Kickstart your recovery journey with a caring community of others
working to conquer OCD
Does anyone else’s OCD look for “evidence” to help convince you whatever you’re worried about is true. Half the time the “evidence isn’t even evidence “ it’s just reaching and connecting the dots where there are no dots. If I try to disprove it it’ll be like yeah but what if this or what if that or maybe it could be because of this etc. like the other day. I could know the truth and ocd will still try to convince me otherwise. I was at the store with my bf and we were facing each other talking I saw two guys and two girls walking towards us then I looked away to talk to my bf they walked behind me and I saw my bfs eyes look down to the side for a quick second then look up at me. My brain was like oh he was looking at the girls butt because they walked behind me and he looked down to the side. I couldn’t tell you because I don’t have eyes in the back of my head. Plus other people could’ve walked behind me idk. My ocd kept bothering me so I asked him about it he said that he saw them but he looked because there was someone that almost hit me with their cart which that makes sense. However my brain still continued to try and convince me by being like he was lying if someone was about to hit u with their cart u would know or you would’ve saw them coming like the other people etc etc. Is that just OCD trying to convince me and disprove what my bf said or is my OCD right? It doesn’t bother me if that was the case what bothers me is my ocd coming up with stuff and then trying to disprove me and make assumptions and connect dots where there aren’t any. Like this is what I’m talking about, I can’t see behind my back, there are 30 other things he could’ve been looking at. He already gave me an answer that makes sense. I don’t know why he’d lie or how he’d come up with that on the spot. Feel like if he was lying he would’ve been like no I wasn’t , not told me what he was looking at. There were plenty of other people in the store that day etc.
I’m really struggling and I feel emotionally drained. Every time I spend time with my boyfriend — even when we do something nice, like watching old videos or just being together — I feel this heavy, painful disconnect. I keep having thoughts like “I don’t like him,” “he’s annoying,” “I feel nothing,” and it feels so real. We’ve been together for 2 years, and this has been going on for more than a year. It’s exhausting. I feel like I’m constantly chasing a feeling that never comes. I’ve read everything about ROCD, about ERP, about how I’m supposed to sit with the thoughts… but even when I try, nothing makes me feel better. I can’t tell what’s real and what’s not anymore. When he wants to see me or come over, I avoid it. I don’t feel excited. I even feel afraid of being around him sometimes because I’m scared I won’t feel anything and that confirms my worst fear: that I’ve lost feelings or never had them. My chest feels tight all the time. I feel like I’m lying to myself and to him. I know he loves me so much — he even moved to my city to be with me. And yet here I am, thinking these horrible thoughts and feeling nothing. It makes me feel like a terrible person. But I’m also just so lost. Has anyone been through this? Where it all just feels too real, like you’ve hit the truth you’ve been avoiding? I feel like I’ve ruined everything, like I’ve been forcing feelings all along, and now there’s nothing left to feel.
Do you resolve one symtpom only to be left with a new one? How can I deal with that? It's almost like one went away and another began.
Hi guys, So last night I said “If I don’t complete this” then I couldn’t eat or it would give me anxiety forever. Then I got hungry and ate anyways… I woke up with anxiety early this morning. So now that means it came true? Sometimes I go a long time without eating. I don’t know what the heck to do! Ugh!
I'm 30 years old and in my first official relationship. We've been talking for three months and dating for two. I like this man very much. He's kind-hearted, thoughtful, incredibly smart, and very sweet to me. On our most recent date, we had a heart-to-heart about intentions. We've only slept together once. Circumstances haven't been ideal for both of us, but I was worried there was something wrong with me (story of my life). He assured me that there isn't anything wrong with me and that he is attracted to me, there's just been a lot going on that's gotten in the way of being that intimate. He also told me he wants me to know that this is more than sex. I was very relieved to hear this, and very happy to know that he wants a deeper relationship, as I want this, as well. I just keep worrying that he thinks all I want is sex, which is not true. I told him as much, but the OCD part of my brain just can't let it go and can't accept that things are good, which they are. We show affection in other ways, like holding hands, hugging, kissing, cuddling at the movies. I just keep feeling like I've ruined things. Can anyone give me any advice?
I was diagnosed with gallbladder sand(sludge) which is not gallbladder stones yet but it can become that, and normally it does not have any symptoms but for me, I feel pain on the right side of my stomach. And i read about it and everywhere on the internet it says its gallbledder issues. I took medicine for it for 10 days and today the treatment ended but i still feel that pain and I start to worry. It's not unbereable, but it bugs me, why the right side of my stomach hurts... It says it sbould feel like a stabbing pain but I cant describe how it feels. I'm worried that it got worse or nothing happened. And it makes me angry cause before i didnt noticed it, I only remember 1 night when i had this pain, but since the diagnosis I felt it everyday...People say its because I avoided the feeling or didnt noticed it which makes me scared. I have to go back in 2 weeks to see if the sand is gone but till then idk how to stop worrying and noticing this pain. Worrying makes it 10x more painful.
I’m struggling so much and I really need to let this out. Everything I think and feel about my boyfriend and my relationship feels so real. It doesn’t feel like “just thoughts.” It feels like clarity. Like something in me finally accepted the truth I’ve been trying to deny for a long time. I keep thinking things like: • “I don’t like him.” • “I don’t love him.” • “I never did, I just thought I did.” • “I’m only here because I wanted a relationship and he’s a good person.” These thoughts don’t feel intrusive — they feel like truths. And that terrifies me. We’ve been together for a long time and he truly loves me. He supports me. He’s kind. But I keep feeling distant. Like I don’t connect to him. Sometimes I even feel disgust or anxiety when I’m near him, and I hate admitting that because he doesn’t deserve this. I don’t feel warmth when I look at him or think about us. I can’t even imagine a future together — and that used to be all I dreamed about. What hurts even more is that I used to feel more grounded, I used to have hope. Now I feel like everything has collapsed and nothing makes sense. I’m constantly analyzing if I love him or not. I don’t know if it’s ROCD or if I’m just forcing a relationship I don’t want deep down. Sometimes, I tell myself: “I must love him, because I’m suffering so much.” But other times I think: “Maybe I’m just a good person who doesn’t want to hurt someone, and that’s why I stay.” I feel like I’m drowning in guilt, confusion, and fear. I can’t talk to my mom about this anymore because she’s overwhelmed. I don’t know who to talk to without making it worse. Even when I try to be calm, the thoughts are there, or this numbness is there. I don’t know how to sit with these thoughts anymore. They don’t feel like thoughts — they feel like my reality. Please, if anyone relates, I would appreciate hearing from you. This is the darkest I’ve felt. Thank you for reading.
Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p*dophilic activity and inappropriately messaging minors and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... (the 18+ HOCD situations were about 18+ s3xual HOCD situations that triggered me immensely...) In an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... The 14-15 year old said she was uncomfortable the first time and i tried to stop venting to her... after she said i was a bad person for supporting trump, i vented to her again because her saying i was a bad person triggered me... she said she was uncomfortable for the second time and then i blocked her... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a gr00mer in any way... ChatGPT just told me I inappropriately messaged minors when I dont ever want to be like those dirty disgusting youtubers who inappropriately messaged them and did P3do stuff with them at all... Im so triggered please someone help me...
I just read a post that said “people with ROCD know they love their partners” right when I read it I got this horrible anxiety feeling rush down into my stomach. My partner asked me to be his girlfriend in December and literally since that night It’s like a switch of doubt turned on and I was suffering with consistent doubt about loving my partner, I felt like I didn’t feel anything anymore and I didn’t know what to do and through out the past months it has been an absolute wave of things going on. He is aware of my ocd and in a way I’m glad that this happened because I have had harm ocd for the past 4-5 years and had no idea what it was until 2 months ago when I got an OCD therapist, I just thought I was crazy so I’m happy to know I’m not. Buuuuttt back to the ROCD, my main thoughts and feelings are about not feeling like i love my partner anymore and if we’re compatible, I hyper fixate on the weight he’s gained in the past few months and all the bad food he eats, I think about if our lives even align, we have very different views on some things but are we too different, what if we really don’t know each other at all and we thought we did because we’ve been best friends for 10 years. This is so frustrating because I’ve gotten to the point where my anxiety is barely there, I was have constant outrageous anxiety for 3-4 months and now I’ve gotten to this numb, I literally feel absolutely nothing feeling and it’s not even with just my boyfriend it’s with everything, I just don’t feel happy with anything anymore, I feel like there’s something wrong with me. We got into an argument the other day about how rude I was and I didn’t even feel sad or apologetic when he was talking to me about it, and I couldn’t stop crying, like I just don’t feel anything. I feel like there’s something really wrong with me. All I can describe it as is “blank” does that make sense? I feel like a bad person and I feel like we’re going to break up and I can tell how sad he is. All I do know is that I don’t want to break up. But anytime I think about him or anything along the lines of my ROCD everything like freaks me out. I like scream “NO” and “STOP” in my head all the time. But it’s starting to really feel real. I’m so scared, and now I read that post that said that “people with ROCD know they love their partner” but WHAT IF I DONT KNOW!!! I WANT TO LOVE MY PARTNER. I want to feel the love I had for him before this all started. We were so happy, and we didn’t even get the honey moon phase because my ROCD started right when we made it official. This is seriously so crippling.
17f So I don't have an official diagnosis, but I know I have it, I struggle with it since I was 4, I went through like almost every theme like contamination, symmetry, checking, existential, health anxiety, false memory, moral ocd, sexual ocds, and also a therapist told me I have it (another one said I have generalized anxiety disorder but idk like I was talking about textbook ocd to her) I don't have a therapist now therapy is not working out well for me but I was hoping to maybe get medication For me the absolute hell is POCD and real event ocd. I genuinely don't know how do I start. I also think I will replace POCD with harm ocd cause well I'm to scared to talk about POCD. But what do I even say like do I come in and talk about more obvious ocd stuff I experience and then randomly jump to POCD, seems like a crazy jump idk... Also I thought it will be in the evening and I will have time to prepare but it's in and hour and a half I'm terrified Anyone? Help? How do I start what do I say I'm so scared
One of my OCD problems is driving. I know that if i have to drive somewhere ill get anxiety and have my compulsions i have to do. Tonight i asked my partner if he would come with me to do a few errands that would involve alot of driving (for me, 3-4total short trips) and the thought is exhausting within itself. When i asked him he said he didn’t want to do it and didnt want to drive me around every were. He said he feels like hes been having to hold me hand through a-lot and he’s been running the ship alot for a while and he said i do help sometimes but he wants me to do things for myself. I do plenty of things for myself, and he does make me meals happily and without me asking him to. And if we have to go somewhere he will drive by default almost. But it made me mad that he was acting like he was my lord and savior and im this helpless little girl when im not. My friend helped me find a psychiatrist and my psych referred me to NOCD. He didnt do any of that. And he tried to act like he played a role. Anyways am i being dramatic and he’s setting boundaries or is he kind of being a jerk?
I recently had a intrusive thought and felt the need to go over it to make sure I didn’t feel anything sexual. Part of the reviewing included creating a scenario similar to the intrusive thought to see if anything was felt. Thankfully no evidence of any feelings. However I can’t seem to find anything on the internet about creating scenarios when checking a previous intrusive thought. Is this common and what is it called has anyone experienced this. I feel very alone. Any feedback would be helpful
I’ve been dealing with SOOCD for over a year now, and I have been having a very hard day today. I feel like I just need someone to talk too, my whole life I’ve always had girl crushes and always wanted to be romantic with women . Ever since I posted this picture on instagram and one person said I looked “zesty” in it , which is when I started obsessing about being gay . I feel like I put so much meaning to these thoughts where now I’m always checking how I feeling around men. I had a really bad porn addiction for a long time and bad anxiety which fucked up my sex drive. I feel like I doubt if I’m attracted to women when I know I am , but the doubt is so overbearing where I start to believe it . I never was interested in men sexually, and my ocd makes me feel like I like the thoughts even though I feel no pleasure out of it. I feel like I lost who I am as a person . It feels like I don’t even know what my sexuality is and it’s really upsetting to me . I meant this girl the other day and she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I just feel like ocd is getting in the way😭😭😭 please any advice or comments
Hi! I have been struggling with ocd for many years of my life, however, I have recently been struggling with religious ocd. Currently my ocd has been putting thought into my mind like, “you shouldn’t go to that party, because “God” doesn’t what you to” or “don’t do this or else it’s going to make “God” mad.” These thoughts have been overall causing me so much anxiety, and truly I don’t know what to do. I’ve been struggling to identify it’s actually Gods voice or not. Also, my ocd has been also making my prayer a very stressful part of my day, which is not how it should feel at all. Now finding peace in prayer feels more like a chore, than a conversation. Does anybody else have ocd like this? If so, any tips?
This is my first post. I know I need to work on sharing and asking for help, so I am sharing my first journaled day of after group exposures. Perhaps someone can give me a new perspective. Today I had 4 hours of intensive outpatient therapy that I am currently undergoing and it's 3 days a week. Also, 2-4 hours of after every group assignments called exposures to complete for ERP. Today I am supposed to drive to a homeless shelter and sit with my distress, letting it reside naturally. My first attempt at going to the homeless shelter, I was feeling very sudsy on the way there and had to stop once to go to the pet store to run an actual errand on my way to do the exposure. The thought had entered my mind that if I bought a fish I would just head home and not do the exposure so I could get the fish in the tank. So I acknowledged it as the anxiety and proceeded to head to the homeless shelter. I then realized I did not bring a drink and feel overwhelmingly compelled to go home. My physical symptoms were very strong at this time and I was only 1/4 of the way there. I did feel very nauseous but decided to get a drink on the way and continue. I feel as though my mind is fighting the exposures more than usual and the feeling of dread is stronger. I arrived at where I would turn in to park and immediately panicked when I saw the people standing around. I couldn't go back around and quickly left the area. Peak suds 90 specifically when I had seen the homeless people on the property. Low suds 50 in an hour and 10 mins. It was another hour or so before they came down to a tolerable 25/30. On my second attempt at 7pm, I arrived. On the way here, I acknowledged the presence of intrusive thoughts out load. A thought had entered my mind that I was having physical symptoms from the suds. My heart rate was up and it was hard for me to swallow because my throat felt like it was closing. My suds went up and down from 30 to 70 as an assortment of intrusive thoughts occurred. The last 5 .minutes of the drive was hard. As I was approaching a stop light, after seeing a large number on homeless outside in one particular area, (50-75 people) an image entered my mind of seeing myself homeless on that corner. My suds went up to 85/90 seeing myself in my mind sitting on the concrete under the bypassing with my knees in my chest and my face buried in shame. I turned up my music and moved onto my next thoughts while driving with suds still at a 70. I arrived at the homeless shelter 3 minuets later as was able to park. I had also been crying on the way there of dreading the exposure. I had also had a very high suds when I made a mistake by not turning on red and the person behind me, went around me. As he passed, he loudy announced that he was flustered by my mistake and called me out before going around me. I felt so embarrassed and completed the turn after he was up far enough that I wasn't near him. Unfortunately I ended up at the next red light next to him. I consciously pulled up further so he wasn't able to see my face. He slowly crept up next to me and stopped to hollar into my open window "I know you're tired and all" and I was frozen solid. I was paralyzed and was just staring at the light begging in my head for it to turn green so I could move for what felt like an hour. I was notice and confronted which is my worst fear when making a mistake. It confirmed in that moment that I was being judged. While at the homeless shelter, I noticed myself looking around the area and not concentrating on the building. It made me more sudsy when I looked at the building number on the front so I moved my car closer and parked directly in front of the plaque that read Home of Bethlehem Haven. I looked directly at the number on the building and reading the plaque and sat with my suds until my suds reduced by half. Peak suds 80 low suds 40 in 9 mins Suds peaked at 80 when the vision occurred in my mind that the next step may be walking into the homeless shelter and asking for information. I immediately refocused on the front of the building to reduce my suds oddly and I didn't know what they meant but it struck me as weird. I began looking away and back at the number until my suds were at a 30. I encouraged myself to stay for a while 20 mins with my suds fluctuating. I said out loud several times "I might live here someday" at first quietly and then decided if I am going to say it, say it in my regular voice and not whisper it. 10-20 suds going up and down with the vocals. Upon leaving the area, my suds had gone down to 20 on the way home. My suds varied and swelled, as I began ruminating about the experience. I put my music on and drove home. I want to break the habit of chewing on the inside of my cheek. When I get nervous, it's really sudzy, because my jaw tends to hurt after having a very Suzy day. I also started engaging in some deep thought about why I do certain things. And I realized that I have watched every episode of intervention to watch how bad these people get, and I'm doing so to try to scare myself straight. So I don't end up in that situation. Cause I feel as though. If it does get bad in my life that I will give up completely. I'm afraid of giving up not being homeless. And I did begin journaling my exposures, because I feel that a lot goes on during my exposures that I'm not sharing, because I have forgotten, and I am not great at remembering details unless I write them down at the time. That's why I write things down so much. But it occurred to me, and it always felt like there was something more to my core fear and though I am absolutely terrified of being homeless again and being helpless. I felt that there were parallel themes in my other triggers not relating to being homeless, such as accidentally hurting my puppy. So, there was just always something that made me uncertain. I had an Aha moment when it occurred to me, that perhaps my actual core fear is giving up for good. I also want to note that I theorize the reason a homeless shelter is scary is because it would mean that I gave up for good. It is that would be a much more serious and long term outcome. More final. When I had been homeless in the past and sleeping not under a real roof (shed/car/truck) it had been relatively short term (a few days to weeks). Where as a homeless shelter signifies the shame and embarrassment of giving up. It brings up the disappointment in how my life has been changed for the worse. For the way I have been damaged by the people who were supposed to be the one that would protect me with their lives. Not ruin mine. Earlier today I sat with the distress of not engaging in any kind of relationship with my father or step mother because it is in my best interest. Peak suds 90 and stayed at 60 for an hour throughout dinner.
I’ve had relationship OCD for about five months now and it’s been excruciating, I know it’s relationship OCD but my brain can’t grasp it, I was doing very well for about a week a few days or a week. It’s about the only amount of time where I feel that sense of clarity or almost back to normal definitely not normal but life seems pleasant again. I made a bad mistake. I was with my friend on a sleepover and we decided that we wanted to eat some good food and be stoned because we enjoy eating food and being stoned since it tastes much better, no I believe this just made it worse. I know that weed can be worse for some people. It can make them overthink and I think it’s triggered me to relapse, because my worries and intrusive thoughts are about something so much more worrying in a way and it feels so much more real, I guess I’m hyper focusing on every single thing about my partner’s personality every floor and everything he doesn’t do, and my brain is telling me that means I should break up with him, ”if he dosent do this this means the relationship isn’t right” “ or anything happens my brain will tell me that I’m losing interest or losing feelings and I get many intrusive statements. Like “you like being single more” literally any time I’m enjoying myself alone And I’m getting many that don’t make sense “he doesn’t accept you for who you are so that means that you need to break up” over an interest that we both have…… And it’s so frustrating because any time I talk to him about anything serious or obviously I’m not happy about something because that’s normal in relationships not everyone is gonna do everything right so you have to communicate it but then I could get intense urge to break up and it makes me upset, or when I’m trying to tell him how I feel my brain will just say that I need to break up it’s honestly so confusing and I’m falling back into the compulsions and reassurance seeking all over again and my brain is making me believe it’s not relationship OCD because what if it’s not relationship OCD and it’s actually not the right relationship for me? But I don’t want it to be that I love him so much and I honestly can’t imagine not being with him. It’s so confusing and my head hurts and I just need someone to talk to.
If you are in crisis, please use these emergency resources to find immediate help.
OCD doesn't have to
rule your life