Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Is there a worse mental torture than POCD? It's the worse form of punishment for innocent people. Loss of identity, feeling like a monster, believing that you're monster, having and feeling the most unwanted things. And to get better you're simply supposed to tolerate a physical untolerable amount of anxiety. It's a miracle I'm still alive.

To peoples who are struggling with ocd and wants to know if ERP will actually work or not read this: It's been a year I'm struggling with OCD, in 2023 I didn't realize that I was being a victim of OCD, I thought it was normal to worry about the thoughts I was having, actually the thoughts are not even about me, I'm having thoughts about singer's sexuality since years I know it may sound silly but I have been since a year these thoughts are real to worry about, in January my ocd became stronger, I strat having episodes of ocd every week, in may I got to know that I have ocd and from the moment I got to know that I have ocd I didn't have a single day struggling without ocd, in April I started doing ERP it's been 5 months I doing ERP but I'm not still recovered fully but yeah I don't have episodes anymore, I don't worry about the single thoughts for days but still my every thought is controlled by ocd , I still have anxiety which is out of control, I still feel like these thoughts will never go away but I choose to live the way I want without caring about these thoughts.....I know no one's free to care about my mental health but if anyone's reading this please encourage me😔🙏

I feel and I think differently to others. Broad and vast. Even in a crowd I can feel alone. I long for others to understand me, but if that meant them suffering a fraction of what I do, I'll burden this anguish alone in silence, with a smile wider than my heart can bear. My scars runs deep and my love deeper still. I will hold the line between my hell and the angels around me. Its not what I owe them, its what I don't.

I asked 8ball it said I'm going to hell and I'm not a good person

Hey guys does anyone literally have a panic attack whenever you have to be in a situation (romantically) with a man?? Like I will literally freak the fuck out and throw up I mean that so seriously lol. I think it started after my abusive ex boyfriend.

I’m so frustrated. I’m an atheist through and through, I believe in science all the way but I am still traumatized by the horrible things my mom showed me from the Bible as child. I’m frustrated because my mom died and now that I live alone I’m just always scared of the creaks and crackles that my home makes as the seasons change. It aggravates me because I’ll ruminate over and over that “it’s not a demon/ghost it’s just the wood furniture expanding/contracting” this that and everything in between to explain things and I’m simply tired of it. When I was putting down my self adhesive floor stickers to make me feel happy about my apartment I was stuck thinking about the demons my mom showed me in the Bible and had no choice but to continue what I was doing. The area I was working on when thinking these things, it’s either settling peeling, something, either way there is sound coming from that spot and it’s stressing me out. I can’t enjoy anything because I’m both annoyed at the topic and slightly scared because even as an atheist I’m a human being and we fear what we don’t understand. Is there anything people with spiritual ocd do to ease their nerves from the athiest perspective?

Im at a bar and its making feel like im not attracted to women, and making it feel like im noticing men constantly, when I dont ever want ti ever be attracted to men in any way...

Anybody else's OCD grow more intense at night?

anyone wanna talk?

I feel bad because I'll comment on other people's posts on here who struggle with the same OCD as I do and it's like why am I better at helping other people than myself???? I feel like I'm different. Anytime someone here says something related to pure OCD (or really any off) I try to remind them that they couldn't do anything that results in them being a bad person but it feels different for me because I actually do bad things. I have done bad things. I've never heard a story from other people that involves me not being annoying or weird or a bad person. I feel like there's a difference when other people make a mistake then when I make a mistake. Other people absolutely deserve help but I don't deserve help. Other people should be able to heal but I haven't gone through enough yet. I wish so badly I wasn't me because I just want to be a good person and I pray every night that I will be good and I won't mess anything up and that I will be helpful but I never am enough. I always mess something up. I want to be perfect but that's unachievable and that makes me anxious. I want to be perfect for people and I can't. Any time I think about how I need help or I need to talk about my feelings or something I remember why I shouldn't. Any time I do anything other than sit and smile I just get told to shut the fuck up or get told how annoying I am and it hurts but then I think "if I'm a bad person I deserve this" but if I was someone else and I hadn't done all the stupid and weird and even insane things I've done then I would deserve it a little more. I wish I was dead. I don't know why I'm not. I don't know why I'm writing this I just wish I was either another person or dead. I'm unredeemable it feels like. I hate myself so much. I'm so done.

If you can relate, I would appreciate your comments. Lately I've been feeling rather awkward and out of place. It's not uncommon for me, honestly. You know those situations where you feel like you really don't fit in anywhere? Well, I'm just feeling like despite my efforts to engage with others, I never fully get the satisfaction of genuine belonging. If I try to talk to people or form social circles, even just for the purpose of creating a study group, no one really seems interested. I've been a loner pretty much my entire life, so you'd think at this point I'd be used to it. However, sadly I still get that feeling in the pit of my stomach that everyone is judging or scrutinizing me, as though I am this foreign creature. Having OCD doesn't help. It can just feel like a very lonely place sometimes.

I’m a horrible person I hurt a lot of people when I was 14 (currently 15) I was super sexual over text with my 3 friends I would make them uncomfy and never stop flirting making sexual jokes and just being weird even though they tell me not to or to stop and idk why I thought it was ok idk if it was for attention or because I legit thought it was normal I even got mad at them for distancing themselves from me when I was the problem.2 of them said it was ok or that they didn’t care when I apologized when I figured out how bad that was but one of them stopped talking to me and doesn’t wanna ever see me or think of me again because I scarred them. I feel so bad and it’s all my fault why was I even born honestly if I just spread trauma to people. It wasn’t just them either here was this 16 yr old I begged for pictures when I was either 14 or 13 and I kept badgering him over and over and was kinda manipulative and he sent me a fake picture just to get me to stop my best friend told me not to feel too bad about it cause he was kinda grooming her. But there was also this 17 yr old who I was messaging when I was 14 and I begged him for pictures too and he declined alot and then I said I could give him my best friends explicit butt pics and he agreed and my best friend was 15 which makes me even more sick about myself and I told the guy it was my best friends little sisters and I thought he was give me pics if I have him it cause my friend sent me her explicit butt pics to show me cause she trusted me I broke her trust and sent her pictures to him. My friend didn’t know and said she could help me get pictures from him by flirting with him and I agreed like a monster and she did it but stopped because she found it weird and I did too I think and then the guy got mad and threatened to send the pictures to her and I got scared and told my friend she said she was sick I only then realised how bad of a person I was for this and then she forgave me cause she knew I was gonna self harm. Me and the guy still talked and i stilled begged for pictures and then after I apologized for begging him for pics and he said I s@d him even though we only ever texted but that doesn’t change I was a bad person for that. So then he told me cause I kept apologizing he was manipulating me to keep me begging/repeating that behavior and said he was keeping me in a loop of mystery. And now my mind is telling me I am a child pred and I s@d people at my school and my little brother and my baby cousins and I feel so much guilt.All of these things made ne realize how horrible I was so i tried ending it all by ov3rd0s3 I tried 6 times and everyone I would messaged my other friend (the one from my old group of 3 friends) and he kept telling me to get help but I was scared of getting help cause my parents told me I would be arrested and then after I kept trying to commit he had enough and stopped talking to me saying he couldn’t do it anymore. I feel like I am a horrible monster because I am I’m disgusting and idk if I deserve to be alive with good people.

do you ever feel paralyzed or scared to just get out of bed because what if the thoughts get worse because you're interrupting your mind being distracted i dread having to get up to even use the bathroom. being with my boyfriend helps but then it just gets bad again even while im with him. I just can't function im starting a new job soon too and I'm in online college. I can't bring myself to do any of it. the guilt, shame, anxiety, and fears just take over.

My ocd convinces me that no one else has the ocd thoughts I have. I am newly PP and had an intrusive thought about my baby that sent me into the worst panic attack imaginable. I went to OBGYN and she said “but you aren’t having thoughts about harming yourself or the baby right?” I had to lie. I obviously didn’t want the thought, it’s my biggest fear. But how can we be honest with our doctors without being locked away. I had visions of them taking my child from me or me being locked away and now I’m just spiraling. I went down the rabbit hole for sure. How do we know what intrusive thoughts we can tell our doctor/therapist??? If I can’t share what’s going on in my head, then how am I supposed to know that I am not alone 😭. I want to find a therapist on here to work with but my ocd convinces me that no one else has struggled with what I have for some reason or that my ocd is “different” and I’ll be reported. This is miserable. Can anyone else relate? It’s like it convinces you that you are the “worst case” & what If it’s not even ocd. This has kept me from getting the therapy I know I need. Hope someone can give me some insight…

idk if this is ocd compulsion or not but when am i’m having panic attack i bite myself (but sometimes just feels good) and i don’t know how to stop. it helps me feel better but ik it’s not alright. i’m scared it might leave some serious damage to my skin. what should i do?

Every therapist I had so far told me I HAVE to do exposure therapy, when I refused one even ended the treatment. My current therapist is an absolute angel, but when it comes to compulsions all she ever says is that I should try to stop. Everytime I do my therapy “homework” and try to resist urges I get extremely overwhelmed and end up feeling worse about the situation etc. and avoiding it even more. I told her that and now she wants me to actively engage in such situations IN therapy, which I’m absolutely dreading but I’m not sure how to communicate that I’m positive this won’t help me.

Does anyone else have fears and intrusive thoughts of not being able to fall asleep which keeps you up at night? I got some restless nights due to being sick and now I can’t get back on a normal sleep schedule. It’s making my anxiety worse. Any advice or suggestions for those who deal with sleep issues and fears?

Does anyone have any experience with OCD about sleep? Specifically, obsessing about sleep which then makes you not sleep? I'm stuck in a cycle of worry about not being able to fall back to sleep before my alarm goes off when I wake up in the middle of the night, and all that worry leads me to not get myself back to sleep in time. A self-fulfilling prophecy that's really affecting my functioning. Not being able to sleep is all I can think about, even during the day, which is only making things worse. What helped you overcome this issue? Any advice would be much appreciated 🙏🏻

my suicidal ocd has been so high today it feels so real and it scares me so badly because i started ERP and my ocd likes to convince me i’m gonna give up and do but also with it i’m with my grandmas this week and she threw up and she thought she was having a stroke so me and my mom took her to the emergency room and it’s bothering me so badly… hospitals give me anxiety and my suicidal ocd keeps convincing me that i wanna do it :(

I have been through so many themes this year, and it has been through almost every category my entire life. Now that I am super aware of OCD, it found a way around me again. I recently hit a raccoon with my car, I didn’t kill it. It ran off. Everything was fine but later on I touched my car where I hit it and then I couldn’t remember if I washed my hands or not then bam!!! Rabies OCD. I went to a doctor. They checked me out and said that I was at almost 0 risk of contracting it that way. They even told me I need to seek help for OCD, because my racing thoughts and anxiety are contributing to exaggerating diseases. Now I’m afraid of bats, I think every time I find a scratch on myself, scratch myself, or poke myself on something that automatically a bat bit me, and I’m going to die in a month of rabies. I have came to the conclusion that I could not possibly be bitten by a bat every single day and in every single situation so I know it’s OCD🙂 but it’s still pretty stressful.