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the NOCD Community

I feel like I desire the thoughts but the thought makes me tense up and feel nauseous but it still feels like I want it, I just want it to stop I’m fed up.

I want to cry so bad. It hurts so bad. You have no idea how much it hurts and literally nobody here will understand because they dont have fucking creepy compulsions like I do

Hello, I have a 15 year old son who has been diagnosed with Trichotillomania last year. He does go to therapy for it and has tried different ways to help but it seems it has gotten worse. The doctor is now going to try some pills to help with it. I am a little hesitant about putting him on medication but since it is not got better, desperate to try anything. Anyone have good results with being on medication for this type of OCD? Trying everything I can do to help my boy. Plus if anyone else is experiencing this but dont want to say anything just read it will help them.

Guys I'm at rock bottom, my OCD has sabotaged me again. I cant see past it.

Here if anyone needs help!

I am really really struggling after leaving an intensive PHP/IOP program. I was there for 8 weeks and finished last Thursday. When I first left I felt like I made a lot of progress but now I’m doubting myself. I had my session with my outpatient therapist and she told me she wants me to do the top things on my hierarchy (my biggest fears are vomiting and needles/blood/fainting, so making myself vomit and getting a flu shot or blood work). I really don’t feel ready for either of those things. Talking about actually doing them brings my anxiety up to a 5. I don’t want to regress but I feel like this is pushing me too far. I can’t tell if I’m avoiding or if this genuinely is too fast for me. I just feel like I’ve had OCD for 20 years and I’m not ready to confront those major steps yet. I feel like I would rather die than do either of them. The whole thing is making me doubt that I made any progress at all.

Exposure is hard. I mean, seriously a thing that I have tried so much before but every time I’m distressed. Tips for helping me deal with the initial/lingering worry/ies?

So does anyone know how dissociation gets Better? At this point I'm afraid of losing myself and not being the same. I don't want to be like this forever but I understand it's intrusive thoughts that flare it up

I may have to be hospitalized because of my ocd... any tips on what to expect? ?

Hey guys, I recently had to return home from abroad due to a relapse. A bunch of things went wrong (outside of my control) when I was abroad which may have resulted in the relapse. ( I was stressed but still challenged my OCD triggers). I would always encourage people to challenge their fears but I'm angry at myself for challenging mine during a stressy time because I feel like its made me worse as a result. How do you guys cope with ruminating on the past and over past decisions? Ie. I'm angry for going abroad and so on. I just cant let myself off the hook, I also cant seem to move on because I'm caught up in worrying I'm a bad person and I'm also dealing with false memories. As you can see I'm in a bit of a mess over this! Thanks for reading this far ?

Anybody have harm OCD the fear of hurting someone? I have really bad anxiety so I freak out about everything.

I know this is kind of seeking reassurance but how do I know that I’m not just scared of what people will think of me.

For my fellow christians: This is reaaally beside the topic but i have to get it of my chest. Okay so like i really wanna be excited for jesus to retun but damn that makes me sooooo anxious. When i imagine it it makes me scared an di know u should be excited and so happy and u should be wanting it but as much as i force myself to feel thst all i feel is extreme anxiety and sometimes i habe a whole panic attack because of it snd i dont want to feel it it makes me feel like i will go to hell for it and i always wanna do better but i just cant and i dont even take the time to read the bible and if i loved jesus i would do that but im too lazy and focussed on otber things and idk it sll makes me so anxious

***extremely triggering for those with hocd/tocd*** .................. My boyfriend told me a true story last night that triggered me so badly that I felt like I was going to pass out. He said that it was about an effeminate gay man from the 50s who despite having a cattle rancher father who was accepting of him, he wasn't able to accept himself. I guess his dad caught him cross dressing and his father said that it was ok and that that's just you and you'll never be able to change it. The dude was like no, I don't want to be this way and tried really had to be really masculine and pretend that he was straight and his dad told him to stop pretending and to just accept who he is. A story like this would have made me happy in the past, but now hocd has me thinking what if I'm just like that guy in the story and I'm not able to accept myself as a lesbian. I started crying and had an internal panic attack and I disassociated. My boyfriend kept asking me what was wrong and if there was anything specific on my mind that I wanted to talk about. I really wanted to tell him about hocd, but I feel like I should wait a few months until after the holidays so that if he doesn't take it well, I don't ruin Christmas for him. I'm so sad because I had a really great time with him the past few days. I'm 100% attracted to him, but my brain keeps saying that that's only because he is sexually relevant and not because I'm straight. I'm heart broken that such a happy story could completely destroy me.

Do you ever just try to be relatable to someone who hasnt hocd and ur like omg do ever feel like u jusr dont enjoy life anymore and im done im soo not happy and sad all the time but u know damn wellnits because hocd and they litteraly would be like uhhhh, sis u depressed and then im like why tf am i trying to convince myself that its normal and that the feelings i have are natural and human. Theyre not its hocd and its just not normal to have it and its not a common thing to happen to a lot of people so its not weird that i feel like this if i make sense. Im trying so hard to normalize my feelings just so i can convince myself theres nothing wrong with me but there deadass is a lot wrong and it has a reason. How tf do i want myself to relate to someone who doesnt have hocd bevause they wont relate and that’s logical. Idk if i make sense its hard To explain but its like i try so hard to be normal and i try to make people feel related to my problems so i csn convince myself its not hocd and i just be having normal people problems but its like the whole ass reasom why i feel like this is because of hocd. If i didnt had hocd i wouldnt feel like this knowwhatimean. Thats the problem but i try so hard to avoid that hocd is the problem i want normal people to relate to my problems even tho they dont have hocd so that i can be *normal* again. Ugh i need me some therapy

Hi my names Allison I am new here and I have been diagnosed with OCD through 6 questions in a online test, I got 5/6 and I am very much in fear, I just turned 14 and trying to reach people with similar problems So far the symptoms I've recodnized by myself are My OCD Symptoms Long showers Flickering lights or switches Creating unwanted balance in random objects Redoing everyday things at a specific value Counting for no reason Suicidal thoughts Feeling like you are a danger to the ones you love Repeating words unnecessarily at a certain value Easily getting mad Mentally hurt or torn down at most times I don't know if anyone here has anything in common with me but I hope someone can help me get through my experiences

Hello. My name is April. I'm new to this community. I'm here because my OCD has morphed into something much worse. It's as bad as it's ever been. I'm 49 years young. Single. No kids. I hope to find help here. ?

Thinking sexually of alll and anything in this world

I will never recover. I first saw a therapist age 8 who wanted to put me on anxiety meds. My parents refused. I got worse. I saw a doc at 12 who decided I was depressed and put me on Prozac. I developed more anxiety and restlessness, as well as insomnia. OCD compulsions as well that got mistaken for racing thoughts. Got dxed bipolar by the next doc and put on lithium, lamictal, risperdal. Kept getting told for years by professionals and family that I had bipolar, but not why or what that was. Never got erp. OCD got worse with talk therapy. I never improved. Got a rediagnosis from bipolar to ocd. But I still live in constant fear of insanity. I don't want to lose control or hurt people. So many of us got screwed over by docs. I can't trust them anymore. I was told for years that SSRIs would cause severe mania and they were the absolute worst thing I could be on. Now I am getting told that they're the best thing to be on and by not taking them ATM I'm choosing to suffer. My parents got married to the bipolar dx and defended it at all costs. When I share my severe, crippling anxiety and panic due to the dx they fight with me and tell me I'm overdramatic and being ridiculous...even though they were the ones defending it for years. All of the professionals I have met have been incompetent or cruel. I have been trying to reach out for erp for years. No one will take me bc of comorbid Autism and the fact that I'm a student who only lives near the therapy part of the year. None take my insurance. I have a final tomorrow. For the past few nights I have had severe panic causing insomnia. I spent 24 hours awake this past night bc of insomnia. I have been up since 1:30 am with panic today and depression. I have to study. But I don't have any hope anymore. I keep getting told to see someone who can help. I'm trying to. But people make things worse so often....I do not see a point anymore. I'm in pain constantly. I have no support. I feel guilty for everything. I do not want to go crazy and hurt everyone. Things have steadily gotten worse. I don't know why God would do this to me. I'm supposed to get help but no one can. I do not trust anyone anymore, an I don't trust myself. Plus anxiety and insomnia can cause psychosis and brain damage so I am afraid of that. I don't want to kill myself because I just don't. But I also do not ever believe I will be happy. I am also socially isolated. I want someone I love to hold me and tell me things will be ok. But I am alone and I suffer alone I'm in so much pain and the people who were supposed to help me only caused more

Pushing a finger twice on my cheek getting anxious because what if a bus route doesn’t work. This is a normal part in my day. I click my fingers when I get doubtful thoughts. I think that’s why now I pushed against my face trying to do something about my worry. Or sudden movement I do with my leg when I think what if none of this is anxiety? Or you won’t believe it. That’s a thought thats stuck to my head. Another thing I realized I do usually use 4 things like 4 bounce sheets, 4 squarts of hand soap, body wash, things like that. Feeling the need of swallowing before I take a drink, vape, take a hoot of marijuana. The thought comes to my mind what If I need to blink and I do it. Even though I don’t and it happens on its own unnoticed but it causes me stress when on my mind. Making a clicking sound with my tongue I do that when I get a what if thought that worries me and that can do with anything that doubts me. Even the simple things. Thoughts bother me just about things that shouldn’t and I just want to let it go but I am stuck and I feel I need to usually listen to music, especially gospel to help me feel better. And I close my eyes and twirl in circles (left) to the music. And usually enjoy it like that, I’ve done that for years. It fees good. When I was little I used to always twirl in circles. Left only. Right would get dizzy. Everytime I see a pic of somebody like family I have like certain sexual thoughts I hate and I try avoid it and it only makes it worse and makes me feel worse and I look back at it and I feel I need to do something about it. I start thinking I’m a bar person. Right now I swallowed because my mind tried to trick me into thinking that wasn’t true but swallowing minimizes the stress of the thought. And I did a leg move me because I had a thought thinking what if swallowing doesn’t minimize the stress. This is ocd. Hard to handle. Im in constant doubt. I do a weird gesture or movement with my face when I have a what if thought that is doubtful and highly unlikely to be true. I don’t understand why but I do it. Before I used to click my toes a lot too where they’d be sore and same with my fingers. Another thing I always feel guilty with god and if I don’t pray I feel good things won’t happen. And I know this could be scrupulosity. Ive been suffering with my ocd related to god for a long time. And it’s been worse before especially with sexual thoughts and just feeling bad for things I don’t need to feel bad for. A lot of the time I feel like I’m going to hell. I feel like the things I’m doing in my life are all bad, because I had two ex boyfriends. One was trans and I might have another one soon too who is trans guy. I really like him and he is one of the kindest persons I’ve ever met. I always try remind my self that even though I’m in these relationships I feel like I’m not supposed to be and That I’m interrupting with gods plan for my life and that I’m doing it wrong. But I know Jesus as love and complete forgiveness, I’ve always believed and surrendered my life more then once to him. I believe and pray. But life hasn’t been great and I feel I can’t even get a job. It seems so hard and stressful. I’ve been really depressed. For longer then I can remember. I’ve been depressed before I moved to Edmonton. Worse since I got into hard drugs and dropped out of school. Cause I been on hard drugs. alcoholism for years. I dropped out of school I feel like nothing In my life and I’m in over $1400 of credit card debt and my credit rating is low now and the only thing that makes me happy is just getting high on weed and being with the people I can enjoy getting high with cause they have depression and anxiety problems too it helps all of us be more level. There’s people smoking meth in this house where I live and I hate it so much and worried if that stuff gets into my system somehow. I feel a feeling against my foot as if something gonna happen to it so I move it to avoid anything happening. That can be my whole foot or just a part of it like a toe. Before I’ve had thoughts like something evil wanting to grab it. When I’m twirling in circles listening to music sometimes I’ll think something bad will happen to me cause my eyes are closed and having my cat in my room helps. I constantly check if my bedroom door is locked to make sure no one comes in when I’m twirling and listening to music. It helps me feel better. Also another thing when I get a scary thought that doesn’t matter that’s just a what if thought I come up with another one that minimizes the anxiety that comes. Like I have a bad thought and question myself and then try hold onto another thought that’s good like reassuring and then the what if question just gets worse after. And then I’m feeling worse about myself. And I do that a lot. Idk if that’s part of ocd but it scares me a lot and I can’t handle it. I just found my self being able to type this all down because I’m person I don’t think I’d be able to explain all of this as clearly and throughly as I did typing it.