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the NOCD Community

Any trans people with ocd here? I’m feeling like I might be trans I’m having a lot of gender dysphoria how do I know if it’s real or if it’s just anxiety

I know it’s pitiful for me asking for help but idk what to do. Ever since I did something bad like a few months ago (check my recent post for backstory!if you want) I felt so much guilt and then started looking back at my past and feeling guilty about that stuff then I started thinking what if I s@d my 4yr old cousin or 2 yr old cousin and it feels real like it actually happened like I actually remember it but I can’t remember it if that makes sense and I’ve never been diagnosed with ocd which makes it scarier I’m starting to think I did do that I mean the thought feels like it’s on the tip of my nose if I keep searching it’ll appear in my memory. I felt so much guilt and fear of what will happen if it turned out true I tried to commit by doing 0v3rd0se but it only made my memory fuzzy of what happened when I was overdosing and it made my guilt worse cause my cousins were over and my thoughts amplified since I barely remember what happened my mind told me I probably s@d them when I was overdosing (this was yesterday) and it sucks cause I can’t ask my baby cousins if I did or not they probably don’t remember at all or even thought it was bad what if I traumatized them what if they commit cocsa because of me I’m a monster.

Hi everyone, I’m currently on vacation and dealing with a relapse in symptoms. This started a couple of days before leaving, and it’s super frustrating to still be experiencing it. More so of “existential” OCD, and it’s really making it hard for me to enjoy things. I’m so upset because I had a few months of minimal ocd, but now this uptick in symptoms really is throwing me off and making me feel defeated. I’m trying my best to push through and not engage with the thinking, but at times it’s so hard. I feel like I’m back at square one which is terrifying. If anyone has any insight or support, please feel free to share. Thank you!

I know a lot of people are struggling with their ocd or rumination etc so I thought I’d ask what’s your favorite hobby or video game stuff like Nintendo switch Xbox etc the reason I ask this question maybe you all can chat about this topic and take a break from rumination or find friends that have ocd but enjoy the same stuff you do

My brain is obsessed with the idea that my dad could get cancer so I keep praying that he won't. This is what my prayer looks like: - 'finish praying within 15 minutes, or else ur dad will die' (this I think on purpose because it used to twke 3 hours) - then i begin the same prayer I do every night - then I reach the 'god please help my dad not to do develop cancer bit' and I realize I need to go down and pray 60 times that he won't because earlier I did this and got distracted so I need to go down again and did it properly. I ended up doing it like 300 times because I lost my train of thought - then I come back up and all of a sudden I'm convinced that this is the night where God will help my dad to never develop cancer - so I pray well and I go to the symbol of God in my brother's room and my brain thinks 'pray another 4 ti s here, and only 4 times on your dad's life' because otherwiee it would be like 300 again. I get really scared I'm about to do it more than 4 so I rush the last 2 and come back feelinf super guilty that it's rushed and I come back trying to redo it -when I finally come back to my room I tell myself to pray the next 4 slowly so God knows I am devoted to him. My brain starts wondering to a movie I watched- a literal romantic one on purpose and it keeps disrupting my prayer and when I think of what will feel right to fix it, it's another 60 times of doing the prayer slowly- not even rushed like downstairs. I've done it slowly but still got distracted so now I need to do it another 100 times. Even this post my brain convinced me that if I reach for help when they scan my dad on his appointment it will come up with cancer instead of something non life threatening so I better just do everything properly until his appointment. It's flared up so much and I don't know what to do- I don't even know if I have OCD Also this is a really long post so I am sorry if you had to read all of that

Has anyone who has successfully treated their ocd with meds, did it spike your symptoms first before it helped. Encouraging words only! Please don’t tell me how meds didn’t work for you, I’m looking for some encouragement to help me stay strong on the meds i recently started.

I know I have had good days and even months, but I always have a relapse. I feel like I will never be “normal” or have a “normal” life. I am constantly lost in my compulsions. Every day I wake up and worry about what I did, what I felt, or what I thought. My family tells me to be stronger, but I am trying so hard. Does anyone else go through the same thing?

I dont want to put this on the suicidal ocd subtype cause it might not be that idk... this whole 2 years i felt really good, i could say that these were almost my best years, i was viewing all this as ocd and i was avoiding the fear so it didnt beaten me down. I didnt realized all this was compulsion tho, i was compulsively avoiding my emotions and intrusive thoughts. I did acknowledged them but i avoided to work with them or think about them, or let then fully be cause then it wouldve make me stuck. However life happens, and i got depressed because of an event that happened. I accepted it. The sadness wasnt a problem, i had problem with stress and physical symptoms that made me feel afraid that somrthing wrong will happen to my health. After time it crushed me and i developed panic attacks. Today i struggled. But i let all be. I let all the thoughts and feelings be. And then i started having thoughts that i really dont like. Just randomly a thought popped up "the world is bad" that made me depressed. I dont want to accept that this is what i believe, cause its just popped up when i felt low... But i accepted it and the more i accepted the bad thoughts to come, the more it lead me to the suicidal intrusive thoughts. These arent thoughts that i want, i experience great distress and panic that i will act on them. This is why i dont want to deal with these. Im so afraid that i will act on them. In the past i know i had them so agressively that i thought its just moments and i will act on it cause of the high emotions(not like wanted to,like losing control). This is so hard to deal with...its not ocd but also im afraid of them and i cant face them... But bc its not ocd im questioning if i will need someone to stay with me when im facing these problems cause i will be dangerous... also i did had killing thoughts too that i was so afraid of. And these thought made feel so much shame that it streghtened the suicidal thoughts, which made me also afraid that im in danger of hurting myself. This will be really hard to face with. The feelings and the thoughts too. Just facing all the depressive thoughts that i had and thinking "where it comes from" scares me cause im afraid it will lead me to a place where im actually want to kms... so if you have time please pray for me. I want to get better. This is really scary to me, i will need support. I just cant put this on the s-ocd group, but i wouldnt want to say that im suicidal either cause these thoughts are intrusive to me. I dont know where to put this cause every doctor says people with ideation want the thoughts and dont feel scared by them. So i will just be in the middle relating to neither... Im also not accepting that im suicidal, maybe its a compulsion but i dont want to... Thanks for reading this.

Current OCD episode feels very overwhelming. My intrusive thoughts are all centred around schizophrenia; so being ultra aware of my peripheral vision for hallucinations. Scared that I’ll have a ‘delusional’ thought. Scared that I’m missing the early signs of something worst. My therapist has reassured me I’m definitely overthinking. I also still have insight, so can acknowledge the irrationality of it all, but it’s still causing me so much anxiety. Can anyone share any help / support with this particular theme?

Raising awarness!!!!

How do you get over your past when you’ve never got closure and you know multiple people hate you and bitch about you and you can’t change how they feel or show how much you have grown? I’ve deep down hated myself for my past and people saying I was mean to them when I was 12-15 years old and I’ve never forgave myself and I don’t think I ever will How can you let go because today when I meet anyone I get paranoid that someone has spoken to them about how I used to be and they won’t like me I find it really hard because my past has followed me my whole life

Does anyone else get worse OCD symptoms (for me it’s my obsessive and intrusive thoughts, my two big ones that i struggle with). These thoughts seem to bother me so much more the few days before my period and throughout it and it feels like clockwork that is slowly gets better as time goes on. This week was so bad. Some of the worst. I have nearly made life altering decisions that I would not normally make due to these thoughts that feel so real at the time. It is hard to work on them since they are really bad for about a week every month. I cannot explain it very well. I have obsessive thoughts often but on my period they become extremely debilitating. please does anyone else have this. PS i’m 21 and have had issues with my period and my doctors think i may have endometriosis so idk if my period and hormones are just awful and the reason for this.

Hey all, I was recently diagnosed with OCD and MDD a few months ago. I’ve been experiencing symptoms for the past 11 months though. I used to be a person who would downplay depression, reasoning that if someone is depressed, they should be able to snap out of it. This year has taught me the truth behind how debilitating mental health conditions can be. My OCD has been absolutely tearing my life apart. For the past year, I’ve been coping with excessive guilt over past and recurring mistakes, my anxiety of which has recently been causing me panic attacks and throbbing headaches. I’ve also been coping with feeling unnatural sexual attractions, to those of the same sex and to children, which contradict the values I hold at heart. At one point, even simply shaking someone’s hand would cause sexual arousal, due to my hyper-vigilance surrounding physical contact. My OCD and depression nearly led me to take my life a few months ago. There are no words to describe the amount of pain I’ve had to endure. My thoughts and feelings have been absolutely tearing my life down, bit by bit. I feel like I lost who I was, and like it’s impossible for me to know who I am. This isn’t me. Over the past couple weeks, I’ve been feeling constant sexual arousal, it’s so easily triggered now. I don’t know if it’s because of the OCD, if it’s a result of the SSRI I’m on, or if it’s just a product of me being a young adult—Or maybe a combination of all of the above, but it’s debilitating. How easily I get aroused causes me so much guilt. There is a girl in my life that I love, but it doesn’t help that I get aroused around her because of the simplest of things. It’s not what I want for us. I want to be able to hone in on my self-control. I can’t help but constantly compare who I am now to who I was just over a year ago. My happiness has suffered, and my endurance is draining. I know there is a long road of insight and recovery ahead of me, this is just the beginning. If there’s anyone who can relate to me in any way, feel free to let me know. Comfort begins with feeling understood.

Theres so many effed up things i’ve done or said in the past which still bother me to this day. One day i’ll have one obsession, like ROCD over being scared i’m cheating on my partner, then another day i’ll have POCD because of a past experience with an underaged friend, and im just so burnt out from all the thoughts and overthinking. I feel like the most horrible person each and every single day, a constant urge to confess, a constant feeling like im a traitor, and then thinking im just using OCD as an excuse for everything. Im so SICK OF IT ALL. I can’t catch a break. There’s too much going on in my head, like this constant rumination and analysis and then compulsions to search up these obsessions. However searching up things relating to it is probably the most harmful and worst mistake for me, because then I see stories of allegations e.g like dream being exposed for grooming a minor and people exposing others for other vile acts and it just triggers me so much, because it feels like I BELONG on there but never in my life would i actually want to do such things, and if everyone knew what i did then i feel like everyone would agree i quite literally deserved to be burned at the stake. Should i just get a therapist at this point or can i get through this myself with the use of some mental gymnastics like i’ve been doing the entire time? I feel too much guilt, it’s eating me up alive.

Okay so i’ve had harmful thoughts about my boyfriend for some time now and i know that i don’t want to hurt him in any way but when i get an intrusive thought sometimes, it seems like im happy. i know that im not and when this happens i get so anxious and want to throw up because wtf i don’t want to hurt anyone. does anyone else experience this?

Hi all I’m having HIV phibia. Can’t get it out of my mind. I come here to find people to help me overcome it and take my life back to normal state…

Hi, I just joined this app. I have OCD, I’ve been diagnosed for 7 years. I’m 18 years old, and live with my parents. One of my most prominent compulsions is to confess everything to my mom. We have a very close relationship, which makes it difficult to not confess to her about random things my brain makes me think I need to. It’s not like she makes me tell her everything, it’s my brain that does. That stupid little OCDemon that makes me feel incapable of having any privacy. Anyways what I’m getting to is the fact there are things I don’t want to share with my mom, because I don’t want to scare her. Which brings me to why I’m writing this. I was hanging out with my friends in the back of on of their trucks. We were parked on the side of the road. About a block down there is a strip of city life, but back where we were it was quite dormant, minus a few passerby’s. I should also mention none of us were drinking or smoking, we were just chatting, nothing else. Around midnight this lady walks up to the truck absolutely hammered drunk. My friend, trying to asses the situation says hi. She responds with a “hi” but then pulls her phone out and starts recording us. Again we were literally just talking to each other, nothing else. She begins to creep in closer and that’s when we all disperse and get into my friends car. The whole thing was pretty scary and I was convinced we’d be safe because one of my friend is 6”2 and a man. But it was still an extremely uncomfortable situation. Anyway I’m writing this because I feel this compulsion to tell my mom about this experience, but I don’t feel there is a need to do so, because it would only scare her. Granted, I’ve learned my lesson and will never be in that part of town, at night, outside regardless of who I’m with. So I feel there is no need to tell her, but my OCD makes me feel I have to tell her. What would you do in this situation? Or do you think this is just the OCD talking?

i get anxiety attacks for everything ugh i hate it!!!😕just now i got anxiety over accounts i blocked in my tik tok and im overthinking why i blocked them in the first place and wondering if they said anything to me for me to block them :( even though i know i never talked to those accounts i keep overthinking it’s so tiring :( my anxiety doesn’t let me be calm

hey guys how are u guys feeling?? feel free to rant in the comment section ❤️❤️ dont forget that this feeling is only temporary, long but temporary, its okay to feel what your feeling, everything will be okay 🌸

Will there ever be a pint in my life where I can completely feel free of OCD and be semi normal?