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the NOCD Community

i have these random moments where i am EXTRA CONVINCED that i am a lesbian. my heart is literally going 100 mph and i feel like i am going to throw up.

im really anxious because im in therapy with a private psychologist but am planning to see a psychiatrist in the public healthcare service soon since i cant afford to see a private one, to see if i should start taking meds. im 24 but i still live with my parents and they are extremely against meds and psychiatrists in general, don't believe in mental health issues but most of all they have no trust in our country's public system and believe all doctors there will be bad doctors. i mentioned to my mom that i'll be going to ask for info tomorrow and she was really skeptical and now im even more anxious. im also scared that they'll reject me because my case isn't severe. i feel horrible im really scared and i have to do all of this alone, i have no irl friends who could come with me or other family members.

So i deleted the app cuz i saw about a girl who lost her hocd and even forgot about it bc she deleted the app and I immediately deleted jt but omg im on my period and i honestly cant, so many thigs have been triggering me and i keep thinkinf about the past i like i litteraly cant stop thinking about how i missed out on life because of this and how im born in this stupid borin cityy where nothing is happening and kids in America are like living the life and here everyone is the same and boring and there everyone had so mych friends and i know it isnt like that for everyone but i just eish i had that. And i wish i could feel christmasvibes and i wish i could feel wintervibes adnd i keep on whining to everybody about how sad this life is and about how i dont feel anything but no ones anderstund which makes perfect sense because i didnt tell anybody shit about whats going on and of course no one will Unferstand and i keep on trying to act like what is happening to me is normal and i keep on being confused like wtf why do i feel like this, is this normal maybe this is just normal to be scared of being gay but it freaking isnt. Idk why im trying to squeeze hocd in a normal box it just inst idk why i keep trying to normalize it so that i can feel okay and normal but it just isnt but theres no on around me who feels like me and it makes me feel alone in this stupid town. I had so many dreams and i wanted to live like it never bothered me thst i lived in a dead town with no teenagers around me because i had freaking big dreams but now that those are gone it bothered me more than ever. What if inwas born in America with big ass school with so kany people and i got to sleep over and party? Than maybe i wouldve never had this because i got to live. I feel so trapped here. But more than ever because im trapped in my own mind that is trapped in this stupid town and i have NO motivation to work hard and ge t out of here because my hocd got me so depressed that i dont even desire to live my dreams anymore. Ughhh i havent been this stressed before and i didnt even start about how ever since hocd i eat badly and i dont excersice but im not gonna start bc im annoying and sorry for this rent..

EMETOPHOBIA TW: I have emetophobia (fear of vomiting) as one of my main OCD themes, and I have a family history of IBS and various digestive issues, which I have as well. Feeling nauseous or having stomachaches is a major trigger for me. But when I get anxious, I feel stomach pain, or nausea. I also often have the physical symptoms of anxiety before I notice mental anxiety- like I will start having stomachaches, clammy hands, faster breathing, etc. and then understand my OCD has been triggered. The IBS and acid reflux mean I have stomachaches and nausea pretty randomly though. So I can never tell if I’m having stomachaches and nausea I because my OCD is triggered, or if my OCD is triggered because of the stomachache and nausea. The treatment for the two is different (I take hydroxizine for OCD/panic attacks and antacids and other drugs for the stomach problems) so the real problem is that if I can’t tell the cause, I don’t know which remedy I need. I just needed to get this off my chest, sorry it’s so long!

Does anyone here with contamination ocd get so triggered and exhausted that you end up trying to avoid your triggers? They said avoidance only strengthens the ocd but it’s truly hard especially when I avoid my triggers my ocd goes down a lot.

I don’t really have many friends and I feel like everyone I know hates me and idk if it’s part of my ocd or just other anxiety or depression but it makes me very sad :(

so in my psych 1101 lecture we are learning about psychological disorders. today my professor openly talked about r*pe, showed videos of someone who has OCD, talked about s**cide, showed photos of lunatic asylums, etc and it was EXTREMELY triggering for me. i felt so mentally contaminated and when we watched the video of the guy with OCD i started wondering if i actually have OCD & couldn’t stop counting in my head/praying & trying to get rid of the guilt i felt. i recognize that these were all obsessions and mental compulsions but class was really distressing today. should i talk to my professor about this? i’m close with her and i feel like she’d get it but idk if it’s the right thing to do. thanks in advance!!!!

Reviews on Prozac for OCD? My psychiatrist said she’s found Prozac works best for OCD but I’m curious what people who have taken it think

Does anyone ever fear that their obsessions will come true? Have they ever come true. I fear that and I don't want that. I guess I feel triggered about it and.I try to figure it out my using my gut feeling but then it sometimes feels right but then it feels wrong and then I stress and stress etc. It just makes me feel upset. For those wondering I guess its ROCD but I've been in a relationship before.

I’ve done a lot of research into ocd but I have never been professionally diagnosed and I want to go to someone but I am so scared of how they would react to my intrusive thoughts that I just couldn’t do it. Yet this means that every time I have a thought I panic and worry that it could be real.

I struggle with self harm. My doctor wondered if my thoughts wanting to self harm may be compulsive. I'm not sure how it differs from the depression in that way. Anyone hear of this or experience it?

I have started feeling like life is a dream. All my childhood, my teenage everything seems like a dream or imagination. I think this is part of my Existential OCD and I hate it.

I found for me recently that going out in public can be difficult. Everything feels contaminated. I don’t want to touch anything or anyone, or have them touch me. I feel constantly uncomfortable. Grocery shopping is one of the worst things because I know how many handlers each product has had, most times ends in crying. My therapist only word of is advice is to get over it.

Does this sound like something I should disregard as ocd? I really struggle with this it’s debilitating I’m scared my conjunctivitis months ago was caused by an std, but I didn’t know I had one in my eye until it turned up. I now have an eye lump in the same eye as the conjunctivitis (it appeared as the conjunctivitis went) so I keep thinking is an std as you legitimately can get them in your eyes. I’ve always had negative STD tests, but my main worry is: “What if I had one in my eye all this time? Maybe I was lucky and didn’t catch one vaginally anally or orally but I was unlucky and did have it in my eye? If I don’t wash my hands every time I touch my face or especially my eye, j could infect myself and my partner and he will wonder where it came from. He will obviously think I cheated, and he will leave me. My life will be ruined.” Everyone says I wouldn’t have it in my eye without it being in my vagina etc first but I can’t help but think “yeah but what if I did though?” Yesterday I tried to resist hand washing before using the toilet as ERP. BIG MISTAKE. I’ve been a wreck since yesterday thinking I infected myself via the toilet paper I touched after scratching near my eye, and now I need to wait a few weeks and get tested again. Can someone please offer some advice? Thanks

With ERP, they tell you to sit with anxiety, delay compulsions. I’ve been doing this for some time often seeing a bad trigger at 9am, keeping myself soooo busy all day, delaying compulsions and ignoring the issue but come 6pm when I’m free it comes back stronger than ever and I find the only solution is to do a ton of compulsions. While the anxiety went away while I was ignoring it, at the end of the day it comes back sooo much more stronger. Does anyone see this when it relates to contamination or other erp topics? Thanks.

I don’t even understand why I still get boners even from phone calls nudes I get from women and still have sex with them but still feel like shit and have all these Hocd thoughts what the fuck is this I don’t even know what this means

i've switched obsessions a lot and my primary one right now is worry about faking OCD and i feel so alone because for everyone else it seems like it's only a side effect rather than the main theme of obsession. i hit myself in response to thoughts of not having it bad enough i feel so bad if i dont do it and the way i do it feels fake because it's not serious i've never sent myself to the hospital it's pathetic and not even a real problem and am making it all up. i have sudden thoughts of other people's mental suffering and it reminds me that i actually have no real problems and am just being insulting other people's experiences by thinking i could ever even say i've struggled with mental illness. i keep debating this with myself in my head making points and counterpoints and comparisons and researching. every single media i've consumed for a couple months now is chosen exclusively on the fact that i can use it as a measure to compare my own pain and understand if its real or not. i can at least safely say that i think about mental illness 24/7. if im not actively researching it im watching something that reminds me of it, reading comments on it to check what other people think, i think about it while i do every single other thing in my life i think about it while i talk to people while i eat while i write while im talking about something else. i clearly never had it that bad because i never had any extreme behaviors if i was neglected it's because i wasn't suffering for real, i even failed at being a shut in, i dont injure myself enough i dont have enough panic attacks my compulsions didnt impair my functioning enough i even failed at dropping out of college despite struggling at it and hating it, i hate every single thing that ive ever done every activity every achievement every good grade every successful interaction because they're a reminded that i've always faked and still do and that i never had it bad enough to justify calling myself mentally ill or to even ever say that i struggle at all even when i had different obsessions. those thoughts of other people's suffering are so painful and remind me that everything ive been through is normal and i should have never even gone to therapy, the fact that i decided to go is even more proof that clearly i didnt have it bad enough or i wouldnt have been able to do that. it hurt so bad when i get these thoughts it physically hurts and ifeel even more fake now because this is the reason why i feel bad and i feel guilty because for wishing that my harm obsessions would come back so i wouldnt feel so fake. all of this sounds so dramatic but the truth is that i didnt even cry so im exaggerating this as well. i even failed at starving myself for a day. today i took a notebook and divided a page in obsessions and compulsions and listed every single one ive had since childhood until now so maybe id feel better but the reassurance was so weak and only lasted until now when the thought of another acquaintance who's been forced to drop out because of anxiety and was institutionalized popped in my head again and the whole train of thought started again. im in therapy and supposed to give ACT a try but im terrified that if this goes away and i truly feel better then i'll have completely faked my suffering. feeling good is a trigger for thoughts about faking. if i have a good day it's proof that im not suffering or i wouldnt have any good days.

My hocd is taking over my life. It’s making me even question if I truly love my boyfriend because I absolutely feel nothing because I am so fucking depressed. I want this so badly to go away ? I know I love him. I just feel nothing. This hocd feels so real. I keep having visions of my life in the future being with a girl and it feels so weird. I don’t absolutely hate it but I don’t want it. But then I picture my life with my bf and it’s hard to see it. It’s hard to see anything. It’s hard to feel anything. I’m so lost and so scared ?

Tried erp the last two days and honestly it’s not working for me I don’t think I can do it... I tried to turn ocd exposures into a game and it’s not going well I started with 100 “anxiety points”. For every compulsion I do, i add points to the problem that is the anxiety For every compulsion I resist, I make ocd better by removing points. Sound idea I think.. except I’m shit at this! I ended on 145 fucking points today ☹️ did 10 resistance and 35 compulsions. I’m BROKEN . I am convinced more than ever that I have given myself an std from my eye to my vagina. I had conjunctivitis ages ago and now a lump in my eye. I refused to wash my hands earlier after touching my eye and now I’m scared to death I have infected myself with the toilet paper I touched and went for a wee at 10 am. 5 hours later I’m panicking beyond words that I have infected myself, my partner is gonna think I cheated and fucking leave me I will end my shit if i have ruined it all when I could have just washed My FU KING HANDS

How's everyone's OCD today? I had to ask for reassurance 3 times already?