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I don’t know if I can’t tolerate this anymore. I always have a sinking pit in my stomach, a constant sense of dread that I’m gay. I present almost EVERY symptom of SO OCD, but my ocd keeps crawling back to the idea that I enjoy and find pleasure in graphic and gay thoughts. This makes me doubt my OCD, so I’m not getting treatment bc I’m scared my therapist will just say I’m suppressing feelings. Sometimes when I have a thought, for example, kissing a girl, I feel like a voice in my head is telling me I like it, and that I want to do it in real life. What’s strange is I feel like this SO OCD is like a chocolate covered strawberry. Let me explain, I feel like my true desires (being with a man) is the strawberry, the core. I feel like these thoughts are not my true self, but the chocolate coating on the outside of the strawberry. I imagine coming out and instead of exciting feelings that I get to date women, I feel dread and a pit in my stomach, like it’s not me thinking this. I’m losing my mind.

Sometimes, from afar, I see someone and think they’re a man I might be attracted to, but then when I get closer or watch more, I realize they’re actually a woman. This happened with a content creator whose videos I watched for a while. At first, I thought she was a guy and felt a slight attraction, but I was confused about her gender. I never figured out she was a woman until years after I stopped watching her. Because I wasn’t sure if she was a man or a woman, I decided not to act on the attraction I felt. Each time, the confusion made me hold back and step away. Something just felt off. Eventually, I stopped watching her for some reason but I don’t know if I figured out at that time if that was a man or a woman. Also, I have no memory of fantasizing about that person at that time. I hope I did not and I hope the reason why I can’t remember is because it never happened. I mean I know initially the confusion made me stop and say no and not get deeper into that mild attraction. But I dont remember what happened afterwards… like I think I tried to figure out whether that is a man ir a woman but I think just liked her as a person, but not romantically/sexually. Like I have no memory of fantasizing about that. Because I dont exactly remember what happened afterwards, I am scared I was still crushing on that person😭I remember watching a few of her videos and thinking she is such a sweet person and this is lowkey funny. But I don’t think I was crushing afterwards that confusion arouse, nor I was fantasizing about her. But my mind gives me this tiny memory and I am afraid it is true when now when I am writing this I realize it may not be. Idk how to trust myself. But once I aw her a few months ago, this all came back and I got so scared I was into her. I’ve realized my “attraction” was actually to the perception of a guy, and the anxiety started when I discovered she was a woman. That confusion led to “what if” thoughts, but my inner knowing is clear: I am not attracted to women. And honestly, when I was thinking about this today, I kind of know I was not into her, even tho I do not remember much. Memory is so blurry. I hate it. I hate the what ifs. I am scared this means something. Does it mean anything? Does it mean I was attracted to her? Did anyone go through something similar?

I’m a math tutor and I’ve been appreciating how much doing some math helps me reset. Do you have any subjects that short circuit The Thoughts?

I’m new to NOCD and was only recently diagnosed with OCD. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety for many years now, but learning about how OCD works has really helped me understand how my anxiety operates, because much of it turns out is OCD. Who knew. That being said, I do experience good ol’ plain anxiety too. As I’m beginning an ERP therapy, I want to make sure I’m getting as much out of it as possible, but I have trouble differentiating between regular anxiety and OCD anxiety. If anyone has any tips/observations, let me know! Does OCD affect how your “regular” anxiety operates? Can they even be separated? I feel like even my non-compulsive, non-repetitive anxieties become obsessive in nature, and drives me to “do something” to “fix it” and completely steals my focus until I’ve done something to make myself feel better. Since the anxieties aren’t always the same, I don’t always do the exact same thing to address them, but I do feel obligated to do something, and am incapable of thinking/talking my way through some anxieties. Is that something that people with general anxiety do too, or is that a topic best understood as OCD? I’m probably just describing a Venn diagram of anxiety disorders, but I’m still trying to wrap my head around this diagnosis and understand why my brain copes with anxiety the way it does and how I can work on improving my coping skills.

Hello all, I have always found social media and news/current events to be stressful. They often make me feel a lot of existential dread and cause me to catastrophize a lot. However, I am Gen Z. I am 25 and turning 26 soon. My generation grew up with social media and it has become the only means of communication for many of us. I also live in the suburbs where almost everyone within a 5 mile radius of me is either middle aged, elderly, or under 18. I also use news regularly in my line of work at a start up. My mom keeps telling me that I should avoid news and social media altogether. For her, this is easy since all of her friends are similar in age to her and she never needed to use social media. For people like me who are socially isolated and in their mid 20’s, avoiding news and social media is impossible. Social media is a social lifeline for us in Gen Z whether we like it or not. If I avoided all social media and news, I would essentially be cutting myself off from that social lifeline, which would make me even more isolated than I already am. So how can I stay up to date on social media and news without constantly being in a state of existential dread? How can I build resilience to news and social media?

One of my dearest friends has passed away after battling cancer for the last year. In navigating my feelings of grief and love I’m also seeing a major spike in all my OCD symptoms. I’m tapping things more, I’m stuck in loops leaving work or home, I’m even noticing newer physical body responses like locking my jaw or holding my breath until thoughts pass. Am I grieving right? Am I grieving enough? Do I remember our time together right? I’m not surprised that this trauma has reignited some of my symptoms. I am in CBT therapy and talking with a therapist to organize my thoughts but as a new app user I thought I would take a moment to be vulnerable and see how my OCD community navigates when real life sh*t makes the hard days harder.

im looking into finding an ERP therapist (not through this app I'm afraid- it doesn't take my insurance) but im worried that it might only help with external stuff. one of my friends who also has OCD said that that was their experience too.

I don’t really go on dates much but I just did this weekend and I’m stressed cuz I know it’s just a date but then idk if satan sent it cuz I don’t really like him but like I almost want to just cuz and I can’t force myself to like someone but then I also have avoidant attachment so it’s just confusing and then I’m so scared of relationships it makes me feel like it’s immoral also because religious ocd or if I’m not supposed to have one anyone else feel this way

It feels like I’m almost accepting being gay. Like I’ve been trying to test if I have suppressed feelings by imagining scenarios and that are ga like coming out and stuff. It just brings me more anxiety because I don’t want to be gay. It feels like I want to be gay so I just feel like I’m accepting it so am I actually gay? I’m over thinking this so much smh.

With the adding list of horrible real POCD events, plus the fear of my worst POCD fears ever coming true growing more and more possible by the day, I cant find hope right now... I wont ever harm or delete myself, but honestly, living right now is the worst hell I can ever have. A never ending purgatory of not knowing if my worst pocd fears will ever be realized, or just having to be forever uncertain... I genuinely cant find a reason to hope... nor a reason to live...

Hey guys so I need some advice or help from fellow Christians. I always get so anxious and scared I’m doing something that doesn’t please God and this has severely impacted my day to day life and relationships. I can always feel his “stare” and feel like I have to act correctly, I can feel him “looking” at my thoughts and it has led me to not knowing what I am even thinking or how I feel because I always think I am faking. Also trying to not declare anything has led me to be paranoid of stuff I’m saying. Also I feel like I have to monitor EVERYTHING I do. And I “feel” if something is righteous or not for me to do it. I need help please.

I need a miracle bc i’m sick of this. I hope and pray this is SOOCD and that I actually have OCD. I was doing sm better a couple months ago. I felt hope after years of depression and numbness. As soon as I feel something other than negative emotions or nothing at all, OCD immediately tries to fuck it up. Why won’t this leave me alone? If those past memories/proof mean something I pray it means i’m at least just bi bc bi women don’t HAVE to be with women. I just keep on ruminating and analyzing, analyzing my past relationship (i had soocd before and during it so odd is latching onto everything ocd made me go through while being with him), replaying and analyzing memories of childhood exploration/ regular memories (like checking if i had attraction to male characters in movies i liked and worrying bc I can’t remember if i did or not), creating false ones?, checking, i’m constantly triggered by EVERYTHING, and I’m worried even more now bc I don’t have that many thoughts as before. Then I try to analyze if I had a lot of thoughts in the past when the theme started bc if I didn’t then maybe this isn’t even OCD. This all started bc I thought a masculine presenting woman in a kpop group was attractive 5 fucking years ago bc she looked like a male kpop idol. I rmbr I was so uncomfortable when I realized she was a woman. I even remember thinking “does this mean i’m bi? let me pretend to fangirl over her like I do with guys just to check.” It didn’t feel right but it was stuck in my mind and wouldn’t leave. Looking back, this theme was building up earlier but i wasn’t phased bc my attraction to men wasn’t gone. Sadly i’ve been numb for years now and i’m still dealing with this years later. Now that I’m having a flare up, every time i see a masc lesbian now I feel like i HAVE TO BE attracted and it can’t just be false attraction. Also i fucking hate how when I’m feeling terrible everything that triggers me just pops up on my screen. I feel so numb towards everything. I feel numb towards my boyfriend and my relationship (I was so excited for my relationship and my attraction for him felt so real, wanted, and genuine) but when he does something that hurts my feelings somehow i can feel that and nothing else? I hate this I hate this I HATE THIS.

I was talking with a friend and things got more personal than they usually do. I talked to her about my mental health not being good and I told her that I was suffering from OCD. I also told her about my concerns for medication and worrying about family finding out if it ever came to that. Then we switched the subject and talked about a lot of different things. At one point we talked about romance movies and I feel like there was emotional attachment even though I don't think there was, just feelings flying about. I have a crush on another woman but I honestly don't think we'll date because I'm just not ready for a relationship because I have so many things I need to work on in my life. This isn't the first time this has happened when talking to her and I don't intend on these feelings meaning anything but this time it feels like I did because I got an intrusive thought about it that stuck. I feel like this is emotional cheating and I'm not even dating anyone and I'm already straight up just fucking up how things are supposed to go and I feel idiotic. I know this isn't cheating because we were never dating but I just feel so stupid for this happening. On one hand I know it's OCD but on the other I just feel awful. I know it's a crush but I haven't gotten those feelings like that with my crush, only with her, even though I didn't think we'd initially date. I even get thoughts saying "What if I do like her?" When I don't think it's like that.

So I used to do this because it would be a compulsion cause I would try to prevent any arousal feeling down there if I ever had any types of intrusive thoughts, but now since it’s such a habit, I even do it sometimes when I am feeling arousal towards appropriate things, but that’s just cause it’s just out of habit and then earlier today I had an intrusive thought and I was already feeling aroused And then I kept thinking remembering in the moment like I think I wasn’t clenching and response to intrusive thoughts I was just doing it maybe because it was a compulsion like I was probably doing a compulsion but now I keep doubting myself and then now I keep thinking oh my gosh, but what if I did country in response to intrusive thoughts that I’m actually a pedo :(

So today this morning I was doing ok till I got to a point where I ate at McDonald’s with my parents and my brother. We came out of the hospital where they have checked his pace maker. And we went to eat. I’ve asked them a question where I have told them if he could have some.. in this case they have said no he’s had enough. I have a thing if we’re I am not hungry I share. I told them “what am I doing wrong I always do something wrong?” And they said no it’s just you need to stop doing things that make me think you are doing everything wrong. In my mind I kept thinking to myself” why do I do everything wrong.. am I the case if everyone’s stress?.. what if that’s it?” Then I went to the car with that on my mind and I looked over at them with a dirty look then the escalation started from there where I started yelling and they raised there voice at me stating that you don’t do anything wrong we just don’t want you to look at us wrong. That’s when I started crying and started saying I dont want to live in the house anymore.. I need to leave I can’t be here!” Which led to me feeling anxious which led me to cry cause they said if you don’t want to talk to us then stop talking.” Then I started to let the thoughts set in my mind and started to scratch my right thigh.” Idk why but my ocd got the best of me and I started to cry again and asking myself why do I suffer and why did I do this to myself. Seems like I’m getting better and not feeling anxious or anything then boom just hits around the corner.” I feel stupid

I just feel like I can't get through this anxiety anymore. I haven't slept properly all last week and I notice it in my eyes. There's a lot of red in my left eye and I just hate this. I can't live my life the way I want. I don't even know if I can do this job that I planned to go to for an interview. I just can't do this anymore and I know that the alternative is medication but that's really scary. I just don't know what's going to happen when I take it. I'm afraid I'm going to lose more control than I already do

does anyone have any techniques or specific ways to help with acceptance of uncertainty with more taboo ocd themes? My current main fear and obsession for months which lead me to get this app is fear that ill be accused of trying to groom/creep on my younger friends due to us having a 3 year age gap, which my brain just keeps telling me that no matter what i do, its going to happen. I know radical acceptance and understanding of uncertainty will ease my worries, but this time its just impossible as i dont want to accept this js something that could happen, yknow ? Im terrified of losing everyone to doing something bad unintentionally in the past or without realismg i did anything wrong . Ive been online a lot too where people are called these things just for havjng younger friends and its terrifying, i never want to do that to anyone. How do people with similar themes accept these thoughts and possibilities and just thoughts and let them pass by? Its really hard for me right now. Any advice would be helpful :)

I haven’t been able to stop spiraling since yesterday. I was next to my boyfriend, and his arm looked a little chubbier than usual. It reminded me of a guy I had a crush/hyper-fixation idk my brain just simply doesn’t let him go bc it feels ‘fun’ to think about the dude, but he’s also become the theme of some intrusions w/my ROCD. While I was noticing the arm similarity, I kissed my bf’s arm. I’ve been replaying it nonstop because it feels like it mean something. Why did I do that? It felt like I was genuinely looking at this other guy’s arm, not my bf’s. It doesn’t feel like the affection in that moment was directed at my bf at all. I feel worried. In the moment I only felt a little concerned which makes this seem worse. I’m scared that the affection I showed my boyfriend in that moment was actually meant for someone else, subconsciously or similarly. I feel so disrespectful and disloyal Idk I need input please

(TW: ROCD, Religious OCD, Islam) Hello Everyone, You can refer to me as Subway, a nickname given to me by some friends I think that here would be a good place to reach out for help and discuss my issues. For starters, I am an Athiest/Agnostic, who used to previously by a Muslim but nobody knows that I am no longer a Muslim. I used to be an athiest just due to a lack of faith and questioning alot of the religion but after looking into it more I had come to my own conclusion of not to believe in Islam. Lately I've been having alot of intrusive thoughts telling me that I will revert back to Islam despite me not wanting to. Honestly I was miserable being a Muslim and after my experiences and doing my own research, I finally felt free and happy to have left the religion. My head whoever means to constantly hurt me saying that "You're gonna regret it" "You'll return to it's beauty" and "You're just not trying to follow it's rules", despite all of this I do not seek to revert back to Islam anytime soon but those thoughts still linger. Another factor that makes these thoughts so intense is that I've fallen in love with someone. Let's call this person "V" but they are the most wonderful, beautiful, smartest person I have ever met and I only hope that they feel what I feel for them. One thing that I struggle with however are my thoughts saying that "I don't want her" or "She is ugly" or "I am going to hurt her", it even connects to my religious thoughts saying that "I shouldn't be with her and prioritize God" or "I want to focus on religion" which I do not want to do. It's hard to explain but I feel myself arguing with my own mind as it constantly tries to prove to me why I'm wrong even though I'm happier being an Athiest/Agnostic person. And after finding someone who I truly love, any chance of happiness is stripped away from me. It doesn't help that I'm constantly scared because she is Hindu, and to most people I know. I am a "Muslim" so that's an issue. It just gets really lonely because nobody else seems to understand. I just want to talk to someone.

A huge part of my OCD is moral scrupulousity - I am unofficially dating someone who has physical and mental health disabilities/chronic illnesses. I really like this individual, but I am internalizing his issues and quickly becoming his only support system. I can feel the stress impacting my nervous system more and more every day, but I am afraid breaking it off with someone when they are going through such a difficult time- dealing with medical neglect by his parents during serious physical health scares. What if he dies? I feel sick to my stomach- but with every emergency a piece of me breaks and I can feel my brain breaking down. I really like him and spending time with him, but I am truly terrified. I've only been seeing him since late July, but I feel it seeping into codepency and myself being a caretaker- and I can't handle it nor do I want that for my own life. Please give advice or support - I need both right now