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the NOCD Community

At a point in my life where I don’t know what to do with it. I quit my job for another job, I’m not sure if I want this job so I’m currently unemployed. I have no motivation and am constantly looking for “the meaning of life” in an existential OCD type of way. I wake up, I skate, I eat, I sleep. I don’t understand the meaning of that? Life is 12 hours awake & doing stuff until you just have to go to sleep again how do I get my mind out of this loop?

It’s interesting and frustrating how OCD tries so hard to keep a hold on your mental process once you are going through recovery. For example, I told a guy on Instagram that he looked handsome and I immediately was overcome with guilt. My brain was telling me that I had cheated on my boyfriend, that I had ruined our relationship, and that id never feel right again when my boyfriend was showing me affection/love. He knows about my struggles with POCD and I have started letting him know when I get overwhelmed with it. So this morning after beating myself up and nearly breaking down in tears to him, I told him that I had told a guy on Instagram that he is handsome and that my brain told me that was cheating on him, etc. He was not angry at all, gave me a “seriously? Come on!” and assured me that he was not angry in the slightest and I had nothing to worry about. OCD will try it’s hardest to maintain its hold on your mental process. Recognizing this is half the battle when going through recovery.

I don't know what to think of my thoughts anymore. I am still having a lot of intrusive thoughts about my cats and dog, even in my dreams. It feels like my mind is telling me that I secretly enjoy these thoughts. I don't know what's real anymore.

I’m sure I might have BPD as well as OCD, but don’t wanna have it diagnosed cuz of the assumptions. I dont want to be misinterpreted as manipulative, aggressive or abusive because of the stereotypes (my partner has always said I’m the most calm and often TOO understanding person he ever met) But I do get the “inward anger” towards myself. Like, thinking I am utterly worthless and if I died no one would care. I often think something bad needs to happen to me for people to wake up and care. No one knows it though as I hide it from fear of people thinking I’m crazy and leaving me. I feel I have to frantically scramble to not be left. I fear abandonment to the point where I think I’d prefer to die over that happening. I have zero self esteem and feel I have no personality anymore. I think in black and white. People are cunts or they’re not lol ? I’m great or I’m worthless (100% worthless most of the time) I adore my partner more than my own life. to the point if he left me, I think I’d have to die to avoid seeing him with someone better than me (I wouldn’t do it though but it seems to be my only “solution”) imagining him leaving me all day everyday is agony I feel like I’m being sliced open every second and I feel sick. I don’t want the label though cuz people are saying Caroline flack might have had BPD, and I think she’s vile for what she did, suicide or not. I don’t agree with abuse - male or female. so I don’t wanna be associated with an abuser. Everyone is saying she’s evil if she had bpd so I really DONT want that association just because I hate myself and don’t want to be abandoned. Anyone know anything about DBT? I bought a DBT work book but I’m not telling anyone in my life as again, I don’t want the negative connotations. I’m a gentle person to everyone except myself so if I got tagged as a bitch I’d be mortified when all I want is love and acceptance and I feel I lack it

I truly can not stand the way I feel, my brain feels, my body feels. Please take this away. I am truly just dying day by day. I can’t stop thinking about how I’m just going to lose my shit and lose my bf all because I can’t get this FUCKER ex out of my head. Is this ocd or do I actually miss and want him? There’s no way I could after how toxic our relationship was. I can’t. I wouldn’t allow myself to be with him again. But the thoughts won’t go away. I want nothing more than to just be with my bf WHO IS AMAZING and fuck off rocd and fuck off my ex and just be happy with him but I’m scared I won’t ever get past this. I don’t want to live anymore. I thought I was fine and put it in the past and didn’t think about him and then rocd came on and then I’m about to move in with my bf and just bam. All of a sudden this bullshit about my ex just surfaced out of nowhere and I have not seen or spoken to him in a year and a half. What in the actual fuck BRAIN?!?!? STOP

I have a true fear of developing schizophrenia and I’ve just became so obsessed with the fear .. been to a psychiatrist they said it’s ocd .. ok well I feel like if I don’t have it I’m going to loosing control anyways by always thinking about it every second of the day ? I’m reallly trying to pull myself out a dark spot..

I’m beyond repair i think I just realised from watching YouTube videos I have love addiction and he’s love avoidant and ironically you ALWAYS attract the opposite I know I have ocd, think I might have bpd (the idea of him leaving me makes me think I would have to die or I won’t cope) I have zero self esteem don’t know who I am or what my personality is anymore I hate my job I have no control over ANYTHING in my life

Please Read. Hey I'm going through some friendship problems that are made worse with my OCD and Social Anxiety Disorder and I need some advice. Please. I've never had any TRUE friends my whole life but I feel recently I have met some, I've known them for about 10 months when I moved near. My best friend, Anna, recently moved away but most of our group thought she was just a silly nutcase. But I see her for who she is and I love her. My go-to friend when I'm depressed, Sabrina, becanes friends with me after one day I had a really bad panic attack and dumped all my shit on her like a total asshole but nonetheless she would tell me that she cared about me and that were friends no matter how many times my insecurities made me question it. She has no idea how much I appreciate and Respect her. Another friend is Jessica, she also has OCD and her and I are alike in some ways. Her simply being there reminding me that I'm not the only one is really comforting. This week I was depressed because Sabrina was unusually cold to me (later I found out that she is going through something and is being to everyone because she is sad) and I told Anna that I was depressed and thought that Sabrina was fed up with my bullshit. Anna told me that one time she saw Sabrina and Jessica laughing at me behind my back after Sabrina complained about me. I was really hurt and depressed I immediately texted Sabrina very accusingly and she got so offended that I believed it and told me never to speak to her again after saying "thank you" so that she wouldn't have to deal with me anymore. Then I spoke with Jessica much nicer, she was hurt but understood that I was hurt and panicked and didn't stay mad but also said that it wasn't true. I told Anna that I didn't believe the story and she got mad and hurt from that, later she thought back and remembered that it wasn't even Sabrina but Jessica and another girl. I'm really mad at Anna but I don't know if she was lying or was confused because she overhead half of a conversation half a year ago. I need advice for 3 things. 1. Sabrina is going through something and her best friend suggested that I give her space but I want to help her while she is depressed and be a better friend, what should I do? 2. In the new story, Jess was laughing at with someone else but I know it's not like her because she knows that I have OCD too. Should I confront her again? She asked me to drop the subject. 3. Anna says she's being serious and I don't want to think that she lied to me and was just confused but right now due to this, two of my best friendships are on hold. What do I do??

My mom is really against me taking my meds prescribed by the psychiatrist.. (Prozac 10mg) I really feel stuck I’ve tried it all I’m so tired of suffering... everyone always says they understand but they don’t .. they say do something positive but they don’t.. I’m just tired mentally and stressed and tired of crying .

Having a really hard time right now. Been feeling upset so I was reading about HOCD and searching videos and found one and read through comments. The girl who made the video commented that if you don’t have OCD with other aspects you’re unlikely to have HOCD. This has been one of my biggest triggers for me on and off, like I have never had ANY other theme of OCD, I’ve had the same sort of obsessional thinking about my gender but never about like contamination or harm, and this would ALWAYS make me think I didn’t really have OCD. When I read this girls comment my whole body froze, I felt sick in my stomach and started to cry. And I don’t know if it’s like me ‘in denial’? I can’t figure it out.

just wondering, has anyone talked about their obsessions or compulsions to someone they trust, like a family member or a friend? if so, how did you guys start talking about it with them? because my therapist suggested for me to find someone i trust in talking about my obsessions so that i can work with them to help rationalize my thoughts especially when it gets really intense and when i don’t have my therapist to help me in the moment. like i really do need someone else’s opinion or for them to help me come to my senses into the rationality/logical reasoning, but i don’t exactly know how to approach them or how to really start talking about it with them. & like another part of me is holding back from talking about it to my friends or family because i don’t want to feel like a burden to them...

Brag and boast! Share something you're proud of. It can be related to recovery or not. I just parallel parked in a super tight space!

I made an appt with an OCD specialist and was told it was only $50 per session At 90 minutes, and you get billed once you complete your session. Also no obligation regarding how many sessions you need to do. I specifically asked this. While going to my profile its showing I'm set up for a diagnostic at $100. I can message them tomorrow but right now I'm a little upset and very confused. Can anyone please explain this to me?

What does that mean that the thoughts feel so real , examples?

Please someone help me get over the fear of developing schizophrenia/psychosis.. literally I just want it away ..

I’m really really upset and panicky. So I’m a senior in high school and I’m going to college next year. I want to go to this college out of state (which is amazing) but also since my home life isn’t very tolerable I need to get away from my family. But my mom is set on forcing me to attend this instate college five minutes from our house. She said she’d save money if she made me go there because I would just stay at home and my parents wouldn’t have to pay room and board. I can’t stay at home. I’d lose my mind. Not for four more years. And I love this out of state college. During the whole college process my mom has shot down and killed two of my college dreams (the college I like now was not my first choice). This whole time I’m supposed to planning and making decisions for my future, but I’ve just been doing what she wants and I’m sick of it. I feel like I have no say. And if I end up going to this instate college and have to stay home I’d lose my mind. Words cannot describe how much I hate it at home. I just feel helpless and I’m so mad because my mom loves to complain about how her parents screwed her over and made her do things she didn’t want to do while she does the same things to me. She’s such a hypocrite and I generally feel very indifferent towards my mother. We’ve never been close. She’s very picky and critical. Her mood is unstable and she’s delusional at times. I need to leave the house and grow up. I’m just scared she won’t let me.

Hi all, I hope everyone is doing well! Can some of you that experience Harm OCD and or developing schizophrenia (or any other mental health issue) OCD give me some out of the box exposure suggestions? I’ve seen to get used to my own exposures and I’m looking to challenge myself a bit more.

This is really stressing me out,I’ve started ERP and it’s been really hard,but it feels like I’m enjoying confronting my thoughts and as though my gay side is coming out naturaly now?This is causing me so much anxiety

One experience that a significant number of people with OCD have is getting over one set of obsessions and compulsions just to get stuck on a different set. - Imagine yourself as a fish, and OCD as the person fishing. The hook is the compulsions- it's how OCD really traps you and drags you places that you don't want to go. To tempt you into biting the hook, OCD loads it with bait, scary or gross thoughts, sensations, or urges that capture your attention. - When you nibble the bait, or try to solve the obsession, OUCH! The compulsion hook gets your lip and it's hard, painful work to get yourself off the hook. - Sometimes what happens in therapy is that little fishy us learns not to bite the bait that ice usually sends down. And that is awesome, until OCD baits the compulsion hook with a different obsession. If we haven't learned to look to see whether there is a hook in the bait, and then to not bite all bait with hooks, OCD will catch us and reel us right in again. .. - so, moral of the story, identify any bait on hooks (uncomfortable thoughts that make you want to do repetitive behaviors) and don't bite them! Even if the bait is different than what you expect. - What was something OCD baited you with that caught you by surprise?

okay y'all I would like opinions,I am a social worker in college right now. One day we talked about people taking their own lives. My dad took his own life about 6 months ago and I was triggered by this presentation so I quietly walked out of class. My teacher said she would not give me credit for coming to class which bothered me because I stayed for a long portion of the class. What do y'all think was I in the wrong? please be honest.