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I was talking with a friend and things got more personal than they usually do. I talked to her about my mental health not being good and I told her that I was suffering from OCD. I also told her about my concerns for medication and worrying about family finding out if it ever came to that. Then we switched the subject and talked about a lot of different things. At one point we talked about romance movies and I feel like there was emotional attachment even though I don't think there was, just feelings flying about. I have a crush on another woman but I honestly don't think we'll date because I'm just not ready for a relationship because I have so many things I need to work on in my life. This isn't the first time this has happened when talking to her and I don't intend on these feelings meaning anything but this time it feels like I did because I got an intrusive thought about it that stuck. I feel like this is emotional cheating and I'm not even dating anyone and I'm already straight up just fucking up how things are supposed to go and I feel idiotic. I know this isn't cheating because we were never dating but I just feel so stupid for this happening. On one hand I know it's OCD but on the other I just feel awful. I know it's a crush but I haven't gotten those feelings like that with my crush, only with her, even though I didn't think we'd initially date. I even get thoughts saying "What if I do like her?" When I don't think it's like that.

So I used to do this because it would be a compulsion cause I would try to prevent any arousal feeling down there if I ever had any types of intrusive thoughts, but now since it’s such a habit, I even do it sometimes when I am feeling arousal towards appropriate things, but that’s just cause it’s just out of habit and then earlier today I had an intrusive thought and I was already feeling aroused And then I kept thinking remembering in the moment like I think I wasn’t clenching and response to intrusive thoughts I was just doing it maybe because it was a compulsion like I was probably doing a compulsion but now I keep doubting myself and then now I keep thinking oh my gosh, but what if I did country in response to intrusive thoughts that I’m actually a pedo :(

So today this morning I was doing ok till I got to a point where I ate at McDonald’s with my parents and my brother. We came out of the hospital where they have checked his pace maker. And we went to eat. I’ve asked them a question where I have told them if he could have some.. in this case they have said no he’s had enough. I have a thing if we’re I am not hungry I share. I told them “what am I doing wrong I always do something wrong?” And they said no it’s just you need to stop doing things that make me think you are doing everything wrong. In my mind I kept thinking to myself” why do I do everything wrong.. am I the case if everyone’s stress?.. what if that’s it?” Then I went to the car with that on my mind and I looked over at them with a dirty look then the escalation started from there where I started yelling and they raised there voice at me stating that you don’t do anything wrong we just don’t want you to look at us wrong. That’s when I started crying and started saying I dont want to live in the house anymore.. I need to leave I can’t be here!” Which led to me feeling anxious which led me to cry cause they said if you don’t want to talk to us then stop talking.” Then I started to let the thoughts set in my mind and started to scratch my right thigh.” Idk why but my ocd got the best of me and I started to cry again and asking myself why do I suffer and why did I do this to myself. Seems like I’m getting better and not feeling anxious or anything then boom just hits around the corner.” I feel stupid

I just feel like I can't get through this anxiety anymore. I haven't slept properly all last week and I notice it in my eyes. There's a lot of red in my left eye and I just hate this. I can't live my life the way I want. I don't even know if I can do this job that I planned to go to for an interview. I just can't do this anymore and I know that the alternative is medication but that's really scary. I just don't know what's going to happen when I take it. I'm afraid I'm going to lose more control than I already do

does anyone have any techniques or specific ways to help with acceptance of uncertainty with more taboo ocd themes? My current main fear and obsession for months which lead me to get this app is fear that ill be accused of trying to groom/creep on my younger friends due to us having a 3 year age gap, which my brain just keeps telling me that no matter what i do, its going to happen. I know radical acceptance and understanding of uncertainty will ease my worries, but this time its just impossible as i dont want to accept this js something that could happen, yknow ? Im terrified of losing everyone to doing something bad unintentionally in the past or without realismg i did anything wrong . Ive been online a lot too where people are called these things just for havjng younger friends and its terrifying, i never want to do that to anyone. How do people with similar themes accept these thoughts and possibilities and just thoughts and let them pass by? Its really hard for me right now. Any advice would be helpful :)

I haven’t been able to stop spiraling since yesterday. I was next to my boyfriend, and his arm looked a little chubbier than usual. It reminded me of a guy I had a crush/hyper-fixation idk my brain just simply doesn’t let him go bc it feels ‘fun’ to think about the dude, but he’s also become the theme of some intrusions w/my ROCD. While I was noticing the arm similarity, I kissed my bf’s arm. I’ve been replaying it nonstop because it feels like it mean something. Why did I do that? It felt like I was genuinely looking at this other guy’s arm, not my bf’s. It doesn’t feel like the affection in that moment was directed at my bf at all. I feel worried. In the moment I only felt a little concerned which makes this seem worse. I’m scared that the affection I showed my boyfriend in that moment was actually meant for someone else, subconsciously or similarly. I feel so disrespectful and disloyal Idk I need input please

(TW: ROCD, Religious OCD, Islam) Hello Everyone, You can refer to me as Subway, a nickname given to me by some friends I think that here would be a good place to reach out for help and discuss my issues. For starters, I am an Athiest/Agnostic, who used to previously by a Muslim but nobody knows that I am no longer a Muslim. I used to be an athiest just due to a lack of faith and questioning alot of the religion but after looking into it more I had come to my own conclusion of not to believe in Islam. Lately I've been having alot of intrusive thoughts telling me that I will revert back to Islam despite me not wanting to. Honestly I was miserable being a Muslim and after my experiences and doing my own research, I finally felt free and happy to have left the religion. My head whoever means to constantly hurt me saying that "You're gonna regret it" "You'll return to it's beauty" and "You're just not trying to follow it's rules", despite all of this I do not seek to revert back to Islam anytime soon but those thoughts still linger. Another factor that makes these thoughts so intense is that I've fallen in love with someone. Let's call this person "V" but they are the most wonderful, beautiful, smartest person I have ever met and I only hope that they feel what I feel for them. One thing that I struggle with however are my thoughts saying that "I don't want her" or "She is ugly" or "I am going to hurt her", it even connects to my religious thoughts saying that "I shouldn't be with her and prioritize God" or "I want to focus on religion" which I do not want to do. It's hard to explain but I feel myself arguing with my own mind as it constantly tries to prove to me why I'm wrong even though I'm happier being an Athiest/Agnostic person. And after finding someone who I truly love, any chance of happiness is stripped away from me. It doesn't help that I'm constantly scared because she is Hindu, and to most people I know. I am a "Muslim" so that's an issue. It just gets really lonely because nobody else seems to understand. I just want to talk to someone.

A huge part of my OCD is moral scrupulousity - I am unofficially dating someone who has physical and mental health disabilities/chronic illnesses. I really like this individual, but I am internalizing his issues and quickly becoming his only support system. I can feel the stress impacting my nervous system more and more every day, but I am afraid breaking it off with someone when they are going through such a difficult time- dealing with medical neglect by his parents during serious physical health scares. What if he dies? I feel sick to my stomach- but with every emergency a piece of me breaks and I can feel my brain breaking down. I really like him and spending time with him, but I am truly terrified. I've only been seeing him since late July, but I feel it seeping into codepency and myself being a caretaker- and I can't handle it nor do I want that for my own life. Please give advice or support - I need both right now

After having a great few months and the most confidence in my life, an embarrassing situation and an ended situationship I got too attached to in August have led to a grueling 2 month journey of self-reflection. All of my defense and coping mechanisms stopped working. The feeling that I’ve never developed a true identity or enjoyed life the way others do was painful. I’ve learned that my intrusive thoughts and compulsive behavior I’ve exhibited over the years align with OCD (specifically with relationships and perfectionism). It was liberating to finally put a name to my situation, but rumination and excessive venting in my journaling have led to me constantly analyzing every conversation and all of my body mannerisms. I haven’t been able to get my mind off this situation for more than a minute in these two months. I’ve never felt more different from my peers, and I’ve gone from extremely social to fidgety and shy. How did you cope with the embarrassment and avoid comparing yourself to others? I am unable to form any routines or enjoy the things I used to enjoy because of these constant thoughts.

Hey I haven’t posted in awhile but I just need to vent. Back in early 2023/ 2024, I remember this theme putting me in the deepest depression that I believe I became emotionally numb. I don’t know, but I felt like I had it and still maybe do. I remember keeping something in for a year from my gf at the time and my OCD was beating me up so bad that I eventually to the hospital in June of 2024. Those of you that have watched Euphoria… remember that scene where Rue is in bed all day and night and physically can’t get out of bed and is frozen? That’s how I felt when it was getting to the end of my relationship. I had the worse thoughts you could ever imagine and every time I had a conversation w/ my gf, I felt like a robot. I felt like I couldn’t even talk to my gf without getting interrupted by my instrusive thoughts. I’m not perfect either . I made a mistake when I saw her the last time. Maybe led her on, maybe I was just emotionally numb . I still wanted to see if the spark was there but I guess it wasn’t. That’s one of my biggest regrets. I rather have stayed home and gathered my thoughts then to go see her on my birthday. It was selfish of me. I take ownership of that . Recently she’s been on my mind , but when we finally parted ways it’s like I didn’t feel anything and that made me question if I loved her? Idk I guess what I’m asking is did or does anyone feel that way? You felt emotionally numb/no spark/ nothing when you kiss? Physically not attracted. Sometimes I question .. what is love? What does it mean? Does love always have to have a spark? I read one time that you choose that person. But I feel like I’m confused what it really means. It’s like I’m having this 360 shift and realizing maybe I was emotionally numb all along and keeping this “secret” I thought at the time, to myself. I eventually told her and she wasn’t mad . My ocd made it bigger than it was . 😔 It’s crazy what OCD can do to you. I felt sick not just mentally, but physically too. Maybe it was easier for me to move on because I “emotionally checked out or was just too emotionally numb” after awhile that when we did break up the first time I barely cried. I cried almost everyday for a year before that first breakup in August. We had gone almost a month without talking because we parted ways but then reconnected September of 2024 and the. Ended it mid January. That’s the last we spoke. It’s been 9 months. I know people feel different thhings at different times but she’s been on my mind recently. And this may be TMI but I know a lot of my emotions right now have to do with my period, but even before my cycle… I was thinking about her. My thoughts are just heightened now. It’s like I was saying … it’s like I’m seeing things different now. Maybe I was so emotionally numb I couldn’t feel anything and it felt like I had fallen out of love. It was hard for me to feel anything and to be honest I think this start May of 2024. I wanted to stay and make it work. But you can’t force yourself to feel something. I think I’m just confused rn. Maybe I’m a little de lulu but I’ve always felt like it’s her. Sure I’ve looked at other girls but when it comes down to soul and personality and how that person treats you… that’s what pulls you in and what matters. It’s like I’m finally realizing after a YEAR LATER that all this ocd stuff was in my head and It’s a shame because I lost a really good one and I don’t know if I’ll ever get that back but I’m grateful for the memories and she’ll always have a special place in my heart. Not sure if this is part of the grieving process? Idk if you guys could give me some feedback or if this resonates with you … please leave comments down below. (Not for reassurance seaking) but to know that if anyone has felt just how I’m feeling right now . I would relay appreciate it🙏🏽 (edited)

*VENT INCOMING* This is just not really related to OCD (or maybe it is idk?anyways). It's kinda personal so if you don't wanna read this, that's okay too. My parents are recently divorced and it wasn't amicable. My dad is an ass and a manipulative bully. and i hate him and love him at the same time. he tries to reach out from time to time but i usually ignore because even just thinking about him makes me angry and fills me with this nasty, hopeless type of feeling like im trapped. anyways, he reached out again through a message asking me how I was doing. and i actually brave enough to respond with a voice note. told him basically everything in as short a time as possible. that I have OCD & depression and im on meds. and that i have a job now. and all he said was thank you for the reply and he feels better now and that he hopes that im well too. and it annoyed me because even though i actually really brave in expressing myself, he just sort of made it about him. he didnt even say anything ; like he was shocked and sad to hear that i've been struggling. and im just like????? what more could i possibly do to make this man actually really give a damn about me at all???? like that's all he has to say to me???? Ugh.

Hello, I’ve struggled with OCD and a few other anxiety disorders for literally ever and I’ve wanted to get on medication for years because I felt it was the only way to fix me, to find relief from this hell that is in my brain. But so far I’ve tried 7 medications ! And none have worked, I always get to my second or third dose with zero positive changes and I almost always have a side effect I cannot bare to live with long term, so I get switched to another med and it happens again. I also struggle with really bad anxiety over taking medications, I’m terrified of serious side effects and withdrawals and overdoses etc. so it’s makes this journey so much harder! I’m planning on taking a break from medication for at least a little while, I want to live life without side effects and the fear that being on regular medication gives me, I’ve been sleep deprived for a few months straight because of a side effect of my current dose, like what the hell body! I’m just frustrated, I wanted this to work, and hey maybe it will in the future but not right now. And yeah, medication isn’t the holy grail and it won’t “fix me”, therapy and hard work will help me manage my mental illnesses, I’ve had improvements already without meds, I know that now, so it’s not the end of the world! Just a bit annoying! (Don’t let this scare you from trying medication, for a lot of people it works wonders !! And not everyone’s body is as stubborn as mine!)

For the last week, I have gotten little sleep. The first 3 or 4 days, I would lay on the couch shaking, having like full body jerks, exhausted but laying there with my eyes closed all night. Tossing and turning for hours and maybe slept a total of 30-60 minutes very broken up through the night. The last few days, I'll feel a bit better and try to go to sleep and wake up 45-60 minutes later or an hour and a half later it I'm lucky, before everything floods back. I get jerky and shaky, my stomach has a pit, I feel that dread, anger, anxiety, and I'll be tossing and turning again with bits where I fall asleep for 20-40 minutes maybe 2-4 times through the entire night and morning. It's driving me insane. It's scary that I can't sleep much and when I do, it feels like torture and I'll have nightmares for the little bits I do get.

Hi everyone, I’m a 21-year-old single demisexual, recently diagnosed with OCD, and it’s hitting me hard with relationship and intimacy struggles at the moment. I only feel attraction after a deep connection, and I see intimacy as a sacred, love-first thing—not about pleasure but bonding with someone special. My OCD makes me obsess over needing to know a partner’s every thought and feeling, wanting them to view intimacy exactly like I do. I spiral when I can’t understand them or when they don’t get me, craving validation and reassurance like it’s air. It’s exhausting, and I feel like an anxious hamster sometimes, chasing answers I can’t have. Retroactive jealousy (RJ) is the worst part. I’m somewhat okay with serious past relationships now—I try to see them as proof someone can commit. But casual pasts or “big numbers” make my brain throw a tantrum. I don’t get seeking casual pleasure, ever—it’s so alien to me. I’m terrified of a partner who’s “done it all,” thinking they’d compare me or find me less special because they've already had all their first with someone else and know what they want while I’m clueless about intimacy. I know most people want someone who are mature and sure of what they like and want, but for me I find it more comforting knowing the other person is just as clueless as me, even it it'll be awkward. I want someone who needs a deep connection to even think about it, someone who waited for love like I do, not someone who experimented and now wants to settle. Part of this is my values—intimacy should be sacred—but part feels like insecurity, like I’ll never be enough or bring anything new. I don’t know where the line is, and it’s confusing. Dating feels impossible because most people my age are fine with casual, and I’m not. I’m lonely, craving love and closure, but my OCD screams I’ll be alone for years, stuck as the “clueless” one while others are experienced. Intrusive thoughts about partners’ pasts or “what they learned” haunt me, and I can’t quiet them, even though I know they’re not logical. I’m seeing a psychologist soon, but I’m struggling now. How do you manage RJ and stop obsessing over casual pasts or needing perfection? Any tips for calming intrusive thoughts or dating with these values? I want to be gentler with myself and stop feeling so scared. Thanks for any advice!

I know you aren’t supposed to look into reassurance but does that mean you can’t offer advice to peoples struggling ? Therapy isn’t an option for some of us and I would love to hear some natural ways y’all use to help better yourself but nobody eve responds to my posts

+ ZOCD +18 & triggering warning last night whilst trying to enjoy myself and do some self care and watch some p0rn. i use twitter to do so and decided to look at an account i was unfamiliar with just to see what they had going on. all of the content they were posting & retweeting was normal and par for the course where out of NOWHERE i see a video of a dog about to start interacting with someone in a inappropriate way. by the way i was scrolling i only saw the top half of the video before gasping and immediately swiping out of that persons account. after seeing that i felt sick and guilty as if i was complicit somehow by not going back and reporting and blocking that account or trying to do something positive to change the horrors of what i just saw but i know better than to try and find it somehow and potentially exposing myself to viewing that again. but now im sitting here with a lot of what ifs in my head varying from “the content you usually watch is from a very specific type of person, what if you’re fetishizing?” & “what if since you were thinking about said specific type of person and saw something like that amongst normal videos of again said specific type of person what if you associate that video what that and never feel normal about your interests and hyperfixations?” now i’m feeling extremely anxious and cannot relax and try to get some sleep because of this. does anyone have any advice on how to ease my compulsions and anxiety??? is ERP a good option for this???

Does it make me a a lesbian bc i used to watch a couple lesbian couples on youtube and i found them cute together. Im really stressing right now about it. I was around 13 14 at the time i did also watch a alot of lesbian porn at the time im really stressed

I am trying to expose myself and purposely look and notice attractive girls and move on with it don’t let it ruminated or do any physical or mental compulsions and think how I feel and worry but when I notice it why do I feel like I want to do it or get excited because I have a excuse to look at other girls while in a relationship and when I think or feel that way or know when I have a chance to expose myself to it I just don’t because I feel like I might be using this as an expose to do so any advices? Also should I let my girlfriend know I am doing this exposure therapy

Can someone, anyone please look at my post and help me. I don’t want to ask my parents for an ocd therapist because 1.i don’t even know if I have ocd 2. They are not going to believe me. Please click on my profile, go to posts and read my story all the way through, reply, at least like it so I don’t feel so desperately alone. I feel isolated in my suffering. I know it’s long. I’m sorry.

So I am experiencing my first OCD theme, man what a fun ride! It’s been 3 months and I finally decided as of yesterday it’s either stay here and get worse or start choosing to figure out what I need to do. I won’t go too much into my scenario and I’m not asking for reassurance. I just want to to how false memories work and if they commonly present like this. So I am married. We were out somewhere and I saw someone I knew. I have never been romantically involved with this person and I was just like oh hey that’s such and such in my brain. Well about 10 minutes goes by and I get a flash of a memory of an online interaction I had with them (this is real) and well it caught me off guard and I was like when was that? It was so long ago I couldn’t recall and I was like well I think that was before my relationship and then I thought well what if it was after since you can’t remember and BOOM I got a flash of a memory (more like a picture) of my brain correlating me doing this while in my relationship. And then the more I thought of trying to disprove that I had another memory (which I believe to be the true memory) of it occurring before my relationship. Here’s the thing. About a year or two ago I saw this same person. The same thing happened. I was shocked and panicked and just was like I don’t know I have never even thought of this in my relationship and just kind of shut it down saying maybe I just will never bring it up to my husband. But I completely forgot about that. Outside of these two times I have NEVER thought of this in my relationship. Like at all. Never thought of this person once. Here’s what I’m wondering, do false memories (even about real events) often occur after what if statements? Even though what I did most people wouldn’t care about, it would have been very out of character for me and also for me to just entirely forget about it. So I am pretty sure I am dealing with a false reconstruction of a past real event. Has anyone ever dealt with anything similar? Is there more to identifying these false memories? And how did you deal with them? I have accepted I can never disprove a memory. Even if someone told me it wasn’t real. I just feel like if you did something that was a little out of your character you would definitely remember it not just did I? I just wanted to give my example, but I am interested in how people deal with this.