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One of the hardest parts of my day is seeing all the people around me doing all the things I can’t with ease. I hope they know how lucky they are.

I’ve been feeling really really depressed the past few days due to health concerns. I’ve been really feeling down like not wanting to be here anymore and it’s scaring me. I was in the doctor’s office this morning and I got a scary thought that said maybe I should just k*ll someone in here instead of k*lling myself. Then the thoughts continued… this man walked past and I thought “hurt him” I obviously wouldn’t want to hurt anyone let alone a bug on the sidewalk, but the thoughts began to overtake me and I had a panic attack. It’s still bothering me and I’m still scared it’s real and that I’m going crazy. This happens to me a lot after I watch a documentary about someone who hurt someone else. I begin to think I am somehow going to go crazy like the person in the documentary and hurt someone. Although I don’t want to .. I would never ever want to hurt anyone.

I’ve been struggling a lot recently with intrusive thoughts that have really taken over my life. Lately, I’ve got so much thoughts that tells me people I care about, like my mom, won’t have a life after death because of me or my thoughts. It feels like my mind convinces me that these thoughts are true, and the fact that I can’t feel my usual anxiety makes it even scarier. I’m terrified that not feeling anxious means I actually want these things to happen, which I know deep down isn’t true. I’ve had constant anxiety for pretty long and now the last few days I haven’t been able to feel anything. I’m unable to feel any of the love or connection I normally do for my family and friends, and even my anxiety feels dulled. This is so unsettling because in the past, my anxiety acted as a reassurance that I didn’t want the horrible thoughts my OCD was throwing at me. Now, without that, I feel completely lost and afraid that I’ve lost myself. Has anyone else experienced this emotional numbness or a disconnect from your feelings? How do you cope when your OCD thoughts feel so real, but you can’t feel the anxiety that usually comes with them? I would really appreciate any advice or experiences you could share.

Its been like 3 weeks of school and its just been really difficult and stressful 😭 ive had two tests and i havent gotten them back yet but i have a feeling i didnt do as well as i wanted to on either of them and that scares me because i usually score perfectly and well. And my classmates are so good at everything 😭 and ik this is kinda bad but i hate seeing people do better in things im supposed to be good at… like math is one of my strongest subjects but i messed up on a few questions so bad and i feel so stupid and now im scared that im gonna be like this for the rest of the semester 😞 it scares me. Plus all my classmates talk to me sometimes and all and i be as nice as possible but i still feel invisible- even with friends i just feel like im bothering them and i feel like im just alone and have no one to talk to bc either no one cares or i feel like burden and annoying and unlovable 💀

I feel like shit absolute shit for months and idk how to tell anyone because my intrusive thoughts are about stuff like flr example today I was in class and I was like I wish and then my brain said I wish I could rape a dead baby but like obviously I don’t want that and it’s really made me sad cause like what if I’m a rapist

I feel like I'm fucking crazy. It literally feels like my ocd has a plan to hurt people like overtime my mind has made a plan and I was already questioning myself because I'm doing erp. I don't want to hurt people but my mind literally feels like its fully ready to do something. I can't do this.

Hi everyone, This last week I’ve had so much anxiety that I’m going into psychosis. I have weird intrusive thoughts about contamination and other weird things like if I use my left hand or do anything left something bad will happen or certain numbers mean bad things when counting. My psychiatrist says it’s just anxiety but ever since my anxiety attacks last week I feel so weird and scared that I’m going to go into psychosis or crazy. My family doctor said it’s possible which scared me and now I’m feeling really scared. I started medication again but can’t seem to snap out of it. There have been some amazing people here that have giving my great help and tips. But I just need to be reassured that I won’t follow into psychosis. I know it’s a small percent of people but I’m just so scared. Any help would be great. Even my psychiatrist said I won’t but can’t calm down. Any help would be amazing, thank you!

Hello I'm just posting to see if anyone needs to talk about your day or what's bothering you! Feel free to comment

Someone had told me that my religious ocd/harm ocd intrusive thoughts, could be caused by paranoia or schizophrenia, and now I can’t stop thinking that I’m losing my mind and that I’m crazy… my religious ocd sometimes says “God wants you to harm someone.” Or “God is the almighty and can control you and make you do these terrible things” even though I know deep down that’s completely absurd.. it even says it in the 10 commandments.. I’m so lost.. I hope I’m not actually crazy.. I don’t want to hurt anyone..

In addition to my pocd / false memory OCD situation, I feel like Im going to pass away with no friends, no girlfriend, and no family. I have no one who loves me. And Im going to pass away alone. I slowly have to accept that. Theres nothing I can do except live out my life, not knowing if my worst fears have come true or not, and slowly wither away while everyone moves on with their lives and forgets my name. Im unloved, alone, and miserable. Thats who I am. The end.

I would first like to disclose to you all, that I am not actually diagnosed with OCD. I am pretty certain I have it, but idrk at this point. Anyways, I haven’t posted on here before, but I kinda just really want to talk to people about things that have been bothering me. So first of all, every single day for literally the last year, I have been constantly mentally checking to see if things I’m doing are OCD-related or not. The thoughts, the actions, the emotions; they all feel surreal to an extent. I know it sounds stupid, but it gets to the point where I have screaming arguments in my head that never go away and it feels so loud :(. That started when I first learned about OCD and I connected the dots to harm-OCD, which in turn led to a bunch of repetitive research. Next, I would like to ask, do you guys ever have lapses where it gets really bad and then just disappears for a couple months? These last two months have been pretty relaxed mentally, and then school started and my head is trying to kill itself again. But I feel so doubtful now because I no longer have so many symptoms that match up and idk if I’m just faking everything. Like, the harm-ideation has mainly gone away (except to my self because my mind is like “hey it works for other people, you should do it” but I can handle telling myself no), and I’m not washing my hands over and over again to get the sticky feelings away. But idk. Another thing on my mind is surrounded around npd/aspd. Idk about you guys, but my brain is really mean, and I often end up accidentally saying things I really shouldn’t. And as you can tell by my writing, I write a lot about ME. It is super annoying and I have to rewrite texts and stuff over and over because it just seems self centered and I don’t want people to think that I think I’m better than them, because I really don’t. I feel like I’m kinda a jerk and it really bugs me. Do any of you worry about this? I know I’m not a narcissist, but I can’t get it out of my head. And I struggle with empathy, but we think it’s autism so idk. But if it isn’t autism, then what would it be, you know? Also, this is kinda personal but none of you know me so I’ll say it anyways: So my gf was the one who asked me to go to the homecoming with me (I really should’ve asked…) (which I’ve never gone before), and I was kind of being reclusive the whole time we were there. I know it was a dance, but I couldn’t get myself to do much other than holding her hand for like 10 seconds, which on my part is REALLY HARD because idk why but physical touch feels really wrong and inappropriate, even though it’s meant to show affection. But I didn’t do much and she keeps saying that it was all okay and that I’m okay but I’m afraid that she doesn’t like me, and I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable being around me. We’ve been friends for quite a while, and I think it’s okay but idk and I’m so tired of worrying. I want to ask her if she still likes me but I don’t want her to say no ;-;. She is so supportive and kind, and I think she’d speak up if she wanted something to change, but idk. Plus, I watched a video today where a guy’s wife told him that she didn’t love him anymore but she stuck around anyways, and that is NOT helping. Long story short, I’m feeling really overwhelmed right now, and I have procrastinated homework until now… I had a cross country meet yesterday, and today I have wasted the vast majority of my day in bed (after sleeping for 15 hours, may I add…). I’m sorry that this is so long, you guys don’t have to say anything, but it would be really nice to talk to someone. And don’t worry, my parents are trying to find out a psychologist person/therapy (allegedly), but they said insurance won’t pay for it so it might be a while :’c. I don’t think it’s in their list of priorities rn Have a good rest of your evening/day everyone!

hi all hope everyone is doing well. i had been doing a lot better since my last ocd relapse last year in oct but i’m currently really struggling with health anxiety/ocd. it feels like the toughest theme yet. while i was able to get better without medication before, i’m now considering it because ive realized that ive had too many relapses in the past five years than I would have liked to have. i’ve always been hesitant to get on an ssri because i’m terrified of the adjustment period. and now my health anxiety is playing into the fear a little with the side effects and what not. anyway i’d really appreciate any insight/advice. thank you!!

For anyone struggling with religious OCD/ scurpulosity?

Hi all, I’m curious is anyone taking medicine for their OCD and if so which one and is it helping? I’ve been on Prozac for almost 7 weeks and I just don’t think it’s doing much. I’m only on 30mg so perhaps I need to get to 40.

I was looking into stuff for my friend who apparently has no internal monologue or capability to imagine images which is amazing but I can't imagine a life with that. I knew someone years that also couldn't imagine images a few years back and asked her what would happen if they took psychedelics. It turns out they've been using something called psilocybin to tackle a range of disorders like the ones mentioned above, ptsd and ocd with some positive results. I feel as if it might untangle some stuff in our minds in order to see more clearly. The hallucinations of the psychedelics may purely be our brain reorganising itself. Thought it was interesting

I have suicidal ocd and im feeling so anxious. I was feeling a lot better for around 3-4 weeks, but I saw many posts about suicide these last days and they triggered me so much. It feels like I cant move on until I have the certainty that I will live a long and happy life. Life would be so beautiful if I didnt have that strong fear. Its making me anxious physically in my chest and I feel kinda depressed. Then because I feel depressed, ocd tries to tell me I will commit suicide. Sometimes it even feels so real, like if I really had suicidal ideation. Im scared these are not intrusive thoughts, but really ideations… But I know its just intrusive. I love life and could never do that. The simple thought of it makes me so anxious, so theres no way I could possibly do it! (My ocd just told me that last sentence was me trying to convince myself of something false) Its just so confusing, I feel like im loosing myself and I feel like im gonna die so young. Im terrified and I want a long happy life!!!

So I am trying to get help and I have to fill out this Obsessive compulsive inventory and it’s stressing me out so bad - a bulk of the questions are things like washing your hands etc and counting and nothing is specific in any way to the sub type of OCD that I might have it’s causing me to spiral and think that I don’t have OCD. I am so stressed right now. I have a follow up phone call tomorrow and I’m terrified they will say it’s not OCD. I just tested my results and looked online and it says that I don’t have OCD - for example it says you have to have a score above 41 or a mean score of 2.5 on one of the sections which I don’t.

I’m struggling with my moral scrupulosity OCD. Whenever a therapist has assigned me ERP in the past, I feel like it goes against my values. Like I obsess over being a good person, following the rules, and in general not causing harm in the world. And I’m asked to do things that go against that? Does anyone else struggle to reconcile these ideas? I want to get better so shouldn’t I follow the therapy.. But also I feel like it makes me hate myself even more. And provides more fodder for my OCD. Is anyone else stuck?

Hi, please somebody help me. I’m living the worst time of my OCD, and I really need reassurance that this is really OCD. I’m wake up already with the thoughts and the emotions, and even the physical sensations. I can’t stop thinking about killing people, I don’t want to stay alone but at the same time I also don’t want to be with certain people. I even question if i like my parents, and my close people. I feel like I Will lose control at anytime. I feel like I am some kind of psycho or a serial killer from the tv series.

I’m so tired practicing ERP like I’m so mentally exhausted and also feel a little unmotivated. I don’t want to feel anxious it’s freaking me out now but I have to do it to stay vulnerable. How do I do stay motivated and strong-willed?