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I am so fucking upset that my OCD makes me feel like I want to defend/sympathize anyone that get's accused of being a pedophile even when there's blatant proof that theyre a creepy piece of shit. I don't want to feel like I have to, I don't wanna feel like I have even a smidgen of sympathy or apologism in me. If someone does creepy pedophile shit and then tries to defend themselves by saying "oh that never happened, all of that was just edgy jokes, it triggers this weird feeling in me when I see all the people rightfully telling that weirdo that "it doesnt seem like jokes and it seems more like you're a fucking freak" and it's a type of feeling that I could only describe as involuntarily morphing in their position and feeling like all the people calling the pedo a pedo will one day do the same for me. It's almost like I wanna defend myself and that feeling kind of projects onto them and it makes me feel like absolute shit because I would NEVERRRRRRRR defend someone like that. I don't even know if this is part of my OCD, this goddamn disorder makes me feel skeptical and doubtful of literally everything and it makes me feel like I'm corroding into a piece of shit human being with nonexistent morals and wacko priorities. Does anyone else feel this? It scares me so much, I would never ever ever defend people like that or try to be on their side or try to justify anything but my brain keeps telling me that I secretly want to or that I secretly am and that what comes out of my mouth is all fabricated shit that I don't really believe in.

Question for women!!! Has anyone ever actually pleasured themselves and finished to fantasizing about a man? I’m curious to know. Because in my Experience I kinda always had porn to watch but it was usually lesbian porn. Other than that, I have fantasized about men romantically and sexually but never while pleasuring myself. I always had porn. Please let me know.

Okay, I’m in a genuine bit of distress. I don’t know what to do anymore. This psychosis fear is getting worse and worse as time goes on. I can’t tell between my own thoughts or inner voices or if it’s voices I’m hearing. I’ll be like oh I know it’s me, and then my brain or a voice (that sounds like mine) goes “we aren’t you” I don’t know if this is my mind playing tricks on me or if I’m genuinely developing psychosis. I just can’t do this anymore.

Can we have all ppl with hocd and gay/lesbian ppl here let’s talks about some stuff and not judge

anyone else on here with hocd who used to research hocd as a compulsion? cause that’s what i did and i’m really regretting it now. also sort of regretting that i told my mom because she was like “oh i’ve never heard of this until now and everything online about it is pretty new so i don’t know about this. you can make anything an ocd thing” and she told me that most things i was scared of were normal. like when i notice another woman with a nice body, she said is completely normal. but at the end of talking to her about it i said thank you and i told her i was scared to tell her because i was afraid she’d say “you’re just gay accept it” and she said “no i wouldn’t tell you that, that’s for you to figure out on your own” and now i keep thinking omg what if i’m gay and idk it yet but she does. and every time she brings something up about LGBTQ, my ocd makes me think she’s trying to get me to come out because she thinks i’m bi because i told her about my hocd. she’s very accepting but also doesn’t really like the whole labels thing. so part of me is like no she doesn’t think that and the other part of me is like she does think that and she’s trying to get you to come out because of it because she wants to to trust her and be comfortable with her and she thinks all of this because she doesn’t really understand hocd and to be quite honest she doesn’t really think it’s a real thing and that freaks me out irl.

Family members don’t understand OCD. They’re getting fed up with me. I’ve only been open about my ocd for a few months. And am regretting it. I keep pretending I’m better even though I’m not cause it’s easier.

I am afraid to be around children because of the horrendous things I think of while being near them. I do not want to hurt children. My intrusive thoughts about pedophilia and abuse attack me. I only have 1 memory of me being sexually abused when I was around 5. A cousin, who was about 12 did it to me and my other female cousin. I do not have another memory of it happening, so I do not know if it did. Sometimes I feel ashamed to even mention it because I know others have been abused far often than I. Like it doesn’t count. I don’t know... anyway, after I realized this memory was not just another sick intrusive thought, that it actually happened, I have been weary of being near children. I believe because I have been through sexual abuse as a child that I too am capable of committing that crime.

Basically my good friend came out as bi. We were talking about how our parents would be if we said we had a boyfriend and she was like they wouldn’t be happy if she got a boyfriend let alone a girlfriend. I want to be supportive of her but when she said it I got wave anxiety and I feel like she might of thought I wasn’t supportive. So when ever I see her I feel like I have to be over happy like smiling and waving just so she doesn’t think I judge her which I don’t. Before hocd I just thought of being bi, gay, lesbian as normal as being straight even though my parents were homophobic and now I believe in my heart that but my brain has other things to say about it. So I don’t know what to do because I feel like I’m going back as this happened before when this other girl was bi, I would get such anxiety sitting next to her.

How are you all? How is your day/ night going?Wanna share anything?

anyone else ever think back to something they innocently did at a very young age and your ocd tells you it’s proof of whatever your worry or obsession is

I was doing so good for a little bit and now I started to feel so hopeless and idk why, I’m so tired of this and don’t know if it will ever get better. I’m so scared and have anxiety all the time

Are people sexual intrusive visions/thoughts super weird and intense? This is very vivid so I’m so sorry but my visions are a lot of picturing me with my face in a vagina... so weird I know. But it’s a vision that is intense and constant and it’s so so weird. I obsess over if I would like something like that and could be okay with having for the rest of my life. The thought is gross but I then think is me saying it’s gross a compulsion or cover up. Cuz I sure as hell hope not. I can’t get down with vaginas in my face. But then I think could I. Dear lord I hate this. And just accepting that that thought/vision is there is the most uncomfy thing ha. Accepting any of the lesbian visions or thoughts are so uncomfortable.

Hocd.... I love my boyfriend with all my heart but I feel literally nothing. Numb. No love for anything. I want to be alone for the rest of my life because I don’t want to be a lesbian and I hate feeling so horrible putting someone I love so much through this bullshit. This makes me feel like I need to go out and try to be with a girl but then I lose him. Then me trying that sounds even more anxiety inducing and terrifying.

hocd sucks. even on good days there’s still this constant worry in the back of my mind that’s bothering me and sometimes i forget what that worry is, but i know there’s still a worry there so i try to remember what it is then i do. it’s like since i’ve gotten better i don’t actually think i’m bi, like the thoughts don’t seem as real. but then i get triggered or i get a groinal responses and i’m like uh okay maybe i am and i get freaked out and it just sucks. or i’m like ok what if in the future i realize i am. and i don’t want that to happen

Hi. I’m new here. I’ve had contamination OCD for many years. Hoping to reduce my compulsions and get some of my life back.

I’m not even sure I WANT to be a girl anymore. I don’t want to be trans and I’m literally almost convinced. I don’t care. I just think there’s no choice but to transition, cause there’s way too much proof. I feel like even as a child I show too many signs of it. There’s actual proof that is SO BAD. Maybe I got tocd because it was an easy target. Maybe I have so much proof to this that tocd was the thing to make me panic the most. I’ve always wanted to be a woman in the future but now? What now? There’s just too much proof for me NOT to be transgender.

Everytime my existential ocd thoughts act up I don’t know what to do because I think about like where we go when we die and I just freak out because I don’t want to die

Okay so I need help I’m 15 years old I remember when I was younger I would search up lesbian kiss and I kissed my bestfriend just a peck and then was aroused by provocative music videos however I have always had crushes on guys and wanted to be in a relationship with guys. I also had a porn addiction from my preteen years I watched heterosexual porn lesbian porn and gay male porn and only stopped a few weeks ago however I haven’t had sex and I’ve only kissed one guy so it makes me instantly worried about being a lesbian and in year 7 the thought of what I did as a child gave me extreme anxiety but what scares me the most is internalised homophobia because I share some Simalar symptoms because I think some of HOCD symptoms also share Simalr thoughts and sometimes I will think weird thoughts about lesbians like I had a thought that i don’t want my daughter to be a lesbian because what if then I turn into a lesbian and I don’t think I have sexual fantasies about women I get turned by women but not in a sexual way I just want to look like them and almost be them never with them but now I’m questioning that because of these doubts I haven’t even thought of being a lesbian for years or my childhood experimentation and every time I think I question if I liked it or not I get friendship crushes but just to be friends strictly platonic and I remember when I was younger I cried because o didn’t want my bestfriend to die and now I’m questioning if it was romantic or something tbh I have I guess been bi curios at points in time but I felt like I would never be with a girl it just wouldn’t be natural and I would view it as a friendship I also don’t want to be perceived as gay because then what I will start questioning myself all these Memories and emotions are coming back up and I’m scared that I want to think that when I know deep down I’m not a lesbian I was on 50g of Zoloft and that worked for a couple weeks o wasn’t even thinking about this and now I’m on 75g however it’s not helping and it’s my third day earlier today I had a panic attack about being a lesbian and asexual I just want this all to go away and be back to my normal self that I was two weeks ago I have also struggled with other themes of ocd to contamination is a big one and at one point I thought I wanted to be transgender This scares me but I need to know if this is OCD and it’s just anxiety

Ever wondered how your life could be like if you didn’t have ocd?

Please please read: I made a bad choice when I was a teenager. It is by my standards one of the worst things I’ve ever done. I hit my sibling when I was upset with her, she was a lot younger than me, and she is non-verbal. I shared a room with her and she kept getting out of bed and crying at the bedroom door because she wasn’t ready for bed. I had spent about 2 hours bringing her back to bed and tucking her in and at a certain point I just lost my cool. I had school in the morning and for whatever reason I felt I couldn’t ask my mom for help. (I can’t remember why) I hit her, yelled at her, called her a bad girl, and pushed her into bed. In hindsight it makes me feel fucking sick to my stomach that I would treat someone like her like that. I realize as an adult so much more I could’ve done and how I could’ve handled the situation better. I could’ve gotten up and got her a snack, maybe she was hungry. I could’ve gone downstairs and woke my mom up and told her I was getting stressed out. I could’ve left my room and had a shower to stop my frustration from bubbling. I just feel so rotten about this, and I need to say this somewhere. It’s been about 8 years since this has happened, I’ve told my mom and my boyfriend about how horrible I feel about this. They don’t really seem to get it. In every moment of her life besides this one incident I have been her best friend and I try to do as much as I possibly can to enrich her life so when I express this regret with my family they tell me “I’m sure she’s forgotten”, “look how much she loves you” etc. My boyfriend compares this instance to times he hit his sister as a kid. I just don’t find it the same and I don’t know how to move on from this, especially since I’ve been obsessing over this during my most recent meltdown. I told my friend about this today, I consider her my best friend, we work at the same school together and my sister involved in this situation is a student at the school we work at. Was telling her my feelings about this a huge mistake? I feel like I have a ton of bricks in my stomach right now ?