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Anyone struggle with this with having ocd?

as the title says. i am trying, i really am but i cant help but think that i have been gay this whole time. it feels like i can never be happy again unless i come out. i cant do it anymore. everyday is hard. there are not easy days. i just want to love my partner and i cant. i look at him and i get this wave of anxiety and guilt. why can i just be me again? i miss the days there this was just a past thing. i feel alone and i feel stuck like this forever. my heart hurts all the time. i am trying to sit with uncertainty but i cant because it feels certain and that i know i am gay but i dont want to be. its really really sad. i hate my life and i need it to end. bye.

i’ve been thru rocd thru out my whole high school year with the girl i’m still with to this day. i’ve been back and forth with her for the longest and even broken up with her and got back and it would repeat all senior year. i got over the rocd and slowly just accepted that it’s my thoughts and i stayed with her and still with her to this day. we’ve been together for 2 years and soon will be hitting 3 years and i times i still have rocd and yes it sucks but at times i know i just gotta keep pushing. what hurt more in my relationship with my girlfriend is hocd.. it just hit recently in october 2024 near my birthday and i was completely devastated. i’ve never been with a man, never kissed a man or even did anything 18+ with a man but recently my mind has been making me think things i don’t want or even make me feel like i’ve completely become gay. recently it’s been pretty low but at times i still think and it’ll give me this gay vibe or even make me feel weird about everything or even like things gay. i hate it man, i hate it all and i just want it to stop. at points my mind doesn’t even budge anymore when something i should be saying no to or even weirded out to it just my mind accepts it. i clearly don’t wanna be gay but it’s bad like at times i think i look gay, act gay or even might be gay for the rest of my life. its making me be bad in my relationship because i can’t even find myself and it’s hard. i don’t wanna lose my girlfriend and be lonely for the rest of my life cause at times i can’t even find her or any females attractive. what am i gonna do.. all the females i used to find attractive in the past all gone, i haven’t been trying to find them attractive to be unloyal to my girlfriend it’s just to make sure i like women still. i’ve just lost myself and i think im gonna just ruin my life with this mind and i even feel like a gay brother or a gay son to my family. its hard to hang with my own father cause i always feel so feminine or anything along those lines cause of my curls or just in general. i hate this life and it’s getting really bad to where i don’t think ill ever be helped at all. if yall have any answers or anything please give me some..

I went to bed one night in November, and I can't quite say what happened, but I believed that I had a "memory" from childhood. I won't discuss what, but I had "remembered" doing something sickeningly awful. This thing came to me almost as clear as a real memory. I remember thinking something along the lines of 'How could I forget doing something like that?' followed by a feeling of complete horror and terror. I have moments of "clarity" where I can't believe that I'm questioning doing this thing, and it appears obvious that it's false. But now, I'm more than often believing that I did. I am spending 24/7 fighting my head, and it's taking me to dark places. I know this is the worst thing to do, but you don't understand, if this is real then I am a monster and I can't just adopt the 'maybe I did, maybe I didn't approach'. I just can't. I have to know. I'm so scared. My entire life is on the line. I don't have anyone to talk to about this. Literally no one. I feel like I'm insane, like I'm a monster, like I'm hiding my true identity from everyone I love. Does this sound like False Memory? Or am I in denial, trying to convince myself this didn't happen? Why does it feel so real? And why do I have moments of clarity? I also had my first nightmare about it last night. Please someone help me.

So I don't feel attraction to kids at all. But I do get like intrusive thoughts about people r@p!ng me like family, teacher, etc. I know this is a result of me being assaulted as a child continuously, but I wasn't sure.

I’ll cut a long story short… SOCD/ HOCD was one of the first themes I got when I was a teenager. The first one was health but I didn’t know that was OCD at the time. Anyway, I have had SOCD for 11 years. Sometimes it leaves me alone and it feels like I’m my own self again! Don’t get me wrong it lingers but I manage. But… IT IS BACK!!! My head is telling me that I am a lesbian and that I need to just admit it. I hate it. I have a boyfriend who I love unconditionally and this has just sprung out of a dream I had -.- I don’t want to be a lesbian! The groinal responses have always been the worst. It started when I was around 16, I woke up one morning and my brain just said ‘you’re a lesbian’, as you can imagine I freaked out, panic attack and cried. Then, my brain starts looking into my childhood… well it’s had a field day. When I was around 9 my friend showed me girls kissing on YouTube and then I suppose I got addicted to it. I then used to play on Habbo and walk up to girls and say ‘kisses’ etc. my brain is now saying that this is evidence that I’m gay. I DONT WANT TO BE A LESBIAN!!! I have no issues with gay people, I just don’t want to be gay myself. Sometimes, when the thoughts come in I don’t seem to get anxious but I get groinals and that freaks me out! I just want peace. I hate this. I get so many different themes. Now it’s this one and I just want to crawl under my duvet, sleep until they’re gone but then I end up dreaming about it!!!

I gave up on it. Not point in wasting my time thinking at all. It’s all fake. Life has been good actually, just a little stressed here and there. Recovery is hard though, harder than those thoughts and stuff. I’m on day 10 or 11 of my life not so impacted by OCD. This year I’ll rule the year, not OCD. I’m doing good. I have a good feeling About this new method. Good luck you guys. It’ll get better!! Nothing last forever! (Here’s my chicken shaped dog) I feel so hopeful and happy. I hope you guys have that feeling too!!

I m fighting very hard to stay positive for my anxiety and depression I wake up with headaches because I clenched my teeth’s at night but what make me clench is my boyfriend staying up with the kids making so much noise this give me nightmares since I m trying to to be positive I work up and didn’t say nothing about this got up make people breakfast and everything was good until he said everything is good when I m no around them and this make me mad and obviously made me argue because how can you say that I never said all the bad things he do to me because I m trying to stay positive because otherwise ocd and depression get the best of me now I m crying because I was really trying to be good and I just argued :( because of he started and he still say I m the crazy one how ? I was good eating food until that comment

Am I the only one who compares their current relationship to a past relationship? I remember a year ago I was on here having intrusive thoughts about my relationship that I was in a year ago. I ended up leaving the relationship because I couldn’t feel that much love for him unless it was cause of all the anxiety I was experiencing, till this day I’m not quite sure what caused me to break it off but I know that when I did it after I felt relieved and happy. Now I am currently in a new relationship where we’ve only been dating for a month and I notice that I sometimes tend to compare my current relationship to my past one. Sometimes I miss my past relationship and cry and obsess over it as if I’m second guessing on myself that I broke it off for no good reason. It brings a lot of distress especially in my current relationship as me getting these kinds of thoughts and emotions isn’t fair to my current partner. I’m not really sure how to go about all of this as I feel like I am the only one experiencing this. I just want to be able to completely move on from it as we both went out separate ways and I want to focus on this new chapter of my life with my now boyfriend. My now boyfriend is very understanding and probably the first partner where he took the time to learn about my OCD and wants to help guide me through it. I appreciate the love and relationship we have for each other. It just hurts that I think about the past and sometimes get the urge to go back when really there’s nothing to go back to other than a void. I want to be able to live my current life happy with my boyfriend and friends without the past haunting me. Any advice?

I'm not sure what's going on anymore. My brain says I wanna break up. I don't even get the what if I don't love him etc etc. Truth is I miss my old self back then when all those things didn't happen. I feel lonely cause it feels like this it. This is the end. And I wanna break up. I feel like there's no hope anymore and that's what I really want. I love our relationship and he's perfect. Why do I feel like this? Why can't I stop thinking about it? Isn't OCD supposed to take only a certain amount of time from our daily lives? It's been 4 days and idk what I should do. I feel like even when I start therapy the recovery will take so long that breaking up is inventiable. I feel so trapped not bc of him. I know I'll probably regret it but I'm scared what if I don't what if this is actually the right choice?

I'm afraid to speak to a therapist and tell them something I did as a teenager because I don't know if it's a crime or not and what if they report me? I feel like I can't even get help I can't get rid of this guilt unless I get help but if I get help I feel like I might ruin my life. I'm so stuck!

Does anyone else experience this? Like it feels like 1 second after something has happened you question everything. Your intentions especially? Then you can’t remember anything clearly. I can’t tell if my intentions were bad, I had neutral intentions and an intrusive thought came in during it, or I’m making up an excuse for my behavior. Anyone? I feel very frightened.

I am in a big group server with my partner. There is another person there who i had a small crush on. I have NEVER interacted with this person in a private or secretive way. We are NOT friends, the most we’ve ever interacted was through group discussions online. We do not have any sort of intimate or close relationship at all. My partner knows about these interactions and has access to every single message in that server. A few weeks ago, this person was talking about how nobody would date anyone with a certain trait that he has. I should note that this person is kind of a big meme in the server and no one takes him seriously. A while later we were having a group discussion about something and I mentioned something about my ex and this trait was brought up (my ex had the same trait as this person). This person commented on this and said he was surprised that I would date someone with that trait and that he was surprised I wasn’t hypocritically telling him he could find someone despite this trait while being unwilling to date people of that trait myself. I said that I was surprised that he thought people wouldn’t date anyone with that trait because I “know plenty of girls who either have done so or explicitly prefer it.” I then began talking about my CURRENT partner and how he was great and how I am very lucky to have him and that my relationship with my ex was toxic (unrelated to his trait). I should note that my partner is part of this server and he knows about this interaction and was fine with it. When this interaction happened, I remembered feeling really amused because like I said before, this person is kind of known for very outlandish/ridiculous reactions and opinions. I do remember saying this WITH THE INTENTION to get him to react in some way because I knew it would be amusing and I remember sending it to my friend. I want to clarify that my intention was NEVER to flirt with him, imply attraction to him, or make him think he “had a chance” or anything like that. I just knew it would be a funny reaction. My partner knows of these interactions AND of my attraction to this person but I feel that the fact that he doesn’t know that I was doing them with an intent to get this person’s attention makes it cheating. Even though i always made it very clear i was dating my partner and I NEVER EVER EVER attempted a single romantic or sexual interaction with this person at all. I feel like the fact that I said something with the hope that he would react is cheating. I don’t know what to do. Do I confess? He knows the interaction happened, and he also knows of my small crush on this person, but he doesn’t know that I did the interaction in an attempt to get a reaction from this person.

does anyone else experience extreme fear of developing psychosis or schizophrenia or derealization. I literally freak myself out so much that it makes me physically sick. I’m so scared of developing these and it keeps coming up all over my TikTok and Google. It’s freaking me out.

like should you just say you’ll struggle with ocd? because everytime ive told about my false attraction thoughts, its ruined relationships and friendships so should i just not tell the themes? especially because im a teenager and teenage guys arent very understanding. so do i just not tell the themes. because i also have it with religious stuff, and sexuality? so idk. and confessing is a really bad complusion of mine, so should i just say i have ocd, and have intrusive thoughts or what? please someone help.

im having a unusually hard flare up for two months. ive never had it this bad before (ive had this on and off for many years - thank god not constantly.) lately, i keep having these images in my head and scenarios in my head of me "coming out" in the future and ending my relationship with my amazing fiance who i love dearly. he knows everything but i still feel like i am constantly lying to him, my family, and friends. i need to know that this is something the SO-OCD can do to you? the weird thing is, is that i have never been attracted to woman. i do admire their beauty and wish to LOOK like them or have a specific feature they have, but i dont have any urges to like be with them yet i am dealing with this really bad flare up. My brain keeps telling me that since i have never tried it, i would never know, and i am just getting really distressed from it. i just want to be happy again and it seems impossible. I am convinced i am only person that is using SO-OCD as an excuse. Any guidance or advice, or anything really, will help. i just feel alone and scared and sad all the time.

i’m feeling so hopeless today because of my ocd around sickness and germs. i was just sick about a month ago the first week i came home to visit my parents, which was hard mentally and caused a breakdown. after i recovered i was feeling so good and happy, then my dad got a respiratory infection and it caused me so much fear that i decided to rebook my flight to an earlier day. i keep washing my hands and checking my symptoms obsessively. my throat has been scratchy and i feel like im getting sick now which caused me to spiral and feel so down on myself. i ended up cancelling a fun outing with my mom this morning because i was crying so much and having anxiety. my parents both exploded at me saying i focus on every little thing and want to be perfect, am so selfish etc. but im really truly just struggling with my obsessions about germs. i feel like i ruined my good positive relationship with my parents and feel so worthless and misunderstood.

I’m really struggling with something related to me ocd, and I would appreciate kind and supportive advice. If you can’t relate or don’t think anything you have to say would be helpful, I kindly ask pls refrain from commenting this is a really sensitive topic for me. Recently, I’ve noticed a pattern that feels something extremely new and distressing. The first time it happened I remember telling myself before self pleasuring that I am in control no matter what thought comes into my mind because I wanted to prove to myself that these thoughts are just from OCD and I know who I am and an intrusive that came out of no where, and i suddenly felt an intense fear that I was acting on it. In the moment I genuinely felt like I did. And afterword, I panicked and started questioning myself. This SAME FEELING has happened three times in a row each time, the intrusive thought was unwanted and random, and completely against my morals most recently it involved pocd and it feels even worse because it generally felt like I acted on it the thought in the moment while I was self pleasuring the panic doesn’t hit until afterwards when I stop :/ I start thinking that maybe I generally made a mistake and I’m now just realizing that it’s wrong because it generally feels like that :( but when I actually think about it again goes against my morals and values doesn’t make sense it feels incredibly real, and I can’t seem to shake this feeling off that I may have acted on it I’m terrified because I never wanted these thoughts in the first place. And I definitely didn’t choose them. If I had known, I would’ve had these intrusive thoughts I wouldn’t have self pleasured in the first place but it’s extremely hard to convince myself that this may be OCD because I feel like I have no other reason to believe that I didn’t act on it :/

I talked about this previously,but I keep getting messages from (verified) people in Gaza begging for donations to save their life. I got many many many messages and felt obliged to donate to all of them . I have spent probably nearly around over 80$ when I do not have a job and am using old savings from a job two years ago, but my parents support me thru uni right now so I don't really need the money so I feel guilty if I do not donate. I turned off my messages to followers only but I still get messaged by people who previously talked to me because it doesn't effect people who previously talked to me. They keep messaging me again and again,I stopped donating for a little because it was getting to be a huge compulsion and i had spent a lot but the guilt got the better of me and I kept donating again. I keep getting anxious,constantly refreshing my tumblr for new messages every second,feeling dread that someone might be begging me for their life again,I debated deleting my account,as it was the only way to stop the cycle without blocking people which I don't want to do. But even doing this I feel awful. I am too overwhelmed by this and can't handle it,but I feel bad that this is so. I don't know what to do

So I’ve been planning a tattoo for the past three months and my appointment is today. I bought lots of fake ones to make sure that I actually liked the design before I did it now I am absolutely terrified. What if I don’t like it what if I have regrets what if I want to change it in the future this may be TMI, but I have literally had the anxiety shits three times this morning, I’m going through a lot in life. I’m going through a divorce. I got out of an abusive alcoholic relationship. I’m terrified to start dating. I’m terrified of everything. I just wanna break down and cry. I wanna be strong. I wanna beat this so bad. OCD keeps me from doing almost everything I wanna do in life and I don’t wanna live like that that isn’t living. It’s suffering in a cage!! 😭