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the NOCD Community

As in checking to see if a thought is present

Hi this my first time ever hearing about this app n i downloaded it because lately my ocd been really bad and I feel I can’t have control over it it scares me because I sometimes hurt people around me when I don’t mean to for example my bf everytime something goes well my head just starts spinning in circles with bad thoughts n wanting to ruin stuff with him lowkey I messed up big times bc I let this time my thoughts win me over n took everything off on him without thinking n realizing how bad I had affected him it kills me because everytime I think im jus a weak person bc I always let everything get to me I’m jus so scared because now my head jus tells me your not good enough your gonna lose him this literally jus happens when something positive comes in my head or something good happens always jus wanna ruin it I hate it because I always believe my thoughts instead of him not because I don’t want to but because also of my past n trauma jus fucks it even more from the deep of my heart i believe him but my head reacts differently n lets it out n now am in the situation of knowing I can lose him any minute now even tho am putting my faith in god n trying my hardest to think positive n be better everyday I’m really trying but w ocd it’s so hard n jus get scared n let my thoughts get to me😞 idk what to do anymore

I was home for a couple of weeks with my family and two days ago my sister found small blood stains in her bed in a separate room. Our exterminator came and looked hard. he did not find any bugs or other signs in her room or in mine. Despite this, he did believe that the stains were from bedbugs and treated her room. there were no visible signs of bed bugs other than a couple of blood stains on her bedsheets. Nobody has seen any bugs or gotten bit…. Yet. The exterminator said Its fine for me to go home normally, but if I’m worried to wash my clothes when I get home tonight. Our dryer is not very hot and given my previous trauma with bedbugs I am in a state of complete panic. I am no stranger to these as when I was in high school my dorm building had them. This dominated my every thought. I’d shake my clothes whenever i took them off, obsessively checking, feeling itchy/things crawling on me without existing avoid people in “that” part of the dorm and obsessing constantly. I never had them but it dominated my life for a long time. Now its back. I am freaking out. I had to pack my bag and leave that day. I got home, bagged the clothes i was wearing, put everything in the basement, took a shower then washed and dried all of my clothes. In my two days home, i barely slept the first night and today was better but im not doing anything tonight and im ruminating/obsessing heavily. Checking everything i can, feel itchy/something is crawling on me. It’s all i think about and given how long it can take for bbs to appear after introduction, I fear it will be until I have something more extreme/pressing to fixate on.

Hi I don’t know but I’ve being having so much stress in my relationship with my boyfriend and I feel like I’m upset at him with small things and taking it out on him like when he looks at other girls or when he repost things with girls it upsets me and changes my mood and people tell me to talk about it with him but I don’t know how to talk to him about it because I don’t necessarily know how I feel I feel mad and upset and I feel like crying but I also just can’t express how I feel and I don’t know what to even say to him to communicate how I feel I found this app by googling”how to feel more stable in my relationship” I feel like I’m not in a relationship sometimes and I just want everything to work out with him but I don’t know what to do I wanna feel like all those relationships you see and feel loved and want to have a future but I don’t know how to get there

What to do when we feel guilty about our ocd checking and compulsive behaviors?

OCD doesn't take a break just because you have work to do. What are some ways that OCD has popped up for you at your work?

How to know if you actually have it or if I’m just making up the symptoms? I have a lot of intrusive thoughts constantly and even have a “theme” but it really surged after I search up what I was experiencing, but then again I search up a lot of what I experience and constantly have to recheck things. My parents say I’m normal but I know I’m not, (both of my siblings have adhd) I find it immensely hard to focus from turning 17-18. Please let me know what you think l! Thanks!

17f I was taking a bus and there was a group of children taking it too, like a kindergarten group. I tried to find a place where I thought children are not going to sit but one sat next to me anyway And the thing is that when I need to pee I become a bit physically aroused? Idk I've googled it and it's not that uncommon. Also the vibration from the bus gives me a bit of a groinal response yk since I sit on a seat which vibrates I mean I wasn't even really aroused that much it was a light sensation which was easy to ignore because I was on my phone But im scared I'm like a predator or something cause I didn't leave the bus immediately and had a groinal response when the kid was next to me I dont worry that it was the kid who was the reason of it (I mean not yet maybe I will freak out about it later) I'm just scared it's not appropriate to feel something like that while im next to a child even if he is not the reason of it But I tried to just ignore it and thought that I'm probably being dramatic After couple stops I got too anxious and got off the bus to wait to the next one which I hoped is not going to be full of kids But I'm scared that I'm a bad person and a sexual predator cause I didn't leave immediately after I had this thoughts While writing this post I got on another bus and sat at a seat but there js a child on the bus too not next to me but still not that far from me but I'm scared because of social anxiety people will look at me weirdly if I randomly change seats after I already sat but at the same time what if I'm being a pervert Like I don't even see the kid and stuff but still I'm scared am I a pervert or something Like is it predatory to be aroused near a child? Like the child is not the reason of it, u just are, and I wadnt purposely making myself aroused I just couldn't really help it But maybe I should've left the bus immediately? I mean I did but only after a couple stops because I thought that maybe is not that much of a big deal and I'm being dramatic

these days im feeling so bad, I can’t take it anymore, I have thoughts and images I don’t like that just won’t leave me, I feel so heavy, I want to bump my head into a wall until I pass out so I can have a break, I want my brain ti stop working and leave me alone, I can’t exist like this, I’m constantly thinking about this stuff and feeling disturbed, it just won’t leave, what do I do? sorry if this is written so badly but I really need to vent

This is my first post & I’m terrified. I have not been officially diagnosed w ocd yet but in a nutshell - I confessed some things I felt guilty about to my husband about five months ago. ( nothing too major ) but in our past, 20+ years ago I was unfaithful and it caused a LOT of harm, which I told him all of that back when it happened. But in recent months, I started getting consumed by guilt. I couldnt eat or sleep until I finally broke one night and told him all these recent little things I felt guilty about. Acting flirty, etc. And for him it like brought back allll the trauma from 20 years ago which I didn’t know would happen. But it’s so bad. He says he wishes I never told him. But even w that, I still feel like I keep thinking of “new things “ I did in the past, thoughts I had or dreams, or conversation w an ex,things like that. Because I am a Christian I also keep feeling like it’s the Holy Spirit telling me I haven’t told him everything and I need to. But I also know God doesn’t give us a spirit of fear .. I clearly need help, but I also want Christian based help so that it’s in line w what I believe ? I can’t eat and my anxiety is so bad again - I know if I confess more things it will keep destroying him, I don’t think he really understands or believes I have ocd. Thanks if you made it this far

18+ people with this thread please. I just want some advice from people who have experienced this. Its been almost 2 years since my real event and i can confidently say that i feel a bit better about that and my thoughts. (We still have bad moments but we recover.) but, ever since then and before, i feel nasty and gross whenever i engage or interact with adult content. Like this nasty guilt or feeling like i cant interact with it because then my ocd says “this proves that your thoughts are true and your perverse” and after i always feel empty and disgusting. Besides things like that, i read adult fan fiction sometimes or even write stories for my original characters. And yesterday i shared these stories with a close in person friend of mine. (Were both in college) and they were fine about it we laughed about it but then after i felt guilty-my brain was telling me “you traumatized her she just doesn’t wanna tell you” obliviously this isn’t true but im having a hard time believing it and this morning i woke up with a deep dread that i hurt a friend and im horrible. I can say that they’re more positive about these things then me and i think thats why we got into the conversation and i felt comfortable to share these stories but i just can’t get over it. I have a strong urge to ask for reassurance but i know it wont help. I literally have no one else to talk to about this. Ive spoken to my therapist about this guilt with adult content and we have yet to expand on it especially how it goes hand in hand with my asexuality. My therapist tells me its human to feel things like this and its ok to perform self care like that and again-im a human person its usually normal for 19 year olds to be like this especially for someone my age but i dont feel normal. I feel nasty. Does anyone else feel this way? How did you confront this guilt and how did you feel comfortable again interacting with these feelings and actions again? I dont really have a desire to do s*xual things often (im on the asexual spectrum) but when i do i dont want to feel like this. Especially when my ocd types effect it. Advice is needed and appreciated thank you for your help.

Everything will be okay. No matter what. Whether you feel amazing right now or like scum of the earth, it will be okay. Instead of engaging with my ocd I will just write kind message. I hope everyone is doing okay. I understand the struggle.

I have a very persistent confession compulsion. most of the time i confess to my lover, mostly because i have obsessions about our relationship and stuff ( im always terrified I'm treating my lover badly). at times when I confess bc im scared i did something wrong i also tell my lover what my therapist or a friend of ours told me ( usually that i actually didn't do anything wrong and that i should calm down). i think i tell them because im deeply scared in those moments and maybe i do It because im afraid that what im confessing sounds extremely bad and i want to make myself look less of a monster? idk. i don't think i do this to make my lover reply a certain way, like ofc i want them to tell me that everything's fine and i didn't do anything wrong, but i genuinely want to know the truth and if they feel okay or not. i don't care about lies and i think the proof that i genuinely want to know what my lover feels is that even when they reassure me i cant stop thinking about it and wondering if what they tell me is true and i ask them many many times. i also always tell them that if they feel uncomfortable or hurt they can tell me or that they can straight up break up with me. idk if it's manipulation that i say those things because im scared and in some way maybe i want to justify myself

So I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a month and 27 days and I love him but sometimes I just get the ick when I shouldn’t. I feel that he’s showing me too much affection and repeating things and I don’t wanna be rude and say I’m getting bored. Nor do I want to break up with him. He drove 7 hours just to see me and spent money on me the whole time we were hanging out. And it was fun. The last relationship he ever had was when he was in kindergarten.. so I’m assuming it’s just a new to relationships kind of thing so he accidentally love bombs me but he doesn’t make me feel bad. He’s just so annoying sometimes and I was wondering what I should do. I was considering just being blunt with him whenever I got the ick again. I just feel really bad and like I’m the problem. Thoughts?

I’ve been a bit of wreck this whole day. Today, I went to an ENT appointment I set up to address potential hearing loss issues that I have been experiencing for a while now. The result of that was the diagnosis of bilateral sensorineural hearing loss (mild hearing loss in both ears). I’ve been ruminating and catastrophizing all day today cause I feel like my world is crumbling (despite me knowing that I could still live a fruitful life). I’m not afraid of losing my hearing per se, but rather, the implications of it and how drastically my life will change. I won’t be able to make music and films the same way anymore, or enjoy it like I used to. I won’t be able to work day jobs that require me to use hearing. Without financial security, I won’t be able to take care of myself. I’d to get to rekindle my appreciation and knowledge of ASL cause I think it’s a useful skill, but I’m just really anxious. I’ve already been struggling a lot due to other factors in my life, and I find myself thinking about death pretty often, but I have no desire to die. It just seems like the only escape. I’m very scared and full of grief. I want to resolve all this conflict now, cause I feel a giant sense of urgency but I can’t. That’s what’s killing me right now. I know I can’t solve it all, and a big factor of OCD is being okay with uncertainty, but I can’t fathom that. I’m so frustrated and I’m tired of suffering. I just want my physical and mental health intact.

Relationships can be challenging for everyone. What are some ways OCD has come into your relationship and added extra struggles?

I feel completely unlovable. I have a difficult time getting close to people because of my OCD and I have to force myself to not compulsively seek reassurance. I feel like I’ll never find my person. I’m worried I’ll be an awful wife because of my inability to do anything. I want to show up for my partner, but I feel stuck because of my OCD. I think it’s safer to just be alone.

Mentions pocd Tw Tw Tw Tw Tw Tw Tw Tw My brain told me I looked up cp and I know I definitely did not but my brain played a memory of me looking it up and being on a website … I know it’s from a TikTok video about Africa and saving kids from slavery that the thought appeared from but still it’s terrifying I didn’t look it up

I want to rip out my uterus. Only my hormones can make my OCD and ability to manage it go back to square one. I am spiraling *so* hard. I cannot breathe. My PMDD is going crazy. I’m having a panic attack again. I feel so scared. The POCD is going absolutely insane right now. It feels undeniably real, and my mind keeps drifting to those awful thoughts and what feels like exploring them?? but I can’t for the life of me stop some of these compulsions right now. I was trying to watch something to get my mind off of this but ended up getting triggered twice, so my anxiety is a 10 and I can’t seem to calm down. This panic attack is tuned all the way up.

Anyone I can talk to?