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working to conquer OCD
Why when I see triggering sexual images do I get hyperawareness to my saliva? It kept me awake pretty much all night last night with me constantly monitoring my saliva production and while I was getting intrusive thoughts I was constantly noticing everytime I involuntarily swallowed and I’ve woke up feeling so depressed thinking it means something I’m so tired😔
at the start of the year my ex friends got together and spammed illegal disgusting stickers on the whatsapp groupchat to annoy me, because for them i was the morally strict one and they would often make fun of me, but not to this degree...they traumatised me and they thought it was something funny. I have POCD, so you can assume what those stickers were... Since then i cut them off from my life, I wanted to take revenge, I felt an uncontrollable rage and resentment towards them. I felt like the one thing that I didn't want to happen happened. What traumatised me is that it accidentally downloaded while i tried to manually select it to delete it. that stuff got downloaded on my phone without my consent automatically. i immediately deleted it. i dont wish this stain on anybody. i feel like i committed a crime, and i feel like im incriminating myself. I was so paranoid before that something like this could happen that i turned off automatic download on whatsapp. But I fucking made the mistake to press on the sticker to manually delete it... it's heavy if i think abt the words. abt what factually happened despite me not liking it, not partecipating in it. but i feel guilty by association. i cant stand that it got downloaded on my phone. i feel this unwashable stain that is not mine, but it is still my fault for accidentally pressing on it. to download it was not my intent at all, i wanted to delete that stuff and i was in panic. I cried. I don't think i have the courage and the strenght to accept that it wasn't my fault, and to be strong and resolute over my innocence. I feel like that my technicality im a criminal.
My previous post continued.. I’m starting to wonder if maybe I’m a bad person and I feel like I’m experiencing some false memory with my overthinking, that my mind is telling me I was the problem. I did something. That I’m a bad person, I never meant to hurt the guy at all and even though I said I didn’t like him back and acknowledged I felt merely as emotional connection after he left my place Monday. I apologize for my terrible behavior which was unhealed from stuff in the recent breakup I was in, though it wasn’t an excuse I warned him that sometimes I say stuff that is rude with out knowing and that I have trouble understanding social cues. Literally all I wanted to do was give him a chance. Give myself a chance. Just said why not. I’ve never had anyone choose me. And I felt like I was in a good place to at least TALK with someone, get to know them, test the waters before a whole relationship and taking stuff further and he was okay with that. I noticed alot of stuff too, he’d say he wanted me in his life and talked about the future and stuff when he first confessed to me and it was like the 2 day. Monday before he started acting like this he told me everything was okay and told me he loved me. It’s like he changed completely and I understood from hurting but just started acting rude, distant, cold. He never once said “Hey listen I’m really hurting right now and it isn’t your fault with the choice you made not liking me, I might be distant and a bit off if we talk”. Just full blown ghosted me. No communication. I never expected us to be friends immediately afterwards. The only thing he said when I messaged him Monday was he needed time to think, I understand and assumed space but all I wanted was to talk. And I would’ve left him alone if he just would’ve communicated to me more. He’d been so sweet and kind and nice and understanding the past 3 weeks and when he left he just became distant and told me he needed time to think when I mentioned we should slow things down, I asked if I did anything wrong and tried communicating. I have such a terrible habit of persistently trying to get an answer to things, from others or myself, and I feel shitty for texting him alot on his phone a few times cause I was overthinking, just because I wanted to talk for 5 mins about if I did something wrong or what not. He finally responded and said he’d been busy all week and he has a busy life and he’s a busy person. I even asked if he even knew how it affected me when he ignored my asks to talk and my apologies. even though I’d seen him online so many times and he’d leave me on read, I knew it was annoying and vowed to stop on wensday night (that’s when he replied). I just wanted communication. I was overthinking and I feel like I’m a bad person now. I was aware of what I did and told myself I would work on it too with alot of things. I just feel so fucking guilty for saying repeatedly he wasn’t my type and when I talked about my ex boyfriend cause I was still hurt by him. I apologized but I feel guilty.
Have you other Christian’s delta major shift spiritually. I don’t know what’s to come but I feel heavy in my spirit and I’m kind of scared. That I’m uncertain and everyone’s emotions are very high right now.
Hi guys, I'm currently dealing with another setback that started about a week ago. I was doing pretty well for the past month and a half, and was so happy that I was able to stay more present in my life. I had another setback in July but came back stronger than before, and I know I can do that again this time but it feels SO hard. My OCD is latching to my fear of other mental illnesses ("going crazy, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder), but also has hit me where it really hurts and is now targeting the love I have for my dog. Has anyone had a setback that added a new theme? I'm having intrusive thoughts AND images now, and I have a lot of DP/DR. I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of a panic attack, and the only reason why I'm not having one is because I know how to let them pass (thanks for the DARE method). I know that my OCD is based on my fear of not being able to live my life (even though I know people with the conditions I mentioned are able to live fulfilling lives), and I'm trying to treat this like all of my other OCD themes/fears. My therapist said to do exposures based on what's really bothering me, but it feels chaotic since multiple things are bothering me (fear of "going crazy", fear of hurting myself or someone I love, what if I don't love my dog anymore?). Any advice helps! I really am appreciative of this community. 💛
Is it normal to not feel like you have much to talk about on the phone with your partner?
I question my intentions and doubt myself and my actions when I catch myself making an observation or doing a double take on someone out in public or online. I get really triggered because I feel I’m disrespecting my girlfriend. Example: I caught myself doing a double take looking at a picture of someone online while trying to find someone’s email for work stuff. I continue to question my initial “thought”. Was it “oh that persons attractive” or “that person looks familiar”. I felt like my attention was taken away from my girlfriend. Obviously my brain wants it to be the most “negative” thought so I have the compulsion to confess to my girlfriend just an observation that was made. Can anyone relate to this and maybe some strategies that have worked for them or if I’m genuinely just being wrong in doing a double take?🤷🏼♂️ it’s getting to the point where I can’t even watch TV or have social media because I’m “looking elsewhere”
I worry about my salvation like every second of the day I don’t know how to have a normal relationship with the one true God
started ERP this week and it hasn’t been easy. i think i’ve also started obsessing about trying to “practice my skills” correctly and burning myself out. not to mention, because i’ve been trying not to give into compulsions, my anxiety has just been at a constant for the last few days and i just need some relief. i just don’t know how to handle it
I’ve felt more alone than ever lately dealing with this. I tried a little to talk to my boyfriend about it but it’s so hard to explain it to someone who doesn’t have it. And whe at the same time my brain is trying to convince me I don’t really have it and I’m lying to myself and I don’t really need help. Like I genuinely don’t know how to look him in the eyes and say I can’t stop thinking that he’s not over his ex or he wants and other girl and my brain pulls things out of thin air to back me up he doesn’t get that it feels so real for me and when I tried to talk about really extra over thinking and like I said making stuff up he was like “well I think it’s just a girl thing” and that hurt cause I like i just don’t know how to express how I’m feeling in a way that makes people understand and it hurts that I can’t do that and it also doesn’t help that I did try therapy and she completely made me feel crazy I feel like within the first 10 minutes she made up her mind - that it’s mostly anxiety she picked one thing I said and that was the only thing that sounded like it to her a pattern thing I just feel like she wasn’t listening to me about my thoughts and I told her I started realizing around 2020 and she brought up Covid I said I wasn’t scared and I genuinely Meant that I was really only scared for my grandma and my mom since it affected older people I was never scared of it like that and she only looked at physical stuff I feel like I told her I have to count them I pass a biker and look and keep making sure and she was like you just want to be safe and then she went on to tell me that “not everything I do is abnormal other people just don’t do it” that really hurt and now I feel so self conscious talking about it because I feel insane I know what I’m going through but everyone either doesn’t get it or thinks they do too much and that’s just as worse. People think ocd is just being organized and we all know it’s not. I’m not mad at him for not understanding I don’t want him to get it in the way that I do no one should have to deal with this but I want him to know enough. we “broke up” a few times just couldn’t get it right now we both agree we weren’t ready and it wasn’t in Gods plan yet and things are genuinely different I see it it’s crazy but my mind still try’s to tell me I’m not good enough for God for him to give me a relationship yet I just don’t know how to sit there and tell him my mind keeps replaying the past over and over again and convincing me I need to leave so he’ll come back “my way” or how I think we should’ve happened which I know is me trying to play God it just feels too good to be real some people spend a lifetime searching for love and I don’t understand why I get it now we’re still teenagers and then I think like maybe I get it now cause I won’t be around for long or he won’t and I just sit there and scare myself and I don’t know how to explain that to him and honestly I don’t even know how I want him to react I just want to feel seen whatever that means. I have this other friend I talk to about it she used to have really bad anxiety she started taking medicine for it and she thinks she understands ocd cause her mom has it but it’s not as bad or the same kinds as me and she try’s to help I know she does but at the end of the day it’s really just her telling me my thoughts are crazy which I understand that I know they are and her telling me I’m not gonna enjoy life or my relationship if I keep thinking like this and yes obviously but I physically can’t it’s not a switch I can just turn off I try so hard to ignore it but I can’t it’s just gotten so bad recently and I don’t feel like I deserve my bf right now cause of it especially if I can’t open up about it or find a way to make him understand what I’m going through and I just feel crazy and alone and if you read all of this thank you so much I really do appreciate it.
Hey everyone! Not trying to seek reassurance, but more so would just love to know if others can relate so I feel less alone. I am engaged and planning my wedding for next summer, which has been very exciting and fun, EXCEPT that I sometimes get triggered by seeing TikToks or hearing people say that wedding planning should be like 100% equally shared between partners. I would say I am handling a bit more of the planning, mostly because I am the one who wanted the wedding more (as opposed to like a courthouse wedding) and will have many more guests, and my fiance is also just very easygoing and doesn’t have a ton of strong opinions about wedding stuff. But I’ve been hearing people say things like “planning your wedding together foreshadows how your marriage will be” and it’s causing me to overanalyze things, like how much we’re each contributing and whether it’s “enough” or whether it bodes well for our marriage. Even though we have a very healthy relationship and I’m super excited to marry him, and I really do consider us partners in every way. I just hate the black and white idea that everything should always be exactly 50/50 because my OCD brain latches onto that and starts looking for ways that we are “doomed.” Anyone out there experiencing something similar?
18+ No minors please I feel like a p because I have this checking habit to see if my brother is not doing anything inappropriate to me or on my bed and yesterday I checked and I saw he had no blanket and was laying down on his back and it felt like I would go and do something to him or like I was thinking it and I didn’t feel anything I’m so confused there are times where I feel disgusted
As a practicing devout Catholic I am often very conflicted about determining my moral culpability and if my thoughts and actions are mortal sins. A lot feels at stake here since it’s about offending God and whether or not I need to go to reconciliation so I don’t go to hell. It doesn’t seem prudent to say “maybe, maybe not”. What am I to do?
After I started experiencing SOOCD for the past 5 years, I have had absolutely no sexual drive and no (barely anything) attraction to men. I’ve also sort of been emotionally numb for a very long time and I think it’s due to the years of anxiety and horrible depression. Ive been living like a rock, im just floating through life. I have no interests, no hobbies, zero motivation, no goals, and i feel like im going to be stuck like this forever. TMI !!!!!! I think the last time I felt actual genuine arousal/excitement was when I reconnected with my ex a couple years back and that was literally just for a day because SOOCD shut that down quickly. Since my SOOCD started when i was young i never fully felt aroused when I was being intimate. I wanted to do it and I wanted to feel things so badly but I couldn’t/i couldn’t get fully turned on. A month ago I was starting to feel happier, the intrusive thoughts/compulsions were very rare, and I was rarely experiencing the grounds response or or triggered (even though i still had no libido or attraction). I was doing pretty good and I recently got into a new relationship and my boyfriend literally woke up the attraction, I slowly felt myself becoming less numb. Just hanging out with him I started thinking “wow he’s so cute” “i want him to kiss me” “i wish he would hold my hand” “his smile is nice why is he so fine”. I felt something so sweet and It made me so so happy. We had such sweet dates and I was starting to feel like I was getting myself back. I still didn’t have a sexual drive (it was waking up slowlllyyy) and my flare up was starting to get worse so I couldn’t fully enjoy being intimate. My flare up has gotten pretty bad again lately i’m questioning all the things I felt with him and all the attraction and feelings are being clouded by intense anxiety, doubt, and worry. It triggers the SOOCD thoughts so bad and in the shower i was worrying that my anxiety, checking (of arousal, attraction, emotions, etc), other compulsions, and numbness are going to ruin my relationship. It just makes me worry that i’ll never get those feelings back. TMI!!!!! i just want to feel h*ny again man and I want to feel those feelings I felt for my man 😭 Literally 6 years of numbness, depression, anxiety and I finally felt somewhat normal 😭 he was waking things up and my intrusive thoughts messed it all up again. Anyways, I just want to know if anyone has experienced this and if ERP helped at all. I have a therapist now (thank you nocd) and I’m finally going to do ERP, try to fix my depression, and stuff like that. I’m trying to take the advice of someone who commented on one of my posts. They say that i need to continue my life no matter what ocd tells me. It’s getting harder again but I just hope the work im about to put in will allow me to finally enjoy my life.
I’m 20 weeks pregnant and I stopped my medication by suggestion of my psychiatrist. I was on Zoloft 50 mg. I was feeling ok until 2 weeks ago when I started a new job and I started my second semester in grad school. For example today I’m at wit ends. I feel my body shaking from the inside and just so much fear. I thought it was anxiety for starting a new job but I think is my ocd plus having a lot on my plate. Today I called and made an appointment with a new psychiatrist and see if I can go back to my meds and hoping they help me level up. Also made an appointment with my therapist here at NOCD. Has anybody experienced anything like this? And has medication helped with how you feel? I just need words of encouragement
This is going to sound so silly, but I’ve always wanted to try lip plumping glosses, just for fun! I love playing w makeup. Now the issue: I’m scared of the potential burning/tingling sensation. I deal with allergies and swelling lips was something I experienced as a kid during some of my more…traumatic reactions. I have big health OCD around allergies so I’m just scared of putting on the gloss and seeing my lips swell up bc of an allergy and maybe triggering a more serious reaction if it gets in my mouth. Idk how to deal with this…🥲 I could just,,, not wear them, but I also think I should choose that out of a personal choice and NOT bc of fear, you know?
I’m realizing that maybe my OCD gave me all the doubts about God and that’s what helped me be able to leave my religion (Christian Baptist Fundamentalist). Everyone around me never doubted as much as me or had as much skepticism (at least not out loud) and I never understood why I was so different from them. What is your experience with OCD and religion? Did it make you decide to leave? To stay? How do you feel about religion and OCD now?
Am I a bad person for still resenting my mom for things she did during my childhood even though she has apologized ? I get nightmares about my family every night and its tormenting me so much, i feel like i cant get over it. Idk what to do. Talk therapy doesnt help and I dont even want to talk about it anymore, its just constantly following me everywhere, this resentment and anger. Im so tired. I can't even get rest because i also get ocd nightmares as well. I just want peace
I need to vent to everyone. So I realize over the past year that I am a really bad overthinker and I let my thoughts get the best of me. I think I’ve been struggling really bad with ROCD. One thing me and my partner gotten an argument about was the fact that he is my first relationship and my first everything and I was open with him telling him that sometimes I have curiosity about if I’m missing out or anything along those lines. in the argument, I was so guilty and I cried so bad and I feel like a horrible person. Of course I don’t wanna act on those things but I think my OCD is also making me feel or question if I do wanna act on something, but I know deep down I don’t. I really see after the fact, I should’ve kept that specific thoughts in my head and not tell him because he was upset and he kind of question whether or not I want to be with him, but he was also very understanding. The things is, he’s been been in another relationship relationships but he’s my first relationship and my first everything. We’ve been together for almost 4 years and randomly all these things started happening with the curiosity was there because I just sometimes just curious and I know that can be human nature. Am I a horrible person? Does anybody else relate to this? I think i’m seeking reassurance too.
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OCD doesn't have to
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