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can i get OCD from GAD dad???

I’m seeking some support and guidance on existential OCD. I’m not diagnosed with OCD, but am just this year realizing I definitely have it and that my thoughts are not normal. My very first memory is when I was around 3/4, saying “I don’t want to die” and crying and running into my parents room, and this was an issue I had for quite awhile, and in my child/teen years it would come back in the form of a panic attack usually at night, and now, I’m 25, and after an abusive marriage, having to disown mg father and my mothers disappearing, basically to a world of her own possible drug usage, I haven’t heard from her since February; which may be normal for some but not for me, as she is in an abusive relationship, and any minute could be her last if it’s not already. This has all happened in this last same year, and it’s got me ruminating on existence from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall back asleep. I AM currently seeking psychological help, as of last week after an extremely bad panic attack, and thanks to my current partner for helping me find the courage and helping me be more aware of what’s going on with me. I tell him my thoughts, then ask him “do those things not make you uncomfortable or scared?” He just says “no, and for most people it’s the same, that’s why you need to seek help”. I won’t share my specific thoughts as to not trigger anyone but if you suffer from Existential OCD I’m sure you’re aware enough😅 Is there anything anyone has learned through this to make existing easier, to cope with being here and feeling like a normal person, like I used to 95% of the time before all these things happened? (Thought you’d enjoy seeing my boy, dogs are my rocks)

Does anyone feel like they’re fighting a war inside of them? I’ve slowly opened up to people about my past and things that happened ( I never thought I would ) but at times, I value truth and honesty and wanting to be a good person and this is something I just want to let go of because I’ve suffered with the guilt and shame and regret but my mind keeps on dwelling on it and bringing it back. Like I’m a fraud. This implies to all my mistakes that I’ve learned from. I normally tell my mom things but I don’t want to tell her these things. I love her and don’t want to bring shame upon my family or for this to be brought up over and over again. I did stupid things without logically thinking and I have the best mom ever and she trusted me with things when I was younger. I made mistakes with that trust and it makes me upset. I now feel like I’m ideally the “ideal” kid for my family and I wish to stay like that no matter my age. I’ve been trying to mange with my childhood mistakes. The shame and guilt. I’m trying to be a bit more compassionate but there’s always the thought that scares me, what if I was really evil? I used to hate looking at pictures of myself when I was younger but now when I do, I finally realize what they meant by “you aren’t your worst mistake” because I’ve done good and I’ve also screwed up. But I feel like I’m fighting a war with myself because I value justice and truth and so but I don’t even wanna talk about this or bring it up and my mind keeps targeting it and it’s exhausting.

sorry this is super long i just wanna know if anyone else has been thru something similar bc i feel super alone 🩷 i have super bad contamination ocd. it was bad already but my house was like my safe space until a few months ago someone brought something into my house that i considered ‘contaminated’. and so then i felt like that part of the house was contaminated, then it spread to everything outside my room (since family is moving around touching stuff) and then somehow i got convinced everything in my room except my bed is contaminated and i need to wash my hands after touching it. in my mind its like the contamination just infinitely spreads to things after the tiniest bit of touch. idek what im afraid of anymore or even what the original thing was but i can’t let it go. when i have to wash off contamination i have to wash at least 4 times or until it feels right, or sometimes take rlly long showers and wipe down all my stuff. i even throw away food and clothes or just whole items sometimes because they feel so contaminated i don’t want them in my space. i can’t be super near people or have anyone touch me, and i also can’t bring anything new into my room since it had to go through the entry of my house which feels contaminated. i feel like all i do is lay in bed and then wash my hands and do compulsions so i can go eat or do other stuff around the house. also i never go out because i’m bc people outside make me feel dirty, and i hate thinking about how many people have touched stuff in stores or in public and stuff. so im just in my room worrying all day. i feel so trapped and the contamination/avoiding it is all i think about anymore i barely have time for anything else and im never present when i talk to people because im worrying about if i accidentally got contaminated. im starting erp next week and knowing that im going to have to expose myself to things is really freaking me out. does anyone else have this kind of ocd ? im exhaustedddd 🥲🥲💔

Is there a therapist or a specialist on here that I can briefly chat with? Or maybe an OCD conqueror who’s very familiar with the disorder? I need an experienced person to talk to me so bad. I just really wanna talk to somebody about what I’m going through so that I feel less alone, and so I can maybe get help managing my symptoms. Thank you in advance ♥️

I've been dating my bf since September, and his family is extremely religious and judgmental. When we first started dating, and his mom was made aware of it, she had a little conversation with him telling him to "be careful of who you get into a relationship with, they could take you down to hell with them", because she believes that i'm going to go to hell because of the way I dress, act, speak, amd my piercings. Now I try to be as kind and polite as possible with everyone, especially her, so idk why she's started making assumptions about me. Since then I've gone with him on Sunday to church several times, to church events, and to events with his family. I've built relationships with the rest of his family and I believe they think i'm halfway decent, considering that I was asked to be addy's bridesmaid. Unfortunately, too much drama was involved with that wedding and so I left the bridal party. A couple days after I texted in the bridal party gc that I was tired of this situations drama and all the other stuff with it, my bf told me that his mom talked to him about being afraid that i'm going to ALIENATE HIM FROM HIS FAMILY. And why is she worried about this, you might ask? Because of the way that I texted to tell them I was leaving the bridal party, and because apparently addy and her groom to be are now "uncomfortable" with how I talk to them... Tl;dr: my bf's family makes me feel like a bad person and I don't know what to do :(

I need a therapist who specializes in Pocd I’m struggling please tell me how much can you discount me because NOCD doesn’t take my insurance

So one day a couple months ago I saw some posts on threads pop up on instagram and they said I’m 17 and horny and 18 and horny or I think I even remember see a 16 year old one. I’m 20 and I remembered that when those popped up I clicked on them and I don’t know if I did it out of true attraction or out of the urge to make my anxiety go away. I feel like often times if I see something that says any number under 18 even if it has nothing to do with age it could be talking about season 17 of a tv show my mind immediately goes what?? 17??? And then I click on it to make my anxiety go away. So when I remembered all of this I downloaded the threads app because I wanted to see if I could get reassurance and see if I could rekindle how I felt in these moments. When I opened the app all I saw was posts like that but everyone claimed to be 18. The only problem is none of the girls looked 18 they looked like 14-16 so I started to panic I and worry that because I clicked on the threads in the past it popped up more and I was a pedophile for that. All of the accounts all pretty much had only fans links so at that point I was like well they have to be 18 then but now I’m worried that maybe it’s a scammer and they are using underage pictures of girls and putting them on onlyfans. Which I know is out of my control but I just feel like a Pedo and like I did something wrong. Does anyone have any advice? Or have any similar situations/ similarities with this?

so right now my HOCD feels EXTREMELY LOUD AND STRONG, ive been trying nonstop today stating how im allowing to feel all the thoughts and feelings and let them be here for as long as they want and not figure it out, engage with it, just allowing it to be here all day long if it wants, and it has, but the EXTREME hyperfocus is there and it feels so real and feels so loud and strong that im focusing on it and trying to move on to others but cant. Ive been trying say only once that"Its just my OCD, these thoguths feelings, sensations and doubts are not me, im going to allow it to stay here as long as it can" but that doesnt work, its like as if im full of shit and i know it. ive been trying to just saying"oh well" or "cool" not caring, but im still hyperfocus on it, wtf?

After having sex for the first time I felt all loved up and wanted to hug partner. I was changing his bedding and walked passed his bed and my Pocd said to make my leg brush past the bed for a feeling over kids and I did it… because I wanted the comfort of the feeling… But why did I do it…. I was feeling hor**/wanting comfort and did it even tho my brain said over children. I’m freaking out help

Anyone else struggling with reading their bible or having a certain feeling to feel like God loves them and if they don’t it ruins their whole time with God. Makes pursuing him really hard. Any tips ?

just been to therapy and i was explaining my contamination ocd and says i don’t diagnose ocd but this doesn’t seem severe enough? so now im spiralling am i just lying to myself and im just a freak. does she mean my other ocds aren’t real either? i’m just honestly so upset. need advice please im just spiralling so much i take medication for ocd and basically have every symptom and subtype of ocd:(

Does anyone who has gotten better/healed with OCD ever experience that their thoughts and urges get more difficult as you get better. I feel like I am getting better at handling certain things but I feel like now newer themes and such get more difficult as I progress. I was curious if this is kind of the process to getting better. Weirdly, like it makes sense the closer you are to getting better thoughts become worst and stronger since you are doing better. Just need to keep on pushing and doing what I have been. Let me know, would love to hear your guys thoughts and feedback

(21+ ONLY: TRIGGER WARNING) I honestly feel so overwhelmed by my thoughts—so overwhelmed that I honestly don’t care anymore. I feel like I’m accepting the fact that I’m a monster and have always been a monster. I broke down last night because of these thoughts but I wouldn’t tell anyone if they asked. It wouldn’t make sense to them. This morning, I was watching a body cam video and the person that was arrested was traumadumping about their past SA. I felt like I liked the thoughts and images I got from it. And instead of being disgusted, I let it happen. What does this mean? Does this mean that I’m a monster? Am I a just a monster in disguise?

Hello, i have very severe contamination ocd, and as i am writing this i feel my hands are dirty lol, but anyways i wanted to know if there’s anyone specialised in Contamination ocd? No matter what type because i really need help and i looked up things but it doesn’t help please!!

So I’ve noticed that my OCD has calmed down, I’m getting less intrusive thoughts but I feel more uncertain than ever. Is this normal for recovery?

Yesterday I had a panic attack from OCD fears. I live alone, so in my panic I called my mum just to get some emotional support. It did not go well. I was asking for reassurnce to much and basically she got annoyed with me and started to chastise me. She said I was being ridiculous and accused me of just making up my symptoms to emotionally manipulate her. She even went as far as threatening to call the police on me to have me sectioned. I feel so humiliated. I know that I can be annoying during my panic attacks, and that my OCD puts a massive toll on my familiy. But I don't want to manipulate people. Now, I feel like an abuser. In these moments, seeing how much my weakness makes my family suffer makes me just want to not be here anymore.

I’ve seen wayyyy too many negative posts on here (I totally get it)…but can someone please share some positive experiences? Doesn’t have to be so grand, it could be just that you achieved a small goal with your ocd! I don’t want to continue feeling drowned by this debilitating disorder. I want to see what has helped some of you! So we can all encourage each other! 😊

Hiii! This is my first post. I found NOCD through a tiktok ad that spoke to me. It was titled signs you didnt know were OCD or something like that, and one of the slides was “checking my pulse throughout the day to make sure i was okay”. This is something ive done for i dont even know how long. atleast 10 years, im 24 now. Ive always known Ive had OCD. Light Sanitation OCD runs in my family. But over the years ive started to realize i had way more than the “family trait”. Checking my pulse 40+ times a day is something i refer to as my “OCD tick”. Its to the point where people who dont know about my “tick” often ask if i am okay when they see me do it. Maybe this post is me putting it on paper for the first time so i myself can analyze but some other stuff i struggle with are: Often having thoughts of if i dont do A, B will happen. An example that is common for me is “if i dont refold this shirt me and my boyfriend will get into an argument” or if im out to dinner with a friend, “if i dont pick up this cup and place it back down, i will get into a car accident on the way home”. This is one i struggle with almost everyday, especially when im around people (work or outings). This compulsion happens multiple times a day. Now in my life i try to practice exposure therapy, even getting annoyed i feel the compulsion and think to myself “oh my god this is so stupid no!” but if i dont follow through i feel guilty. often when i get my next compulsion shortly after i tell myself “okay doing this will make up for not doing the previous one”. I definitely dont have a number based OCD, but i would have to pick up and put down the cup until it feels “right” or “correct”- same with checking my pulse. I have to check my pulse until the feeling is “just right”. With sanitation as i said before, i have a very clean and sanitary family, although mine is more severe than their feelings. I avoid touching certain surfaces after i have washed my hands, such as the front door knob, or living room tv remote, etc. If i need to touch or use these things, i have to immediately wash my hands again. Even if someone comes home and asks me to go and lock the front door ill often respond with “i cant i just washed my hands, if i lock the door ill have to rewash my hands”. thankfully my family is very understanding. I often feel like certain things are contaminated. For example when i come home i sanitize my phone immediately as it is contaminated from being outside of my house. I often have a feeling of something having to feel “just right”. If i go out to dinner i have to be the first to pick what seat or side of the booth im sitting on before the rest of my family sits down or i will feel anxious the whole dinner. Sometimes when im typing i have to back space and retype the same word over and over until i feel i typed it “just right”- even if i didnt make a typo. sometimes when i am driving and space out i often think “oh my god did i just hit someone” when there is no evidence that i have. it worries me. I think oh my god i mightve done a hit and run. But tell myself it can not be possible, theres no police chasing me, no honking, or anything. It is scary. this one is very rare. once in a blue moon i get a false memory. A main one ive felt since i was a kid is if someone or some object touches any part of my body, for example my left arm, i have to have them or atleast my self touch my right arm in the exact same way or i feel uneasy. this isnt with every single touch, but mainly when i feel triggered- although i never know what triggers a moment where i need the symmetry. I guess ive always known, i am very honest with my family, friends, and boyfriend about it. But i didnt start to realize how neurodivergent i was until asking some friends “you never randomly feel *insert compulsion*?” and they say never in their life have they felt like that. Im very self aware and have come to an acceptance with all these things, although it is debilitating. Periodically i think, wow it must be nice to not live life with these feelings but oh well. To be honest, downloading this app is the first step ive ever taken to find out more about OCD. Ive always kind of just been like “yeah i definitely have OCD but okay” more or less.

(I work at a bank, this is my first full time job. I am in the teller drive through and this is my second week, I am also the youngest and least experienced employee of this branch.) We were extremely busy, there’s only me and one more employee in the drive thru. There’s 3 cars in each line waiting, and I’m overwhelmed and sweating. Spot 4 sends up the tube, and rings for assistance. I speak into the mic to her spot, “I’ll be right with you!”. She begins to demand something but i turn off the speaker because I told her i’d be with her soon and I don’t have time rn. I jokingly say to myself “Girl i said i’d be right with you”. My coworker (who has previously called customers b**ches behind their back) says “that isn’t how we speak about customers, we just remind them again that we will be with them in a minute”. i say “sorry” and speak to Spot 4, “I’m so sorry ma’am there’s a couple ppl ahead of you, I’ll be right with you”, she starts screaming and cussing me out, saying “IF YOUD LISTEN TO ME YOU ****” etc etc “I NEED TO DEPOSIT THIS NOW” i say “okay ma’am”. i’m bad at confrontation, im sweating and on the verge of tears. i finish my transaction and her tube comes back with a 7” stack of u organized and mutilated bills and 3 different deposit slips. I panic, i’m new, the amount is over my drawer limit. i say “i’m not comfortable doing this lady’s transaction, i don’t feel ready, can i watch you do it?” my coworker says “no you can do it”. it’s already 30 min past my shift ending, i haven’t balanced my drawer, i closed last night and opened this morning, im running on 3 hrs of sleep, and i haven’t eaten in 2 days. Spot 4 is ringing again to demand me to hurry up. i start tearing up and looking around for help, i finally grab someone’s attention, and they help me thru the transaction, but it was obvious they were annoyed. i can’t stop rethinking this and thinking i made it all up and im just an idiot. what did i do wrong???? ive been having a panic attack for 2 hours since my shift ended, im in hysterics, it feels like im doing compulsions extra due to the stress