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He’s made it clear he will never trust me again but i don’t get why he is still with me if i could never earn it back? i get nervous and anxious everyday just waiting for a message that he is done with me even though i wouldn’t want it to be like that ever. It’s a wave of mixed emotions and i don’t know how to express them. i know i am the reason he won’t be able to trust me but i’ve given him second chances and i don’t know what to do or how to feel all i know is that i feel anxious everyday just thinking about us.

My NOCD therapist (who has been awesome) and I are both struggling to identify ways in which I can practice exposure therapy while in-session, because the vast majority of my OCD symptoms are mental compulsions. For example: indecision and inability to commit to a choice; seeking reassurance on decisions from friends and family; mental review of things that have just happened / social situations; over-thinking and catastrophizing. I also have some other hallmark symptoms (contamination fears, moral scrupulosity, etc) but those tend to be inconsistent too. It’s hard to really practice these during my sessions because so many are in the moment and fleeting. By the time I join my session they are no longer active. How can we establish exposure responses during my sessions, if most of my OCD involves mental rumination and overthinking patterns/thought loops that only occur “in the moments - rather than specific or consistent compulsions (such as hand washing)?

So, I don't know if anyone's going to comment on this post, but I've been doing pretty badly lately. I suffered from a second relapse of OCD around nearly a year ago, back when I first experienced OCD, I had all the symptoms, researching, crying none-stop, suicidal, etc, but now that it's been almost four years of this same theme. It doesn't feel nearly as bad anymore? It's almost like it brings me happiness??? I see people saying with confidence that they'd never do their intrusive thoughts but I can't agree with them, I'm not confident I won't do them, a few years ago, I'd say I'd NEVER do them and I would rather kill myself before doing them but now I can't say it. I don't know what's going on anymore and what makes it worse I think is that my feelings are all over the place, a part of me wants to give up while the other part of me is still fighting and I'm crying right now as I write this but I don't even know if I'm scared. Sometimes I just let myself "enjoy" the intrusive thoughts because I'm so tired and everytime I look at a reddit post about someone saying that they felt guilty for enjoying an intrusive thought, I don't feel that same emotion, and I keep researching and researching. It doesn't feel like OCD anymore. I can't even say I'm scares for the right reasons, my brain keeps telling me that I'm only scared because I don't want others to look down on me and the truth is that I actually "enjoy" the thoughts and I simply don't want to be looked down upon on society. I don't know what to do, I want to go in the bathroom and cry until I disappear

I’m at the lowest I’ve been I’m in just declining. First time in my life where the thought of ending it popped into my mind. I’m not going to but that’s just how bad it’s gotten. Should I tell someone I know and trust about my mental health battle

Today I had my first appointment with my new therapist in a clinic and she told me that my thoughts could be because of my past trauma and that it’s what makes most people pedos. I’m so in distress right now, I don’t want to hurt people but she made me feel like I’m disgusting

Someone please help me I’m having intrusive thoughts of hurting my pets and I’m really scared of myself and I want these thoughts to go away. Can someone please help me I’m scared and I don’t know if I’m a monster

I’ve dealt with it for a decade but as I’m stressed out lately it got so bad I was fighting it so bad filled with terror as I drove had to slow down and praying to god to take the urge and help me but I actually gave it slightly with my family in the car too 😢 my son is 2. It scared everyone in the car and now I’m scared to get back in a vehicle

I have been broken so many times that i dont even know. Every person i was with cheated on me and just been the worst to me which got to one point that i wanted to kill myself but now i have a boyfriend that i have been for one year and a half but he has been acting weird. I check his phone and look for things i dont find nothing. He goes to the park with his cousin that is a baddddd influence on him like really bad and he hasnt been being good with me and i just dont understand what im doing wrong. I tell him stop hanging out with that cousin and that i would hang out with him everyday and we could go out. But right now he is acting weird and is with his cousin and he is ignoring me and now i have no one to talk to until he stops being with his cousin and that is very very bad that he is ignoring me just because he is with him… i cant anymore i dont know what to do. I am a jealous gf and he is a jealous bf and we are both protective and everything but i feel like everything is going wrong… help please someone…

Everything is building up and I don’t see a way out.

This is ruining every part of my life. The carpet on my staircase is old and pretty dirty, and there's dried mud on it. There's brown bits, which I'm convinced is cat poop and there's a good chance it could be because there have been multiple times my cat has had it stuck to her after going in the litter tray. It's impossible to clean so I don't try, and my parents don't probably because they don't see it's dirty and because it's such an old worn out thing anyway. So I wear slippers everywhere except my bedroom. Only, the other day I stepped somewhere contaminated in socks and then put my slippers back on, so now they're contaminated on the inside which defeats the whole point. So now, if I want to get into bed, I have to take my slippers off outside my door, and my socks, and I have to put new socks on, but if I do that I have to wash my hands again. Which means going to the bathroom. Which means putting the slippers on. Which means I'm contaminated again. I feel so sick and I want to cry. There are so many not hygienic things in my house, and it makes living with this so much harder. I tell myself that what I'm going through are compulsions and intrusive thoughts and obsessions but how can that be true if there's a very real chance the brown on my staircase is cat poop? How can it be true when it's my own fault because I'm too lazy to clean it and I'm too lazy to try fixing the issue when there are so many things stopping me and there are so many things not hygienic about the house. I want to cry, it's too much. I can't tell myself I'm being irrational when I'm being rational. I just can't keep doing this. I want to lay in bed until I feel better but I never feel better. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow about my ocd symptoms and thoughts but what am I meant to say? My house is a state and covered in mud on the carpet, and it sends me into multiple mental breakdowns a week? A day? Surely that's not ocd but instead is perfectly rational? I can't cope with any of this anymore, I want so badly to live in hygiene and cleanliness. It doesn't matter how hard I try, I'm never clean. I will never be clean. And I keep trying to tell myself that even if it's cat poop, it's not the end of the world. But I feel so ashamed. I feel dirty. I just want all of this to stop being so difficult.

ok, definitely no one can say anything on that topic, and apparently I'm the only one going through it.. I don't even know what the group is for..?!?

Hi all, I’m really grateful for all the support I’ve gotten from people in the last few days. My mental health is at an all time low and I really appreciate the relief people have brought. I had a question about whether an intrusive image of a potentially imagined event can feel just as real as a real memory. I’m doing my best to stop ruminating over an image I have in my head, and have gone so far as requested security footage of myself and have been told both through that and by my friends that nothing bad happened, but the image in my head feels just as real as other memories. I was also drinking the night in question, which makes it harder for me to dismiss the image and makes me feel like I shouldn’t. I was just wondering if imagined images can feel just as real? I’m trying to use tools to ignore the image, and have therapy scheduled for tomorrow, but I feel like I can’t responsibly dismiss the image even with the evidence I’ve gathered if there’s something about a real memory that looks different in the brain and that if so, that suggests my memory is real and I should confess it. I’m really working on stopping reassurance seeking as well, especially now that even after being told that nothing bad happened when the establishment I was at reviewed security footage, my brain is telling me “they’re probably just lying and never reviewed it.” I know I need to just stop ruminating, reassurance seeking, and mentally checking the memory, but I just don’t know if I can/should in case the image is what I should trust more, if that makes sense.

I feel like im no longer living im only 17 and i use to be so excited to turn 18 recently i feel like life is pointless and its all i think about including philosophy and i never liked that before. It has taken complete joy out of my life anything simple like watching a movie feels pointless because it has no meaning and i feel as if my life has zero meaning because i am not important. I am constantly criticizing everything. For example i went to a concert ive been dying to see and when i got there i didnt enjoy it all because i felt like it was pointless. Is there anyone that has experienced this that has advice I feel like im in hell rn

Does anyone else's OCD get worse when you haven't slept well? I haven't been sleeping well since this weekend and my OCD and anxiety is just making me feel super down. Does anyone else have this problem?

Hi! I've been on my OCD healing journey for about half a year and I have seen a lot of success. I'm reaching out for advice, I am very willing to do exposures because I know the more I do them, the more I get better, but I struggle with the response prevention part. I don't know how to control my brain when it comes to facing the fears especially since most of my compulsions are mental. I can tell myself the typical things "I am okay with the uncertainty of this happening", etc. but its like my brain doesn't believe them. I've been stuck in this disconnect for a while and would love advice you have heard from a therapist or learned that has really help you.

I have grown up in a Christian community and kind of always been around people who believe Christianity or even catholic. In the past few years I’ve really dove deep into my faith and honestly felt good about myself sometimes but overall terrified and like I’m a horrible person if I do one thing wrong or make a wrong sin. I’m also not sure if I completely believe in all the traditional Christian practices anymore. But I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 5 months and everything is going great. We communicate and he’s so loving and respectful and I honestly don’t have any major issues In the relationship. I used to have a big fear of men starting when I was like 7 aboit my grandpa or my dad trying to rape me (even though they are good men and showed no real signs of it). But it ruined my relationship with them both for awhile til it eventually went away. I always told myself it was because the “spirit” of ocd was rebuked by Jesus but I honestly don’t know. Now I’m dealing with a more extosential or religious ocd where I’m terrified I’m a horrible person for being in a relationship and almost feel worse about myself if I get closer to God. I also feel like if I get too close to God then I have to choose between Him and my bf and I can’t have both. It’s driving me in San and I feel like if I tell anyone any of this they’ll tell me to just break up with my bf even though there isn’t anything wrong in our relationship. Idk what to do and it’s so draining

Hello! I'm new here and have a nice, big grab bag of OCD sub-types, but the one I struggle with most is health anxiety. I would love to hear from folks who have had success with ERP and this subtype! Maybe without many triggering details 😉

In ERP, but have made no progress. I’m also on medication for ocd. I actually feel like I’ve resorted back to when I was at my worst. Is this normal? I feel ERP helps everyone and not me. It actually makes me more anxious and want to stop, esp because my ocd is on something physical (imperfections/hair color) I’m not giving up & going to continue through this journey regardless. I long for mental stability 😭

I'm thinking of trying some ERP on my own while I wait for treatment, but I'm having some trouble knowing what is a compulsion and what would be good exposure. For example, I have huge fears of being a narcissist and/or a generally bad person. So whenever I watch a movie or read something that has an evil character in it I automatically compare myself to that character and stress over if I'm like that person. A couple of things I do when this happens is Google other people's experiences, seek reassurance, rumination, etc. Sometimes I'll also google different symptoms of narcissism, freak out over things that I relate to, then get relief over things I don't. So my confusion is, would researching people who have narcissism be an exposure, or a compulsion since it's something I sometimes do during a spiral? Or, would the exposure be watching movies/living life hearing these stories, and refraining from the spiral of rumination and no Googling at all?

Just kinda need to vent.