Hey, I really need your honest opinion.
I have been diagnosed with OCD and I also suspect that I struggle with Relationship OCD (ROCD) or obsessive jealousy. I often get completely stuck on certain situations ā and right now itās happening again.
Situation 1 ā Supermarket:
A few days ago, we were at the supermarket and parked right in front of the entrance.
At that moment, a young woman came out of the store.
My boyfriend looked at her ā for me, thatās ālooking at someone.ā For him, itās not.
He said:
āI only looked in that direction. I didnāt look at her.ā
āI donāt even remember what she looked like.ā
When I first explained to him what ālookingā means for me ā for example, if our eyes meet, I already consider that ālookingā ā he still kept saying, āI didnāt look at her
For him, ālookingā means consciously focusing on someone with intention.
For me, itās already ālookingā if our eyes meet or I notice him glancing at someone, regardless of intention.
Later, when we discussed it more calmly, he said he āsawā her but didnāt ālookā at her in his sense of the word. For him, this was consistent ā but for me, this change in wording feels like an inconsistency.
My mind latches onto it and keeps asking: if he really meant āI saw her,ā why didnāt he say that from the beginning?
Situation 2 ā Car:
In another situation, a woman with a suitcase was getting into a car in front of us.
In my opinion, my boyfriend looked at the car and the woman a bit longer before she got in (not long, but longer).
Of course, this could have simply been because there was movement and she was putting the suitcase into the car.
Later, I asked him if there was a reason why he looked at the car a bit longer.
He said:
āNo, there was no reason.ā
My thoughts afterwards:
Even though we talked about both situations, my brain keeps scanning everything afterwards:
⢠Was it really like that?
⢠Was his first statement different from the second?
⢠Was it really ānot lookingā in his sense ā or ālookingā in mine?
⢠Why did he look at the woman a bit longer before she got in?
⢠Why did he look at the car longer if there was no reason?
⢠Is he lying to me because he said it differently at the beginning than later when we talked more calmly?
Situation 3 ā Other recent triggers:
Yesterday, my boyfriend said to me:
āIf you know that I didnāt look at her with any intention, why would you even bring it up?ā
This made my brain spiral again, because I thought: Why would he say that if he says he didnāt look at her at all?
During an argument, he also said that when we talk about topics like this, āitās basically obvious that weāll end up fighting.ā
Somehow, this also made me overthink what exactly he meant by that and if there was something hidden behind it.
Another example: he says he doesnāt look at other women, but recently he ran into his best friendās ex-girlfriend.
He told me that she ālooked at him in a weird way.ā
Later, it turned out that she had actually smiled at him.
When I asked about this, he said that by āweirdā he meant that she is a bad person in his opinion, and therefore her smile felt strange to him.
But my mind still keeps going over why he didnāt just say āshe smiledā in the first place.
back to situation 1 and 2:
I personally remember the looks and interpret them as ālookingā ā and thatās exactly what I canāt let go of.
I notice that I constantly check for inconsistencies, almost obsessively ā and even though we have talked about it, I canāt stop analyzing.
I sit here with this inner restlessness and have the strong urge to bring it up again.
But I know it wouldnāt help ā it would only calm me down temporarily, and then the cycle would start again.
Despite his explanations, I still internally doubt his honesty, even though I know thereās actually no objective reason to.
It almost feels dangerous to me not to bring it up. I feel like I have to clarify if he was āreally honestā ā even if, objectively, thereās no reason to doubt it.
I know my partner loves me and is honest i hope so. and yet Iām sitting here feeling like I canāt stand it if I donāt talk about it again.
Iām tired. I just want clarity ā but i donāt get the feeling of ānow itās finally settled.
My question:
Does this sound like OCD / ROCD / obsessive jealousy to you?
Or could it actually just be normal jealousy?
I honestly feel like my brain is destroying me over this. Thank you so much if you can give me your thoughts.