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how do i snap my self out of a suicidal ocd episode? it’s constant thoughrs i feel scared and hopeless. i just want to be better, any suggestions help

hey, my boyfriend recently came to me and opened up to me about him thinking he has ROCD. i am trying my absolute hardest to understand it all, and came to the realization that i might have it too. we have been dating for almost 2 years now and we’ve been on such a good streak lately if that’s what you want to call it. the bad times aren’t truthfully bad at all. but i get so anxious when he goes out to the bars without me every weekend. and then he gets anxious because of how i respond too it. so basically im just asking for some tips i guess, because i truthfully do think he is the one and could spend the rest of my life with him. but there has got to be an easy way to get past this.

I started feeling better, more calm and relaxed but then I remembered that I’m literally heartbroken and single and I went back to feeling like shit again, all the anxiety came storming back. Why does it have to be this way, I don’t know what to do with my life anymore.

as I'm too triggered by my intentions behind wearing something. So a few days ago I talked to someone about women's attire, who is Muslim. so she told me everything and gave me an example where I'm still stuck and that is she said in her university there was a girl who was Muslim and she used to come to university fully covered but would wear eyeliner and a different kind of eye lenses and would walk in such a way that boys would be after her!! And I'm literally stuck here because it is possible to be like this even if someone is fully covered? And today morning I just saw a post after waking up immediately and that is a Muslim girl saying that it is weird and kinda dislikable to see girls wearing shiny glossy wet kinda lipsticks. And I totally understood this vibe she meant something hot or sexy kinda thing that girls do. but what am I doing? I feel like im doing the same thing. i want to look good and want people to see me but not something that I'm dying for it I'm not that kind of person, right? And am I even supposed to know? I dont know my own intentions and tbh I really want to be a smart bold strong and sorted personality to everyone. even in front of men. Am i considered as those girls then? And am I wanting just boys' attention? And I'm even scared to red lipstick. I've always loved red lipstick it suits me a lot. But now just now a scene came in my mind that is "I'm wearing red lipstick and I'm drinking something through a straw and a small portion of my red lipstick is in my straw now and I've come with a guy and I let that guy see that swatch of red lipstick on my straw. And you know what kind of feeling it is creating?? And was I always like this??? And why are these kinds of particular things and scenes coming rapidly?

I told my mom about the intrusive thoughts. Tw for mentions of abuse:) So something happened where I ended up freaking out on my abusive dad and I ended up still feeling bad about it and like I kinda just spilled. I almost said everything but it was late so she said she doesn't really want to get too into it right now but she was still helping me. I freaked out on my abusive dad and I ended up feeling really bad about my reaction. He tried to scream at me so I screamed louder for some reason. He called me the R slur and tried acted like he was going to hurt me physically but my mom stepped in front of him. (No one got hurt !! He tried to scare people like he's going to beat them up but he never does. He's leaving very soon.) I decided to tell my mom about how bad I felt and I feel a lot better about the situation. She said she wishes I didn't freak out like this because it drains my energy but she gets where I was coming from and I'm entitled to snap under those circumstances. He called me names and just started freaking out on me for no reason but this is just his typical behavior. I felt bad for the whole situation because I was just trying to be nice with him because he keeps on ignoring me like I'm not there. I ended up telling my mom about how I feel like I'm a bad person. I told her I feel like I don't deserve anything and I feel like I messed everything up. I told her I feel like I traumatized my brothers and sister and her and I said the intrusive thoughts are constant. I told her how I feel like I hurt everybody. I told her about how I just got out of a 12 day on and on cycle of panic attacks. I told her almost everything because I can't do this anymore. My sister was there and even said that and she even said "there is a whole OCD theme for this btw" it was a little funny but I was kinda hyperventilating at the moment so I couldn't find it funny :(. My mom and sister talked me down and made me feel a lot better. I feel bad for putting them in that position to do that and I didn't mean to😭😭. I don't know how it happened to be honest 😭 my sister even said that she can't think of anything bad that I've done with makes me crazy relieved because I feel like im always doing something wrong. I feel like I'm always weird and I'm always messing something up and that I don't deserve anything and that I'm just a terrible person. My mom put it into a perspective that she's freaked out on us like I've freaked out before too and we aren't traumatized or hate her and I feel a lot better. I do do a lot of weird and crazy shit that I'm not proud of. Even things she doesn't know about but I feel better knowing that she's been here for a lot of the things I have done and she still doesn't see me as a bad person. And I'm hoping it's not just because I'm her daughter. I'm so tired from crying and freaking out and yelling but I thought I would post about this. I feel kinda good. I'm still anxious and still getting intrusive thoughts but they aren't as bad right now because I talked about it and I keep thinking about what she said. I have a lot of OCD themes that feel constant in my head so I'm not going to label this.. if this finds you it finds you lol. Have a good day <3

I really don’t know what to do- I’ve been making it so much worse with compulsions, watching death anxiety videos or videos about why I shouldn’t be scared over and over, and getting on the same Reddit forums about death anxiety over and over all day. I’ve never felt this bad in my life and nothing feels real, I feel trapped in my own life and can’t see the way out of this theme, I’m feeling so depressed and I can’t care about anything. The rumination is awful and now I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my own corpse and everyone I know. It feels like my life has been reduced to a single line, like a timeline and I’m slowly moving across the timeline. I contacted the suicide hotline the other day but it didn’t really help, I don’t want to die and I don’t want to kill myself but life feels like it will never be the same and like I’m living in a nightmare.

I can’t tell if I have ROCD or if he’s the wrong person for me does anyone have any tips on how to know

I’m an OCD newbie & I’m having a lot of difficulty being able to distinguish what are OCD symptoms that may be atypical or if it’s due to another diagnosis/not something to be worried about. For context, I also have PTSD & suspected Autism- so excuse any excessively literal interpretations. All of my knowledge of OCD is watching Monk when I was child, so give me some grace. 1. “Harm OCD”- I have for as long as I can remember summed up my life purpose as “least amount of harm, most amount of good”. I am constantly thinking about how my actions & inaction may be impacting others. My career is in psych & public health because of that. I noticed I personalized things bc I assumed people thought about this just as much as me- only to find out they don’t. But I only hear examples of harm OCD as being thoughts of like personal persecution or images of hurting others. This is more of a mental analysis of the potential impacts. 2. “Contamination OCD”- Does this need to be literal with germs? I have what I call “emotional contamination”, where if something bad/negative happens, I worry that it’s “ruined”. Like if my partner & I have an argument in bed, I feel like I need to replace the sheets because our argument is “on” the sheets. I’m aware that that is illogical, but I’ll still do it. Every time I’ve had a major trauma, I’ve redecorated my home because I felt like all the negative is “stuck” on my old stuff & it needs to be replaced or I won’t feel better. I’ve ended relationships bc “there’s no getting this off”. 3. “Magical thinking OCD” I like to say that I think a lot of things I don’t believe. I have lots of random thoughts about needing to do something or something bad will happen. The things I need to do are usually really silly- like moving a large rock that’s by itself to a spot with another large rock so it isn’t alone & doesn’t feel lonely. I don’t have the thought that something specifically bad will happen or think I have magical powers. I know it’s nonsense, but I usually do it to stop thinking about it unless it’ll cause harm. Sometimes I also will come up with “tests”, like telling myself if I say XYZ to my partner & they respond in ABC way, then that means they love me. But the thing I’m asking them about could be literally anything. I am frequently *afraid* to ask because they might respond wrong and “ruin” it. 4. “Order & Symmetry OCD” & “Perfection OCD” & “Just Right OCD”- these terms seem to be used kind of interchangeably? I am VERY specific about my stuff. My home is color-coded by room & I won’t buy things that don’t match. I am intensely uncomfortable & can’t stop thinking about it if something doesn’t match. I am STILL thinking about the pink version of my laptop that I didn’t buy 7 years ago & it bothers me that I bought the silver one. I hate when people buy me stuff bc my style is very specific & hard to understand the nuance. There’s a “correct” image in my head & it’s really upsetting when it’s wrong. I flipped out a lot as a child when my stuff was moved and when my parents made design choices for me. I group things in weird ways- there’s an order, but it might be ordered based on how much I like them, how much they remind me of someone, or even more abstract like “if these objects were to run for president, this is the order I think they would be in from liberal to conservative on their view of defunding the police”. I have weird things with numbers, and will buy things based on how “cute” the price is. I would rather pay $440 for something than $399 because it’s a “better” number. I couldn’t tell you anything beyond “vibe”. I’m not sure if these are actually symptoms or just tangentially related & I’m conflating. I may have mis-grouped something. It’s hard to know where to start when nothing seems to have the direct examples of what I experience. Thanks in advance!

This is not OCD related so it’s perfectly understandable if you don’t read this but I’m struggling so bad right now. I started secondary/ high school and my cousin was going to the same one but we never really connected and I have always felt uncomfortable around her. She’d always show off that she had so many friends and make me feel bad and just cross so many boundaries when I was always quiet and I began to kind of resent her because she always just acted so much better than me. 3 years later she joined my friend group with another girl and just like that they both became closer to all my friends in a couple of months than I had in years. I was unhappy because my friends started to actively look past me and not care that I was there. I was so so sad and cried like every night for the next 2 years, because I didn’t understand why they couldn’t just be friends with BOTH of us. Why did being friends with my cousin make them not care about me? My cousins friend had made someone else in my group feel really replaced too. All my confidence went and I got so awkward and sad around everyone except my parents and brother. A few years later they both got kicked out of the group because they had done some bad things and just like that my friends starting liking me again. After 4 years I finally felt happy in that group. But now we are going to the same university/college. I started earlier and I have had the best 4 days of my LIFE. All of a sudden I’m confident, not awkward, made more friends than I have in a lifetime. My cousin however moved in today and I already feel that all of it’s gone. I just spoke to my flatmate and I became my old self, all awkward and not able to make friends at all. Why is this happenign to me. Why did I only get the college experience for 4 days before she came. I know it makes no sense but knowing that she’s here has made me the person i was before and I can’t stop crying because I would have had such a good life.

So my harm ocd is really bad. I have a mix between hit and run ocd and being hyperaware of everything so I don’t hurt anyone or so they don’t accuse me of something. I can’t even enjoy vacation anymore. As of recently, my harm ocd is related to using the public bathroom. Everytime I leave an area or pass someone, I usually look behind me to make sure all is ok. Same with driving. Well lately when I use the public bathroom, I get anxious if another person doesn’t come out after me (they’re in another stall) and I can’t check that they are ok. I know this sounds really irrational but I wonder if it’s because with everything else, I can check but with this situation it doesn’t feel complete because I can’t really check unless I wait til they’re done and come out. Also if I don’t check, my thoughts have been running wild, like what if they were hurt in there and I just walked out? Etc. I also get scared like what if I hurt someone and didn’t realize it? I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel so tired and upset over this, can anyone relate or offer any advice?

So I had a panic attack last week and I started to feel derealization which I was I knew was going to pass, later in the week I had to go on a road trip which I was already feeling uneasy about and then all at once I had the worse anxiety attack, ever since then I feel like I’m going crazy. My doctor scared me by saying I need to go on medication (family doctor) because I’m scared of going crazy and that’s my biggest fear right now. My psychiatrist said I won’t but just get on medication to reduce my anxiety. Any help would be amazing I’m so scared of going into psychosis. The racing thoughts seemed to slowed down but I feel very weird and disconnected. Any help would be amazing!

Can PTSD play a role in OCD. Because my mind keeps going back to when my thoughts were the worst. And showing me like falling apart or something. Like I keep seeing the same moment in my head when it was really freaking out of control. So I'm wondering if maybe PTSD is playing a role in my intrusive thoughts.

I’m crying so hard as I write this. but my girlfriend of 9 months, just broke up with me. I feel so numb right now, I should feel pain …I should feel misery, but I feel numb. Like I have no emotions. I feel alone, I used to tell her about my POCD problems and always seemed validation from her, and because I talked so much about it, she left me because of it, I just hate myself so badly right now, I don’t even want to look at myself in the mirror, I can’t stand it right right now, I can’t stand my reflection. I feel too angry to look at myself. I feel so so angry and upset, why did she have to say goodbye so dry and short like that? Did she never care about me? I don’t understand what I did wrong… I feel even more alone than I was before, it all happened too quick…now I’m not sure what I can even do anymore.. I just don’t know what to do with my life anymore…. We planned so much together, now I know nothing. I regret talking about my problem so much. I don’t even know what to say anymore. No amount amount of anything will make me feel better. I just want to isolate myself right now…. I bought so many things for her, that I now have to throw away… I hate myself. I hate myself so much. I can’t stand myself right now. I don’t feel like talking to my family. I don’t feel like talking to my friends. I honestly just wanna be alone for a long time… I just want isolate myself. I don’t want anyone to talk to me… I don’t want anyone to look at me… I feel so lost.

Actually what happens with me daily is I do get unwanted compulsions regarding yesterday at 4:00 p.m. what I was exactly doing or yesterday at what time I took bath so if I start answering that I will get into more of compulsions regarding the scenario which I am thinking and I will get into more trouble so this is what happening every time when I try to solve the compulsion At times I try not to respond to the compulsory and that is ERP but at sometimes I get into an urge to clear the compulsion and get rid of that and I am getting into the loop of compulsion again and again and again

SOOCD sufferers! Do you sometimes worry that you're true attraction is your false attraction and vice versa? and that you actually dont really know what true attraction is but if you go with the unwated sex you will know? Ima actually really struggeling between finding someone attractive and being attracted to someone.... I'm a straight female (I think) and I recognise a beautiful women more than a handsome men. Like I wasnt really attracted to my bf's body before actually being with him. However since in my mind, the female body has "more" if feels like I'll feel more if Im with a women? ughh soo weird. Like I dont see a men's naked body and automaticcaly get turned on, I have to be intimate with him for that to happen? honetsly between that and the romantic feelings that I feel like are not "enough" it really sounds like denial even if my therapist really diagnosed me. UGH

As we know the pandemic really hit all of us hard and for me it was what started my ocd. At the time I didn’t think of it as such, I just thought I was being safe and precautious. Fast forward here, and I still find myself washing my hands frequently and obsessively, being afraid to shake hands or touch normal daily objects because other people have touched, and afraid to even go to my public gym afraid of being contaminated. Now don’t get me wrong I am able to go out and have a good time but I always have to know where the bathroom is to make sure my hands are clean after I touch something. I freak out over if I hear someone cough at work or in the gym and when I have to eat something without washing my hands or let’s say I touched a spoon with an unwashed hand I start to overthink. It’s gotten to a point where it’s more than just contamination, I find myself being over complicating so many aspects of life, I wake up and have this anxious period right away for no reason at all. Have any of you guys experienced what I’m doing through ? What can I do to better myself and go back to being myself pre pandemic?

Does anyone else feel like they think these horrible things on there own or on purpose. I feel like I'm intentionally trying to hurt god and the holy Spirit now and idk what to do. I feel like I'm becoming my worst fear. Idk what to do I feel like I'm losing touch with myself and idk what to do. And I'm really worried God is going to turn his face from me or I'm going to do something I am going to regret. I'm not really sure whats happening to me, but I'm scared I'm going crazy.

Hello everyone! I'm from Bangladesh and I'm 22 years old. I'm a Muslim. And I've been dealing with this religious ocd issue for almost 2 years now. And my issue is about modesty. So there's a term called hijab(head covering)in my religion and I've always seen woman wearing it and I've always known that it was an obligation but I wasn't bothered by it because I knew my intentions weren't bad. But one day while I was sitting in my prayers matt a thought came that "I don't wear hijab and I'm doing sin". It came just one fo a sudden and point to be noted is before having this thought I was actually having some continuous argument on this topic with some of my friends. So after that thought I went mad and I started to research online a lottttttttt, I mean I used to invest 24 hours, I even used to calculate while I would be sleeping. So at one moment I fought out it wasn't an obligation and I was relieved but then the issue arrised that "maybe my intentions are bad behind wearing any outfit, maybe I wear outfits to attract boys and maybe I wear them only for boys" this kind of thoughts. So the issue becomes even more complicated when I try to say "no I don't want to look pretty in front of boys at all" and this is a total contradiction kind of thinking because I do wear and go Infront of people either they are boy or girl to look good, so I can't really say that I don't want to look good in front of boys but when I include boys into this, this is very triggering and sounds really bad. Then I found a scholar who said that "A woman would wear something to show it, and this is very normal" so after hearing this my anxiety went off but then it shifted to something else. So one day I was looking in the mirror and was trying to sit with cross legged to see how I look. And one of a sudden I felt like I'm an arrogant person and by sitting cross legged I'm trying to show my superiority. And arrogance is a hugeeee sin in islam , people with an atom of arrogant can't go to heaven. So it was extremely suffocating and anxious. I would search online that "how we can tell if someone is arrogant?", "If a girl sits with legs crossed are they arrogant?" And this kinda questions and many answer would even say that "Yes they're arrogant" so it is even more triggering. Then I had even removed one of my pictures in Facebook where I was standing with a cross legged pose and it triggered me. And I actually make stories in my head from my childhood. For example"I'm crying to death in real by imagining someone really close to me died but in real they are alive, I'll put myself in many characters in those imagination like Maybe I'm a very successful woman and I've many servants in my home lol." So I'm the arrogant phase this "imagination" started to work like poisen if I imagine myself as an successful woman who is so rich , I would see myself treating so badly the poor people and with the servants and to lower my anxiety I would even try to act extra nicely with those people in my imagination. And me sitting with cross legged actually had a reason like I want to look confidence, bold, strong, someone you know valuable. So there is a mixture or something there which I actually want and that looks so much like arrogance. And I've struggled a lotttt in this theme then idk how it just turned of and while I was researching a lot another theme came which was "what if my religion is not correct? What if there's no God? And how I would even know ever that God is real or my religion is real?, Did the prophets really ever exist?" And yeah nobody can find the truth because for sure I can't go back to the past to see what was real and god wouldn't come to earth to make me understand that he is real. So I started to reaseaoto prove I'm in the right religion and this kinda things. And at one point it was soooo terrible that at one side my faith is shaken and at another side I used to find myself seeking forgiveness even in my sleep. It was this huge. I used to face a lot of anxiety while talking to someone from a different faith than mine. I remember one day a girl of my class came to me who was a Hindu and was talking to me and inside I was continuously calculating "Why im Muslim and she is Hindu? No no I'm in the right religion, there's nothing to worry" this kinda thoughts. And I even used to have some disturbing images and words for Allah while praying. And idk how I calculated and this theme had stopped. But I'm still stuck on my modesty issue. This is the only theme I've now. I've searched a lot and I've known Allah haven't prescribed any specific dress code for woman but woman should be just modest. So everything is fine but I doubt my intentions a lotttt!!! I feel like there's a huge mess in my intentions. And maybe I only want boys attention and I can't even deny that, but if I'm not denying that, that doesn't mean I want that. So this is sooo confusing. And my modesty matter is not only about me being sinful but it is also about myself that I don't want to be that kind of person who is always thinking about boys and boys! I don't want to. I have seen many girls saying that they wear for themselves and this really makes me sad, I mean I used to consider myself like them as well but now I don't have the courage or confidence. And many times I won't even believe it is ocd, I feel like it is a message from Allah to change me because how bad I've been in my whole life. And i would even be afraid to look good Infront of someone I like. As if I'm such a characterless person. And some scenes from my past events would come related to my modesty like in 2013 I was 10 years old so I just randomly had liked someone and I scene is being replied that "how had I flipped my hair in front of them?" It feels very lousy as if my act was very seductive or something bad. And I wish it was false, I just wish. And as I said I make stories in my head I also make stories with those I have ever liked like celebrity, someone from my region or friend and would create romantic scenes. So now this also make me realize that I actually wear or talk or whatever I do in front of boys it is to provoke them sexually and I just seduce them and my intentions are bad. And there are days when I wouldn't feel any anxiety and that is also scary as if I don't have ocd and everything is real. And sometimes I even feel afraid to be cured from ocd because then everything would be on me and I'll actually be responsible for bad acts. And I've not taken any medicine or therapy or anything, I had went to a counselling session in Bangladesh but it was such a worst experience. And I actually found out it was ocd through myself actually and the doctor also had confirmed that I've ocd. And another thing I forgot to tell is that I've also been suffering from panic attacks for the last 6 years now. In my whole Religious ocd Allah feels very contradictory to me. As if what I want Allah doesn't want that and what Allah wants I don't want that. And the second one is so bad to even think I mean I'm nobody to say I don't like it. May Allah forgives. Thank you so much for your time and sorry for this long text. I'm really struggling!

Hi everyone, Lately, I’ve been feeling confused and anxious about my sexuality, which has been challenging to navigate. I’ve always identified as straight and am currently in a happy relationship with my boyfriend. However, I’ve recently started questioning if I might have some attraction to women, which has caused me a lot of anxiety. To be clear, I’ve never experienced romantic or physical attraction toward women in real life, but I have watched lesbian porn in the past. Now, I can’t help but worry that this might mean I’m attracted to women after all. On top of this, I’ve noticed a decrease in my sexual desire for my boyfriend, which only intensifies my concerns about both my sexual orientation and my relationship. This confusion is something I’ve never dealt with before, and it’s starting to take an emotional toll. If anyone has experienced something similar, I would really appreciate any advice or insights on how you worked through it. What helped you find clarity? Someone mentioned that my anxiety might be OCD-related, though I’m not familiar with OCD in this context. I’d love to hear from anyone with experience in navigating these kinds of thoughts or anxiety. I’m open to any personal stories, resources, or guidance on how to approach this situation, both for myself and in communication with my partner. I want to better understand what I’m feeling without being overwhelmed by fear. Thank you in advance for your support!

So I developed OCD back in April. I had several themes including HOCD, EOCD, POCD etc and even ROCD about do I love my partner and similar things. But I have been on medications and slowly overcoming it one by one. I read about ERP and asked help to people on reddit and other social media and sometimes the solutions worked. Everything was going well until 2 days back when all of a sudden I am reminded of my partner having a past 24/7. I knew she had a past when we started and I had retroactive jealousy which I believe I overcame after initial few months. Now I know it's ROCD acting up but the thoughts are giving me a lot of anxiety and stress and now my brain has formed a weird connection that Everytime I look myself in the mirror or facial hair I am reminded of one of her Exes. This gives me a ton of anxiety and stress. I'm not even sure if the thought about her past gives me anxiety or the fact that it is associated with me or my gf and me getting reminded 24/7. I just started Therapy and my therapist is giving me REBT. But I wanted to see what would be an effective ERP solution for this as it helped my EOCD and other themes. I am simply confused how to do ERP against something that feels like it's constantly there and if my triggers will go away. To give specifics, I'm only reminded of their names and faces and not much, one of the exes was, according to her, toxic and she feels like she broke her moral code with him and other one, I feel like she hasn't resolved it completely although she made it clear and only he was occasionally trying to contact her but that's in the past. Some background info: I am completely fine with her having a past although my family is a bit bothered by it and I come from a strict societal background so my beliefs were shaped that way but I literally changed before developing this hellish disorder. Now I still don't want to be reminded all the time. Thanks in advance for any suggestions