imagens of myself killing random people etc I was doing therapy with a psychologist and a psychiatrist and taking sertraline but then i had some changes in my life and I stopped the therapy and the medication I was getting better, but last week I had a car crush it all started again, I think all the time about killing People, I allways have that strange sensation on my belly and on my back like an adrenaline rush or something when I have this e thoughts. I cry a lot when alone, I think about killing myself, I think in good moments and I feel bad about it, anxious etc. I don’t know what to do, I’m affraid to be alone. It’s crazy. I’m affraid of really being a serial killer or a psychopath or some pedofile IDK it is just crazy. I somebody experiencing the same ?

I used to be such an angsty teen when I was about 14-17. I love my parents with all my heart but back then when they would irritate me in the slightest, or if i’d get into any argument with them at all, or I didn’t agree with a belief, I’d immediately go to my online friends and start complaining and talking so much trash about my mother or father. Sometimes I’d exaggerate, to gain sympathy. Looking back now, I feel so TERRIBLE for saying these things, I was acting as if I was abused or something even though I wasn’t. My parents treat me phenomenally and my relationship with them grew so much as I got older (im almost 20). The guilt is now eating me up alive, I feel like a bad person and I feel like I don’t deserve their unconditional love and support. It feels like im a traitor to this amazing relationship I have with them, and always at the back of my head I think that if I told them I talked this much bad behind their backs, then they’ll never look at me the same again. At this age I can’t ever imagine doing that same thing again, even thinking about hurting them or betraying them makes me tear up and I FEEL SO BAD. Please help me. Im a terrible daughter. Also, theres this constant feeling to confess otherwise the feeling wont go away, but I don’t want to because it would be so hard and I can’t even fathom how on earth i’d bring this up to them considering i’ve been extremely good to them for the past years. I rather them not know and I want to move on, but the feeling of being a two sided b*tch still lingers. :( I would literally die for them.

i dont ask for reassurance all the time but omg i just remembered when i had this thought(intentional) about what if the guy that confessed that he liked me worked out, we were in 3rd grade that time and i remembrr having the thought that he was handsome or sumshit or like i admire him and like his personality. i dont really remember when i had this thought but it feels recent (probably thid year) mind you, im 17 now and i know deep down that there was never an intention of me reminiscing because he was a kid, infact it didnt even cross my mind that he was (in my imagination) but now that i realized it i feel so guilty because why am i thinking about something that happend when i was a kid. i feel really disgusted pls answer me.

I wad wondering if anyone else worries about things in their childhood that could indicate that they are gay/a different sexaul orientation and latches onto these thoughts. As a kid from around the age of 5-7 (maybe) I remember having a friend (let's call her x). Now i have no idea how this started but I think we started pretending that I was going to be boy and that we would get married or something? We would pretend to be a couple and say that we would get married or something in the future. I really can't remember to well but I think this is how it went. It went on for while, I think i gave myself a new name and everything. Now, x left my school not long after and after that I never continued this "being a boy and we would be together" pretend thing. I just went back to being normal me. I've never been attracted to girls, only guys, before and after this situation. I also don't think i enjoyed saying that I was going to be a boy because I always liked girly things and i think I was just doing to keep x as my friend. I also had a "boyfriend" around this time maybe before this. I remember some boys at school calling us lesbians and I didnt know what that meant at the time but I didn't like it, neither did my friend, this memory is extremely triggering. I dont even think I knew fully what marriage was at the time. What triggers me is that people say that young kids know about their sexuality at a very young age, so I'm worried. I really don't think I was actually attracted to her in any way, but what if im in denial. Is childhood experimentation and experiences like this normal, does it indicate sexuality?

I’ve been seeing loads of posts about how people should act after a breakup, how people say “I don’t wish bad on you” or “we stayed friends” and it’s made me feel bad for how my relationship ended. Granted it ended with him sleeping with his “female friend” only a few weeks after we ended and a week after he sat in my car saying “I want to be single, I’m not ready for a relationship and there’s no other girls hand on heart I promise” for him to get into a relationship a few weeks after we ended. But I do only wish the best for him now, at first I was filled with pain having to watch him push her against walls and make out with her, right in front of me without even trying to hide it. But now I’m thinking if you’re happy be happy. The girl he is with isn’t a loyal person and has cheated in every single relationship, even his she’s already cheated on him, but he deserves peace and unfortunately I don’t think he’s gonna get it. But I don’t wish the bad. But doesn’t make me a bad person for being upset? We were single, and I was healing and I had to sit there and watch as he moved on right in front of me, it’s normal to be upset right? Then he called my sister a very rude word and started a massive fight, where we had to have a chat about everything and how it was unfair for him to treat me that way. If I was to see him in person I’d say hi, it would hurt but I’m healing and moving on. But I guess I’m just worried that I’ve overreacted about him with another girl. It was a fresh wound is all, fresh and hurt like hell to see

If I was 13 years old, and I made a severely horrible childhood POCD mistake that I was told about earlier in the day, but had forgotten about it because I had never heard of that mistake or done it before, should I be punished for it as a 23 year old?Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 22... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that she doesnt remember it, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... I was told what this word was, but I had forgotten it... I did not have full knowledge or full understanding on how horrible this mistake was... I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they mlested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 and I get intrusive thoughts of people calling me a P and a chomo and me getting arrested… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo… the real events happened only 3 times and I really didn’t know how horrible it was… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… I don’t want to ever be attracted to or harm kids in any way… 😭😭😭  It’s making me feel like I know I’m a P or a chomo when I don't ever want to ever be those things… I perform avoidance compulsions all the time and I don’t want to be anywhere around kids… even accidentally standing next to one makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable and anxious… it’s making me feel like that I know I’m what my POCD and real events OCD are telling me even when a former ocd psychiatrist has told me that the real events don’t make me a P or a chomo… In addition it’s making me feel like I’m what my ocd tells me that I am… I didn’t know how horrible the real events were at the time when I was 13… I really didn’t… my POCD and real events OCD keeps calling me a P and a Chomo for what happened when I was 13 when I didn’t know what any of that stuff was… I truly didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t…  It’s making me think I am a rapist because of the real events too… my POCD just keeps telling me that I’m a P or a chomo or in worst case a child rpist when I don’t ever want to ever be those things in any way 😭😭😭